Apologies for, "The mean old man syndrome."

[Deleted54170User]

I was, and still am, putting my brain to the test in this place, which is a whole new world. If any of you don't want to be friends with me I will understand as best as I can. But unless Dark0ne, Buddah, or someone else kicks me out, or any of you. I will test my minds limits.

 

Don't Leave! Just ignore what you don't understand and keep to your own mental kind of thinking in your mind.

 

Opinion is a free commodity on the forum. Keeping within civil and decent tongues can be learned. Or all of us probably would be at WAR allot more then we already are.

 

I am being myself flexing new brain functions as much as I can. I have found that others here are just playing around too. It looks insane at times on some posts and I recall when I saw some posts that I thought sincerely were completely crazy.

 

Seriously it was not what I intended to become involved in since I was a technical type. I wrote my technical advice on several occasions because I had equipment that no one else here had at the time and when someone else posted their problems with video cards, etc. that I already had tested and found solutions to.

 

I finally drew some conclusions from my efforts to post my persona. Now and then I could see some of other peoples words meanings and how the thoughts tested my own mental metal. Some influenced me, strangely.

 

Some of whom I see are no longer here, I shared some old dogged opinions with I had gathered up. I was testing on my own minds limited knowledge to see if I was like other peoples thoughts new to my thinking if they were not simple like I in my mind.

 

Some of that which I shared with several members here definitely appears to have gotten them to share some moods, which are like the distempers I had, especially when others who I had no experience with the video card, etc. posted gibberish, on things I was already fully capable to assist newbs with.

 

You of all people know about posting tech help, Thor, and those whose idiotic words who got them too sent more frustration into these threads which were mostly for the technically minded born and bred.

 

I was not planning to ever participate beyond the technical table, but some thing we all have in us occurred and after awhile it became clear I wanted to, "Play." I did not care that I was older then most of your grand fathers, "I wanted to play."

 

Thor, and others I posted to and spoke of friendship with in the past had shared one thing in common.

E. G.; Thor : Until I realized this I would not have thought much about the reason for my deciding to cut off any gaming relations with your offer to help me through borderland. That act as such was a needle in the haystack. I wasn't looking for you to lead me through it when I was stuck, because I worked most of my entire life getting out of problems by finding the solution. There weren't enough wreckers to pull me out of the traffic difficulties I had in the past so I had to learn how to save my own, self. Even in MORROWIND it was just as tough, to have to die over and over while I thought I could get by.

 

E. G. A darn Mudcrab kept killing my character and that ticked me off royal. As I became aware of what computer games were becoming, instead of puzzle solving leading to find a secret passage through time tunnels and mind benders. Saving my character from a flying stingray was totally causing me to want to fight with my computer.

 

No, not to get to learn how to win against a Cliffracer, I wanted the computer to put up its dukes and take its best shot at my chin.

 

I apologize for my sense of being a mentally meek old man. It would have been nice if I had, had the grand introduction in school allot of you had, and that is my schooling years fault, not yours.

 

I am among such giants in this amazing new cyberspace place I can only wonder if I will ever find one willing to let me stand on their shoulders again. The programmers of gaming, and modern day tech, up and made me feel real insecure, just like a newborn baby must feel when its Mother or Father isn't watching as a strange creature nears them in the wilderness. "Lunch!"

 

I have to write here to all who are reading this, there are many posts I read which I reviewed that I thought were gaming people carrying on their gaming attitudes and thought they were carrying over their speech into their posts.

 

I did not know that the forces of gaming were not MORROWIND classes clashing, my technical skills were just beginning to get my full attention on programming when I realized I could read that stuff and find single symbols which someone else forgot to type. I remember fixing the Vic 20 telephone dialing function program for my Dad because it had a ">" missing.

I had pent up emotions from all of the people whose moods I had to share from this Smelter City.

people I had grown up amongst, and brewing for a fight in the game. Because I was not in the room with people, and believe me if I had been there would have been some blood on the floor. At first I did not know there were real rude people sharing their ideals, ethics, and cursing other people, e.g., for being a different person: Caucasian, black, yellow, violent, or green. I had no sense of what white meek males were, nor rugged females, or, the only homo sexual i knew of were guys who tried to put the make on me in bars when I was looking for a female myself.

 

When I started posting I was fresh at it since I was used to assisting in a technical terms I wasn't, unfortunately a social kind, or butterfly. For all this and that I was really a beginner. Following George Washingtons Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior guidelines I began looking in here and other places to find and build a mind of the social kind. A border of that which my own mind was not familiar, as I was not allowed to think after I learned my job, and to learn about other people starting at 44 years of age in a way that was conversive beyond, "It's my turn at the pool table! Your quarters are up next!", was not in my mental agenda.. Anyone I could learn from here and there was all new and loose, risky business I can say.

 

Ask a few that I do not see their posts, profiles, and avatars here today and I can safely say that they are away because they, like, "Alien Slof", who I never used a rough word with, left after they realized my terms seemed like an adults, but not clear enough to be sure whether they were being told to go to their room's.

 

I was, and still am, putting my brain to the test in this place, which is a whole new world. If any of you don't want to be friends with me I will understand as best as I can. But unless Dark0ne or Buddah or someone else kicks me out, or any of you. Don't Leave! Just ignore what you don't understand and keep to your own mental mind.

 

Opinion is a free commodity on the forum. Keeping within civil and decent tongues can be learned. Or all of us probably would be at WAR allot more then we already are.

 

 

 

Fumbling, bumbling along, until I found myself caught up in the general messes that I had wondered into like a child.

I know where I was truly wronged and can see where, "If I had spent a good deal of time reading older posts I would have seen many reasons I had already developed to not get so enthused about forums." It is likely I would have never posted a word, if I had it that way.

 

Just like when I was a child I wanted to join in the fun and say things I wasn't allowed to or did not fully understand the ethics, morels, and spoken tongues from which some really nasty speech from anarchistic types, Nazi types, and gender bender types, (gender bender types I recently discovered what that means on mmo' slang Urban slang terms, which is another type I found to my elderly mind was nothing to fuss about.

 

After all, I wanted to compete! I must admit that at first I thought we were thinking on that same wavelength. At times though it just appeared to me that my age was making me senile and I did not want you to see.

 

Now I know I was about the same as a child and now that I am older I am no different. So, if you would forgive my addled senses and ways I would like to return to be friends. Okay?

[AliasTheory]

You don't need to be sorry for anything. This is a forum, and while I did originally register here for mods, I am here to learn. Aren't you? I'm here as a retreat from my daily life to find some others to converse with such as yourself and to get answers when I may need them. It's an experience for me, and it is of hope that even through these mundane, emotionless blocks of text I can emerge as a better person as a whole. I can get the facts, sure, but also to hear of the stories of others and in turn consider them, trying to make their lesson a part of myself. But just know that while others may have their areas of expertise, so do you. There are many amazing minds on this site, and you're one of them. You're fine, and you and I have had our share of words together as you probably recall. Don't feel that way. We can't know everything after all.

[TheCalliton]

pagafyr, some wisdom for you

a long apology often goes unheard

 

anyways, you dont need to apologize unless you royally screwed up, you are a welcome member of our society here, and it pains me to know you feel that you messed up.

[Deleted54170User]

Thank you both, I appreciate your opinion.

[Thor.]

I understand what you where going through, i do recall the last conversation we had before you went well you know the rest.

 

I took it as it is. :smile:

 

I'm glad to see you well again. thats the only thing i could explain your Condition. :smile:

Edited December 21, 2010 by Thor.

[TheCalliton]

also, i have found no bad attitude within your soul, fyr of the pag

you are odd yes, but you are an amazing addition to the nexus