No life

[Lehcar]

It's Christmas Eve, I'm going to 17 years old in less than two days, and I'm sitting here bawling my *bleepin*eyes out because I"m exactly where I was 2 *bleepin* years ago.

 

Two. *bleepin* Years.

 

Two *bleepin* years of doing nothing but waiting for nothing, fruitless waiting, and not being allowed to go to school.

 

God *bleep*, I should be graduating this year. But I'm barely even half finished high school now and there's no finish line in sight. I'm not allowed to go to school, there's no hope for getting into some "special" program in February, every school just says no to just *bleepin* taking me in so I can get finished and be off their hands forever, because apparently because I defended myself from someone attacking me with a tire iron, I'm a miserable trashy *bleep* up now and a danger to society and unworthy of going to school with everyone else.

 

Two *bleepin* years of my life gone and wasted on absolutely nothing.... the approaching new year and my birthday have me so down I just feel like killing myself. I hate my life and everyone in it, and I hate myself and I just want to die. My life is nothing but an empty failure and after all this time I just don't want to live anymore.

 

Staff notice- To any that feel like responding. Flaming or trolling here will ABSOLUTELY NOT BE TOLERATED. If you dont have something encouraging to say, keep it to yourself. I'll personally put boot to ass all the way out the door if you feel like you wanna be an axeswipe.

Edited December 25, 2010 by DarkeWolf

[Omeletter]

This sounds horrible... I know how you feel but on a less serious degree. There is silver lining in every cloud, but you just have to wait for it to come. Be proud of who you are, don't go killing yourself. There are people who have it worse. Sorry, I can't offer more help, but it would benefit if you talk to someone who also had problems like this. If you cannot find anyone, you can talk to people on the nexus. You can even talk to me if you want to.

 

I hope your situation would improve soon.

[DarkeWolf]

Christmas time can be a pretty hard time for some of us, I know. This time of the year really wears me down too.

The whole family thing, and reflecting back on our lives as the year ends... it can be pretty rough.

And that sometimes it seems like there's no hope, or no reason to be happy, or that there's nothing that is gonna bring those things about.

 

I'm really sorry to see that you're one of the people that are feeling like this right now. All I can really say, is that there's reasons, and that you've been a good person to have around in the DA forums. I've had laughs from some of your comments, even when we've had different points of view.

 

I wish that I could do more than just say "Hang in there, you can work through it" but I know how it can feel sometimes.

I know how low a person can feel.

 

Just try to think about the good times, the fun things in life, and the people that matter to you.

 

Best wishes.

-DW

[Feltmarskal]

What the ****? You only have a chance to live one time, why waste it on suicide? Trust me, there is people having a worse life than you. You get dinner everyday, over 1 billion people suffer from starving. I really don't know about your daily life, but jogging is a good way to clear things out. If you have the will to begin jogging, which is pretty tough to start out with, you'll definitely complete this. Life is not a paradise, enjoy it while you have it. Life is about will, if you don't have anything of that, you're doomed to suffer. I believe in you, you'll make!

[Vindekarr]

I can sympathise Lehcar.

 

Same thing happened to me at 13.

 

Got expelled from highschool and was never allowed back.

 

In my case, I was expelled simply so the school could save face. A particular teacher and I had a long running conflict, he didnt believe that the mentaly ill should be allowed access to educattion, I passionately believed that he shouldnt be even allowed to teacher anymore after punching a 12 year old student the year before.

 

Push came to shove, literaly, and after he decided to teach me a very physical lesson, I ended up breaking his nose with a rock.

 

For that reason, despite it being widely known that I had acted in self defence, I was summarily expelled simply because I was more trouble than I was considered to be worth. More fool them; my life turned out better because of that.

 

But pain and hardship do not last forever.

 

I didnt get a highschool education, and went through some three years of bad depression, but now, 20, I've written two successful novels, have a well paying job, and am very content with my lot in life.

 

Things will change Lehcar, they always do. It's a matter of time. And anyway, by the sounds of it. you did nothing wrong. If you are attacked, that is the responsibility of theb attacker, your self defence response is natural and if anything, shows backbone. You cannot be judged for how you hit back at your attacker, be glad you did. If a man attacks you, he is asking for retribution, no matter how severe.

[DarkeWolf]

Staff notice- Flaming or trolling here will ABSOLUTELY NOT BE TOLERATED. If you dont have something encouraging to say, keep it to yourself. I'll put boot to ass all the way out the door if you feel like you wanna be an axeswipe.

 

Lehcar- I have what I call a "little monster". He hides back there in the back of my head, and heart and sits there whispering all kinds of crap to me to bring me down. He feeds off my misery and my hurt.

I've learned that when I hear him talking to just get angry, and tell the fat little *bleep* to shut the yuck up, or I'm gonna kick him square in his fat *bleep*.

 

Go do what you enjoy doing. Read a book, play a game, listen to some of your favorite music. There's always ways. I dunno what you have had planned for the future, but there's always ways to make them happen. You just have to have grit, and hang in there. The best things in life, and the things that you want the most, you have to fight for. Sometimes have to fight with all your heart, and all your soul.

 

Hang in there. It may not seem like it now. I know that sometimes it doesn't feel like it to me. But there's things that have come about in life that I didnt think would. Things that make me glad that I didnt do some of the things that I've thought about doing. Because if I had, I wouldnt know what it does mean to be happy.

[AliasTheory]

I am sorry to hear that. I had a friend who once nearly committed suicide and to a large extent I think I am at fault. I've felt that way once too. I was the most pessimistic, arrogant and unthoughtful person ever until then. Then that in combination with a ton of other things happened, and I changed.

 

Do the things that make you happy, first of all. Music is one of the many joys that I engage in to do the same. Expressing your thoughts, whether through language or even a drawing will ease the burden.

 

Life hardly ever goes as planned and it is true: there are others in the world that have it much worse off that you. You are only thinking of the present moment if you choose to kill yourself; your entire future is ahead of you. Life is a wild joyride, and if chose to throw everything away, you discard all the precious memories you will make and hurt all those who do care about you. Those people come from the strangest and most far-fetched places; look here on these forums for example. You are special.

 

It is never too late to succeed. The educational system doesn't guarantee that success, though it can help. I knew a guy who got some amazing grades in high school with around a 4.4 GPA, but he ended up hanging himself and shooting his girlfriend. Whatever your definition of success in life is, that ain't it. Your level of success is determined not by the past, but what you decide to do between the present moment and your point of achievement. Think positive. It is harder to locate a strong interest for some compared to others, but you will eventually find it and your passion will guide you past it all. In turn it will help you in ways more than one.

 

And do what you think is right. Don't do it just because a higher authority says it's right or wrong, but rather take it down to heart and honestly consider it. We're all human. You acted in self-defense, and have nothing to think bad of. I would have acted the same way. You stood up for yourself then, stand up to your feelings now! :) But at the same time, be reasonable and considerate of your actions.

 

Fight those feelings this holiday season and defeat it. The people who experience these types of events are the ones who I often think are the strongest-willed and most profound. The people with the best things to say. Don't you ever let those thoughts dictate your life, because I almost let them consume me, and that would have been one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I never imagined being where I am now, with all the friends I have and even with what little positive feedback I get from what I do. There are undoubtedly many other success stories waiting to be heard from on these forums; life does change. Don't give up!

 

I hope you find my words to be self-evident.

Edited December 25, 2010 by AliasTheory

[TheCalliton]

i can mentally sympathize

being a martial artist, i know that if i defend myself in any way ill be in huge trouble, simply because i am a black belt

even if i dont go beyond what is legally allowed for self defense, ill be in trouble

but its either death or trouble, and push come to shove (no reference to vindekarr's post) trouble is better than death

in time, this trouble will fade and you will have glorious life!

but if you end it now, you wont have life, its like throwing away a half eaten piece of cake because you find one tiny bit that is stale

also, i once wanted to kill myself. Nearly did, but i chickened out... best decision ever to not do it. And if you hate everyone in your life, that hurts us all! we are your friends here, and even if you cut off some guy's head and used it as a bowling ball, you would still have friends here! so pull yourself out of that stale spot of cake and keep eating the cake! FOR THE CAKE IS NOT A LIE! THE CAKE IS TRUTH!

Edited December 25, 2010 by TheCalliton

[Keanumoreira]

Lehcar, listen to me, killing yourself is the cowards way out, you got to embrace life, kick it in the axe and say " Damn it, I've had enough of your bull. We're doing this, and we're doing this my way!" That kind of attitude has pulled me through some hard stuff, so please, don't give up. We are all family here on this site, and Christmas brings the strongest of family bonds together. Like I said before, if you want to talk then please don't hesitate to PM me or leave a comment on my profile. I'd be more than happy to put my own agenda aside and talk to you for five minutes.

 

Don't take that road my friend, stay strong and stay the able woman/man you are. One of these days it's all going to change; the first step is believing in yourself and that things can change. Hang in there...

[Karasuman]

Hi there. I just want to say that you have a long time ahead of you for the wrong things to turn to the right. As long as you maintain sanity, you have the opportunity to watch your life get better.

 

What you seem faced with isn't something that will fix itself right away, but given time, it will fix itself. I promise that life always has a way of working itself out. I imagine at least some of us here have been in similar mindsets as yours at some point, I know I have. And I can guarantee you that it is never worth it to let it control you. This is not to draw comparisons between myself and you. Everyone's situations are unique in some way. It is simply to say that people out there understand. You're not alone.

 

Anytime friends or family have told me things similar to what you described, I encourage them to think about the people they haven't met yet, but will. Going down your current line of thinking will cheat them out of your presence, and you'll be cheating yourself as well. Your situation will make you tougher mentally, and once you come out clean on the other side, you'll have the chance to help someone else with your own life experiences.

 

Hang in there.. <----I know that sounds cliche, but you'll thank yourself. Sooner rather than later.