On Christmas Day it gave me.

[Deleted54170User]

This Christmas I was blessed with a bunch of good people becoming my friends.

 

Even so I could not shake the feeling that I was alone. Each time it occurred to me, that I was, I looked back at this forum, and looked in to see what anyone and all of you I have typed to and read your comments back from.

 

On Christmas day I was given enlightenment in a way that I have never had before. I remembered a woman that inspired me. I wanted to do everything I could for her. I completely forgot about my own needs, years ago I nearly died looking for a way to support her in the winter cold. I fought for jobs to get her all that she needed, and lost before I got them so I could return with the winnings. I lost over and over, miserably, and when all the efforts left me numb I enlisted in the military.

 

I remembered her this Christmas while I was contemplating the only girlfriend that even came close to stirring up the sentiment of oneness that a couple supposedly feels. I was thinking about the young beautiful blond girl who was only a year younger then me when I was 17. I remembered beginning to get acquainted with her. I remember the feeling familiar with her.

 

Today, I realized how confused I have been, because all these years I could not get the heart felt touch of first love thinking back to that girl, and feel the lasting feeling of fond memories. It happened when I was pondering why I wasn't having anything to do with another woman this Christmas.

 

I remembered, on Christmas, the woman of my dreams. I remembered how frightened I was when I thought I would lose her, and then as I realized this, that I was awake sitting all alone in my living room.

 

As I pondered the memory of her gracing my mind I realized I had lost mine to her. My heart was so torn my desire to bring her back to me had driven me mad, and until this Christmas I was totally lost, still reaching out to touch her fading memory.

 

You have seen my words and the fortune of my efforts here and where ever I did to try and find her. When I was about to give up I realized something was wrong.

 

I know this now, she is gone from me, the bond we share is gone.

 

Today, this Sunday, I nearly jumped out of my vehicle and went after a rude young man because he mistook my motion waving his girlfriend and him to assure them I saw them and was stopping. I had stopped my vehicle in time for them to cross in front going to the mall. He mistook my gesture of waving them on, like cop directing traffic, for something other the spirit I had intended, and the action he did return made me angry and fierce.

 

I knew that feeling of self, certain I could give him a beating, and this Sunday afternoon I have realized I finally lost that connection with the woman that I fell in love with, a long, long time ago.

 

It is clear to me now, how love truly rules our heads from our hearts. I have lost her for good. I no longer feel helplessly in love. The sense of where I am has me seeing clearly, and thinking it isn't possible; this place, these things, all my efforts were for a woman. I realize I have been here and some sensible casual conversation has been clear. But it can't be real I was spell bound by a woman all these years?

 

After feeling the fierce fighting heat in my chest, preparing to charge that young man to pound him off his feet, and watching as he acted as though he wanted it as much as I, and saw his girlfriend work to keep his cool, I knew it is finally so. She is gone, and I am fully alive again.

 

Alone.♠

[TheCalliton]

i got some candy

[Deleted54170User]

You got candy! What kind? Hey!

I haven't been this alert in some time. I've made some friends here, so liken the ride I am on is like a Roller Coaster every time.

A Roller Coaster; I always feel exhilarated when I get off, and want to go buy another ticket.

 

If I could figure out a way, I would I invite everyone I have made friends with here; to join me and take the next super duper wolla pla loozer super sonic roller coaster rides. One of those really fancy new ones.

 

So, if there is any magic left in me, I will use to so we will fill the long chain of seat's, all us, new friend's and old, from one end to the other. When it reaches to top we will reach up to touch sky as we glide over the highest rungs. Then swoop down like eagles gliding on air in zero gravity as we plunge faster and faster like a huge California condor to the next winged turn.

[Thor.]

Well I Got tuns of gift cards and money, and candy to, Mainly the Toblerone kind.

 

http://www.christianguitar.org/forums/attachments/88205d1229482450-toblerone.jpg

 

2 actually, its kind of tradition now :teehee:

Edited December 27, 2010 by Thor.

[satanslilhelper]

Due to my mother being ill, and therefore not visiting me yet, I haven't had any real presents yet, just token gifts from the in-laws. Bless 'em.

Isn't it crazy how a person can such influence on a life, even when lived entirely seperately? I'm glad your finally able to leave her behind, Pagyfyr. A life lived in bondage to the past/ones memories can never truely be fulfilling, I think. I do think it is good to have these experiences though, they're like a right of passage. To find someone whose needs you prioritise over your own (and with joy in doing so) helps a person grow, and learn more about themseves. Did she do the same for you? I have been with my partner for 11 years now, and I do feel that he is my other half, in more than just name. We have common traits and opposites too, but it feels like they work together to make us "fit" each other perfectly. The "oneness" of which you speak? We each put the other first, which works out beautifully. Where will you go from here? I'm sure you don't know yet, I wish you joy in finding out!

And sign me up for the rollercoaster! lol http://www.myemoticons.com/images/hobbies-leisure/adventure/roller-coaster.gif

[Balagor]

My girlfriend 35 years ago is still today the girlfriend of my heart. More than that we have grown into friends that shares every thing. Young love never disappear, but transforms into a mutual understanding of eachother. We are today also man and wife, but that is more practical reasons. The best of a long partnership is the understanding, the faith and the friendship. :wink:

Pagafyr, you are never alone here. You got friends :turned:

[DagonTheranis]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zB2gPZRsz0Q Edited December 27, 2010 by DagonTheranis

[TheCalliton]

also got a BB gun from my grandpa, its older than i am

its from before the orange tips were required

[Deleted54170User]

Well I Got tuns of gift cards and money, and candy to, Mainly the Toblerone kind.

 

http://www.christianguitar.org/forums/attachments/88205d1229482450-toblerone.jpg

 

2 actually, its kind of tradition now :teehee:

 

That's a nice looking box. Did you eat what was inside already?

 

 

Due to my mother being ill, and therefore not visiting me yet, I haven't had any real presents yet, just token gifts from the in-laws. Bless 'em.

Isn't it crazy how a person can such influence on a life, even when lived entirely seperately? I'm glad your finally able to leave her behind, Pagyfyr. A life lived in bondage to the past/ones memories can never truely be fulfilling, I think. I do think it is good to have these experiences though, they're like a right of passage. To find someone whose needs you prioritise over your own (and with joy in doing so) helps a person grow, and learn more about themseves. Did she do the same for you? I have been with my partner for 11 years now, and I do feel that he is my other half, in more than just name. We have common traits and opposites too, but it feels like they work together to make us "fit" each other perfectly. The "oneness" of which you speak? We each put the other first, which works out beautifully. Where will you go from here? I'm sure you don't know yet, I wish you joy in finding out!

And sign me up for the rollercoaster! lol http://www.myemoticons.com/images/hobbies-leisure/adventure/roller-coaster.gif

 

Today I am feeling even more self aware.

 

My girlfriend 35 years ago is still today the girlfriend of my heart. More than that we have grown into friends that shares every thing. Young love never disappear, but transforms into a mutual understanding of each other. We are today also man and wife, but that is more practical reasons. The best of a long partnership is the understanding, the faith and the friendship. :wink:

Pagafyr, you are never alone here. You got friends :turned:

 

Yeah! And it looks like seeing friendship's like I am, experiencing, here is kind of like, "a spell breaker."

 

(Toy Story YouTube can be viewed above this post.)

 

Thanks for the cheer!

 

 

also got a BB gun from my grandpa, its older than i am

its from before the orange tips were required

 

Your Grandpa's bb gun! Wow! That has got to be one fine bb gun!

 

If it was mine...I would never show it off to anyone, who was not a card carrying official weapons expert like you, not even if they tried to tease me so I felt bad.

 

It would only get taken outside if my grandpa and I were going to go hunting together. Or when we could practice shooting together.

So, I would call him and ask him when he could come by so we could set up the target range. Then I would be sure I could practice, without anyone who was not allowed to play with bb guns that would try to interfere further if I told them I would not share. Having a bb gun is a great responsibility. I would even make it clear to any brother's or sister's, "The weapon is off limits." Anyone who wanted to play with mine I would tell, as well as anyone who tried to take it from me, "If you want a bb gun so bad get your own bb gun!"

 

A bb gun is not a toy to share.

 

I would take especially good care of my bb gun after every time I finished practicing. I would empty it of bb's, wipe it clean, clear and clean the barrel, and put a drop of oil in the oil spot, and I would keep it safe so no unruly cow boy's, or cow girl's, or raider's, or scavenger's, or super mutant's, or even other wasteland wanderer's could not get at it while I was at school or at play somewhere else.

 

I would not loan it to anyone, because...if it got into the wrong hand's it might cause someone to get hurt, and if I loaned it to a person who hurt them self, or anyone else, I would feel like it was still my responsibility.

 

Share your candy with friends, but not your weapon's.

[Genzel]

In July, the cat I have owned for six years ran away. Two days before Christmas it came home :biggrin:. I am on vacation away from home, but my siblings were home when she arrived. I won't be able to see my cat until Friday, but this is the best Christmas present I have ever received.