help

[TheCalliton]

Hey all... I didn't know where else to post this.

I am having some family issues. My folks just dont seem like my folks anymore. They don't say anything nice... they don't bother to even say "good morning" they don;t bother to say "I'm proud to have you as a son. I love you." there is no happiness in our house anymore. My mom tries to bribe me with gifts, and my dad says things that hurt me like "What, are you smoking pot?" when i have a forgetful morning. I swore i wouldn't touch drugs or alchohol, and he knows this. I tried opening up to him and asked him if the ment the pot comment. He didnt mean the pot comment, but when i told him about my "friends" he basically said "Life sucks. It does now, and it will later. Deal with it." Nothing i do seems to please them. All they care about is school. Ive gone from a "Wonderful kid." as my folks would say, to just a few numbers on a page that my school sends out each quarter. My dad doesn't approve of how i look. My mom is never happy, despite her and my dad saying they just want me to pass. I did pass, with mostly Ds, but i still passed! My dad wont turn the internet back on (im siphoning off some network i found) despite his saying he'd turn it back on when he had proof i was passing. I can't talk to my girlfriend except through texting. I can barely surf the net (it will probably take me ten minutes to post this) and im just really stressed out.

 

I don't know what to do. Im starting to consider cutting, and im just all round depressed. My girlfriend cant help me, she lives in another state. My "friends" can't help me. They are jerks. Seems like the only friends I have are on here. Please, help me. I just need some kind words, or something. I don't know... just please help me.

 

I've got no friends outside of the nexus.

My folks are cold to me.

I can;t surf the net, which is where i am accepted.

Im nearly failing school.

I'm just a nobody...

[Keanumoreira]

You're not a nobody Calliton, the only nobodies are those who are cold and bitter and wish to be left alone. Here on Nexus we are all family, brought together by love of RPG's, or the internet, or just people. That means that no one thinks you're a nobody, and I'm sure at least one person in this entire circus tent has something nice to say. Calliton, I've seen the things you've done around Nexus, how you talk to people and how you really connect. Trust me, you're not a nobody. You're just going through a rough phase in your life right now -god knows I am too- but you've got to hang on to any shed of light that's still out there, any of it. You still have us, and if we need to then we'll talk to you every night if possible, at least I will, anything to help you by. Never think you're alone C, because there's one place that will never turn their back on you. And you can count on that.

[WizardOfAtlantis]

I would advise you to not judge yourself too harshly based on what other people think of you. Sounds like the bribes and spiteful comments are meant to swing you in line and punish you for not living up to some outside standard. Perhaps you don't seem to them like you're going to be the kid they wanted you to be, or thought you would be. And you know what? Maybe they're right. http://www.thenexusforums.com/public/style_emoticons/dark/biggrin.gifYou have to be who you want to be. That's what's most important. Job Number One in life is being successful at being yourself, and by that I mean being good, too. From what I've seen, negative situations/reactions are often created/imposed, and once the right path is found out, positivity will follow. At least about how you feel about yourself and how you make your way in the world. Being successful at being yourself is different than being yourself. There's a reason why "success" is in there. Sometimes English is a slippery language...other times, it's slippery because it's right there in front of your eyes.

 

So what do I mean by creating negative situations...do you like school? Probably not, huh. Well, I can't blame you there, but that's also probably why you're just getting by, too. See? I was much the same, though I did quite well in school. Gods, how I hated it. Got bad for me too at times when I really hated it. I caused that, just like you're causing your grades, which could be better. You're smarter than your grades show...what you show here of your perceptions through your posts proves that. You just don't apply yourself in school. Remember, I'm not being "judgmental". I was that way too. But other people will be, and the list will only get bigger. Grades are a sign of being able to achieve in the grandest sense. Not necessary for achieving but a symbol of it nevertheless.

 

 

You're thinking about cutting what? Cutting school? Yourself? I'd advise heavily against either. You seem to be skipping along the surface of the water, and we all know what happens to those stones when they lose their momentum, right? They go down. http://www.thenexusforums.com/public/style_emoticons/dark/nuke.gif

 

Now, don't get me wrong. I think school in and of itself is very often a waste of time. However, what it can lead to, and how it exercises you, are very important things indeed. Be careful of paths that can become downward spirals...you're at a crucial period in your life if you're worrying about your grades, and little changes here and there can end up having tremendous changes in the final destination. If you shoot an arrow from a bow, and touch it right before it hits the target, it will often hit the target anyway. If you touch it right when it leaves the bow, it almost assuredly miss the target and go flying way off course. Sometimes that can be a good thing. Often it isn't, though.

 

Do not feel like a nobody. That's a defeatist downward spiral. You're always a somebody. You're you, and it's your responsibility (and joy) to be the best you that you can be. Maybe that sounds cliche something out of a Dr. Seuss book perhaps, but it's true. Being you, truly being you, is the only road to real freedom and existence. You just have to figure out how to do it. Then, friends will come, even in the "real world". You have to keep your chin up and wade through the difficulties. Life literally weighs down on people, if you let it. Don't let it. And how do you do that? Know thyself. Another cliche, i know, but another true one. Be your own torch in the darkness and then you can always find your way.

Edited March 10, 2011 by WizardOfAtlantis

[Genzel]

You are a great person, and you shouldn't feel alone. Even when things seem the darkest they have ever been, always look at the small positives, no matter what they may be, look for the light in the black, the silver lining. Take a long walk and reflect on your situation; escape for a while and find some peace, listen to some music. Above all don't do anything you will regret, you can get through the tough times. Cutting will do nothing but further hurt you, trust me, you do not want to go down that path.

 

No matter how mean your parents and friends might seem, try to think about what they might be going through. I can't say I know exactly what your situation is, but understand that your parents could be having trouble of their own and are might just releasing it on you. I may be wrong, but people tend to hurt others when they themselves are hurting the most. The people around you may be hurting you, but don't give up on them or yourself, hang in there.

 

Although this might seem like "just some internet forum" we are real people: real friends who are here for you. Don't be afraid to talk, you can get through this.

[htomsirveauxjr]

Do not think for a second that these are issues that nobody else has been through. You feel like your parents hate you. You do bad in school. You have no friends. Your internet is blocked.

Wow.

Fits me to a tee.

 

Everything starts with you. No committee will come to your house with a list of friends. No drill sergeant will come and ship your parents to parental boot camp.

You need to get up. Look inside yourself and say, ‘what can I do? What can I change?’

 

Step back, and see where your fingers are pointing. Perhaps something your parents said is right. Perhaps there is something that only you can fix. I went though all my schooling years, kindergarten to some college, not knowing that I had two developmental disorders. That’s over 10 years of consistent insufficiency. Now I could easily say it was the fault of my poor schooling, but the biggest factor to my failures was still me. I was, and am capable of pushing myself, but I didn't, and still, sometimes I don't.

If you want to change things, start with looking out for number one. Be the catalyst for change.

*You say that they don't say 'I love you' or even 'good morning'. Do you say that? It's weird to say ‘I love you’ to your parents, but they just might see a change in you, and they just might change themselves. Love certainly is not a feeling that you would want to express right now, but they are your parents. A home, food and clothes. Certainly a good reason to say ‘thank you, and I love you’.

*If your dad doesn't like how you look, then why not try something new? Honor him by cleaning yourself up a bit. I know it sounds crazy to, 'honor him', but reactions can be reversed with selfless acts. And, when you look nice, you feel like a million bucks. And doing something for others with no benefit for yourself, is a feeling that I cannot describe.

*Friends who are jerks, aren’t really your friends at all. Friends. I have, and still struggle with finding a companion, or an associate, a buddy, or equal. You know people on the Nexus, and that is a start. To say, 'you are not alone' works in two ways. One, there are people out there, and two, there are people out there who don't have many friends either. You're reading about one now. There is one undeniable fact, however: you won't make friends sitting on your butt. Guess what I still struggle to do.

*Be nice. In the face of contempt and sarcasm, be nice. There is no situation that doesn’t warrant good behavior.

*Exercising doesn’t leave scars. Being strong in body helps you be strong in mind. It works out times when you feel glum and blah, or when everything is on your back, or when everything is just so pent up.

 

 

So, you have picked yourself off the ground. You will need somebody to point you the way and guide you. Hey, your thread title was ‘help’, anyway.

 

Your school, and many other services should have free counseling. Before you balk the idea, just know that I have been in counseling services for about two years now. It is quite awkward at first, but I have got to tell you, it is nice, VERY nice to speak to someone who can listen, and won't judge you. Even if it is your fault. I mean, you just posted your thoughts in an unrestricted forum that can be accessed almost ANYWHERE on Earth. I think a few private sessions won’t kill you.

Talk to a teacher about your grades. Even if it is to let them know that you don’t want to be known as ‘that kid who always fails’. Ask how you can do better. Ask for assistance.

What could go wrong in asking? The worst that could happen is they say ‘no’ for some reason. They know now that you want help, and shame on them if they don’t. If someone does say no, then you still planted a seed. Press it. The advice I, and others give you won’t change things over-night. It is something that you will need to press upon.

If someone says yes, or does offer help, don't say no, whether it is a counselor or a tutor. It took me years to realize that I was not less of a man to accept a helping hand. I’ve come to see that it IS lesser men who DO refuse help.

 

A man is living on the Gulf coast, when a storm is predicted to come through. The rains fall, and the man prays to God to keep him safe. A bus drives by, and the driver asks the man if he wants to be evacuated. No, he says, my God will save me. The rains have forced him on his roof, when a man on a boat beckons him to safety. No, the man says again, my God will save me. The water now half way up the roof, a helicopter spots him, and the rescue worker tells him they will take him to safety. Again, the man declines, stating that his God will save him. The flood washes the man from the roof. In heaven, the man laments, ‘O God, why did you not save me?’ God said, ‘I tried to. I sent a bus. You said no. I sent a boat, and still you said no. I sent a helicopter, and you said no.’

 

Help is out there.

 

Get up.

 

Take it.

[vvk78]

TheCalliton,

 

First and foremost, thank you for reaching out to us.

 

It shows you are a survivor, and it means you have decided not to lose hope, and

want your life to improve. A few suggestions, if I may.....

 

1. Listen to your favorite music (wear earphones if you don't want to disturb anyone)

and watch your favorite comedy movies. Forget your worries for a moment, loosen up

and let your spirit soak into the feeling of joy.

 

2. Borrow these books from your school library: "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living"

by Dale Carnegie, "Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul" series (I think there was one about School).

Read such inspiring books, they will fill you with positive energy.

Laugh, it will make your body and spirit happier.

 

3. Talk to your school counselor (if there's one), or even an uncle/aunt/neighbor,

whom you know is your well-wisher. They will give you practical advice,

since they will know and understand your situation better. You yourself

must take some positive action, because only then your situation will improve.

Your parents might seem harsh now, but don't worry, things will improve.

Don't go by their words, or even by their actions now; it is just a temporary phase,

and they will appreciate you better, if you decide you want to improve your life,

without worrying about their judgement or criticism.

People always cheer only those who try to reach the finish-line.

 

4. I used to do good at school. But as my family kept moving to new cities,

my studies took a hard hit, and I became a poor student, especially

during the time of my life when my grades were the most crucial.

But I still managed to make a successful career. If you use your brains,

grades will not matter, so don't worry about them. Just give your best,

and it will make things better. Laugh and pray, it is good for your body and spirit!

 

5. I suggest you learn some new hobbies.

What do you like apart from computer/video games?

Rollerskating, painting, digital artwork, musical instruments?

Try to learn something new and interesting, such as dancing,

where you will meet a new set of people. There will be free courses

for a lot of things in your city. Make some new friends, enjoy their company!

 

6. Best way to forget worries is to immerse yourself with a lot of activity.

Maybe, you can involve in some charity work -- register with a volunteer organization,

and work on weekends. Helping others is a surefire way to become happier.

And if you earn a few dollars this way, you can make your family happier.

I know personally that lack of finances in a home can dampen and stress out the moods.

Companies always look for people with lot of varying expertise; so try to do some odd jobs

which can form a good experience for a future career. Salesmanship is one such virtue.

 

7. You like to read/write stuff, so why don't you write some gaming articles for your local newspaper

or magazines? They always seek some articles aimed at teenagers. You might not earn much,

but you can proudly show these published articles to your school teachers and to your family.

Professional writing is a great way to master the language, and to focus your thoughts

in a concise and precise manner -- it will be very helpful to you later in your work-life.

 

8. Don't you recall any friends who were good to you. Maybe some childhood friends?

Try to get in touch with anyone who was good and kind to you. Just being in the company

of good people (or even just talking to them over the phone) can make you happier.

Get yourself a little pet, maybe a guinea pig, or some goldfish. They'll cheer you up daily!

 

9. You have a girlfriend, who lives far away from you. If you do not want to lose her friendship,

then you must try to be more positive and cheerful to her. Don't keep cribbing about your

problems to her, instead appreciate her, admire her with tokens of your love, show her you care.

Remember, she is your best friend, if you want her to be. Love can be bliss!

 

10. Whenever you are feeling bored or stressed, talk to us. We are always there for you.

After all, friends take care of each other, don't they?

 

 

 

http://images.picturesdepot.com/photo/l/lifes_short-4432.jpg

 

http://images.picturesdepot.com/photo/l/life_quote-4430.gif

 

http://www.live-life-abundance.com/images/famous-inspirational-quote-happiness-is-something-that-comes-into-our-lives-through-doors-we-dont-remember-leaving-open-21389404.jpg

 

http://images.picturesdepot.com/photo/m/mark_twain_cheer_up-8597.jpg

 

http://images.picturesdepot.com/photo/u/understanding_yourself-4474.jpg

 

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_evOYQnECOcU/SQydCJQQrHI/AAAAAAAAB4k/Ey4XnEfjovk/s320/inspirational+quotes.jpg

 

http://www.upload3r.com/serve/100311/1299743216.jpg

 

 

 

All the best! Keep your face always to the sunshine! :thumbsup:

Edited March 16, 2011 by vvk78

[Netwit2008]

As I recall (and do correct me if I'm wrong, my memory stutters like an over modded TES game sometimes, lol), a short while back your parents were having mad problems with each other. It sounds as though they've stuffed their feelings (so they think!) but in actuality, all their bs is now being aimed at you. It may not be safe to overtly lash out at each other, so you end up being the fall guy and an easier target. It may be as complicated and as simple as that. I know it's extremely hard, but don't take it personal! They have to be right as a couple before they can be nurturing, attentive, giving parents to you. I think their vision may be clouded right now due to their own issues. I'm just so sorry to hear they take it out on you.

 

You know darn good and well you ARE NOT a nobody! Last time you reached out, many people here at Nexus responded to let you know they cared and would be there for you. I see some people on this thread I've never seen before, meaning not our regular crew, giving you words of wisdom and food for thought. Some good suggestions to keep your sanity, even though your parents might be losing theirs, in a manner of speaking.

 

You're bright, funny, charismatic and an all around good person. You're old enough to get a job. Try finding something, then you can pay for your own internet. Sometimes we have to do things like that when our usual avenues or solutions are no longer possible or viable. WK is right, only a survivor would reach out. A less strong person would cut on themselves first, or do something equally unproductive and self destructive. You didn't and for that you need to congratulate yourself.

 

Unfortunately, having troubles is something we all have to go through. It makes us stronger and more durable, not to mention wiser, in the future. I know that sounds like a cliche and/or corny, but that doesn't change the fact that nine times out of ten, it is true. You do what you have to, to rise above this madness. Go to a secluded place and scream, throw things, cry, write in a journal, whatever helps you to release your feelings. That way they won't stay inside and fester like garbage in a sealed barrel. Remember, sometime, somehow, this too will pass. Until it does, the praying folks will be praying for you, those that don't will send positive vibes out into the universe, aimed directly at you.

 

Hang in there little brother. You can make it through this, I just know you can.

 

~BIG HUG~

 

T

[TheCalliton]

thanks everyone

I got most of this a little late though

im not gonna give the details, but last night was... the worst night of my life so far...

id say that you guys have no idea how much this helps, but id probably be wrong...

[htomsirveauxjr]

Funny thing what a worst night can do.

I had an evening like so, which the feeling didn't go away in the morning. When I see this little painful child, who liked to chide me over my awkwardness, or the fact my counselor wasn't doing his job good enough, or just kick me. Like her sister, she was. Expecting the worst from her, I desparately told her of the prior nights events, hoping that she would leave me be, in the state I was in. But she had empathy. She listened, and understood. We opened up to each other. She was no longer that painful child. I gained a new friend, she still is, and she grew up that day.

 

That wasn't just some parable, that did happen. Bad stuff happens, but you can make something quite good out of it, and maybe help someone else, too.

[TheCalliton]

she left me, guys... she freaked out when i begged her for help... she said it is only temporary... but it still hurts.

i... i messed up... I cut last night... first time ever. I freaked out. told my girlfriend in hopes that she could help me. She didn;t answer so i started begging... and then she freaked out. She saw a psychyatrist who said our relationship was emotionally abusing... i told her i'd F*** up... and i did.