Sarcastic Loading Screens?

[johnbmasri]

I would really like someone to make this as I thought it was brilliant in Skyrim.

[kerrigan1603]

I would really like someone to make this as I thought it was brilliant in Skyrim.

i second this

Loading Screens With Extra Sarcasm

Cynical Loading Screen Texts

[SiNNeR]

maybe we should start giving suggestions then to help someone out, should they decide to take up this project?

 

• The Brotherhood of Steel have taken it upon themselves to save everyone from the perils of technology by keeping it all to themselves and using it against those who disagree with their methods. But I'm sure they're nice people beneath all that Power Armour
• Rumours say the Institute has been replacing people with synths who can perfectly mimic them. I guess they must have perfected Artificial Stupidity to manage that
• The Minutemen are always on the clock
• The average raider enjoys hobbies such as murder, torture, dismemberment, mutilation and being shot in the face. Or at least none have complained about the latter so far
• There was a vault dweller once who had figured out the ideal philosophy. "If you can truly know your own identity then and only then can you find enlightenment". Well all he actually said was his name "Gary" over and over, but I knew what he meant
• The intelligence of a Super Mutant actually increases when it dies
• Rumours say the Outstitute have been replacing robots with people in robot outfits who can perfectly mimic them
• The Gunners were established after their previous attempt at a gang, The Knifers, turned out to have some flaws
• Most libraries will give you a fine for overdue books rather than a reward

ok not all are exactly sarcastic but oh well

Edited December 26, 2015 by SiNNeR

[Fulcon]

Some suggestions:

 

-It turns out that using a sword is a viable tactic. But only if you like being an overpowered savage in a land filled with smart people that use guns.

 

-You would expect the Silver Shroud to value stealth and subtlety. The loud and hammy delivery of his one liners to bad-guys prove that notion to be mistaken.

 

-Your son is missing. Don't worry, it's not like he's in serious danger or anything.

 

-You would expect blitz to animate you charging forward and cloths-lining your victim. But no, you actually flash step all over the battlefield like an anime character. This is especially apparent when you're only using your fists like a z-figher wannabe.

 

-Also, there's no super-sayan hair to complete the experience. Lame!

 

-The last insanely competent Vault Dweller could blow himself up like a nuke. I guess you'll just have to settle for breathing underwater.

 

-Some super-mutants will come barreling toward you with a mini-nuke held like a football and you're the endzone. It's like they heard melee characters were overpowered and missed the point completely.

 

-That, or they're upset they never got to be the quarterback of the highschool football team.

[SiNNeR]

• The Brotherhood of Steel no longer teach pilots how to land a Vertibird. None of them ever last long enough to need to

I never fail the settlement defence quests. I just ignore them. My settlers fail them

It's perfectly OK to shove your hands in a strangers pocket to investigate the contents so long as you don't take anything

This loading screen message was abducted and replaced with a synth

Working for the Dunwich Borers is rarely boring

If Elder Scrolls can have horses then why can't Fallout have motorbikes?

For years only the Brotherhood of Steel knew the secret of how to wear Power Armour. Then a raider stole their tin opener

The Railroad: Because anyone who can follow a red line must be trustworthy

The Fat Man Mini-Nuke launcher. Because nothing bad ever came from nuclear missiles

If you think X6-88 is good at killing, you should meet HK-47

The Institute hate free will, do-gooders, everyone else and cats

Some raiders are just misunderstood. They don't want to kill you. They just want to kill somebody

Contrary to popular belief Feral Ghouls brains did not melt from radiation. They just heard the earworms on Diamond City radio one too many times

Ghouls are not allowed in DIamond City. Unless they're wearing poor disguises. Or follow the most dangerous person in the Commonwealth

I can't believe it took you two hundred years just to get past the tutorial section of this game!

[Fulcon]

 

• The Brotherhood of Steel no longer teach pilots how to land a Vertibird. None of them ever last long enough to need to
• I never fail the settlement defence quests. I just ignore them. My settlers fail them
• It's perfectly OK to shove your hands in a strangers pocket to investigate the contents so long as you don't take anything
• This loading screen message was abducted and replaced with a synth
• Working for the Dunwich Borers is rarely boring
• If Elder Scrolls can have horses then why can't Fallout have motorbikes?
• For years only the Brotherhood of Steel knew the secret of how to wear Power Armour. Then a raider stole their tin opener
• The Railroad: Because anyone who can follow a red line must be trustworthy
• The Fat Man Mini-Nuke launcher. Because nothing bad ever came from nuclear missiles
• If you think X6-88 is good at killing, you should meet HK-47
• The Institute hate free will, do-gooders, everyone else and cats
• Some raiders are just misunderstood. They don't want to kill you. They just want to kill somebody
• Contrary to popular belief Feral Ghouls brains did not melt from radiation. They just heard the earworms on Diamond City radio one too many times
• Ghouls are not allowed in DIamond City. Unless they're wearing poor disguises. Or follow the most dangerous person in the Commonwealth
• I can't believe it took you two hundred years just to get past the tutorial section of this game!

 

 

Funny. XD

 

-Attempts to convince any of the factions they're wrong results in your game crashing. Because you're not supposed to do that even though the Charisma perk tree basically makes you capable of mind control.

 

-You just purchased the game, well done! Welcome to the rest of your life.

 

-Despite the fact that Godzilla, the original giant monster, was the result of radiation mutating and tiny lizard, we have never seen anything like him in the Fallout games. Closest we get is the Mirelurk Queens and they're the wrong gender.

 

-Absolutely no one comments on the bizarre and strange things you can do as the sole survivor. This is a shame, because the thought of your companion being dumbfounded as the final raider in the area dies because they bullet he shot you with just turned around and blew his brains out is hilarious.

Edited December 27, 2015 by Fulcon