Single life or relationship

[Jopo1980]

Depending on the criteria, I have either been in a relationship twice or never at all. If we use the criteria that one of my university friends put forward and he studies female studies, so he is quite the expert on women, at least in theory. According to him, women consider a relationship to have really begun, when the couple have sex for the first time. According to this criteria, I have never been in a relationship.

 

So having never been in a serious relationship, my knowledge of which is better, might be a bit limited, but on the other hand, I have plenty of information on what it is like to live alone and quite frankly, I´m not so sure that hopping into a relationship would make life better in any way, except for the steady supply of sex, which may not be so steady after all, according to the whims of the female partner.

 

So, the question for the debate is: Which is better, living alone as a single or a steady relationship?

 

As I have said, I currently live alone and I quite like my freedom. I can do what I want, when I want. I don´t have to clean up my apartment just to please the female counterpart. I don´t have to put up with constant nagging about this or that. I don´t have to share the space of the apartment with anyone else. In other words, I have FREEDOM and I´m not so sure that I´d like to trade that freedom away, for the company of some random female.

 

On the other hand, I will let those of you who are or have been in a relationship educate me on the good things of relationships that I may be unaware of.

 

So, another question: What are the Pros and Cons of a relationship? Also, why have you chosen your current status or would you change your status if possible?

 

So, in a relationship, you lose at least some of your freedom, but what do you gain for it?

 

A third question: What are the criteria for a companion?

 

Despite the long years of solitude I am not willing to take just any woman who will have me, although knowing my own outlooks and poor assets, that might be the smart move, but no. I have my own criteria. I used to say that outlooks doesn´t matter, but that has changed, outlooks DO matter and I am quite sure they matter to women as well, so I am under no illusion as to my own chances. There are other criteria as well, but I won´t go into them at least for now.

 

Another question: What makes a good relationship? and Is love a prerequisite to a relationship?

 

Personally having not been in any serious relationship, I do not know what would make a good relationship. As to whether love is a prerequisite, I´d say that it had better not be, because I fell in love once and I don´t intend to repeat the mistake.

 

There, let the debate begin.

[myrmaad]

(I have a pet peeve about womens studies, the most tedious and utter drivel of content, in my experience. In light of that, I'm quite skeptical about your expert friend. :D And well I don't agree with his definition either, from the perspective of a sociology student whose main thrust of interest was microsociology.)

 

I've been happily married for almost 30 years. I love being alone. My husband is rather independent and we can be home together all day and not run into each other. One of the things I love about him. We're both busy with our own little projects. Luckily when it's time to work together we make a great team.

 

My dad, an exceptional judge of character for the most part, predicted I wouldn't get married til I was 30. Wow was he ever wrong, although there was a blizzard on my wedding day!

 

Your life is not about what's right for other people. It's about what's right for you.

 

I don't think you should try to fit yourself into someone else's idea of existence. And falling in love is usually the last thing you were planning.

 

So the answer to "which is better" is "which is better for you?"

 

And what makes a good relationship is worthy of volumes.

 

Is love a prerequisite to a relationship? Well I'm not really sure. Since everyone is different I'm thinking maybe not. But for a relationship to last a very long time, yes I think love is a factor.

[grannywils]

I rather liked Myrmaad's response, but will attempt one of my own. Although I did find the question a tad confusing, I am just going to sort of wing it.

 

I am 66 years old and have lived both as a married person and as a single person. I have been in relationships at times and not so at others. I have been perfectly content under all of those circumstances. The primary reason for this is I believe that I am quite content with who I am. If I was not, I would not be able to a) enjoy living with myself; or b) bring very much to a relationship.

 

I am content living alone, but believe that I am happier in a relationship. I am currently living in a relationship. I think the reason for my preference is that I bring as much to a relationship as I take from it, and as Myrmaad said above with respect to her relationship, we are both fairly independent people and allow each other plenty of "alone" time.

 

All of your sub questions are questions that have to be answered by each individual. What might work for you might not do a thing for me; that would even include the "love" question. It would depend on the type of relationship you are having and what you expect out of it. Many people crave companionship, but not necessarily lovers. These people may choose to live together as roommates. There are a myriad of types of relationships that work for different people. As the old saying goes, "different strokes for different folks"

 

I'm not sure if this was what you were looking for, but it was the best I could muster.

[JimboUK]

Which is better, single life or a relationship?

 

This is of course a personal preference, I was quite happy when I was single but these days the thought of coming home to an empty house and having no one to discuss the events of the day with is not one that appeals.

 

Is sex important in a relationship?

 

Again this differs from person to person, it can become an issue when one half of a partnership thinks it is and the other doesn't. I think trust, openness and love are far more important.

 

Are couples superior to singles?

 

Again each to their own, I voted yes because it's my preference. There are disadvantages to advantages to both but for me being in a partnership the advantages outweigh the disadvantages by a country mile.

 

@myrmaad There's nothing wrong with womens studies, I used to do it until the judge told me to stop. :unsure:

[BlackBaron2]

Which is better, single life or a relationship?

 

Honestly, generally speaking, both are fine. I don't see life in black and white and cannot speak for everyone. I prefer the co-op experience, some live life in single-player mode. It's not for me to say what someone else should do.

 

Is sex important in a relationship?

 

It's important to me. It's not to everyone, though. I think it's more important to be able to talk to each other and do things other than act like either teenagers or bonobos.

 

 

Are couples superior to singles?

 

Absolutely, unequivocally, NO. Couples, especially heteronormative (not necessarily heterosexual, but butch/femme pairings) ones, are seen as more important and better than single people or non-heteronormative couples in society. As a person who is supportive of asexuals and people who practice alternative lifestyles (polyamory, for example) I find this very problematic. Treating singles like they're not whole people, or like all the problems they have would be magically fixed by getting paired up swiftly, is most certainly not OK. It's also not OK to bash people who have non-normative relationships. Single people aren't all sad sacks who live on frozen food and spend their Saturday nights crying because nobody loves them, you know. Maybe single people are partly miserable because of the stigma of not being paired up--did anyone ever think of that? Probably not, because nobody wants to stop to think that maybe they are being ever so slightly mean.

[SpellAndShield]

Many studies show health benefits to being in a long term partnership (I assume they mean a good one).

 

It depends on your station in life, being middle age I am rather irked at being single with my last relationship only ending 2 months ago though when I was young I enjoyed being single much more. I think it can be age dependent.

[marharth]

Many studies show health benefits to being in a long term partnership (I assume they mean a good one).

 

It depends on your station in life, being middle age I am rather irked at being single with my last relationship only ending 2 months ago though when I was young I enjoyed being single much more. I think it can be age dependent.

Many studies also show the opposite though.

[myrmaad]

Many studies show health benefits to being in a long term partnership (I assume they mean a good one).

 

It depends on your station in life, being middle age I am rather irked at being single with my last relationship only ending 2 months ago though when I was young I enjoyed being single much more. I think it can be age dependent.

Many studies also show the opposite though.

 

I don't know who told you that, but it doesn't hold water. A vast body of peer reviewed research supports the causal relationship between marriage and longevity and greater health. Furthermore, there's nothing that I find more disingenuous and insincere than false representation.

[Jopo1980]

So research shows that couples are superior to singles in health benefits etc.? Personally I don´t care about what the studies say. These studies can be viewed as just one of the ways society favors couples over singles. There can be seen a distinct pressure to pair up as soon as possible from different sides. Women who don´t find a partner are called spinsters etc. For men there is the Finnish term "Vanhapoika" Transl. vanha = old poika = boy, an old boy, as in not being a man, you become a man when you pair up.

 

All in all the pressure to form couples is connected to procreation and continuation of the species. People form couples and have children and thus the future of the human species is insured. On average most people pair up in some part of their lives and on average most of these couples produce children. Those who stay single are a minority and can be marginalized and looked unfavorably at.

 

Personally, I am 31 years old and have spent just about the last ten years alone and I don´t see that changing in any near future. Personally I´ve become quite content to what I have. I don´t need or want anyone by my side. I don´t despair at the thought of being alone, instead I´ve become to value my freedom and solitude. I am not chained to another person who always wants to know where I am and watches wherever I go.

 

Besides, it would be quite hard to find a woman to my liking. For example I have only once ever met a woman who plays combat simulation games like ARMA 2, she played it with her husband online and I agreed with the husband that he was a lucky man to have a woman who shares his hobby and takes part in it.

 

Also, as most women naturally wish to use their biological gift for bearing life and have children, it limits the pool of candidates that I have to choose from even more, as I do not want children under any foreseeable conditions.

 

Under no conditions could I say that I am happy at my present status and only barely content, but I doubt that I would be any happier with a companion either.

 

As for love, it would truly take an extraordinary woman to make me fall in love as I am very much against that emotion, it makes you prone to doing things you would not normally do and might regret in the future, like considering having children out of love for the other, a bad choice any day and one most surely regretted later.

 

Besides, I don´t like the idea of being tied to a person. What if I decide to blow my head off, what then? I couldn´t just leave a companion could I? Hence it is better to stay single and untied.

[dunmermaiden]

I am no expert but I am going to say, being single is better than being with the wrong person. Looks don't count for anything everyone including the hot blonde with a awesome rack is going to one day look and be old - better to look beyond initial apperances, the plain girl with some extra pounds might prove more interesting and stimulating in more ways even if not conventionaly attractive. Love comes when you're not looking for it. What is right for you might be different than others answers here. There is no dictation saying you absolutely must get married or have a partner or be hetrosexual or gay however if you are truely happy with things the way they are, maybe that in itself says the answer.

 

Everyone is unique and individual normality is a myth.

 

And whether a couple or a single none is better than the other or any worse it does not matter as long as you are happy with your life. That's what really counts. For if you did find someone and everyone was happy but you felt miserable and hemmed in, how does that make being a couple better than a single person to you personally if miserable?

 

answer: The truth is only your own opinion counts. Live your life the way you are happiest.