500 things you have learned in Oblivion

[xenxander]

I don’t think we’re quite at the current number. Some are just reiterating a few points just in different words. Others copied previous posts (I think without knowing). I’ve omitted the ones that were duplicates but kept their blank place-holders. Similar, but not quite the same, ideas have been referenced to link with their siblings with the exception of #11 and #44, in which I combined those similar posts into one (I felt it was appropriate for those ideas). There were 64 repeats (counting the skipped numbers) and 3 alphas (the ones that still were counted as #457, so all in all there are 61 less than the current number. We have done 569 unique (or close enough) posts, from the current 630. I’ll post the revised list in sets of 100. Stand by.

 

Edit:

so the next post (if we are going to keep posting), will actually be 570. .. but personally I think this has run its course and should be closed now.

[xenxander]

1- People in Cyrodiil [are] born adult. [Perhaps not: #464]

2- You can kill an uber-armored opponent by punching him to death.

3- You can’t slice food with your blades.

4- There are no cows or milk in Cyrodiil; despite there being no cattle there IS beef

5- 70% of normal people in Cyrodiil use magic. Guards’ don’t.

6- In TES, glass is tougher than steel.

7- In Cyrodiil, Guards have been cross bread with rats – they can smell you, and you're stolen possessions at 15 km, and have psychic powers. How can there still be thieves if they can read other peoples minds?

8- In Cyrodiil, you shoot first, ask questions later.

9- Shooting 20 or so arrows into someone’s head is quite amusing

10- Mods really keep Oblivion going

11- You can play Oblivion for months. Oblivion is incredibly addictive, [but] playing Oblivion every night and having only 2 or 3 hours of sleep a day is not good for your social, school or professional life. The only way to stop playing Oblivion is to pull the HD out of the computer. After you pulled the Oblivion game HD out of your computer, you surf the web and post on Oblivion forums

12-Skooma Addicts are entertaining. Running around with only your underwear on while dosed up on Skooma is also entertaining.

13 - You can become Arch mage at level 1 with no magical abilities whatsoever

14 - There are several unreachable chests (Sancre Tor, Bellators Folly, Unmarked Cave, etc.)

15 - M'aiq the Liar is a Bethesda apologist

16 - There IS a god of madness. I was right! They said I was wrong but I showed them! *incoherent ramblings*

17 - The value of gold coins is more than their raw counterpart, in terms of value to weight ratio.

18 -

19- [The] adoring fan is the only teenager in Cyrodiil.

20- When you were in jail, guards implanted you [with] a microchip. That’s how they ALWAYS will know where you are. They use GPS to locate you [Or they are just psychic – see #7].

21: Cyrodiil has a large population of Goths and no pious adventurers too poor/stupid to afford Mandrake Root.

22: Red = evil.

23: 46 murders = a two week prison sentence, or a fine.........and there are no other psychotic murderers in Cyrodiil?!?! No one cares how many crimes you've committed, as long as you've paid the fine.

24- Attack Sheogorath if you want to see something beautiful before you die

25: Cyrodiil's gods and demons seem to get [along] fine.

26: Paintbrushes are too cool for gravity.

27: All of Cyrodiil's guards have studied acupuncture. (How else could they paralyze you with their arrows so much?)

28:

29: You can ignore your skills for weeks on end with no repercussions, but if you spend one day in jail, you'll get worse.

30: You can go your entire life without eating. Eating and drinking is a pleasure. Do it whenever you want! Never get fat, bony, hungry, or thirsty!

31: You would think all that time of drinking potions you'd need to take a whiz, [but] bodily waste doesn't exist. [Therefore], in Tamriel, there are no toilets.

32: At level 10, you can run faster than your horse.

33: No one else will level up until you do.

34: Guards exist only because of you. There will be ALWAYS a guard watching you. [Yet they don’t have to as they are psychic – see #7.]

35: Guards won't hesitate to kill you [no matter how petty the crime] even though you saved them from certain death at the hands of the daedra. Even after you save everyone from the wrath of evil you can't even take one dam apple from a table in the pub.

36. A handful of small farms can feed a nation.

37. The black horse couriers are only fast because they have the news printed ahead of time.

38. There are more bandits, necromancers, and raiders than any other group, and there always will be. Guards are a close second.

39. A level 1 can become grand champion in the arena. You can become the "Grand Whatever" of anything and everything, at level 1. It is perfectly appropriate for the guild master of many guild be the same person [see also #13]

40. You can kill a skeleton with arrows.

41. No matter how hard you try, you just cannot kill some people. If you are important, you become unconscious for 10 seconds. Farwil + Daedra that keeps running into the lava = Lol + frustration. Stabbing Nobles in the face will only knock them out.

42. No matter how hard you try, some people will always die.

43. Both situations can be entertaining.

44. Nobody can do anything on their own. They have to ask the Player to do it for them. They will wait as long as it takes for the player to finish. [Also] You can do whatever the hell you want after you come out of the sewers. The world and Oblivion will wait until you're ready to save Tamriel, [and] no matter how important the invasion of Tamriel may seem, you always have time to do chores for people. Without the player, no one will ever [accomplish] anything.

45. You don't have money when you need it, but always have excess later.

46. Nobody cares what, or how little you're wearing.

47. Bandits will always attack you, no matter how much stronger you are. [Not always true; See #181 & #383]

48. Wolves don't hunt in packs, but can bite through full plate.

49 - If there is something, there is a Daedra or Aedra for it.

50 - No one can jump but you.

51 - Food never spoils, no matter how long you leave it out, [thus] I don't understand why my wife gets angry with me when I try to do that.

52 - There are no flies or mosquitoes or fleas in Tamriel.

53 - No one ever, ever takes a bath.

54... Armor that leaves 98% of your skin exposed is just as good as armor that completely covers your body.

55... You go to sleep standing up and wake up standing up.

56. People love talking about Mud Crabs... Which reminds me, I saw a Mud Crab by the water the other day...

57. Bandits in full glass are still interested in the handful of coins you're running around with.

58. There are flowers, but no birds or bees. (Explains why there aren't any children) [Maybe not: #464]

59. Without exception, wood elf males are all annoying.

60. Male Khajiits and Argonians have an unusual congenital defect that causes them to sound Russian when all of their female counterparts sound American.

61. Bretons have French names, but British accents. Huh?

62. It doesn't matter how cool the magic weapon looks, if you get it at level 1 it will suck forever and ever.

63. Amazons don't care if you ARE female, misandrist and bloodthirsty, they want you dead. Now.

64. Judging by their reanimated remains, the ancient Ayleids were all identical to one another. Perhaps inbreeding is the real reason they died out.

65. Only human and elven races can be raised from the dead.

66. A game can have exactly one semi-seductive female animation, and until umpteen billion sexy anim. mods come out, that animation will be used unto death.

67. Any game that can be even slightly modded will eventually be made to contain anime cat girls, "sexy" vampires and G-string armor. Eventually someone will release a game whose main character is a sexy vampire catgirl in a metal bikini, and the world will end.

68. All bottles are made of indestructible styrofoam. No matter how high they fall from, they never break. Nor can you accomplish anything by continually beating someone over the head with one.

69. All people, young, fat, and old, have perfectly fit bodies - Everyone has equal proportions.

70. Potions that have been sitting in a cask for hundreds of years are just as good as fresh ones.

71. Alyieds were so advanced they had contemporary books buried with them.

72. The occupation of Leyawin was only done to cover up for inept bridge building and remove reason for ships to sail inland.

73. Even when you have hundred of arrows sitting around, you still bother to pick up the ones you've shot.

74. All items are made of recycled bottles (see 68), but can magically become breakable just by equipping them.

75. A person can spend months painting a single picture without ever showing sign of progress. The painter outside anvil in the docks seems to paint for years on end without any progress or noticing the sun sets on the other side of the lighthouse

76. The people at the arcane university just sound smart; really they're just passing the same information along endlessly.

77. People don't do anything if you aren't around to see them do it.

78. You can give a beggar 50,000 gold and he'll still be standing there looking for more. (True in reality) Beggars [will always be] beggars. ( they won't do anything with that [money].)

79- People don´t give a poo for corpses - No one cares about that naked dead guy in the street.

80- All the high elves are %&$!heads.

81- Dark Brotherhood Speakers can go anywhere to find you, but only if you committed murder (How can you get here, Lucien?), of course.

82-

83-...but [guards] won't call you 'scum'.

84 - You can't sleep or wait (like Chuck Norris) until the enemy that saw you half a mile ago is obliterated.

85- 30% of all people in Cyrodiil hate you without reason.

86- Gold coins, once acquired, are both formless and weightless. This makes them easy to carry but impossible to drop.

87-Striking an Amazon in the back of the head with a claymore and a full power stroke will annoy her but do very little damage. After she's annoyed, running away may not save you.

88-Argonians and Khajiit have human feet, allowing them to wear boots. This is completely contrary to Bethesda's own lore. Argonians and similar races don't wear shoes, they wear human feet which have shoes attached. (look at the skintone.)

89. I heard someone say the saw goblins around here not long ago. Nasty creatures....

90: Even if you save their life more than once and they say at first you're allowed in their house anytime, they tell you to leave after a few seconds.

91: 92% of Oblivion players play as female mystic elves with body replacers/body replacer clothing and asian-themed styles from Ren's Hairstyles (I'm part of the 8% that has a male nord with no body replacement related mods and Rens Hairstyle 16 (without blindfold/mask/bandage) to make him look germanic)

92: Bandits, Marauders, and the family in Chorrol are the only owners of dogs

93: The average non-redguard human looks like an albino black person with lips extending 2 inches away from the face (not meant to be a racist comment)

94: The average human is stricken by puberty even after their teenage years

95: Females can have a full beard

96: Goldish-colored wood (ebony) is stronger than metal armor and weapons

97: Glass looks like plastic

98: Nords sound more like people from Michigan/Wisconsin than Scandinavian or German, male redguards sound like black New Yorkers, imperials dont sound like people in the modern Mediterranean, orcs sound like nords

99: Prisons are empty

100: Guards will kill any law-breaking NPC on sight, even if they just walk in the wrong place or steal a worthless item [result of #99].

[xenxander]

101: 5 Gold is apparently a large fine, as it is some people's yearly income. That same person owns a house that would cost the player about 10,000 gold.

102- Most counts/countesses care only about themselves.

103. Horse can run into walls at full speed and don't even flinch

104. You can play for hours and not accomplish anything

105: It only takes one hour of simple waiting to completely heal any wounds you have, and restore your magicka.

106: A Wood Elf can lift a horse, and even Ogres.

107: Why can't Liches "float" over rocks and walls? Aren't they supposed to be levitating?

108- You can fall from [a great] distance; a BIG fall will hurt you... or make you jump higher next time [see also #50]

109- There are more vampires than bears... WTF???

110- there are no horses in the Shivering Isles (I think)

111- Sheogorath is the one of the most entertaining NPCs.

112- Sheogorath doesn't like dogs. However, he LOVES setting them on fire and dropping them from the sky.

113- A city on fire will keep on burning... forever… in the rain. No mater how hard you try, you cant burn down buildings (Unless you have mods)

114- The count of Skingrad is said to be a powerful mage/vampire, but when he fights, he either uses hand-to-hand or he runs.

115- At least one wood elf will always default on simple fighter's guild tasks.

116- A future hero of Cyrodiil always starts off as a 'bad guy' who's in jail. (Unless you have mods)

117- The Elder Council would rather send most of their legion forces to other parts of Tamriel in the Oblivion crisis, rather than keep them here to defend the heart of Tamriel.

118 –

119- The grass is always greener in Paradise.

120- Ayleid weapons, that are strong enough to penetrate armor and almost beat me to death, crumble if I just touch them while they're on the ground.

121- You can run into an inn, jump up on a table with your underwear on and kick food around without anyone telling you anything. If you try to just pick up and move aside what's not yours, a guard comes running.

122- People in Cyrodiil care about what's happening in other parts of Tamriel, rather than what's going on in their own back yard.

123–

124- You (Level 1) + starting a fight with Umbra = Suicide. Dont attempt to fight Umbra if your low level (Umbra is level 50)

125- M'Aig is the second of the most entertaining NPCs.

126- Skooma is awesome. [see #12]

127-

128- Horses are obsolete... and tasty. [A use for them - #402]

129- All crabs are evil. [see #56]

130- Test Warehouse is where you can get (almost) everything for free. (Huh?)

131: Guards will keep asking you to surrender, even if you resist arrest regardless of your current bounty. They won't say 'You earned a death warrant' like they say in Morrowind. [see also #35]

132: You always start off as a prisoner in the Elder Scrolls series. Wouldn't you rather start off with a new beginning? (Except for Daggerfall, and the others? Wow, there's something!)

133: The Arcane University has spellmaking and enchanting, and yet still won't let you make new spells or items unless you're a member.

134: Yay! Horses to ride! [see #128]

135: Troubles going on all around Tamriel. Like the Nords trying to destroy the Redoran.

132: Playing basketball with a head of lettuce can entertain one for days.

134:

135- The Fork of Horripilation has made itself to Shivering isles

136- Owning houses is a nice feature

137- Alot of the quests in cyrodil are really fun and entertaining

138- Scamps are annoying... oh, man, so annoying..

139- If your Sitting on a chair in a bar and you press *activate* to get up... dont have your crosshair pointed at a plate.

140. Spell making and enchanting can be done at alters now, but still they somehow take you money [see also #133]

141: You cant write letters in TES. You cant write [anything] on paper

142: You can jump 2 meters high [ See also #108]

143:

145: Somehow almost everything you hit with a blade sounds like metal

146- People don’t cook the meat. [see #51]

147- There are only human guards.

148: Writing in a diary is a death warrant. Either you're a villain who stupidly wrote his one weakness there, or another fellow who, through the ink, curses himself to be slain (slowly, so he can keep writing) during his next endeavor.

149- A dark elf in Aleswell has smurf´s skin color.

150: The most powerful npc in the game (Umbra OFC), trembles before the might of a magical wooden stick bought for 5k gold from a shop...

151. The Arcane University has fewer known spell effects than a backwater place like Morrowind [due to #168]

152. There is nothing important in the water, or on any of the small islands, contrary to what you might expect.

153. The road northwest of Chorrol leads to nowhere.

154. You can pull a body containing 25 sets of armor fairly easily, but cannot move an inch when you decide to pick up a fraction of that [see also #106]

155. Posing naked corpses is a fun and rather disturbing practice, when you think about it.

156. Bones, plates, and most other stuff is worthless, but people will still defend them with their life.

157. People use only church to gossip about others. Priests even join in.

158. Although several holidays are represented in speech, nobody changes their activities, and you probably never noticed. [see also #275]

159. You always walk around with more weapons and items than you'll ever really use.

160. You're always looking for something else to pick up, even when you know you'll never use it.

161. You'll always open that chest looking for stuff to pick up, even though you're low level and very few chests contain anything of value. [due to #160]

162. You'll always run back down to the bottom of a tower to loot that demora [or any other slain villain] that fell over the side [Reason: #160]

163. Everyone gets fried from that column of fire inside the towers at least once.

164. The compass which points to quest targets only seems silly to people without psychic powers in reality.

165. Maybe guards won't care about what you're doing by the crates or barrels on the streets, but they will care about what you're doing in someone else's house [see #7]

166: You can carry every single item in Cyrodiil.

167: Every single person in Cyrodiil likes to say the same thing over and over again (I fought Mudcrabs more fiercesome than you! etc etc)

168: Levitation spells only work in Morrowind.

169- You’re the only person who can buy armor for his horses.

170- Lava doesn't instantly kill you if you fall into it.

171- Also, you can swim in [Lava]...apparently it's about as dense as water.

172- [beggars] can change their voices whenever they want, [especially] when you ask them any rumors!

173-There is nothing stronger than the Imperial Legion.

174: Imperial soldiers have different armor in Cyrodiil than they have in Morrowind.

175: Mortals can challenge Gods.

176: It doesn't matter how tough you look or which armor you're wearing, all that matters is the stat, so even a Rat can take out a Minotaur.

177. Walls are paper thin, but can withstand everything that you can throw at them.

178. The insides of a building are usually larger than the outside.

179. There are dozens of mines, but no miners (ogres don't count).

180. Sheep like apples.

181. Bandits will try to kill your horse before giving you a second thought. When you have a high personality enemies will have a charming smile while trying to slice your throat. At high levels [with a conjunction of personality as well], bandits will attack and kill your horse, and then greet you as if nothing just happened.

182. You cannot hit yourself with your own arrows by shooting them into the sky. You can however hit other people.

183. You cannot sail anywhere from the IC docks... unless your boat can fly.

184. There are no birds, but plenty of feathers.

185. There are no mirrors [Exception: #463]

186.

187. It rains so hard in Cyrodiil that it goes right through the buildings and roofs.

188. Some people want rats in their basement.

189. The Yellow Arena Team won’t let you join.

190. No public transportation system in the Imperial City.

191-

192- When someone is determined to find you, they can find you in any house, in any city. [The guards help them – see #7]

193-

194- Paralyzing people is fun

195- All forts are in ruins. There are none that are fully functioning.

196- There are no sexy women without mods.

197- Savlian Matius spends the rest of his days in a ruined, burning castle… without his armor [see also #113]

198- Telekinesis serves almost no purpose, [except] moving paintbrushes around [see also #465]

199- Umbra + Azura's Star = Never-ending awesomeness

200- No one will ever age. But you will level up.

[xenxander]

201- There are a plethora of worthless spells on sale [Reason - #133]

202-

203- You kill someone or something in almost every quest.

204: Everyone in Oblivion is between the ages of 15 and 65 unless they are modified physically and/or given a different storyline (In the editor it shows age being a number between 15 and 65)

205: I found out that on Wikipedia it states that Nords are not only based off of Scandinavians and other Germanic people but Slavic people (mainly Russians) as well [see also #98]

206: Assassinating some one then dragging the body with you doesnt attract the guards at all.

207: Twattin a Khajiit down the stairs when invisible and in 3rd person

208: what ever amazing thing you do, like assassinations, stealing an elder scroll etc, everyone talks about you in the most benevolent way

209: In Tamriel, there are no toothbrushes.

210: In Tamriel, there are no showers. [see #53]

211:

206- Daedras are supossed to be the ultimate-badass-looking-uber-creatures-that-come-from-an-infernal-dimension. But they can be P0WN3D by a bunch of humans.

213-

214- Thank god you have a map in this game.. if you didn't you would be screwed

215-

216-

217- Getting near an oblivion gate looks awesome (sky changes color, it gets windy, its like going through hell and back)

218-

219- Pick locking is more of a challenge; A guard could be right around the corner and 2 seconds away from catching you, but you won’t be pressured because lock picking is always accomplished instantly, no matter the difficulty.

220- People in this topic are saying more negative things about oblivion than positive

221-

222- The Emperor has the weakest defense in the game. A noob with a cheap dagger killed him (and it wasn´t a sneak attack).

223: Apparently no one has any original ideas - People tend to copy the ideas before them on this list instead of thinking up new ones.

224: Powerful Wizards/Mages tend to create their own castles/dungeons, but you can't do the same when you're level 90+. Divyath Fyr was at level 60, if that's not high enough, then what is?

225: The windows are a LIE!

226: Sewers serve no purpose other than a lair for bandits/goblins/mudcrabs/etc. [see #31]

227: NO! You MUST be the savior of the world!

228: Racism is OK, and encouraged.

229: It's normal to ask people you don't know about necrophilia.

230: Music will always tell you when the s&*% is about to hit the fan.

231: Bow down to the mighty console! Console is the strongest weapon of them all. You can use the console kill cheat on mehrunes Dagon!

232: Ruined dungeons that are occupied by people who make a living doing whatever it takes to make a buck are always stocked up with loot.

233: The cheap shack is more useful than the huge mansion (you don't have to walk 32.8 miles to get to your loot chest)

234: The biggest city's ghetto is full of some of the nicest people in the game.

235: You can't instantly fast travel to a location [not previously visited, excpet cities], even though you know where it is.

236: You can fast travel across the country without ever being attacked on the way.

237: You forget how to fast travel when you're inside. (There's a mod to fix this, I suggest you find it)

238: If Bethesda were to create the borders for America, illegal immigration would stop, until they figured out how to mod.

238:

239: [sKIPPED!!!!]

240: Celebrities are royalty.

241- NPCs may still try to fight you with their bare hands even though they know that you're the Arena Grand Champion. [Reason - #2]

242- You can climb sheer cliff faces by moving from left to right while pressing on upwards with a fast enough horse.

243- You can DESCEND sheer cliff faces by simply walking.

244- Swift death comes to any bandit/marauder who tries to fight you.

245- The highwayman khajiit dude won't bother you for money if you're wearing prison clothes. (I think) [He still will if you're naked, however]

246- All highwaymen are khajiits (I THINK. Never seen one that wasn't)

247- You're practically invincible with the plethora of healing spells ad potions you have/can obtain. Your fatigue, wounds, and "energy" will be restored by magical potions.

248- The player is psychic; knowing almost all of the NPC's names beforehand. [He has to be – the guards are; see #7]

249. It can actually be interesting to follow around a single NPC for a week.

250. Glarthar has good reason to be paranoid. He knows about all the secretive societies - Kind of odd really…

251. The tome of unlife is surprisingly useless.

252. You only have trouble finding Nirnroots when you're actually looking for them.

253.

254. The definition of an invasion is aproximately 2 scamps and a flame atronach from each gate.

255. Frost Atronachs are surprisingly buoyant in lava.

256. Flame Atronachs die when they touch lava.

257. A large rock falling from 50 ft. above just bounces off you.

258. You can tell a door or chest is locked just by looking at it, and how good of a lock it is.

259. You can tell if something is owned by another person, its value, and weight just by looking at it.

260. There is nothing worse than a villain that talks too much. He's going to kill you, why bother to explain anything first?

261-There are PLENTY of useless objects. [see also #156]

262: You grow stronger after fighting/killing/looting a whole day by just resting one hour, and then you're fit for fight again.

263: You can literally RUN across whole Cyrodiil without rest.

264: You cannot kill a small rat with an axe if you're not skilled enough, yet you do the same animation regardless.

265: People go around in cities while it's raining. I would personally find some shelter.

266: People accept strangers to help them with all kinds of things, even personal ones.

267: Chests can hold an unlimited amount of weight.

268:

269: In modern terms, the population of Cyrodiil is small but in medieval European terms it's normal size.

270: There are no wedding rings or any signs that people are married except for people living under the same roof.

271: Valus Odiil, Uriel Septim, and the Fighter's Guild guildmaster are the only people I know of that have children

272: Most people disable grass in the options menu, so how can sheep/cattle survive in Cyrodiil? [Cattle need not – see #4]

273- Attacking a Daedric lord = Death, and the feeling [of] flying just before you die.

274- You can take an axe to the head and still live to kill your opponent. Now THAT'S determination. [see #87]

275- THERE IS NO CHRISTMAS :'(

276-Snow never melts.

277: How can bandits/marauders get weapons and armor while they have a bounty? As soon as you get near a town with a bounty, the Guards charge out. [Reason - #34]

278: How can Minotaurs get their weapons, while they have no forge in the forest (let alone a settlement)? [Answer - #291]

279. Tapestries can stop arrows.

280. NPC archers will never run out of arrows, and will always hit you if you don't move out of the way.

281. The old fisherman with a wooden leg doesn't actually have a wooden leg.

282.

283. You can't block a sword with your bare hands, but you still have hands after trying.

284. NPCs will stare at you for hours if neither you nor they move, and will continually try to strike up a conversation.

285. You can never get bored with killing the Arena Fan... Kinda says something about the gamer population really. Here's this guy willing to follow you to the ends of the earth, and all you can think to do with him is finding some way to push him off. And it isn't just you, it's pretty much everyone who's played the game.

286: If you are having trouble with a stealth quest, just save your game strait before you do each bit. No screw ups, no consequences.

287: Apparently the Septims and Mankar Camoran were related. Go figure. XD

288: Gems are worthless.

289: Peasants with just a few pennies to their name and representants of Tamriel's nobility are equally likely to go wandering from one end of Cyrodiil to another without an escort or a weapon of any sort.

290: All animals are savage, destructive, and suicidal.

291: Minotaurs get their axes from bandits. Bandits get them from adventurers. Adventures get them from ruins. The ruins never run out; thus a ceaseless supply of high-level weapons for everyone. My logic is immaculate. [Answer to #278]

292: You're the only person on Nirn capable of successfully entering a flaming gate, strolling to the top of the tallest tower and pulling out a coconut-sized stone without getting disemboweled.

293: The Black Horse Courier publishes the ramblings of a schooma-addicted prisoner, but not real important stuff like the result of an epic clash between Mehrunes Dagon and the avatar of Akatosh.

294: Apparently camps hastily constructed in the middle of a siege are quite convenient to stay and experience nostalgia in for the rest of your days after said siege has ended.

295: if you try to block an arrow with a sheild it'll go thougth and stab into ur arm but you can stop arrows if you block it with ur sword or if you go behind a tapastry like someone else said [#279] [However] an arrow will pass through 20 centimeters of other worldly amour, through bone and flesh, back through armor, all without killing you.

296: All of the powerful ayleid mages (like the king of miscarcand) become lichs even though the first lich was some guy born a cuple hundred years later.

297:

298: Brother Piner talks about Blade safehouses other than Wenyon Priory; but we never actually see any of them

299: When Sheogorath gives you the power to summon Haskill; that whole scene is just loose your breath, pee your pants, slap your leg, fall on the floor, crying, histarically funny. Literally

(I have a save game to just before that point so I can watch it whenever I want) HAHAHA

300: After poisoning Thadons meal with Greenmoot, everyone just assumes that you are chosen to be the new Duke of Mania

[xenxander]

301: No one in the cities does anything productive. Period. [Except shop keepers]

302: The Imperial Legion does not patrol its borders, or for that matter have any outposts as it were to protect its borders, or the wilderness [Reason - #195]

303: There is no trade between cities or towns; how is it that the populace manages to supply their cupboards with fresh food, when there are no nearby agricultural resources?

304: There are no weapon or armor smiths - creating weapons, not repairing them

305: There are no raw minerals to forge weapons with (other than DCL Mehrunes Dagger; iron ore mine)

306: There is no spontaneity in NPCs

307: When guildmaster everyone says "Master do you need me"; but there is no way to actually get them to help you

308: You never see any of the fighters guild members on a mission unless it is with you [Reason - #44]

309: The social elite ever pressing and busy always have time to chat with beggars. HA (why don't they just flip then the bird???)

310: If you get caught by Gromm in the Baenlin Murder, afterwords when you go to the pub, he doesn’t attack you for murdering his ""Baenlin, oh Baenlin".

311: Arcane University Scholars are always mean, even though you are an arch mage [ They are upset - #76 & #151]

312: The Orcs didn't come from anywhere. All of a sudden they appeared and had to start mooching land off the Bretonians

313: dead bodies are weightless [Not necessarily]

314. If you play for hours at a time, your son will make fun of you. [but one cannot stop - #11]

315. If your son plays for hours at a time, you know he's downloaded a nudity mod.

316. If the two of you don't stop playing and do some chores, your wife is going to beat you.

317.) the adoring Fan will survive a Fireball that does 100 frost and Lightning Damage for 10 seconds.

318.) The Adoring Fan Will Always say “Azura Azura Azura” until you throw him into Oblivion XD

319.) heavy armor is still slow!!

320.) In oblivion it always HOT! [Only in certain realms of Oblivion]

321: Employers can never, ever, get away with hiring adventurers under false pretenses.

322: It costs a peasant over two years' income to stay at a poor-quality inn for one night [see #101]

323: NPCs can eat the same apple for Hours.

324: All human men and women sound exactly the same.

325:

326: The population of Cyrodiil is tiny because the roads are too narrow for 2 trading carts to pass one another.

327: For no historical reason, Cyrodiil collapsed ages ago in to a ruinous medieval society with lax building standards and mundane architecture whilst a backwater like Morrowind still prospers at the height of an Imperial Empire.

328: Shooting 5 arrows through someone's head isn't enough to stop them talking to you and becoming your friend for life. [Likely reason -#87 & #274]

329: Nobody complains about the gaping holes in the landscape. No has heard of anyone falling through them.

330: Nobody complains about the islands that disappear when you get close to them.

331: No-one seems to gossip about the overly obvious nature of Skingrad's Count, not even in rival towns.

332: Oblivion gates seem to have popped up in the most arbitrary of places. Talk about a botched operation.

333: For all their ferocity, daedra dare not venture far beyond their Oblivion gates.

334: Any weak escaped level 1 prisoner can walk straight to Kvatch, pass the guards and take down the Oblivion gate that's been vexing them for eons. [Reason -#13, #33, & #39]

335: An agile player can ignore all Oblivion world barriers and skim across the lava straight to their desired destination.

336: Swimming through lava is healthier than fighting. You'll never be disfigured from it either [see #170 & #171]

337: There's no symbiotic relationship between you and the world; almost every wild animal will attack and fight to the death. No sense of self-preservation.

338: You can fix all weaponry and armor with a hammer. Presumably you repeatedly hit it so hard it heats up and melts.

339: Nobody gets physically damaged. They only die when their health count drops to 0.

340: In Tamriel there's always some megalomaniac trying to take over the world.

341: clippin in a door is such a pain in the arse

342. You can spend your lifetime without sleeping once.

343. None of the blacksmiths actually works. (Even in quite old games they were working and stopped as soon as you talk to them...)

344. All bandits do use light armor and blunt weapons. All marauders do use heavy armor and blade weapons. This means I play as a marauder.

345. There is a plenty of flora, but not a single fruit tree, but a lot of fruit is spread across Cyrodiil: apples, pears, oranges...

346. There are ingredients which come from nowhere: ironwood nut, Gingko leaf...

347. Even if you are Master Alchemist, you are not able to create a potion with immediate effect, only and always with effects over time.

348. Endurance does not play a part in determining how much weight you can carry. Only strength does.

349. Strength does not play a part in determining how good you are to draw a bow.

350. Nirnroot is similar to marijuana?!?

351. Bandit / marauders armors are much better than Jauffre’s. (in fact, he died during Bruma siege... I was very sorry for that when I came out)

352. The siege machine coming out of the Great Gate is similar to a centipede. What would the Daedra

like to do with that? And how is it that no matter how long (short) it take to you to

close the Great Gate, it will always blow up when you are outside of it ?

353. [NPC] Vampires do not feed; they behave the same as every other bandit / marauder.

354. Very few people travel among cities (I know there is a mod to fix that).

355. No one prays or put flowers at graves, except during a Daedric quest (Molag Bal, if I well remember)

356. In IC there is a ton of fly amanita along the streets, but still IC's alchemic vendors try to

sell their caps! Hey, I'm not THAT stupid!

357. Potions and poisons you create, even when they are much better than the ones in store, have much less base value.

358. A silver dagger weights 5 and is 40 gold worth, while an urn weights 2 and is 5 gold worth. I am running home and melting all of my silverware into daggers and swords!

359. Glass is used to make only armors. Not a single drinking glass / bottle / window in all Cyrodiil. [‘Glass’ is actually a hardened volcanic stone but not as strong as Ebony. It’s only called ‘glass’ due to its appearance]

360. It is good to put a candle upon wood furniture, so I don't understand why my wife gets angry with me when I try to do that.

361.

362.

363. I cannot wear more than two rings at a time, even if I have ten fingers.

364. Musical instruments do not exist in Cyrodiil, but bards do, even if I have never seen one of

them. What they are supposed to play; Piano, trumpet, harp, electrical guitar, drums, lids?

365. Earrings do not exist in Cyrodiil.

366. I cannot put up two different gloves, or boots. I want the pleasure to wear one black and one blue sock!

367. Boars are much rarer than minotaurs.

367: There is an Easter egg that combines virtually all creatures - dreugh / xiviali / ogre etc. VERY hard to find and I can’t remember where.

368: Just about everyone knows about Count Hassildor's secret nature, [yet] they behave as if it's a big secret (Including the "Filthy Creatures" comment made by just about anyone you ask about Vampires). [it’s] an elaborate sort of inside-joke.

369:

370:

371. When you're deep in a ruin surrounded by vampires, you never hear your son yell "mom's coming turn it off, turn it off!"

372. After playing Oblivion long enough, you pick up habits, i.e., when the wife is mad at us, my son and I compliment her profusely and tell her jokes, but we always end up just giving her large sums of money.

373: Shopkeepers will not refuse service to Dremora, but Boethiah does not want them in his tournament.

374: The Daedric Siege Engine is mightier than the Console. [Referencing #231]

375: The Duke/Duchess of Mania/Dementia is not allowed to visit the headquarters of his personal guards unless he plans to betray them.

376 : Lex gets to be captain of the guard in Leyawiin after doing the thieves guild quest.

377 : Persuasion is different

378: The finest deal for a sneaky beginner character as far as weapons go- break into the big centre room in the Imperial City Palace & snatch the emperor's staff

379: The good-for-nothing beggars are in fact a hungry vampire's best bet at night.

380: As much as the guards disapprove of you getting on somebody else's horse, they don't seem to mind you riding it

381: Sadly being a sneaky char doesn't do much good in the arena.

382: Looking at an Orc's face, it's hard to tell if an they are glad to see you or not.

383. You can become so powerful that mountain lions, bears, bandits and eventually even humanoid Deadra will not attack you on sight.

384. Despite that, rats and mudcrabs will always charge to their death as if you just stepped out of prison.

385.

386. Casting an area-of-effect lightning bolt inside a crowded guard barracks is a lot of fun.

387: The window that lets light into your cell at the beginning of the game does not actually exist in the Imperial City's Prison's Wall, as opposed to what the intro movie would have you believe. [see #225]

388: It's even more fun casting an Area-of-Effect frenzy spell at the barracks ceiling.

389: No matter how you beat on a guard, they still won't attack until they've tried to make you pay the fine. [see #23]

390 - Although you're Madgod now, the Royal Guard in Private Garden(House of Dementia) can be hostile to you.(if you were not Duke/Duchess of Dementia...)

391 - The Sigil Stone in Test Area can give you hundreds of fame(and all kind of Sigil Stones of your level..), but only without Frostcrag. (it seems so)

392. Your house in Anvil has a basement set several feet below sea level, opens up to an exposed cave behind, yet manages to stay dry, and has been able to remain dry for a very long time.

393. You can be anyone you want to be, except an anonymous adventurer.

394. Even after [becoming Arch Mage], your subordinates still won't recognize you as anything but the new guy. Perhaps rightly so [see #13 & 39]

395. The Blades are utterly and completely incompetent. They rely on a recently-escaped prisoner to deliver everything they need to defeat Mankar Camoran and Mehrunes Dagon... including most of the kills [see #44]

396. We don't care that you were in prison yesterday, and were never pardoned or released. You look trustworthy.

397. It is easier to get kicked out of a guild than it is to join it [same with any society actually], [but] don't get kicked out of the Dark Brotherhood unless you sleep with a weapon under your pillow.

398. Nobody in all of Tamriel can sing worth a damn.

399. Mehrunes Dagon, towering daedric lord of destruction, can't keep two frail little mortals from getting inside a temple... even though he and a bunch of his goons are standing in front of the door. [see #334]

400. Removing the artifact of power from the highest keep will cause all hell to fly off its hinges and collapse. Killing the evil overlord will most often have the same effect.

[xenxander]

401. You can run a round in your underwear in the high snowy mountains and not get frostbite- but enter that one magical grove while decked out in your warmest furs, and you're dead from the cold in seconds.

402. Horses can swim, but they can't fight. [but not swim very swiftly, I must add]. They do, however, make great decoys. And their corpses are the next best thing to deployable storage chests.

403. Septims don't grow on trees... but they do, apparently, grow in ruins that are older than the civilization that mints them.

404. It doesn't matter how stealthy you are, you can't sneak attack with a two-handed weapon. Bummer, that.

405. You can pack in six sets of armor and ten assorted swords and bows, but pick up that fork on the table and you can't lift a foot.

406. Fireballs are fun, but they'd be more fun if the physics allowed for corpse-gibbing.

407. The most annoying single named NPC in the entirety of the game is inevitably the only one capable of respawning if killed.

408. Yes, I saw you walk into that room. Yes, the tenant of that room died while you were in there. No, no-one else has entered or left that room today. Yes, there is blood on your sword. Yes, I am comfortable turning my back on you... after all, the victim didn't see you do it. That would be another matter entirely. [#7 doesn’t always apply –grins-]

409. Hello, Mr. Minotaur. *poof* you're a wolf! *poof* you're a rat! *poof* you're a mudcrab! Wabbajack is The. Best. Weapon. Ever.

410 - Even though you become the Madgod, it's only in SI. No one in Tamriel would know.

411. Imperial Legion Soldiers love apples.

412. Imperial Legion Soldiers love poison apples.

413. Imperial Legion Soldiers love to be permanently poisoned with the apples.

414. Poisoning Imperial Legion Soldiers and taking their armor is a great way to outfit your home/castle/tower/hovel with a whole battalion of Mannequin Statues.

415 –

416. A terrifying personification of the void and emptiness of death is watching you every second of your life. Yes, even right now.

417. Horrific murders notwithstanding, members of a guild of assassins are really quite friendly, except for Khajit. [but] Orc Assassins are cuddly.

418. Goblins love alcohol.

419. Goblins will do the oddest things: About to enter an Oblivion Gate, my roomie stopped to Quicksave. Right then, a horse rode by. Shortly after, a goblin followed. It stopped, turned to look at him, went "Raaaak" as if to go "What?!?", and resumed chasing the horse. [They take their cues from bandits – see # 181]

420. Ontus Vanin doesn't like Archmages.

421. Your player appears to be a mute who can say only these words: rumors, imperial city, no, yes and resist arrest

422.

423.

424.

425. Imps fall and die if they go over dive rock even though they have wings... same with all other flying creatures.

413. If peoples’ souls are in another plane their bodies are immortal

426.killing a guard then taking his armor, wearing it then walking past a guard, seems completely inconspicuous

427. If you sneak you can’t place an item in a container until you stand up

428: [sKIPPED!!!]

429. Always read the last post carefully

430. Despite the player being arrested, if you report glarthir he seems to be killed rather than be arrested. Maybe he does know something and guards are trying to hush him up [see #389]

431. Altmer females remind me of high-strung high-school "popular" chicks that usually get abused by their jock boyfriends.

432. Bosmer females (at least the PC) are significantly taller than their male counterparts.

433. Dunmer females make me feel the need to hug my wife out of guilt.

434. Spell Check says Altmer, Bosmer and Dunmer are not real words.

435. There's a family - one of [the] family members is Breton, while the rests are all Imperial.

436. Have you seen City Swimmer?

437. The world is for the taking

438. It’s good to be bad

439.

440. Bethesda left oblivion half assed on many occasions and it seems modders should be paid part of the profits

441. Defeating umbra was much more fun in morrowind

442.

443. Bethesda teased about what was to come in the oblivion preview [but it wasn’t to be]: you can not drop meat by a fire and have it cooked, and the world does not constantly erode.

444.

445. Any npc with that is not related to some quest or topic doesn't have much to say to you.

446. The succession planning for the Empire of Tamriel sucks. For the 1000 or so years the Septims have been ruling Tamriel, nobody took into account the possibility of the emperor dying before having children.

447. Despite worshipping at the Shrine of Lord Sheogorath 24/7. The worshippers don't seem to care when the actual Madgod pays a visit. [see also #390 & #410]

448. Mythic Dawn Sleeper Agents may blow their cover (just by summoning armor) when anther hostile NPC is near (or maybe you attack them), even before you find the Dagon Shrine. (I summoned some bandit in Bravil via console out of boredom. Then it happend) And City Guards will never care unless they attack guards, or you.

449. The agents in the Waterfront and Anvil docks go out of their way to find you just so they can walk up and tell you "I have nothing to say to you" then turn around and go back to where they came from. Or at least I think they are going back where they came from. It really annoys me so I always plant an arrow in the back of their head.

450. The exact same Fighter's Guild Porter is in EVERY Guild at once.

451: If the emperor is under attack by assassins and there are enemies behind, the one ordered to remain with the emperor and guard him is the half-trusted former prisoner [see #396]

452. You can see Morrowind, but not a thing is there.

453. You can see Hammerfell too, but still nothing.

454. You can swim forever...and I mean forever and not see crap.

455. Flinging things from high places while yelling "THIS IS SPARTA" is always fun.

456. Item duping in some locations...is freaking hilarious.

457. Summoning a hoard of bandits to a barracks= WIN [see also #386, #(411 – 414)]

[because people cannot count, a few are labeled “alpha”, below]

457alpha1: The Dark Brotherhood, one of the most ruthless guilds in Cyrodiil, has a pet rat called Schema, who is quite useful for stealth practice, and, in my opinion, cuter than the other rats.

457alpha2. OH MY GOD. I have to mention this. I just wandered into Cheydinhal, to go to the sanctuary, and who should assault me with his voice but Aldos Othran. If you haven't yet heard him, go, be shocked, listen to him sing horribly about cliffracers flying in the sky, then cut both your ears off. THIS SIMPLY CANNOT BE MISSED.

457alpha2: Before taking on a high-risk, high-importance mission, Blades drink a highly unstable potion. While significantly improving their combat ability, they risk instant death if their stress levels get too high. This practice is abolished after Emperor Uriel Septim's death. Or, at least, nothing has (forseeably) had the importance to merit drinking one.

459. Imagine if Goblins attack the Rat Lady's house, they will enjoy lots of tasty rat stakes.

460. You have a metal detector, even better, molecular detector. Duck, approach the person you want to detect, press e, and you can view his inventory.

461. There are Supermen in the game, in the form of bandits and guards. They wear nothing at first and put their armor in a blink of an eye.

462. Some people worship Daedra for magic, some people worship Gods and Goddesses for miracles. You worship console.... for fun [see #231]

463: The only mirror is water..... of course, in third person view [in response to #185]

464: There are children... only you found them dead (this is the fact that the only children skeletons are located in Night Mother's crypt).

465: Telekinesis is useful. Not in the form of spell, but in the form of systematically written axis and numbers in console. [see #198]

466: People buy spells. They don't learn.

467: You have spells, you scribe them, and you memorize them, but only applicable in Oblivion using the help of console. And the best spell you have is three consonant letters. [see #231]

468: [sKIPPED!!!]

469. Although this is said to happen to rocks, amongst other things....you can drop fruits and melons but they just fall without splattering.[see #68]

470. Wolves that are normally skittish around people will charge you. [see also #48]

471. Taking skins and meat from animals does not change the animals in appearance.

472. There are no garbage dumps in Cyradiil (sick). Keep in mind that the mages guild could be responsible for the missing garbage, and not all of it would fit in the sewers. Yes, Bravil is supposed to be the armpit of the empire, but only through a mod is it so.

473. You can walk on dirt roads, through a swamp, in a sewer (presumably through sewage), in many a cave, in dark dusty dungeons/ruins, but you never get dirty.

474. No one seems to care that you desecrate the aeylid ruins. Strange since they're everyone’s (?) direct ancestor. [And since grave robbing is illegal]

475. A woman says that she cleared out a set of caves, but that it's been about 30 years since she cleaned it out and maybe with newer residents it has filled with loot again. It's just odd that people with nothing to do just flat give up and continue to do nothing.

476. No one seems to really care about the invasion situation, there are no local militias, but then, as some have pointed out here, what invasion? [see #254, #302, #332]

477. Dwellers of a place where constant extreme heat and fire exist would have no immunity to cold.

Even the least cold spell could kill the [worst] of the bad.

478. In Anvil the starving(?) mtn. lions can teleport from outside a guarded gate to just behind a certain persons house and then teleport into that persons basement. Even though a thoughtful person supplies said lions with venison, why would the then full lions go after rats?

479. Though it's not normal, sometimes MOD conflicts and bugs make NPCs naked when they come out of Oblivion Gates/Dungeons.(when it occurs, check their inventory, you can see their armors are broken)

480.

481. Despite having a weapon and magic, magic users (Necromancers, wizards, Zealots.....) will always run away from you, even if they are stronger than you

482. Xivilai has no '%&$!'. (Or you can say, 'Xivilai's body is anatomically incorrect')

483. In [Cyrodiil], there are no roses (wild or cultivated).

494.

485. The Scamp from Morrowind is alive and well, there is a shape-shifter who suggested he was once a scamp who dealt with Orcs.

486. There are no, and never have been, any tides on Cyrodiil, so how did the beaches get what appear to be tide marks? Natural waterways and other landscape features such as shorelines don't change with time as they do in real wilderness like Africa where watereways change seasonally. A limit of technology, money, and patience of course, but an observation nonetheless (perhaps a limit there too).

487. The cities look terrible when viewed from outside, apparently the LOD doesn't work so fine for them, no matter how well it renders fields and mountains. Try Open Cities.

488. If you have seen one rock, you have seen them all. Apart from Oblivion, there are no different types of rock. Apparently Cyrodiil has no variation, no granite, marble, just gray, wavy and smooth rocks.

489. The wilderness is very empty, you can go for ages without spotting a single wolf or bandit. In fact, contrary to the Imperial notices, you are more likely to be assaulted while traveling upon the roads.

490. On that point, there seem to be a lot of caves very near to the roads, is this just an astounding chance, or was the landscape planned by some all seeing god, who knew where the Imperial's would build their roads.

491- The figthers guild porter wont even let you sleep without watching

492- The adoring fan can rise from the death [see #407]

493- You can carry 5 full sets of armor , but u cant carry a Body of a dead person [see also #405]

494- Traders never run out of money

495- There is a "faction" Mytchic Dawn (forgot how it writes)

496- King of Worms [mostly] uses a dagger, not spells

497- There are no fights in the bars and taverns

498- No matter how great your wound is, it stops bleeding after a few seconds

499- If your weapon breaks, its not broken if you drop it in the ground

500-

[xenxander]

501. The retired guard you meet in a DB quest sleeps in the same bed as another man, maybe Bethesda is giving us a message of gay tolerance.

502. The Emperor may well have had the least lines of dialogue in the entire game, but he has been recognised, rightfully, as one of the best voice actors in the game. I still believe that Lucien Lachance is the best though, no matter how fired up the opening of the game got me.

503-Glass is green

504-

505-No matter how bad the weather is you don't have to worry about Tornados - There are no natural disasters.

506-Kill everything, take a three day nap then do it again

507-No matter how many gates you have closed, people saved, quests done, you never get that nifty "player is unconsious" messged when YOU die.

508-There are no kiwi's in oblivion

509-No cats are in oblivion

510-

511. Gods can be killed by other gods

512.

513.

514. There are some people who will adore you. Always. [see #407 & 492]

515.

516. Weather is completely random, with nothing that causes it at all. No evaporation whatsoever.

517. There is no such thing as sickness, or "dieing of old age"

518.

519.

520. A minute goes by in a second.

521. Outside of Cyrodiil is pure black. Don't fall in!

522 -

523: [sKIPPED!!!]

524: The Nine will only begrudge you your crimes if you peacefully accept punishment for them.

525: Means That You Did Something Wrong, You deserve Your Punishment.

526:

527. Every store in Cyrodiil manages to stay open despite the fact that you are the only person to ever buy anything from them and get twenty times as much gold from them by selling your loot.

528: Slavery is frowned upon, but using souls as fuel is peachy. Trapping souls for magic is good. Using human/argonian/khahjiit/orc/elven souls is bad. Conjuring those souls to do your bidding and die for you again is good.

529 - You can become the arch mage of the mages guild even though there are a ton of people who joined long before you.

530 - A club that requires you to perform menial tasks for every club location around the country still has members somehow.

531 - if you die, you can go back in time to stop yourself from dying. (yes, i know you're already dead. you can still do it though)

532: Reading books in a Cyrodillian Bookstore is illegal [No, just picking them up].

533 - Your conscience talks to you from the third person perspective. "You can’t do that now" OMG WHAT?!?!

534. Regulus Terentius owns your Bravil house front door. (Without unofficial patch)

535 - The safest way to smuggle a ruler out of the city is to use a tunnel from the prison that comes out just a few dozen yards from said prison.

536 - Merchants will pay handsomely for armor from the Imperial Legion, and not even question how you came to have it.

537 - All nobles shop like they are Sheogorath impersonators, and store their new property as such. Want to find yourself a scythe? Go look in the city castles.

538 - The guys with the canes always have the best toys.

539 - No matter how many crimes you commit, no one ever puts up YOUR wanted poster.

540 - There is nothing at all wrong with dressing like the losers. After all the Blades all wear and use Akaviri armaments, even though the Akavir were at war with Tamriel in the past.

541 - Despite the dwemer/dwarves disappearing a long time ago, they are apparently still very active craftsmen selling at reasonable prices. How else are all these blasted bandits getting that dwarven armor?

542 - Pick up an hourglass to turn it over and you get charged for stealing. Yank a potted plant out right in front of the owner and she won't even bat an eye.

543 - Stealing from the a grave or tomb is a crime, but looting a corpse right in front of a guard after killing the person in the same spot is perfectly fine.

544 - Apparently something in the bottling process makes blood useless to vampires.

545 - Apparently the Morrowind border is equipped with one of those invisible dog fences, set to lycanthrope. How else do you explain the prevalence of vampires but total absence of werewolves?

546 - A pirate can rack up a 40,000 gold bounty in just a few short years faster than the Grey Fox can accrue his 500 gold bounty.

547 - No one ever thinks about this total stranger asking about their friend a day before their friend turns up dead.

548 - Unicorns, unlike their mythical reputation, apparently don't care if you are a pure virginal maiden, just as long as you aren't holding a weapon.

549 - Said white mutant horses also apparently have no problem bunking down with minotaurs who ARE carrying weapons.

550 - Only one person in all of Tamriel reacts in the slightest to a disembodied head being tossed around in front of them [see #79]

551 -

552 - Bruma is a horrible place to live. Between the 'vampire hunters' the various murders, the oblivion gate, and the weather, its surprising people stay there.

553 - you can take a 50 pound weapon from someone when their back is turned without being noticed, but can't even put a 1/10 pound item in their pocket.

554 - Dead crabs float, and apparently the live ones can swim rather well despite any such capability in their real world counterparts.

555 - Despite the commonality of Rodents of Unusual Size, there is a distinct lack of lightning sand or fire traps.

556 - Apparently gods and Daedra are not enough things to worship and people still look for deities in the H.P. Lovecraft collections.

557 - Fighters Guild is actually code for Pest Control. Regardless of region, and according to a few NPCs, newbies are always sent to deal with problems involving rats.

558 - People love to wear jewelry and new clothes, even if they have no idea where they got those particular items since they were asleep at the time. They also love them so much they refuse to remove them if they start experiencing pain while wearing them.

559 - There is no clean criminal record requirement to join the imperial legion. Go just south of the Ayleid ruins west of Bruma and you can usually witness two imperial foresters killing each other.

560 - Despite any living family to take care of such formalities, 4 corpses will still be hauled from all over the land up to some remote farm in the mountains for burial.

561 - Claudius Arcadia prays to the Dark Mother ONCE and gets a life sentence in prison and his home confiscated. You commit the actual murder and you get 10 days in jail if by some miracle you are caught. [see #23]

562 - you CAN kill umbra at level 1, but in the process get umbra to kill a bunch of guards and even a captain and take all their weapons armor and her weapon and armor and no one stops to ask why there are a bunch of naked people in the street.

563 - You cannot under any circumstances take a guard captains armor, no matter how shiny and annoying it may be

564 - Guards seem totally unaware that they are doing their shifts wearing only their normal clothes because some mischievous thief stole their armor off them while they were sleeping.

565-

566- Though greeted with some initial curiosity, the wheel was not thought to be a practical invention by Cyrodiilians.

567 - Never get knocked off your horse and fall off a mountain.

568 - Never drive by a bandit on a horse, get knocked off, try to run away then get shot off and kill the bandit. Your game will glitch and it appears you're still laying on the ground even though you aren't and when you ride your horse, it looks as if nobody is on it and your body is laying back next to the dead bandit.

569-

570-

571-

572- you can never have enough MODs installed

573- Once you mod, you can't stop

574- you can spend as much time fiddling with mod installation/ troubleshooting and find out why you stop CTD as you would actually playing the game

575- Eye candy modded Oblivion is like a beautiful woman with a bad attitude; it crash, startups slow, pisses you off but it's so beautiful you keep coming back for more.

576- After a 15 hour straight play of Oblivion and only eating and pooping, when you go to sleep you have dreams about the game. [see #11]

578-

579-

580: Horses somehow seem to be able to get Potion bottles open. They can even drink the Potions...

581: Black Horse Couriers don’t have an actual Route. They just ride back and forth. Apparently it’s good enough to get the News to the people.

582: Every single Fire magic looks the same. Every single Frost magic looks the same...

583: Nobody cares about the Cadlew Chapel.

584: When roderrick dies, his Followers won’t notice it. Even after Months...

585: Gromm never bothers to check if the Fastenings of the stuffed Minotaur Head have been tampered with.

586: There is exactly one Person in Cyrodiil who composes Music. [see #364]

587: The Inhabitants of the "Many Sanctuaries in Cyrodiil” don’t care about the slaughtering of the Black Hand Members.

588: Khajiits wont purr if they like you. Sad.

589: Lucien Lachance has a Chameleon Spell that wont wear off. Ever. [see also #81 & #192]

590: Imperial Soldiers somehow lose their Bow when they get on a Horseback.

591: Cheese wheels always have a wedge missing.

592: For some Reason, at least two Oblivion Gates and a great Gate near Kvatch vanished.

593: Kvatch sounds like "Quatsch", a German Word for "Nonsense"

594:"Kvatch is finished, theres nothing left." Oh No!

595: Elves have more than one variety of "Annoying", [however] Adoring Fans make good meat shields. [see #59, #318, #407, #492, & #514]

596:

597: The Emperor dies, probably because his Armor is made out of scrap metal.

598: There’s no such Thing as "Faith". Gods are there. You can get healed, cured, buffed on their Altars and some Gods even talk to you and give you Quests...

599: Sinderion is apparently not much of an Explorer. And never was. And never knew anybody who gets out anytime. There are Nirnroots, some of them in Cities, in the Houses of People in Planting Pots... Nirnroots are, despite being nearly extinct, not very valuable. Sinderion apparently hates Nirnroots, as he pays you to tear them out of the Ground wherever you may find them.

600: There is only one Ship in all of Cyrodiil that will actually go somewhere. And your Character sleeps while it’s going, so you miss the actual Voyage

[xenxander]

601: Adamus Phillada's Finger is the most beautiful Thing in the World. Otherwise, i wouldn’t keep a rotting Finger of dead Man in my Desk for all Eternity...

602: All the Daedric Princess who have Quests for you which are to be carried out on another Realm, send you to some Mehrunes Dagon Theme Park Realm...

603: There are no Dremora Women. I understand how they got a little "disturbed"... There are no Bars in the Oblivion Realms. No Books, except those on or in corpses. There are no Games, no Plays, absolutely no Distraction. No Recreation... What do Dremora in their "Free time?" "The Same [thing] we do every Evening: Trying to take over Tamriel!" Narf! There's Apocrypha, although its organization would drive Melvil Dewey insane. And I'm sure that Sanguine's ten times ten thousand realms include at least a few hundred which have booze, and possibly mudcrabs, available. There is, or was, the Ritual of the Innocent Quarry. Not all involved consider it entertaining, though. Ask Anhaedra about that one.

604:

605: Audens Avindus can find you no matter what you do. Even if you are in a cave known only to your pirates and yourself, a secret cave that no one knows about but you and a lost vampire ancestor, or even if you are in a oblivion realm. That creepy stalker will always find you. (im talking about the end of the corrupt watchmen quest for the reference)

606: Collecting bear pelts and minotaur horns somehow helps vilena donton.

607: Holy Crusader armor that people spend looking for, for hundreds of years has pretty crappy enchants and gives less protection than ordinary glass armor you can find off of bandits and highwaymen.

608: If you take on and off the gray fox mask around people...they still won't know the true identity of the gray fox.

609: Arena fans don't mind being pick pocketed.

610:

611: If you have a mini army of followers behind you (DB murderers, atronarches, adoring fan, etc) then they will never talk to each other or question why they are all following you.

612: If an ally hits you 3 times with arrows you aren't allowed to attack him without bounty. But if you do the same thing then they can attack you without penalty.

613: Aleid ruins are all made out of the same stones. [Reason: #488]

614: horses named shadowmere can't die.

615:

616: You have killed Martin. All hope is lost.

617: Oblivion gates permanently set villages on fire. [No they don’t. Things just can’t burn up. See #113 & #197]

618: "The Lusty Argonian Maid" is the best book ever.

619: Statues talk.

620:

621: Fleeing people can't talk except the elven guy in Kvatch.

622: NPCs look like sumo wrestlers when they are sneaking.

623: Even if you successfully completed the Defence Of Bruma quest, there are about 20 soldiers to defend a whole empire. That's why every guy tries to take control of Cyrodiil.

624: If some NPC isn't eager to talk to you, he's probably going to be killed in some quest.

625: House of earthly delights is apparently illegal in Cyrodiil

626: What happened to all those slutty looking women from way back when I played arena (yes I meant TES 1[it was TES 1 right?], not the arena in oblivion XD I heart old school gaming)?o.O I guess prostitution is now illegal

628: Despite claims to the contrary, Nirnroot is always easier to see than hear.

629: The shop clerk doesn't ask for id or judge you when buying large inventories of mead. In fact, she likes you a little more every time you do it.

630: No amount of magic makes up for a small penis.

 

Edit:

Once again, the REAL number to append is 570, NOT 631. But reading the ones that are near the end, I felt the crying urge to remove a few, for they are not the 'same' but they are so much like others even without a specific reference appending them...

[MalachiDelacot]

Oblivion has taught me that there are plenty of guys that can't spell worth a snot, can make a mod to have CGA women nakeder and bigger boobed than anybody else has done.

[Boriske]

LOL , You guys are so funny :P

 

NR 630 is So funny ;D ;D ;D