2012: How the world will really end

[Syco21]

We all know about the whack job doomsday theorists that peg the end of the world on, or beginning on, December 21st. What we don't know is how right they are.

 

You see, something else happens this year. It's the presidential elections. What no one yet realizes is that they will be pushed back to December 21st. On that day, either myself or Obama shall be elected. If either party is elected, it will without doubt mean the beginning of the end for the world.

 

For you see, once I am elected president. I shall immediately proceed to build up our armed forces. Once I am feel are good and ready, I wont waste time declaring war on Australia. Because damned those Aussies! Besides, I'm fairly confident they'll just surrender. I'll promise them a carrot and some beer. And Aussies love their beer. Also, I'll let them duke it out with New Zealand, so they can have their beer day. We all know the Australians day dream constantly about the day they get to declare war on New Zealand.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=773aoMo7hPE

 

At this point I feel I should apologize to a few people. Haz, other Haz, the millions of Matthews I know that live in Australia because Australians love the name Matthew or something; I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I am going to point big scary guns and bombs and missiles and a giant robot bald eagle that shoots lasers out of it's beak. I'd rather not do it, but I am not sure that offering Australia freedom from the tyranny of Britain is enough of an incentive to become America's shock troopers. Also, I'm sorry for using you guys as shock troopers in my war on everything Jack doesn't like at the moment. I love you guys, really. You're all like brothers to me. But you all fight so well.

 

And Kayla and all the other kiwis out there. I'm sorry for just handing you over to the Australians. I promise they wont hit you too hard and if they do, just offer them some beer. Y'all can become besties! At anyrate, it just has to be done.

 

Finally to Pops and all the other Frenchmen/women out there. Allow me to apologize in advance. I really have no reason to attack your guys, you're all rather harmless. But never the less, I will eventually just wipe France off the map, if for not reason other than to recreate that epic moment in MW3 when the Eiffel Tower gets blown up.

 

Now, back to my presidency. With the Australians as my shock troopers and kiwis playing host to the Aussies, I shall then declare war on.... Someone. Not sure who yet, maybe France? Just 'cause. I want to be reelected, and if Iron Sky is going to teach me anything, it's that presidents that declare war in their first term get reelected. Also that there are Nazis on the moon building an armada to attack earth. So I guess my next move should be to nuke the moon out of the sky. No one likes Nazis, especially not space Nazis. Although that one Nazi chick is kinda hot. Hmmmm.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Py_IndUbcxc

 

I think we can all agree that Space Nazis must all die. Well, I don't know about those liberals among us. They might just want to hold hands and sing kumbaya at them. This might actually work, I mean, it'd probably scare the life right out of me if I had been hiding on the moon for the last 70 years. But I'd rather just vaporize the moon, ya know, to be safe.

 

I think that is enough about my presidency for now.

 

As for Obama, well, need I really say any more? I mean, it's Obama. There's a million and one ways he could destroy the world. And whichever he picks is totally going to be random. He'll probably just do something utterly silly, like accidentally fart in Putin's general direction. Obviously, with Obama's insanely powerful farts, Putin will mistake this as an attempt on his life through a biological warfare. The only reasonable response would be to counter with nuclear force. And there goes the world, turned into a giant ice skating rink for the space Nazis and Belgians from Mars.

 

dust wait for belgiums from' date=' mars [/quote']

Edited February 13, 2012 by Syco21

[Syco21]

As for the rest of you, I've but only one question for you: Are you ready? Are you ready for this, are you hanging on to the edge of your seat?

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rY0WxgSXdEE

[Lisnpuppy]

No

[frakle]

No

[zegh8578]

i am completely confused by this thread

 

i feel compelled to add that i hope norway invades sweden to retake jemtland and herjedalen before the world goes under.

otherwise would simply not be fair to norwegians :(

 

you all want the best for norwegians

you all like norwegians!

[Syco21]

What do the Norwegians offer to me in exchange for allowing them to take on Sweden?

[roguim]

You forget one thing Cthulhu, you now there is a reason no one invade Australia and New Zealand, i mean one missing torpedo and The-One-Who-Eternal-lies awakes.

But as he will probably destroy all it's a win-win situation for you....

[zegh8578]

What do the Norwegians offer to me in exchange for allowing them to take on Sweden?

 

good question...

 

well, we do have delicious trout

[Syco21]

You forget one thing Cthulhu, you now there is a reason no one invade Australia and New Zealand, i mean one missing torpedo and The-One-Who-Eternal-lies awakes.

But as he will probably destroy all it's a win-win situation for you....

I'll see your Cthulhu and raise you a Godzilla and giant robotic bald eagle that shoots lasers from it's beak!

 

What do the Norwegians offer to me in exchange for allowing them to take on Sweden?

 

good question...

 

well, we do have delicious trout

Sorry, I don't eat fish. Can you guys fight? Do you have pretty women? Good doctors? I mean, Sweden is offering me their best mead...

[mythicdawnmaster]

I am going to have to appose your rule, as an Englishwoman of high birth! Now where is my corgi cannon and my cup of tea?