Everything just sucks.

[Keanumoreira]

My life is such a burden. I can't do anything right, I'm just an inconvenience to everyone, and I drove my best friend away when I shared something personal with her that I knew I shouldn't have. Nothing ever goes right for me, and the things I enjoy doing most- I can't even do those. What's the point if even pretending everything is okay when it's not? How can you smile when inside there are tempest forces clamping chain bracelets on your heart and nailing them with rivets? Everyday is the same meaningless crap. I can't take it anymore. All I do is sit alone all day by myself in the darkness, basically staring at the wall and pretending I actually have a life. I'm a prisoner in my own house because I have no means of transportation and everyone basically forgets I even exist. I regret so much in this world. I'm not happy. I'm trapped in eternal torment that never seems to end.

 

I'm sorry, I probably sound like the biggest baby in the world. I just need somewhere to vent. No one ever listens to me or cares to hear my problems, and I didn't know where else to express my feelings, so...whatever. If any bothers to care, I need someone to talk to. Please, I can't handle all of this stress anymore. It's too much. Years of hell, and I just can't live with myself anymore.

[Rennn]

Oh yeah, depression ****ing sucks. It's playing havoc with my painting and modding right now, and I'm getting royally sick of the people who say everyone should just be able to get over depression. I hate to say it (or no, no I don't, actually) but if someone was ever able to just force themselves to 'get over' their depression, it wasn't clinical depression. It was just them being bummed for a week, or having seasonal affective disorder or something. You can't 'get over' a chemical imbalance, even if you have a will of iron. Stressors like bad things happening in your life can definitely trigger it, but once it happens, it's not so easy to get rid of.

 

I would highly recommend finding some good e-books about managing depression, or check some out of a library or something. Sure, many will tell you the same practically useless **** about how you just need to exercise and keep a smile, but I find that some of them can actually be helpful. They don't actually make depression any less severe of course, due to the whole chemical thing, but they can at least show your subconscious that things will eventually get better. It's easy to say that things will improve, but it's not so easy to actually get the deeper recesses of the mind to believe it, and I think that's where getting a personal story helps.

 

There's an interesting article here, if it pretty much looks like absolutely nothing could be positive.

http://bigthink.com/ideas/18893

 

You're depressed, but you may be smarter for it.

Edited March 24, 2012 by Rennn

[SubjectProphet]

I've been through a time like this. Head outside, find some people, and just make nice. No life is a burden, and dwelling on it won't help. I face depression every 7 months, in Afghan, all I think about is the fact that the only reason I joined the marines is because I thought I was worthless and had no life.

 

It may not seem like it, but it's easy to turn you're life around. Give everything a chance, if one day you see someone on the streets just chilling around, head on over and start a conversation. That's how I met a friend of mine. Then you'll make more from him, and from there, you'll be fine.

 

Air out all that stress too, don't hold it in. Yell at yourself, punch something, cry, do anything but keep it inside.

[Keanumoreira]

Oh yeah, depression ****ing sucks. It's playing havoc with my painting and modding right now, and I'm getting royally sick of the people who say everyone should just be able to get over depression. I hate to say it (or no, no I don't, actually) but if someone was ever able to just force themselves to 'get over' their depression, it wasn't clinical depression. It was just them being bummed for a week, or having seasonal affective disorder or something. You can't 'get over' a chemical imbalance, even if you have a will of iron. Stressors like bad things happening in your life can definitely trigger it, but once it happens, it's not so easy to get rid of.

 

I would highly recommend finding some good e-books about managing depression, or check some out of a library or something. Sure, many will tell you the same practically useless **** about how you just need to exercise and keep a smile, but I find that some of them can actually be helpful. They don't actually make depression any less severe of course, due to the whole chemical thing, but they can at least show your subconscious that things will eventually get better. It's easy to say that things will improve, but it's not so easy to actually get the deeper recesses of the mind to believe it, and I think that's where getting a personal story helps.

 

There's an interesting article here, if it pretty much looks like absolutely nothing could be positive.

http://bigthink.com/ideas/18893

 

You're depressed, but you may be smarter for it.

 

 

Renn: Thank you so much. I'll give it a read when I feel a bit better.

 

Subject: All I've ever done is kept my feelings in a bottle. I've never had anyone who was willing to drop everything and just listen to me for once, and I use to think screaming and crying about how much my life as a big fat zero is, was just immature. There's no where else for it to go but inside, but lately, I've been trying to find ways to get it out. I wish it were easy.

Edited March 24, 2012 by Keanumoreira

[McclaudEagle]

Trust me, letting it out in bouts of anger isn't a good idea. I am suffering from depression, and one day, I just blew up in anger and it resulted in me having to replace a door I nearly kicked in two. My mom and brother was there when I did it, and my mom said that she'd never been so scared in her life when I did that. I have destroyed hundreds of $ worth of items in bouts of anger. I keep it (barely) under control by going out for drives, and I mean I literally drive for hours just to stall it. I also go to church on a Sunday, that helps, as does my faith.

[Keanumoreira]

Trust me, letting it out in bouts of anger isn't a good idea. I am suffering from depression, and one day, I just blew up in anger and it resulted in me having to replace a door I nearly kicked in two. My mom and brother was there when I did it, and my mom said that she'd never been so scared in her life when I did that. I have destroyed hundreds of $ worth of items in bouts of anger. I keep it (barely) under control by going out for drives, and I mean I literally drive for hours just to stall it. I also go to church on a Sunday, that helps, as does my faith.

 

I know what you mean. My brother is like that too.

[SubjectProphet]

Therapists actually recommend the following, and it helped me a bit:

 

Write everything down in a notepad. May not seem helpful, but it's the easiest and most mature way of getting everything out of you. Take walks outside too, admire you're surroundings and drown in the outside world. Sit by a tree and enjoy the breeze, thinking of how great nature is. Gets you're mind off of everything, and also is VERY relaxing. Laughing also helps, head onto youtube and watch some short films that are funny, or rent a comedy from Netflix.

 

The best thing to do is get you're mind off of you're current thoughts. I'm not one for reading, but escaping to a world in a book will help too. Role playing here on the Nexus forums can get you to a world away from life, just another idea.

 

The only reason you get depressed is because you keep thinking about you're problems. Find the better side to life, and remember, the community here will help you out all we can, if that means anything to you.

[Keanumoreira]

Therapists actually recommend the following, and it helped me a bit:

 

Write everything down in a notepad. May not seem helpful, but it's the easiest and most mature way of getting everything out of you. Take walks outside too, admire you're surroundings and drown in the outside world. Sit by a tree and enjoy the breeze, thinking of how great nature is. Gets you're mind off of everything, and also is VERY relaxing. Laughing also helps, head onto youtube and watch some short films that are funny, or rent a comedy from Netflix.

 

The best thing to do is get you're mind off of you're current thoughts. I'm not one for reading, but escaping to a world in a book will help too. Role playing here on the Nexus forums can get you to a world away from life, just another idea.

 

The only reason you get depressed is because you keep thinking about you're problems. Find the better side to life, and remember, the community here will help you out all we can, if that means anything to you.

 

Yeah, but everything I try just becomes a rut. I've done most of those things before, but I gave up on all of them because they just didn't seem to be doing their jobs or it just got monotonous.

[Phalanx108]

Ive been depressed most of my life. Since i was 4 years old, and im now 21. I didnt really have anything to do but keep it bottled up, and being the 'quiet kid' in school only made it worse.

Ive had more than my fair share of horrible experiences around people, so much so that once it led to panic attacks if there was more than a small group, that only added to me keeping it bottled up.

I was taken to a therapist by the headmaster of my orphanage, i could let some of it go there, but quite often all that did was make me shut down.

I dont and never have had bouts of anger, instead i get an immense sadness. I sometimes, no matter what the situation is, choke up and cry. Cant even stop it.

It took until i met CC that things turned around, but my depression has only cured itself so much. Its still there, even though i have a fantastic person for company and a fantastic job to keep myself occupied. Though it was pretty awkward when i was sent home on my second shift for having a breakdown in the storeroom.

[Tamujiin]

True Story-

 

I used to be the worlds biggest jackass, jerk, violent meanest prick ever, i beat people up, and i put people down. One day i found myself going to my work to get a paycheck that was 24 dollars only to buy a pack of ciggarettes, i was riding as the passenger in the car ( it was snowing out ), and the driver lost control of the car and my side got torn away from the car, I broke my shoulder got a cut on my leg and my little finger has a screw holding it together now.

 

A few things i realized in the hospital bed i was in. ( 3 day stay )

1. Im depressed ( i had issues that made me that way, going through a divorce sucks )

2. Im being a general prick to everyone

3. I WANT TO CHANGE IT.

 

Lets just say i did, I got out of the hospital, first thing i did was see how much my paycheck was. That set me right the $%^& off, because you know i thought at that time my life was worth more than $24.

 

What im trying to say in less than a novel size post, if you want to feel better about life and what not, don't wait till you get plowed, getting plowed doesnt fix anything. Change whats wrong in your life, for yourself. First thing of being depressed is a feeling of dependance on something or someone ( at the time i was dependant on my father, i was living with him. He and i never got along and where never close, least we tried. )

If someone is doing or saying something or ruining your life you have all the free will and right to say "go suck an egg". If they dont it is harrassment. Protect yourself from what makes you depressed by acting upon it.

If your job sucks, do everybody a favor you work with and quit because it is obviously hurting them that you dont like what you are doing, expecially if they do.

if its finacial problems, well welcome to the 21st century, most of us have them. grow a garden

If its anything else, GET AS FAR AWAY FROM IT AS POSSIBLE. Distant yourself from shtuff that makes you upset, there isnt anything else more important in this world except YOU!

 

Remember those words. Remember, YOU CAN ALWAYS DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. ALWAYS.

 

Further reading in your post i didnt see you were 17, then i looked at yer profile....17 is the greatest age of being depressed. Trust me i was exactly where you were at 17, no means of transportation, no girlfriend, everybody i knew, talked behind my back ( which everybody does, one of the mysteries of the world i guess eh? ) i litterally sat in a dark room with one lamp by myself playing final Fantasy 7 like an entire year, ( yeah i played others too but not as much ).

If its some bull crap that you have done trust me, people forget stuff, even if they say they dont. Unless of course you know you did some really idiot stuff like murder, or what not, cause the federallies never forget....never. LOL :) If you do need a vent and dont want to share it with the world, fell free to PM, all i can say ill do is listen.

you have been around long time keanu, dont let stuff get you down. When i am down ( i am human ) i come here. Ill always come here. Unless you know i get banned or something.

 

( fyi i now dont have a job, all i do is play games, my Laptop that has all my important stuff blew up, i pay child support, my kids birthday is tomorrow and we dont have any BBQ sauce for the chicken, but you know what, im the happiest person ever cause i got everthing i need, a great wife a smart lilttle young daughter, and great friends, because i chose friends that were respected ( mostly MMA fighters but yeah ) and if yer younger than 30 and want that stuff and dont have it yet, it will come to you trust me. )

Edited March 25, 2012 by tamujiin