IndorilTheGreat Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 WARNING! This story will contain some adult humor, minor language, and some violence! PLEASE DO NOT REPORT ME IF YOU TAKE OFFENSE! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!! Japet walked with Mia in silence for a while. They had traveled quite a bit so far. Japet had found out that Mia wasn't so big on talking. they had walked about two miles up the western coast of Vvardenfell. There haden't been any trouble - minus going after a guar for dinner... that was pretty hectic. It was getting dark. "Let's set up camp," Japet told Mia. She looked at him for a while before she spoke - like she always did when she didn't like his ideas. "No," she said. "Not yet." "Well, why not?" Japet asked. "Because I said so." she said with a hint of irritation in her voice. Japet knew to stop arguing now. He didn't want something bad to happen. "Fine..." he muttered. So, they walked further, until they found a nice little place that had a small waterfall and a nice little "water-hole." "Come on," Mia said. "Let's move back about 10 meters." "Why?" Japet asked. "Mudcrabs." she said simply. "You wouldn't want one of them coming up on you in the night, would you?" Japet shuddered, remembering the gigantic pincers they had. "Okay." He finally said. "You set up the tent and gather some fire-wood," she told him. "I'll scout out the area around here." Japet grumbled. Maybe this whole "travel with me" thing was a bad idea. So far, all Japet had gotten to do was work, while Mia "scouted." He could have sworn that he heard her giggle once when he was fumbling with the tent, trying to put it up - and failing miserably. After about an hour or so, Japet had the tent up, and a warm fire burning. Mia returned carrying a good portion of meat. "So, what did you kill this time?" Japet asked her. "Nothing," she replied. "It was already dead when I got to it. It was a nix-hound. It was freshly killed too. Something must have scarred whatever got it." Japet stared at her. She had an un-canny skill in tracking. "Is there something on my face?" she asked him. "Errm, no." Japet said, a little embarrassed. "Then stop staring at me." she said. Japet looked away, his face bright red. "Here," she gave him some meat. "Cook this. I'll be back in an hour. There's something I want to check out." Japet started to ask, "Wha-" but she was gone. About an hour later, the meat was cooked, and Japet had it put in a stew with herbs. Mia arrived right on time. She took her bowl without saying anything, and quickly ate it. "Jeez," Japet said. "You're welcome..." "There's a Dwemmer ruin about 250 meters from here," she said. "So?" Japet asked. "What's so abnormal about that?" "It's full of smugglers." she said finally. Japet paled. Smugglers. They were the worst of the criminals out there. "Well, we can't sleep here with them so close!" he said. "I know," Mia said, as she finished her stew. "That's why we're going to do something about it. Are you up for a cave-raid?" she asked him. A grin spread across Japet's face. "Finally," he thought. "Some fun." "You know it." he said to her. "Good." she said. "Get you stuff and meet at that big tree over there in 5 minutes." she gestured towards a large oak tree. She vanished into the shadows. "What is it with her and five minutes?" Japet wondered. He moved to the tent to get his rucksack. He pulled out his prized steel gauntlets given to him by his father, and his shield bearing his family's emblem. "When you fight your enemies, always let them know who they're dealing with, his father had told him. "That way, they won't mess with you again," Japet attached his sheath with his sword to his belt, and went to meet Mia. He waited at the tree she had indicated. She was nowhere to be seen. Just as he was wondering if she was pulling his leg, he heard a rustle above him. "Up here stupid." Japet looked up, and indeed, Mia was in the tree. She dropped down. Instead of her usual green-gray cloak, she was wearing a matte-black body suit - one that showed off every curve in her slender body. She was armed with her bow and her long-knife. "Okay," she told him. "I'm going to stealth it into the entrance." she said. "What should I do?" Japet asked her. She glanced at his sword. "Do what you do best," she responded. Japet grinned. So, it looked like this was going to be a "good-old hack-and-slash," as some called it. Mia slithered away into the shadows. A moment later, Japet heard a rustling in a bush to the right of the entrance. The two men standing there fired at the sound with their bows. One of them went to check it out. There was nothing there. A moment later, Japet saw a quick shadow dart in the door. Mia had dome her part. Now it was time for Japet to do his. He walked up onto the outcropping above the entrance and dropped down, his sword drawn. "How are you doing today?" he asked the startled men. Then he swung. He caught the leading man with an uppercut swing. The next man notched an arrow to shoot at him. Japet was too fast. He was upon the man in an instant. This time, the blade lopped the man's head from his shoulders, blood spurting into the night air. His body fell. Japet entered the building. He came out upon a landing easily 100 meters above the floor. He saw Mia in a corner shooting with her bow. He then saw that she was outnumbered. There were three men going after her. She took two down with her bow, and then she dreww her long knife, killing th other one. She smiled at Japet, and then he saw something glitter in the air. The next thing he knew, Mia was on the ground. Japet looked around. The attack had come from a man crouching on a rock, on the edge of the ledge. He was well concealed, so Japet did not see him. The man was obviously preoccupied, and so he did not see Japet. Japet rushed him. The man heard heavy foot-falls, and turned towards their source. He readied a throwing knife, and threw it. it hit Japet on his sword-hand, instinctively causing him to drop his sword. He didn't have time to pick it up, so he punched the man. It hit him as a glancing blow, but apparently a glancing blow with a gauntleted fist was a very serious thing indeed. The man's eyes glazed over, and he fell - all 100 meters down to the ground. Japet watched him fall. He landed with a sickening crrrunch! Japet winced. He quickly ran over to Mia. She was on the ground, holding something in her side. "Let me see," Japet said to her. "No," she replied. "Trust me," Japet said. "I've done these sorts of things before. I used to be a battlefield medic." She looked at him, and finally took her hands away from the wound. There was a steel throwing knife stuck in her side, buried up to it's ornate hilt. He peeled away part of the bodysuit she was wearing. "This might hurt," he said to her, and he yanked the knife out. She howled in pain, and gave him a look that could freeze a fireball in it's tracks. "It's okay," he told her, even though the wound was hardly anything from "okay." The flesh was badly damaged. She started to get up, and Japet gently - but firmly - pushed her back down. "Stay," he told her. He layed his hands on her side, right around the wound. "What are you doing?" she asked him through gritted teeth. "This might feel a little bit weird," he told her. "I hate it when you say that," she said grimacing. Japet focused on the wound and closed his eyes, he murmured an incantation, and electric-blue sparks ran down his fingers, and into the wound. Mia gave a shout of surprise, but it quickly turned into a noise of interest. Her wound was rapidly healing, the bright-blue sparks dancing around on the inside of it. Within a matter of seconds, it was completely healed up. Japet had always known that he had a knack for healing. Mia stared at the place where the wound used to be, and then looked up at Japet. "Th-thank you," she stammered. "You saved me!" "Oh, it was nothing," Japet said. Mia grinned, remembering their first conversation back on the bridge in Seyda Neen. "Come on," Japet said to her. "Let's get out of here." He replaced the part of Mia's bodysuit, and helped her up. Together they walked to the door and back towards camp. Japet felt her body brush up against his, and he felt himself go red. He was glad that it was dark out. When they made it back to camp, they were both too exhausted to change their clothing, so they just went right to bed, laying side by side on their separate bed-rolls. Japet took his gauntlets and shield off, along with his sword-belt. He layed them next to himself. They lay there in silence for a while, until Mia spoke. "Japet?" she asked. "Yes?" he said. "Thanks again." "Anytime." he said. They both quickly fell into a deep sleep. Well, that was the end of part two. I hope you enjoyed it! I'm open to constructive criticism and comments. Part three will be coming soon. I know this was a bit longer than the first one. 5 pages in Microsoft Word! :P Sorry if it was too long... :rolleyes: See you all next time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worm82075 Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Your lead up seemed kinda rushed and shallow, almost as if you were just scribbling down words for the sake of writing, and you have obviously skipped ahead a bit in their relationship as if time has passed since the first part of the story. However once you got into it, I was there in Tamriel for the first time and magic wasn't just a part some game but a reality. That was f*****g awesome! It was like I was reading a fantasy novel or even a scene from the inevitable TES movie. I love it and will continue to want more in the same way I long for another episode of Naruto Shippuden or (dare I say) another chapter in Steven King's Dark Tower series. But please take your time, hone your craft, you have a touch for writing and even if this only comes from a deep passion for the Elder Scrolls and nothing else, I say go with it. Hey, I'd pay 8.99$ for a paberback copy of a fantasy novel written in the ES universe that took me there like this does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndorilTheGreat Posted August 14, 2008 Author Share Posted August 14, 2008 Your lead up seemed kinda rushed and shallow, almost as if you were just scribbling down words for the sake of writing, and you have obviously skipped ahead a bit in their relationship as if time has passed since the first part of the story. However once you got into it, I was there in Tamriel for the first time and magic wasn't just a part some game but a reality. That was f*****g awesome! It was like I was reading a fantasy novel or even a scene from the inevitable TES movie. I love it and will continue to want more in the same way I long for another episode of Naruto Shippuden or (dare I say) another chapter in Steven King's Dark Tower series. But please take your time, hone your craft, you have a touch for writing and even if this only comes from a deep passion for the Elder Scrolls and nothing else, I say go with it. Hey, I'd pay 8.99$ for a paberback copy of a fantasy novel written in the ES universe that took me there like this does. Thanks! :D I knew I should have split it up a bit... I'll take your words into consideration. I'll slow down. There are still several parts to come. :yes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezdimona Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 started out a little slow for my taste,but thats me. Once you got into the combat part,I found it very good,but I would haved liked more violence and bloodshed,killing with cold steel is brutal and messy, but again just my preference. All in all, I enjoyed it, good job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndorilTheGreat Posted August 15, 2008 Author Share Posted August 15, 2008 started out a little slow for my taste,but thats me. Once you got into the combat part,I found it very good,but I would haved liked more violence and bloodshed,killing with cold steel is brutal and messy, but again just my preference. All in all, I enjoyed it, good job! More violence? Alright, I'll see what I can do. I know it started off slow. I always seem to have that problem when I write... Thanks for the advice! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deleted269910User Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 I have a general tip, as a person who used to write a lot of stuff like this, try to make a clear plan where you want the story to be heading before you actually start typing, just a plan, nothing exact, it just helps writing stuff in general and keeps your head working on how to achieve the wanted solution at the end of the chapter. Anyway, I enjoyed reading this and I'm looking forward to seeing your next piece of work. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndorilTheGreat Posted August 17, 2008 Author Share Posted August 17, 2008 I have a general tip, as a person who used to write a lot of stuff like this, try to make a clear plan where you want the story to be heading before you actually start typing, just a plan, nothing exact, it just helps writing stuff in general and keeps your head working on how to achieve the wanted solution at the end of the chapter. Anyway, I enjoyed reading this and I'm looking forward to seeing your next piece of work. :) Will do... I do sort of have an idea already, but I'll try to "hone it," so to speak. Thanks for all the advice everyone! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philosopher101 Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 You need more charcters, and a primary rival villian. Plus where the drama. The mystery. Action needs work. I'm only saying, but then again i'm only saying. If you want help i know a guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndorilTheGreat Posted August 19, 2008 Author Share Posted August 19, 2008 You need more charcters, and a primary rival villian. Plus where the drama. The mystery. Action needs work. I'm only saying, but then again i'm only saying. If you want help i know a guy. I'm just getting started mate. This is only the second part, keep in mind. That's why I'm taking suggestions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spyro1201 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I like these series(even if it is 2 parts so far) but i have to ask... He moved to the tent to get his rucksack. He pulled out his prized steel gauntlets given to him by his father, and his shield bearing his family's emblem. "When you fight your enemies, always let them know who they're dealing with, his father had told him. "That way, they won't mess with you again In part 1,you said Japed's father had died before his birth,yet here he's telling Japed about the shield.Was this intentional or something else? By the way i have a Fanfic story too.It 4 chapters so far but i recently started it though.THe link to it is at the bottom of my sig,below the pic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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