paganwannbe Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 no clue how many are here but here are minejackcraftySorry Officer, I was just gathering "materials". koanWhen you complement a lady on her dress.....make sure she is the one wearing it..... JudeI always maintain, that I've never been lost. Temporarily misplaced perhaps, but never lost. J05HIf you've never got time to do it right, you've always got time to do it over. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. zenmonkeymanUsing the mainstream media to look for the truth is like the drunk who looks for his lost wallet under the street light because that's where the light is shining... I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car. You laugh because I'm different...........I laugh cause I just farted! Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.Oscar Wilde Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.Woody Allen Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.Woody Allen He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That clearly points to a political career.George Bernard Shaw If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.David Brent Remember the 3 golden rules: 1. It was like that when I got here. 2. I didn't do it. 3.To your Boss I like your style.David Brent Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of congress. But I repeat myself.Mark Twain The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.William Shakespeare The light at the end of the tunnel is just the light of an oncoming train.Robert Lowell There is only one difference between a madman and me. The madman thinks he is sane. I know I am mad.Salvador Dali There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson.Bart Simpson Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.Albert Einstein Emo PhilipsA computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing “I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.” Winston Churchill “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” Jack Handey The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory "Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together." If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button. Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement. Whatever it is -- I didn't do it! “-You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.-What mood is that?-Last-minute panic.” Calvin & Hobbes Justin SnyderThe government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. RedneckI look pretty good when the lights are off. KeganThe wheel is one of man's greatest inventions... right there after the bow. El DestructoAs a species we're fundamentally insane. Put more than two of us in a room, we pick sides and start dreaming up reasons to kill one another. Why do you think we invented politics and religion? If You Think HEALTHCARE Is Expensive Now....Wait Till It's FREE "If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere." --Frank A. Clark "You will find more in woods than in books. Trees and stones will teach you that which you can never learn from masters" Saint Bernard NuggetLife is not a journey to the grave with the intentions of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body. But rather to slide in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming....WOW WHAT A RIDE!! joshSilence is golden but duct tape is silver OkieTake a kid huntin' (If not who'll drag your deer out when you get old) HatchAI don't care who you are or what I've done, I don't apologise to anyone. I'm sorry, that's just the way I am.. sonnyNever argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Nice war we had,of course every war has it cute things,WW2 had nice songs,War of the roses had nice flowers.Actually every war has its ooms',they had blooms, we have booms,you've got doom,gloom, planes go zoom,everyone ends in a tomb,and they bomb your room. Hawkeye Pierce MD (M*A*S*H) "Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film." -Steven Wright jbnizzleI once trained like a warrior, then I got arthritis. "Not all those that wander are lost."--Tolkien "If at first you don't succeed, get a bigger hammer."--Benoit Del the catHealth warning, these posts may contain traces of nut HhopYou don't have to stop playing when you get old, but you get old when you stop playing. jackcraftyAny critter tastes good with enough butter on it dragonmanyou never know untill you know bow kid44HOW DO YOU THROW AWAY A TRASHCAN???NOTHING THAT DOESN'T SHOOT OR HAVE A BLADE ISN'T FUN!!! Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit softly. Theodore Roosevelt jonathan creasonI ain't very smart, but I can lift heavy stuff Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings think it's big enough? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grannywils Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 paganwannabe, large or small, you made me laugh out loud several times. And for me, that's good enough. Of course, lately I've been purported to have no sense of humor, so I'm not sure what that says for your postings. But I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. Those were great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paganwannbe Posted September 20, 2010 Share Posted September 20, 2010 the question is which ones made you laugh out loud? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grannywils Posted September 20, 2010 Share Posted September 20, 2010 paganwannbe, here they are:These were my favorites. I laughed out loud, even at the ones I had heard before "Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes." JackHandey Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of congress. But I repeat myself. - Mark Twain The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch "I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter." Winston Churchill Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film." -Steven Wright A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing - Emo Philips As a species we're fundamentally insane. Put more than two of us in a room, we pick sides and start dreaming up reasons to kill one another. Why do you think we invented politics and religion? - El Destructo Not so funny, but profound: NuggetLife is not a journey to the grave with the intentions of arriving safely in apretty and well preserved body. But rather to slide in sideways, thoroughlyused up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming....WOW WHAT A RIDE!! "Not all those that wander are lost."--Tolkien Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luminiari Posted September 20, 2010 Share Posted September 20, 2010 Here are mine: "Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."- Bob Marley "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and, at times, hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."- Marilyn Monroe "You have enemies? Good. That means you stood up for something."- Eminem And this one makes me laugh every time I see it. It's a rather nice breakdown of the English language. "What does it mean to be a good person?" - Aristotle"What does it mean to be?" - Descartes"What does it mean?" - Nietzche"What does 'it' mean?" - Bertrand Russell"What does it?" - C. S. Lewis"WHAT?!" - Lil Jon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LHammonds Posted December 27, 2010 Author Share Posted December 27, 2010 "The problem with internet quotes and statistics is that often times they're believed to be real" - Abraham Lincoln Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LHammonds Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 "Ten years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash.Today we have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash" - Unknown Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balagor Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 lolz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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