Deleted472477User Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Dear locked chests, You make No. Sense. At all. Seriously, I often find better loot in Apprentice or Novice locked chests than anywhere else! My first Master lock, I was expecting something of epic proportions. Instead, I got 20 gold, a healing potion, and an iron bar. Really? Not amused, She who went through 20 lockpicks Dear dragons, Are you guys stalking me? It never fails. I come out of a cell: dragon. I fast travel: dragon. I load the game: dragon. Da hell? HOW DO YOU KNOW?! No love (but with a restraining order that reads FUS RO DAH), Me Dear Charuses (Charii?), What the hell, guys, is your venom made of live rattlesnakes and the tears of forsaken children? I've never gone through so many healing potions in one fight. You owe me. Okay everyone, your turn. It can be as in-game or as meta as you like. Anything to do with Skyrim--NPCs, monsters, quests, the devs, anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jitansgate Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Dear locked chests, You make No. Sense. At all. Seriously, I often find better loot in Apprentice or Novice locked chests than anywhere else! My first Master lock, I was expecting something of epic proportions. Instead, I got 20 gold, a healing potion, and an iron bar. Really? Not amused, She who went through 20 lockpicks Dear dragons, Are you guys stalking me? It never fails. I come out of a cell: dragon. I fast travel: dragon. I load the game: dragon. Da hell? HOW DO YOU KNOW?! No love (but with a restraining order that reads FUS RO DAH), Me Dear Charuses (Charii?), What the hell, guys, is your venom made of live rattlesnakes and the tears of forsaken children? I've never gone through so many healing potions in one fight. You owe me. Okay everyone, your turn. It can be as in-game or as meta as you like. Anything to do with Skyrim--NPCs, monsters, quests, the devs, anything. Elder Scrolls games in General need a Better Looting System in Both Level and World wise. One would think that Bosses and Named NPCs would have the Best Items or Gear, instead of Cheap Crap found on the side of the road. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragonslayer2k12 Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 To that guy named navmesh that is always screwing up the CK and decided to play a cruel joke on me by putting a major nav point right next to the front door of breezehome, FU lol. I hope you go straight to oblivion with belethor's wood carrying assistant and that one guard that always talks about belethor too and they have to tell you about belethor's shop for all eternity! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClonePatrol Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Dear almost everyone,I know I haven't been in Skyrim all that long, and it's not all that surprising that not everyone has heard of me, but please stop treating me like I'm a nobody. Maybe you could let me give a full introduction. Maybe you could make some effort to figure out who I am or, you know, what's going on in the world around you... The guards pretty much everywhere seem to know who I am, which is sometimes nice. They really are a well informed bunch aren't they? People should listen to them more, but they never seem to be around to chime in when I need them. I swear, it's like no matter how quickly I travel, news reaches them ahead of me about my dealings from clear across Skyrim and they don't wanna bring it up with anyone but me... Dear Jarl of {insert name of any hold here}, Do you not care who any of your peers Thanes are? I am one you know. Which other Jarl's Thane, you ask? Most of them really. I'm not even sure I should be allowed to hold this many titles, my allegiances are pretty divided... But maybe I could help ease the tensions between you all in these troubled times? When you need to send troops near a border town to protect your citizens or something I could let them know your not about to invade their lands, things like that? They do trust me, or so they say. I really am a good friend to have. No? You wanna just pretend like I'm not carrying around all these badges of office? Okay then... Also, while I still have your attention, please don't give me a weapon as a badge of office. I have plenty of weapons. Really, really good ones. The ones you give me are only good for mounting on plaques. I'm not sure anybody even recognizes those 'badge' ones anyway, so they aren't serving their purpose very well. Maybe you could give me a nice livery badge, a Patent of Nobility, and a pile of gold. Oh, that'd be nice... Dear General Tulius {or Ulfric Stormcloak},Why don't we forget all this war business, there's not all that much need for it really. I was just in the Palace of the Kings {or Castle Dour} last week. I just walked right in, right up to Ulfric {or Tulius}. He was right there. I could just stab him for you if you want... Why don't I just stab him? It would be so very easy. No? Well, if you say so... Dear Allies,One of you taking friendly fire in the middle of a battle is not a reason for you all to turn against me and attack me relentlessly. I don't overreact when you fire an arrow in to my back, or hit me with a fireball, or a gigantic spear of ice, or when you ruin a carefully laid ambush... you know what, screw you guys. Dear General Tulius,Let me get this straight, Ulfric only has a claim to the throne of High King because he challenged and killed the last King in a hastily declared duel? And you say his claim is illegitimate because the King could be Championed and Ulfric killed him before he could do that? So why don't we try this, call him out for a duel just like he did the late King. If he can beat the best Champion the Empire can find he can be King, if he doesn't and he probably won't, he invalidates his own claim right? Why won't that work? Because... Well, okay then... Dear Spriggans,I don't want to harm you or your sacred grove. This is your place, I can respect that. Take nothing and leave only foot prints. Please just leave me alone. Dear Eligible Khajiit and Bosmer Bachelor/ettes, Where are all of you? Dear Guards,You were never an adventurer like me. None of you were. Have any of you actually been in the countryside recently? It's freaking anarchy. There are bandits, large groups of hostile mages, and savage beasts everywhere. Vampires, so many vampires. And they're all ready, willing, and intent on fighting to the death. Don't even get me started on the veritable plague of draugr lead by their super-powerful Thu'um wielding Dragon Priests. Dear Dragons,How many of you do I have to kill before you get the message? I've absorbed so many dragon souls, I don't even know what to do with them all. There's not enough words in the dragon language. Where are you all even coming from for that matter? Where can you all possibly be hiding? I swear it's like there's more dragons than people around here, like one of these days I goona stumble across a valley with a hundred of you guys in it, drawing gigantic straws to see who comes after me next. Dear Horse,Stop ratting me out to the guards. Please pass on this request to chicken. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deleted472477User Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 (edited) Eeek, double post. Edited October 21, 2012 by nyxalinth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deleted472477User Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 Dear Horse, That little stumble of not even two feet up killed you? Really? Are horses in Skyrim made of balsa wood? Maybe we should have been riding down that gentle slope more slowly, but come on. Guess I'm going to have o find a horse mod for an invulnerable horse, then. Toughen up, guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deleted3507349User Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Dear Guards; I know you're overworked and everything, but is it REALLY asking too much for you to pitch in and help out when I'm jumped by a gang of thugs right in front of the main gate? If you're so cowardly that a few bandits cause you to run like shrieking little girls, how can your Jarl count on you to defend against dragons? Sincerely, The poor shmuck that keeps getting assaulted right under your nose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acidzebra Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 (edited) Did somebody steal your sweet roll? :whistling: Edited October 21, 2012 by acidzebra Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorch621 Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Dear MudcrabsIt has come to my attention that I have offended you in some obscure way, perhaps I clicked in the wrong way, maybe I moved sideways inappropriately and for this I humbly,Humbly apologize, but can you please forgive me?I am unfortunately not well versed in appropriate mudcrab etiquette, if you would please be so kind as to teach me, or guide me to a place of learning so I may verse myselfin your esteemed culture.This is starting to get rather silly Mudcrabs, I am much, much larger than you, yes there are usually more of you than me, but please mudcrabs, please...just leave me alone when I walk through your stream or near your smallstagnant pond.Thank you Yours Sincerely-Brandon No toes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stabbykitteh Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Dear Random Peddler's Horse, I'm sorry I accidentally mounted you while trying to loot your former master's corpse, which happened to be lying in a crumpled heap right by your hoof. That said, would you please stop following me everywhere? See, I'd really rather not kill you (or run an elaborate horse mod) just because I'm unable to tell you to get lost. You're not even really interested in hanging around anyway... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts