qaz123 Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 This poem is short and simple. I decided to use loose rhyming this time. As you will notice, the "rhythm" of the poem alternates from line to line. The first line has 7 syllables; the second line has 5 syllables. And the pattern is repeated. Sailboat I toss and turn in the windMy arms of cloth swayThe world around undulatesTranquility fades Seven lands I roam freelySeven realms unreachedA force pushes me furtherLight leaving me bleached Bobbing in this place of mineAn incessant trendMy rider guides me aboutTime and time again --APW The meaning: The first paragraph describes the sailboat's physical aspect. The second paragraph adumbrates the boat's environment. The final paragraph relates to time. The "arms of cloth" are sails. The undulating world is the sea. "Seven lands I roam freely"; the seven seas. "Seven realms unreached"; the seven continents. "A force pushes me further"; Wind (duh). "Light leaving me bleached"; The sun bleaching the wooden boat. "My rider guides me about"; the owner of the sailboat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alex2avs Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 I liked it :)Thank you for sharing Oh and > "My arms of cloth swayThe world around undulatesTranquility fades " what if it was "Tranquility fades away " ? Just an opinion :biggrin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezdimona Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 very nice,I like it also! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qaz123 Posted November 20, 2008 Author Share Posted November 20, 2008 thx guys! I understand why you'd suggest "Tranquility fades away " instead of "Tranquility fades" but to keep the form I have to keep it to five syllables. The second and fourth lines have five and the 1st and 3rd have 7. (I have some stories as well but im not quite ready to post any of them. Don't you hate when you get awesim ideas but cant put them to words?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezdimona Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 true. I've found writing to be a good outlet for my feelings and my creativity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pedantic Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 For me, the title 'Sailboat' was explanation enough. Choice words filled in the details. :thumbsup: @dez, just what is it you hope to create wandering around with that imposing cudgel? :biggrin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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