Am I too manly?

[Vagrant0]

Those are illusions now, stereotypes and lies from the old times.

Yes, and no... While I will agree that most of it is socially fabricated BS, that BS actually has some good reasons for being. Namely allowing someone to make assumptions of interest based on appearance and gender as a means of starting up conversation. For example, when you move to a new apartment, getting on the right foot with your neighbors usually involves starting up conversations, or discussing things, related to that person's interests, or making suggestions and offers that are in a similar thread. Without some standardized grouping of topics based on gender or affiliation, those who are less apt at being able to feel out conversations or with a less expansive topic base, would find it much harder to make successful social connections. This would also lead to some misunderstandings where a more indoctrinated person would be dealing with a less indoctrinated one, whereby the less indoctrinated one would come to think that the other was, for example, a sports nut, just because that person always opened conversation with a comment about a local sports team, or events of a game, not really understanding that all of those sports related comments were really only a veiled attempt at starting a more lengthy conversation.

 

Long story short, if you're going to deviate from the standard form, atleast have your bases covered (listen to sports news radio while driving to work for instance), or have enough awareness to see through to intent.

[james234]

not so. sometimes men act like a women too. believe it. as a men i like playing the sims (which i think it's a girl game).

[Lisnpuppy]

I am not going to engage in this squabble about what is male or female that others are ingaging. I will say this.

 

I am a woman and a mother of a teenage girl.

I play video games, I used to climb trees and wore baseball hats. I hate skirts and high heels but have somewhat of a shoe fetish.

Many people have found me attractive and many more have not. I know am much more ball shaped than I once was and I do not care other than for my health.

My hair is currently purplish.

I get along better with males and find talking about shopping or nail polish mind-numbing.

I sometimes am called a *censored* because I speak my mind.

I prefer to wear pants.

I like makeup and do like to dress up at times..for me usually.

I swear too much.

I enjoy science and I hate most female singers.

 

So....I don't guess I fit into any of those gender boxes either. However what you are really wanting is not (I think) to know if you are too manyly...you are trying to find yourself again in the middle of a relationship where it sounds (from what you have said) as if someone wants you to be something you are not. Now I have no issue if a loved one may wish you to be more healthy or wishes to correct a habit that may be detrimental to you (like my swearing) but either someone loves you or they love something they have created in their head. Do you think you need to change because YOU are not content with you? No amount of dressing up or plastic surgery is going to change how you feel about yourself in the most fundamental of ways. Beauty fades, people gain weight and boobs are overcome by gravity *sigh* but your mind can stay beautiful as can the love and acceptance in your heart. And there is nothing more beautiful than that smile Bben mentioned...especially when its a smile just for yourself.

 

You have to be happy with yourself...no matter what you look like...if you play video games or arrange flowers....its your life to live and how you choose to respond to others is exactly that..a choice. No one else can make you happy....only you can do that.

 

Sometimes the hardest thing to learn is that the hand you are holding is the hand that is holding you down.

[Vagrant0]

I am not going to engage in this squabble about what is male or female that others are ingaging. I will say this.

 

...

 

I play video games,

 

...

 

Not sure who's squabbling, but if we want to get technical, then I would point out that despite marketing trends, the population of female gamers between 20 and 40 is probably larger than the population of male gamers between the ages of 12 and 18. The key difference is the sorts of games played, and how much time in a single sitting a game is played. For example, most female gamers tend to prefer casual games, puzzle games, or social games, and is one of the reasons why many games along these threads have been extremely successful to the point of actually shaping the non-gaming culture (Minecraft, Farmville, Plants and Zombies, Angry Birds). The Nintendo DS actually sold more often to girls and women than men based on market figures, and is one of the reasons why the DS and now the 3DS has a rather expansive library aimed at females young and old. Even the Gameboy Advance had a reasonably noteworthy following of female users in Korea and Japan. Males as a whole still outnumber female gamers (about 3 to 1 based on some estimates), but it is hardly to the same degree that it was back in even the 16bit era, and is a bit dismissive of the facts to even consider gaming as a gender-typed activity.

 

That is not to say that a there are many female gamers who are playing CoD and such, but that's usually because they have enough sense to realize how silly those sorts of games are.

[Lisnpuppy]

Vagrant...I have to say that I have attempted about five times to respond here. I must say though I sincerely hope the point I was trying to make did not miss the OP as badly as it seems to have missed you.

 

By not engaging in the squabbling I meant nothing more that I was not going to address or respond to all the dissertations about gender roles in society, who makes them, enforces them or if they are right or wrong. I was not trying to "get technical" but to make a more personal connection because I have been where the OP is before (at least from my interpretation of it) and was attempting to show that all this talk really doesn't matter. How you feel about yourself won't change from plastic surgery, boob size, weight or if you play video games. If you feel good about yourself these things will become less and less important. Also my major point is that sometimes the folks you are with...a significant other perhaps...if they can not accept you for how you are at the most fundamental levels...then the only thing about you that needs to change is no longer spending your life with a person that is holding you back from seeing the beauty inside of you.

 

I can give a synopsis of gender roles in society. I have studied formally and informally anthropology and sociology. I just felt...as I interpreted the OP that all that type of stuff is really not what was important for me personally to address. You all go ahead and say what you think will help. I gave my personal and heartfelt advice. I am sorry you seemed to miss that, I hope the OP has not.

[Vagrant0]

Vagrant...

Sorry, I thought we were actually in agreement on many of the key points.

 

Most of what I've stated here wasn't really directed at the OP, but rather providing information related to how these sorts of views even came about and why they are generally inconsequential on the personal level with an actual logical/historical basis, rather than just summing it up to "be yourself, forget what others think" without any supporting rhetoric.

[Korodic]

I won't tell you what you should do about your boyfriend, you will know more about your situation than you'd be able to describe, but what I can tell you is that a lot of guys, especially gamers WISH they could have someone like you around. Having fun playing video games is fun, especially in a co-operative setting, as long as the feeling is mutual. Just make sure you're you still present yourself as a loyal woman (guy friends can make people jealous, so never ruin the trust).

 

Realistically being yourself is the best you can do to stay happy. Perhaps this is a question better suited for your boyfriend up front, you know, if your gaming habits bothers him? Really he should at the very least respect it.

[ColdHeartonIce]

I wish he would give me the feeling to feel more like a lady.

So then behave like a lady.

 

By the way, besides from your antithetic descriptions, i think your boyfriend is one of those people who can't do much more than go to work, pay taxes, eat, f*** and sleep. If he doesn't preferred your peculiarities, he doesn't care. Or he isn't even that manly himself. If he doesn't care, try to do manly stuff with him and see how he will behave. Go shooting, go on a hunt and kill an animal or something like that. Shouldn't be a big problem for the girl you described, let see how hes doing.

[Arcadiast]

a man would never have the "balls" to ask anyone if he is "mannly enuff". So just having the courage to question yourself is a good sign that you are indeed a woman and there is a good chance you are "woman enuff" .