To My Old Nexus Friends

[Deleted54170User]

I see in your own profile a passage of time in a town with all the people there. You traveled there made friends. You found reality where your life took a turn. I never expected to be befriended again. Not asked to.

 

I see where I have traveled. Where some of the paths I walked seem to come to an end. I didn't delete them myself. At profiles I have revisited I find the words, Remove me as a Friend making it clear that the software, was at fault for removing images from my friends list. Each that says, Remove me as a friend in there profile has again proven to me they did not remove me. The moderators could not explain it. I did my best to restore my Friends list. When I tried it, it became apparent something else was amiss. Some set of code in the PHP was fouled.

 

I have found all the people and their Profiles that remain with the words Remove me as a Friend, and none of them are in my Friends list anymore.

 

I have asked moderators to restore them and they show that they have no way of finding a way to do it. I pressed the Remove me as a Friend on a few that were no longer showing up in my friends list and lost their avatars forever.

 

Your road to and from your profile is not worn out, nor is it decayed enough from rains of tears washing it away. There are some new lines, wrinkles, some greed seed breaking through the road hard pack, but there are your Smile creases too. Your laughter wrinkles as well.

 

Take it and keep it, and if you must work out a way to move that road a bit further and keep all your memories intact. For those memories we forget, we may have to repeat again someday. And I for one have found truth in those words. My disability is a tripping point, holes in road along my life travels make me aware, something is amiss. Do I dare look into the deepened pit.

 

I am bound by those, but do I have a choice to just drop out and never think of those successes that came with all the failed tries. Do I want to repeat all the bad that was a child who didn't have good senses who was supposed to protect and keep me until my Mom could return. I don't want to ever repeat some of my life experiences again. I won't forget that, but I would forget and risk having to do them again if I am not wise.

 

Am I wise?! Keanu.

[Saxhleel26]

I'm not sure if anyone is really wise. I believe the ancient Greek philosophers got the closest one could to what we call "wisdom", and that is when they admitted that we really don't know anything at all. We are limited by our perception of the world, which itself arises because of the biological systems that keep us alive. Our brains are a marvel of biology, but there are constraints. I think it was Plato and his Theory of Forms that illustrated this best by using his cave analogy. Perhaps everything is but shadows fluttering across the walls and what we grasp at, in our impossible attempts and struggles to understand, are but half-truths; just phantoms of a higher existence.

 

As I've said in another thread, all we really have is what we believe. Everyone thinks that they know the answer. Everyone believes they have some significant truth that no one else is privy to. But just how aware are we really? We live but a short while, and all the while we while it away. We have conservations and we think they're important. We say something we think is clever or pertinent, and we think we're important. Even that one debater from Germany that placed so much importance in the president-elect. "THIS IS WHAT MATTERS." And as I said: what really matters doesn't matter much anymore. We are here. We exist. And what are we doing with it? Just mice in a maze chasing after cheese. Do we get to decide anything?

 

"Out! Out! Brief candle!

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage

And then is heard no more. It is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,

Signifying nothing."

 

Anyway, I think I lost the plot somewhere along the way. I'm just rambling at this point. :) There were good memories here (that's why I'm back!) and there are bad ones too (which have their place). If regret is what you're driving at, I have none. I don't seek to erase what has happened, only to let it rest. This old horse simply prefers to leave the past where it is.

 

"After all, time's arrow neither stands still nor reverses..."

Edited November 17, 2020 by Saxhleel26

[Saxhleel26]

Or perhaps, if you feel I will regret not going back, I don't think that will be the case. That time in Nexus' history was a good one, but most have moved on. It was what it was. It isn't coming back. Staying as Saxhleel means accepting that.

 

Do profiles even care? Did Robin expect us to put so much existential significance in a damn account? Probably not. XD

[Deleted54170User]

Then go to your page where the Delete it Button is. For once you do it that way there is no turning back, ever. And once you have all those avatars of friends that swayed you gone, they will be gone.

 

Don't think about it, or it will remain as a strong reminder of what character controlled you, from the game that held your inner child in it's grip, where you were that character not your self, not your inner child, that character that held you in a grip you thought had real potential, before, and that made you wish for the new you, and the choices that made what changes you think are for the better.

 

Don't look at the profile avatars of friends and fondly remember some hope, or hopes, you dreamed of. Turn to the Delete and click on it before you give any of the images a chance to give you a reason to say hi before you put your memories into a space oblivious in endless darkness. Refresh all those avatars relations with those friends and see what happens, or DELETE and linger on with the three of us now as Saxhleel26.

 

We will get better with age like a good wine. HeyYou, Pagafyr, and Saxhleel26! The three mosquitoes. I don't suppose that there was a growing fondness for another that could have caused such an upheaval in your youthful memory that you might prefer to forget. A woman too young to woo! A man that took her in making it seem like she ran to another because of you pursuing her, and somehow she mistook that you for another who she did not want to court her.

 

I don't know why! I seem to have a memory of those times before I took a year to finish on my computer forge, Dream Body Host Quests for Morrowind. I was someone vying for attention someone told me to stop doing what they did. I wasn't a good candidate and yet Lazysheepherd seemed to have entered in late into the fray and taken the damsel in distress to Turkey. When she returned I found it amused me, that she went to him. What a sad state, short state of affairs, that must have been they shared? Were you involved in any way.

 

Forgive me if I played the part courting a woman. I am an Actor. This is a place to play, not to reason why.

 

We act like puppets on a string, no conscious do we hold privy too except to make sure we remember our lines, our mark where to stand, what prop to use if one is required, while we do we have no concerns for anyone but the audience, when we are at play. When we earn support we try even harder to keep that grand feeling of having board and room in the temple of the Actors Guild.

 

Did you know you have to have three successful acting parts in successful plays, television, movie bits to get into the Actors Guild? Now it might take more.

 

I'm sorry! I am rambling. Like I mentioned I write until I see reality as I know it is because I can hold my water best when I am not excited about getting an award or a following who would throw golden coins and flowers at my feet.

[Saxhleel26]

If we are doomed to be puppets, then I hope we play our parts well at least. :D

[Deleted54170User]

Hear, hear!

 

Bravo! The new actor is on stage! Break a leg!

 

If the audience stomped long enough, they would break a leg. ... Some say the term originated during Elizabethan times when, instead of applause, the audience would bang their chairs on the ground — and if they liked it enough, the leg of the chair would break.