The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion American Pie Parody - Imperial Spy

[SoulofChrysamere]

OBLIVION AMERICAN PIE PARODY: IMPERIAL SPY

A long, long time ago,

There was a woman who was brimming

With a seductive charm.

And this blonde, Cyrodiilic dame

Ignited inside me a flame

That blinded me to the impending harm.

Oh, I fell prey to this girl’s wiles,

She led me on for miles and miles,

Building my ego up,

Like feeding treats to a pup.

By the time I saw the ruse,

I’d lost all I had to lose,

And now I’m paying social dues

Here in this musty jail.

Oh, why, why, you Imperial spy,

Did you woo me, then eschew me with your eloquent lie?

I’d pegged you a sweetie who was just really shy,

But you sent all my plans awry.

You sent all my plans awry.

Now, I was once a renowned thief

That left the rich with no relief

All across Cyrodiil’s lands.

The guardsmen never could catch me

While I burgled merrily,

Always slipping through their hands.

The chaos wrought by my exploits

Spawned a slew of angry droits.

The nobility cursed me

While all its wealth imbursed me.

I traveled all the province’s roads,

Hunting their treasure-filled abodes,

Lightening their luxurious loads

All while avoiding jail.

Oh, why, why, you Imperial spy,

Did you woo me, then eschew me with your eloquent lie?

I’d pegged you a sweetie who was just really shy,

But you sent all my plans awry.

You sent all my plans awry.

It all started some years ago

When I was wandering to and fro

Searching for a place to raid.

I’d just passed through the towering wall

Surrounding stately Cheydinhal

When I heard her honeyed serenade.

Her flaxen hair bobbed as she walked,

And angels chorused when she talked.

I just stood there in awe,

Dumbstruck by what I saw.

I’d seen lots of girls before,

But none I found I could adore,

Until she made my spirit soar

Out of its loveless jail.

Oh, why, why, you Imperial spy,

Did you woo me, then eschew me with your eloquent lie?

I’d pegged you a sweetie who was just really shy,

But you sent all my plans awry.

You sent all my plans awry.

I knew that I had guards to dodge,

So I entered the Newlands lodge

To blend in and have a mug of ale.

I tried to forget her sunny smile

And suppress my heart’s denial,

But it was all to no avail.

So later, I went to seek her out,

Wary my heart might take a clout,

But when we met, she was flattered.

Oh, we just sat and chattered.

She said she had no place she stayed,

That wandering pauper was her trade.

‘Twas such a clever masquerade

That would land me in jail.

Oh, why, why, you Imperial spy,

Did you woo me, then eschew me with your eloquent lie?

I’d pegged you a sweetie who was just really shy,

But you sent all my plans awry.

You sent all my plans awry.

She said her name was Melisey,

And my lovesick honesty

Made me say my true name and craft.

I thought it harmless at the time

To divulge my life of crime,

Though now I see it was quite daft.

She feigned a liking for my breed,

Born from books she loved to read.

She called me a handsome rogue –

The kind that fit her vogue.

So, I told her she could be

My ally in thievery,

That I would teach her faithfully

And keep her out of jail.

Oh, why, why, you Imperial spy,

Did you woo me, then eschew me with your eloquent lie?

I’d pegged you a sweetie who was just really shy,

But you sent all my plans awry.

You sent all my plans awry.

I joyfully spent the next year

Giving Melisey my lear

In how a thief conducts herself.

She swindled unsuspecting souls,

Climbed towers, picked locks, and dodged patrols,

Like a nimble, mischievous elf.

Our crime spree kept us on the run,

But I still had a lot of fun.

My mirth was exponential,

My contentment quintessential.

We stole fine art, rare vintage wines,

Gold, jewels, ores fresh from the mines,

Weapons, armors, fine clothes and twines

Without landing in jail.

Oh, why, why, you Imperial spy,

Did you woo me, then eschew me with your eloquent lie?

I’d pegged you a sweetie who was just really shy,

But you sent all my plans awry.

You sent all my plans awry.

All throughout her time with me,

She kept her guise impeccably,

Leaving me with nothing to suspect,

Using all her secretive means,

Working hard behind the scenes,

Keeping all her damage indirect.

I lived a fool day to day,

Lost in my rampant naivete.

My heart was so atither;

Nothing could make it wither,

But alas, there came the day

When my Trojan protégé

Swept all my happiness away

And got me put in jail.

Oh, why, why, you Imperial spy,

Did you woo me, then eschew me with your eloquent lie?

I’d pegged you a sweetie who was just really shy,

But you sent all my plans awry.

You sent all my plans awry.

One young night in northern Chorrol,

I finally fell from my laurel

While breaking in to Arborwatch.

Melisey had prepped her snare

And sparked the rambunctious affair

By making an intentional botch.

She alerted the town guard

To my place in the backyard.

That betrayer had informed

The whole lot and so they swarmed.

I tried to run, but ‘twas in vain.

They caught then dragged me down the lane

To the castle, then put me in a chain

And tossed me in the jail.

Oh, why, why, you Imperial spy,

Did you woo me, then eschew me with your eloquent lie?

I’d pegged you a sweetie who was just really shy,

But you sent all my plans awry.

You sent all my plans awry.

At first, it was a mystery

Why she spent so long with me

Instead of busting me up front,

But I eventually divined

The workings of her devious mind

And was impressed by her sly stunt.

I’d been all sorts of lures and baits

For many fellow reprobates.

They used me as they would

As long as they possibly could.

Now, thanks to that sharp goldilocks,

I’m left to rot inside this box

Of iron bars and old stone blocks –

This place that they call jail.

Oh, why, why, you Imperial spy,

Did you woo me, then eschew me with your eloquent lie?

I’d pegged you a sweetie who was just really shy,

But you sent all my plans awry.

You sent all my plans awry.

Oh, why, why, you Imperial spy,

Did you woo me, then eschew me with your eloquent lie?

I’d pegged you a sweetie who was just really shy,

But you sent all my plans awry.

You sent all my plans awry.

Edited April 30, 2014 by SoulofChrysamere

[AurianaValoria1]

This is really, really good!

[SoulofChrysamere]

Glad you liked it, Auriana. :)

[Maharg67]

Interesting, excellent but could the last paragraph, not the 'chorus,' be a little clearer? As already stated, excellent! It was a fine story put forward in poetic form, a sonnet of sorts, and yet worked like song lyrics. Very appreciated!