The Kingdom of Nexonia - Auriana's Court RP

[Keanumoreira]

The aroma was quite delectable, almost irresistible now, as he made his way to the lair of the Royal Head Chef. She appeared to be humming something to herself, or was she singing? "I wonder what's cooking", he thought, but before he could move to investigate the pot steaming on the stove in front of him, something glistened that immediately caught his attention. His eyes glazed over, his sinister grin- even larger and wider than that of his pal, the Cheshire Cat. His darkest desire had been triggered: the need to be mischievous.

 

He wandered over, slowly and quietly, looking to see if the Chef had noticed him. She was putting things into a box that made beeps and hums, a contraption too strange, even for the Lord of Lunacy. Turning his attention back to the fabric, he marveled at its simplicity. "My oh my...now what do we have here?" He reached for it, his eyes large and anxious, his mind stupid with temptation. With a sudden tug, he pulled it violently from its box, laughing with glee as the air was filled with it, parading it around like a storm of streamers.

[M48A5]

"What is this? You would pull a sword on me? Why I'll scratch your eyes out before you could lift it to defend yourself. Lucky for you I'm feeling a little hungry or your would be leaving here minus some skin. I think I'll just stroll down to the kitchen and see if the so called cook has anything edible. Don't mind the fur on this chair, it actually improves on the decor."

With that, the GPPS Cat slowly climbs down from the seat of the chair, looking for a way to extract revenge from this buffoon that would dare interrupt his nap. Since descretion is the better part of valor, the cat makes his way distainfully across the Great Hall and starts to head for the kitchen.

"I really don't expect much from the kitchen." he thought. "But that clumsy black bird did hold promise. Even though it was a bit scrawny. Maybe I'll come across it again."

[Eckss]

Entering the Great Hall seems to have dislodged the imaginary sausage-bird, and, although something seemed to be tugging at the back of his head, the Lord High Executioner was certain that his sheer-bloody-minded refusal to accept reality would see him through this sausage-induced sanity-crisis as it had many other crises before. The tugging did, however, remind him that he needed to inform Her Majesty that the foul knave Spambot had been given two days off for good behaviour and the execution had been moved to Monday.

 

Pausing at the entrance, he surveyed the scene before him while sausage-bird was definitely not talking to him invisibly, nor was it making preposterous claims of divinity. Anyway, the Goddess didn't look anything like a raven - he'd seen pictures in Ploppy's 'CBBE-UNP Blessed BBP calendar - Girls of the Nexus - laminated edition' that hung on the back of the privy door in the tower. Definitely not a raven.

 

BBP - how much better his college years would have been if he'd been able to study Bouncing-Breast-Physics instead of Astro-Physics. It's not as if a deep knowledge of the process of stellar formation serves any purpose in the day-to-day activities of Her Royal Highness' longest serving Lord High Executioner (5 days and counting) - which reminds him that he really must inspect the Iron Maiden later to make sure that Ploppy has scraped the last of the previous Lord High Executioner off the spikes.

 

Across the hall, the Queen's Constable was preparing to shave an imaginary cat that looked nothing like the Pink and Purple Striped Cat that he hadn't imagined after Mistress Ploppy had introduced some mushrooms that she'd found growing in the prison laundry hamper to her sausage recipe. There had been talk of a Royal Head Chef being appointed - perhaps she knew how to make something other than suspicious-looking-sausages.

 

As there was no sign of the Queen here, the Lord High Executioner decided to see if she was in the kitchen and possibly get something to settle these hallucinations that he definitely wasn't having. He made it three steps in that direction before the laws of physics became aware of the impossibility of bare bones gaining purchase on a highly polished marble floor and sent him skittering, arms and legs flailing like a Halloween dancing skeleton on a stick, falling inevitably floor-wards with all the grace and dignity of an infant walrus attending a ballet lesson.

[mythicdawnmaster]

The Royal Fashion Advisor coughed and spluttered, shivering in surprise her body rigid as the icy cool of the champagne trickled from the top of her ridiculously large head of hair, down her spine and through her cleavage line. Her mouth was agape from shock and she frowned as Auriana dabbed the excess from her face.

 

"Thank you m'lady." She replied flatly, wincing as she touched the burnt remains of the ornamental boat that had sat at the pinnacle of her pouf. Mulling over the situation as she paced up and down before the tattered dress, she took her queen's input in with her own and came to a conclusion.

 

"The coronation isn't for a while yet... Soo *hic* I could take this down to Gean Jaul Poultier in the village, he's busy making the final touches to the outfits everyone else will be wearing, oh the orange is so splendid... And, oh yes, I should be able to make the necessary... uh, repairs! Yes, he's dealt with more than a few cat clawings in his time. I think."

 

Pulling the dress from the mannequin, she stuffed it under her arm and stumbled out of the chamber.

 

The very moment she stepped foot into the greathall, Mistress Mythic was sent flying from her feet and crashing to the floor. Only, rather than simply land in a heap, the silky surface of the Queen's dress cushioned her fall, and sent her sliding from one end to the other, almost as though surfing she whizzed past the throne area with a cry of fright and excitement, slamming through the great doors and rolling onto the gravel, she got to her feet as though she had meant for that all to happen, pushing her hair up and starting towards the nearest carriage.

[AurianaValoria1]

The Queen-to-be merely sighed and returned to the hall just in time to see the resident GPPS cat traipse off to the kitchens after properly shredding the cushion of her makeshift throne. As if that wasn't enough, everyone was slipping and falling on the polished floors, the Royal Guards shuffling around in ridiculous-looking slippers to keep from ending up like turtles on their backs. On top of that, the new statue that had just been delivered and placed the day before was now a heap of rubble.

 

"Great Goddess!" she swore, "Can nothing ever go the way it should?"

[grannywils]

At this precise moment the befuddled Lady-in-waiting waddled/wandered in and almost bowled over her Majesty the Queen-to-be in a tangle of hair and baubles and whatnot. "Oh my goodness Your Ladyship", said she. "you seem distraught. Is there anything I can do? And whatever are you wearing"?

[AurianaValoria1]

Auriana pulled self-consciously at her green and black dress, "Uh...whatever the Fashion Advisor threw over my head this morning? When I was barely awake? That is to say...something uncomfortable and completely and utterly not me."

 

Sighing again, she glanced back at her cushion, which had all of the stuffing ripped out of it, "If you can, see if there is another chair in storage somewhere. This thing is an unsightly mess."

[grannywils]

Our ever so embarrassed L-I-W backed off, bent over at her rather hefty waist and muttered, "oh no, your ladyship, I believe the dress is lovely and those are your very best colors. I was referring to the bits of fluff and baubles dangling from your bosom". "Oh, dear, dear me, she said blushing a most interesting shade of crimson while hastily plucking at said bosom daintily, "I believe these must have fallen from my hairpiece" I will go and fetch you a more appropriate chair immediately.

[M48A5]

I arrived at the kitchen, just in time to see the cook and Lord of Lunacy dancing around the preparation tables. The cook seemed to be singing and rather off key. It quite put me off my feed. The condition of whatever it was she had on the serving trays didn't help matters. But, as they say, any port in a storm, I decided to help myself to the things on the closest tray. I must say, it wasn't completely gnawsy ating. Well, I hope nobody minds some paw prints in some of this. Time to find another place for a well deserved nap.

Edited July 8, 2013 by M48A5

[grannywils]

All of a sudden there was a whirlwind of dust and debris followed by none other than our LiW gasping quite heavily and coughing and sputtering rather absurdly. "My Lady", said she, I'm so sorry to disturb you, however I have news....... After a pregnant pause, filled only by her continued unpleasant aspirations and somewhat noisome appearance, she continued to speak. "I have been delving into the muck under the castle dungeons on a search for a more appropriate throne. I am sorry to say that the pickings are troublesome to say the least. However, I may have a most expedient solution. I know we do not have a court mason or a builder yet, but as it happens (with one raised eyebrow and a sly little grin she puffed up to her unfortunately blousy button popping girth) she announced, I have a brother in law in the throne making business!! Apparently our little LiW had saved said brother-in-law's backside on more than one occasion from some very deep doo doo, and he owed her big time. As a result she had several sample photos from which her ladyship could choose, and her new throne would be delivered this very day. They are attached hereto. "I know your excellent Fashion Advisor has provided you with a magnificent orange frock and that will be your color for this year, so I have asked him to keep that in mind, My Lady".

 

 

 

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