Jokers Wild

[WaLkAwaY]

So here goes...

 

#1: A man boarded a plane with 6 kids.

After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over

to him and asked, "Are all of those kids yours?"

He replied, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."

 

:biggrin:

 

#2: A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

 

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

 

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari." :blink:

[Herculine]

Here's one from my corner of the world...

 

Question: Why doesn't Columbus, Ohio get it's own professional football team?

 

Answer: Because they know that if they did then Cleveland and Cincinnati would both want one too.

[Pyrosocial]

(no offense)

 

Ablonde walks in to a store to buy some aligator shoes. after searching around she couldent find anywere that would sell them. so she said"ill kill a gator and get some my self." so on the way home a clerk form the store sees the blonde in a swamp with a shot gun. he sees a gator sneaking up on here and yells "look out!" she then turns around and kills the gator. she drags the body of it on to the shore andlifts its feet up and says "Dang! No shoes on this one either!"

 

"a man is mowing his yard wehn he keeps seeing a blonde come out to check her mail box, only to slam it in frustration. so the 4th time she comes out he ask "what are you doing?" and she replys "my stupid computer keeps telling me i have mail!"

[Herculine]

(none taken) :biggrin:

[nosisab]

Hey Herculine, very good that second one... the sad thing is I can't translate it to tell my friends in my native idiom :)

 

Al those are good by the way, it's just that second is the only one untranslatable :D

[Herculine]

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

[Herculine]

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

[Herculine]

When I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up my car, I was told the keys had been locked inside it. I went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side."

[Herculine]

An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him. The boy's hair was bright yellow and green with orange tips, and he had blue makeup around his eyes.

The old man kept looking at him.

The boy said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?"

The old man answered, "Well yes, actually, I have. I got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."

[kungfubellydancer]

I hate jokes about dysfunctional marriages but I'll just say this one I heard some time ago.

 

A man and his wife, since day one, always had sex with the light off, by request of the husband. Years later while having sex, the wife decides to leap off the bed and switch on the light. To her horror, it turns out the husband was penetrating her with a sex toy rather than his own penis.

 

"Oh, Christ, explain yourself!" She cried out in disgust.

 

"Certainly," her husband replied, "as soon as you explain where the three kids came from."