Life Lessons You Would Pass On

[The_Vyper]

What things would you tell your children if you lived in Cyrodiil? What not to poke in the garden because it might attack you? Not to throw coins at beggars? Not to tell Khajiit jokes? What?

Here are some of mine:

 

1. Be wary around Altmer, a good number of them are evil.

2. Don't kalicrak the findoo, it's not healthy.

3. A Will-O-The-Wisp is not a "Pretty Light". Stay away from it!

4. Behave, or I'll summon a Daedroth to punish you.

5. Never meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are tasty and good with hot sauce.

6. Don't eat anything given to you by an Argonian named Webam-Na. It might contain powdered deer...Well, just don't eat it!

7. Never believe anything said by M'aiq the Liar. He's called that for a reason.

8. If you join a Daedric cult, the Nine will smite you (unless I get to you first).

9. You can't levitate, so don't try. Especially off Dive Rock.

10. I'm the Champion of Cyrodiil, the Arena Grand Champion, the Archmage of the Mages Guild and the Madgod of the Shivering Isles, and you WILL go to bed when I tell you too!

[TodaY]

Kudo to you for making your kid go to sleep ;p

I'm not really suited for raising kids, let go of teaching them stuff ;P

[ILikeFudge]

11.DON'T punch the crazy bearded guy in the face.

12.Skooma is baaad for you.

13.Don't mock the guy who lives in Anvil Lighthouse Basement.Ever.

14.Never throw fireballs at a Flame Atronach.

15.Staff of Corruption is not a toy.

16.Sneaking around Ayleid ruins and awaking the long dead wizard-kings is not ''fun''

17.Don't adore the famous people and follow them around,unless you want to die in many painful ways.

18.Don't bet an Argonian to a poison drinking competition or a diving competition.

19.Stealing ale from a Nord is a bad idea.

20.NEVER flash weapons around unicorns...

BTW,there is children in Tamriel? :smile:

[WinrarIzme]

there's a children mod, yes. just search "children" and there's a good one somewhere, find the most downloaded/endorsed.

 

got nothin', sorry ^^

[Pineapplerum]

Lol at number 17.:teehee:

[SimpleGlitch]

21: there may be just as many crazy Bosmer as evil Altmer

22: when trying protect yourself from arrows don't hid behind your metal shield, they will go right through

23: in above situation its better to hid behind cloth tapestries because arrows bounce off

24: cows are not necessary for a world to have beef

25: when you walk past pirates they sing, when you touch their ship they poke you with swords

26: golden saints are not nice, don't talk to them

27: never ask the mad god about the flies... or the clowns... or the cats, actually its best just to shut up and do what he tells you

28: don't talk to random people along the road, they usually want to ransack your corpse :blink:

29: the comical value of killing Mythic Dawn agents with mehrunes razor never gets old

30: don't question nude mud crab watching, its an official sport

[alonsomartinez]

31. Dont think your cool and try to kill an Imperial Guard , about 40 of his buddies will then back him up

32.There are these little potions that daddy and mommy make labeled poison DONT eat them !

33.Never give coins to a beggar if they tell you its for medicine theyll spend it on Skooma

34.The Dark Brotherhood is a great first job that gets you a lot of money ;]

35.Don't go to Dive Rock theres a good chance someone will mistake you for the Adoring Fan and accidentally " shove " you off

36. Clanfears make excellent mounts

[BlackerrR]

37. Try not to die.

38. If you're bored sometimes, play piano.

39. Bring a lot of potions and poisons to Oblivion Gates.

40. I'm sure you don't want to attack Lord Sheogorath.

41. Avoid Goblins, it's so boring fighting them.

42. Show no respect to Nobles.

:tongue:

[The_Vyper]

Thought of some more:

 

43. Never play "catch" with a fireball. Or any type of offensive spell for that matter.

44. No magical or alchemical experiments in the house. Period.

45. If you're ever invited to a gold hunting party in Skingrad, DO NOT ATTEND!

46. If you have to travel, stay on the roads.

47. Jauffre will trust anyone as long as they bring him a big red amulet.

48. You may not have a pet scamp. They smell and shoot fireballs. Now go walk the Daedroth.

49. Take someone with you when exploring Ayleid Ruins. They might save your life by falling victim to an active trap.

50. You may not play in Xedilian.

51. Stay away from Glarthir. He's nuts.

52. There are no monsters under your bed. But if you don't want me to release the one in your closet, you'd better do what I tell you.

53. Grind Clannfear Claws to dust before you consume them. Otherwise, they really hurt going down (not to mention out).

54. Goblins are actually children who didn't do what they were told.

55. I don't care who's pushing you around, you're not calling on the Night Mother! Eliminate them yourself.

[TodaY]

This topic has been put together in a book - planned for the next release of cigarettes ;P

If anyone is against their "lessons" being in that book, please PM me and I'll remove them