Stampede Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Please note, everything in this thread is untrue and a complete parody. Thanks. So, give us the general outline of TES V Ok! You control the Breton Warrior-mage-thief Aragimli! He’s a wise cracking street smart warrior on a quest to find the might jewel of Azamunth. You progress through ten levels collecting weapons and offensive spells. It’s so great!!! Can the player create or name their character? No, due to new software developments we had to scrap this feature, we are trying to appeal to a broader audience who we felt were getting too confused with the character creation process of previous titles. Ok...what sort of new features are you implementing in terms of immersion and roleplaying? Well, the player can collect weapon upgrades and select from a wide choice of staffs that shoot a special kind of green energy thing. Oh they must also find crystals to recharge their weapons. However, in order to get upgrades, they must purchase the essential shop plugin, or else the game is pretty much unplayable. Why not include this plugin with the whole title? Hey! Did you know we got Rowan Atkinson to do the voice of the player character??? WOW! Ok, moving along then, any new skills for the players? No, due to latest technologies and conflicts with our new ULTRA ™ engine, we have had to condense the skills. All weapons now full under weaponry. Everything else falls under Non-Weaponry. So...just two skills? Hey WOW! Did I mention you now have two AI controlled sidekicks? You gotta keep them alive or else there is an automatic reload...of course there is only one save slot that cannot be named at all. So it should be quite a simple procedure. Yeah, sidekicks...we heard rumours of a PC romance? Yep, the player has no control over it though, it is with Shilandaranana, the wood elf female and is played out through lengthy cutscenes. How are you planning to deal with issues concerning violence and nudity in this new title? Well, now when you ‘defeat’ (we do not like the term ‘kill’) a Daedra, he disappears in a puff of smoke and a dialogue box pops up to tell you that he is going to be ok and is actually going to Daedra heaven. With regards to nudity, you cannot remove or change your armour, so no problems there right? OK GREAT! Will players still be able to customise and add new material in the game using the construction kit? Sure! Once they purchase the kit online for an extra $49.99 they can implement incredible changes, such as turning rain on and off and renaming some of the rocks in the scenery. So, when can we expect this stellar title? TES V will maybe be available tomorrow...oh, wait, wait, scrap that. It just got pulled back for tweaking, something about the two skills conflicting. OH and it will only be available for the Nintendo wii. WOW!!!! END OF PART ONE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VaanicOne Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Heehee! That's funny. And also, disturbingly possible... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark0ne Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Extensive cutscenes in an Elder Scrolls game? What were you thinking? :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karkarinus Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 It'd be way cool if they included dexterity sections where you have to jump from rock to rock, collecting blue coin-shaped objects along the way. These coins could then be exchanged for prizes (say, 100 coins and they give you an extra life or something.) Wouldn't that be fab!?! And when you finish the game you get to play it all over again, but this time in a different-coloured tunic! Groovy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loveme4whoiam Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 *Goes off and cries in a corner as he realises that this is an echo of the future* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stampede Posted May 4, 2006 Author Share Posted May 4, 2006 Glad you guys are enjoying the thread. I love Oblivion, I can't get enough of it and I think it's a great game. This is just hilighting some common views/complaints that have been cropping up since the beginning. And yes, I do believe that Oblivion will be the last good title Bethesda make and as far as Mr Hines goes, I could do a better job than him when it comes to PR. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phawk69 Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 I don't have Oblivion YET, but some of the stuff I've seen online has made me question. Now you have posted a spoiler so complete, it sends shivers down my spine. If V follows in the footsteps of IV, it may only play in a DOS window, and could include text commands. VI will be a word game with no graphics whatsoever. How de-evolving. Maybe they could use the old Sonix the Hedgehog source code and at least get it done fast :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karkarinus Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 I haven't got Oblivion yet either, but I am considering spending over €1000 to upgrade my PC for it. Is it really that bad? Malchik said on another thread that it isn't very long. Are all my hopes and dreams to to be shattered? Sorry if I am straying from the beaten track here, but I must know. :( By the way, great thread, Stampede! :) When can we expect the next installment of the interview? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stampede Posted May 5, 2006 Author Share Posted May 5, 2006 I plan to add the new interview on Monday. Switch is helping me out with ideas. :D Trust me guys, this thread has next to nothing to do with the actual experiences I have had with Oblivion...it is just a take on a lot of popular fears and complaints. I am not so obsessed with the game that I can't poke fun at it. I love SOLID rpgs and I love Oblivion! If this thread has in any way put you off, that is not its purpose at all. I would wholeheartedly recommend Oblivion to anyone who enjoys rpgs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phawk69 Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 I love SOLID rpgs and I love Oblivion! If this thread has in any way put you off, that is not its purpose at all. I would wholeheartedly recommend Oblivion to anyone who enjoys rpgs.Big sigh. Thanx for clearing that up, you almost had me keeping my money in my pants pocket, and how would Bethesda ever function without it? Looking forward to the next installment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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