"Blood, Sweat and Tears"

[Maharg67]

Am still following your writing and enjoying it. Sometimes I get lost in the dialogue which perhaps needs more connection to minor descriptions of what the talkers are doing. Such as 'he stepped gingerly over a cracked human skull, then putting in the actual talking. "I got a bad feeling about this place." Anyway, that is my 'penny's worth'. I am looking forward to reading more.

 

http://i592.photobucket.com/albums/tt9/Dragonpen61/Forum%20Additives/screen38B-2.jpg

Edited November 21, 2010 by Maharg67

[BlueDanube]

nice chapter,i really like this lyn character. her action and attitude is unpredicctable.hope to see more from her in the future. :rolleyes:

 

great work as ussual al :thumbsup:

[AliasTheory]

Am still following your writing and enjoying it. Sometimes I get lost in the dialogue which perhaps needs more connection to minor descriptions of what the talkers are doing. Such as 'he stepped gingerly over a cracked human skull, then putting in the actual talking. "I got a bad feeling about this place." Anyway, that is my 'penny's worth'. I am looking forward to reading more.

Sweet picture. :)

 

Because I'm doing a in medias res style, I'm also throwing in clues as to how things started. So there will be some loose connections there, which will (or should be) clear in the end. In a way, I'm trying to get readers to go back and read what I've already written for another impression. All these connections have been thought and planned out though.

 

There's also "babying" the reader. I don't want to do that, but having clear, concrete connections are good to have. Unlike the writing I normally do for my academic purposes, I can give readers stuff to think about here. It seems like you have the opposite problem Keanu has, though not entirely.

 

I also want to avoid cliches if possible. What you write up there is one of them to me. I'm trying to remove a lot of predictability as far as this story goes...one of the reasons I'm writing in the present tense. Fallout is that way, but I don't want to suck it all out...I need balance. Tough.

 

I'll keep it all in mind.

 

And thanks BlueDanube. Also, how close is this incarnation to your actual character? (Yep, you only get two line's worth of acknowledgement.)

 

[EDIT]

 

Also, talking in first person in general is what may be responsible for certain behaviors that seem weird. Information is relative to the speaker. The other characters (obviously) have minds of their own. But I'd like them to remain a bit unknown, then later shape their identities. That alone might make readers look back too. :)

Edited November 22, 2010 by AliasTheory

[Spaceritual]

Well..I enjoyed it and did not really find it plodding at all . Nice descritpive touches and for a chapter where it was mostly about a journey , it went very well :)

[AliasTheory]

Thanks. :)

 

Next part and a half have been cooked up, but need to take a sweet screenie first. I won't have time to do much in the near future, so I'll do a little more now. 'Dem finals.

[AliasTheory]

<----- BACKWARD

 

============================

Chapter 16: A Two is Blue

============================

 

An awkward quietness ensues. A slender beam of wood from above a nearby bookshelf falls and hits the floor, impact bare and hollow as what little light from the outdoors pours in from above. Butch grins.

 

“Shoots man!” Butch heartily chuckles. “Gotcha. You’re a funny guy.”

 

I’m caught off guard by his blitheness of it all.

 

“No…!” I shake my head vigorously. “Absolutely no. I’m being honest.”

 

A familiar and oscillating feeling of the uncanny is flowing through me. It’s the feeling of déjà vu, the same feeling that I couldn’t quite shake off back at the Rivet City science lab. What is this strange sensation…?

 

“Hmm.” Saya begins to think out loud, squinting to the ceiling and hand on her chin. Seconds later she departs from her meditative state, her face now beaming with enthusiasm.

 

“Oh, I know, I know! This is Vault-Tec…and…it’s like Vault 101! The names are similar! You’re just homesick.”

 

Eyes closed in satisfaction, she waves her finger in poise, as if she had found the cure for all of the terrible ills in the Wasteland. I groan in frustration.

 

“Agh! You know what, just forget it. Let’s just find that ion exchanger. I’ll figure it out later.”

 

And by later, I mean now.

 

Saori looks a bit befuddled by my situation, but she remains mute. She wipes off her muddy jet-black boots on a torn Sugar Bombs cereal poster nearby, though I’m not too sure how much that will help. This building is pretty filthy; the floor tiles are shattered in several spots, parts of the second floor across from the destroyed reception desk are caving in, and a mountain’s worth office papers are laying all over the floor. It’s all just another generic, rundown urban structure. What makes this place so special?

 

I begin walking towards the desk ahead to scavenge for a directory of some sort.

 

“So he feels it too…!”

 

A familiar voice echoes with a mystical feel, my odd sensation briefly bursting in potency. I stop in my tracks and stiffly turn my head around in puzzlement.

 

“Uh…Lyn? Did you say something?”

 

Still and motionless, Lyn looks shocked and almost afraid, like she had seen a ghost.

 

“Ah!? What? No, not at all…” She tersely glances away from the group, and then begins to slowly wander off deeper into Vault-Tec without our company, only Dogmeat by her side.

 

“You’re sure?” I call out. “Like there isn’t something on my face or anythi-”

 

“No! There is nothing on your face!” she declares. She keeps walking. “Let’s just find what we came here for, okay?”

 

Wow. That was weird. But okay Lyn, whatever you say.

 

I have to look back to the rest of the gang. “Guys, did she really say something?”

 

Everyone confusedly shakes their head in disagreement.

 

We run up to get back together again. The hallway is deep, dark and lonely as a single, long corridor with no diversions; the light fixtures are dead and shattered. I see some large and lighted windows at the far end of the hall though. By the time we leave, things might be pitch-black.

 

“So…Lyn, where are we going?” I ask. We are almost shoulder-to-shoulder, identical in height.

 

She sighs in disappointment. “To get the ion exchanger, just like you said.”

 

Always avoiding my questions. I obviously already have enough to deal with.

 

“Don’t play dumb. Where in Vault-Tec are we going to find one of these?”

 

“Somewhere on the second floor. It’s pretty big; it’s where all the components are,” she answers with a straight face.

 

“And…how do you know this? Again?”

 

“I’ve been here before.”

 

“Oh! Of course you have,” I utter. I soon realize I might have been too honest, as my reply came out slightly sarcastic.

 

She glares at me. “Are you mocking me?” she scowls.

 

“Nope, I’m not. You seem like you have this under control.” Wait, something has crossed my mind. If she has been here before, how come the weird feeling came as a surprise? It is anyone’s guess, unless I really was just hearing things. In any case, I need to change the topic. “Uh…so, second floor?”

 

“Yes…the second floor.” Lyn says, slowly tearing her piercing eyes away from me. “A shy floor indeed.” At the thought of her bizarre association, she begins to look a bit sad.

 

“Tch, what?” I look to my right, Saori faintly smiling in a strange mix of bewilderment and amusement. “Why is it ‘shy’?”

 

“Two is blue.” Lyn responds, staring ahead, suddenly trance-like. “One day, two left in search of something better, but she…she could not.”

 

Are we still talking to the same person? Butch begins to energetically chortle, suppressing it with his bulky hand. Saya just looks confused, but I remain serious.

 

“Saori,” I sharply whisper. “I know. Just play along. We might learn something.” I feel like this is the right thing to do.

 

She eagerly nods in agreement. “Why, Lyn? What happened to ‘two’?”

 

“Two was always too afraid to ask…for help.” Lyn’s voice gradually starts to sway drunkenly, followed by her movement. Dogmeat begins to growl. “Hence…she was…shy...”

 

Upon relaxedly completing those words, she collapses backwards onto Saori’s body, breaking the fall despite not reacting. Everyone gasps. I don’t think anyone could have foreseen this, not even me. Lyn’s silky blonde hair freely flows down to the floor.

 

“Ahh!” Saori cringes, arms retracted in fear. “What did I do?!”

 

“It wasn’t your fault,” I say coolly. “Don’t blame yourself.”

 

I place my hand behind Lyn’s head as support to check the pulse on her neck, Saori still paralyzed. It’s there for sure; the movements are infrequent, but strong.

 

“She just fainted. I don’t know why but…wow. Here, give me her left arm...”

 

Dogmeat begins to whimper, but he isn’t barking aggressively; in fact, he isn’t barking at all, just sniffing Lyn’s leg as I drape her arm over my backpack, my hands supporting her lower trunk and legs. Perhaps for Dogmeat, this isn’t a surprise. Her body is so smooth and angelic, yet defined and hardened by the rugged world we live in. It is all such a strange juxtaposition.

 

“Man,” Butch exhales, “What just happened?”

 

I grunt as I try to get comfortable; she’s actually kind of heavy. “Okay, I got her. We’re still going to find the exchanger. Someone else needs to take point.”

 

Saori still looks a bit traumatized, trembling, and Saya nervously frowns. We still half a hallway left, and that only leaves one person.

 

“Butch, you’re up to bat,” I command. “Do it.”

 

Scoffing, he stomps forward and cocks his shotgun. “Yeah, alright,” he imprudently barks back. “Because I’m not a scaredy-cat like some people.”

 

“Hey!” Saori snaps. “Take that back!”

 

Well, that was easy. But Saya, who seems to be always tender in nature, shrinks under the weight of what are probably Butch’s childish terms.

 

“Great!” I say cheerily. “A volunteer; you can both go. Check the room ahead.”

 

Saori begins to grumble to herself, muttering. “There’s not going to be anyone there, but whatever.”

 

As the two race forward to check the open room, soon being accompanied by Dogmeat, I lightly nudge Saya, Lyn still in my arms.

 

“…am I, Drew…?” Saya says weakly. “Am I really…a coward?”

 

I immediately reply in confidence. “No, you’re not. He didn’t mean it like that.” I look up ahead, and I see Butch giving us an all-clear signal. Jerking my head in his direction, I tell her, “Come on, let’s check it out.”

 

----

 

The room with the large windows turns out to be a very spacious, rectangular room with a slanted ceiling. A U-shaped desk resides in the corner next to a shelf of scorched and tattered books all under the protruding balcony, a powered RobCo terminal on the arc of the desk. In the other corner are stone, circular stairs leading to the second floor. Some wooden benches are placed next to the wall of gigantic vertical windows, revealing a dark and open outdoors, weeds and grass wildly growing about. There are only a few stars in the sky. A waxing gibbous moon begins to rise, the untamed vegetation gently swaying in the dusty breeze of the evening.

 

With a little help of Saori’s technical genius, we quickly fix up a discarded florescent bulb to partly light up the room. Joining two nearby wooden benches together, I set Lyn down on them on her side. The last thing I want is a suffocated comrade. Dogmeat sits patiently by her side, panting.

 

“Lyn looks so peaceful when she isn’t busy being a b****,” Butch admits.

 

I give him a look of disgust. “Shush,” I admonish him. “If she could hear that, you’d be a dead man.”

 

Saori begins to look around elsewhere. “See?!” She raises her arms…and her voice. “Told you there was nobody here!” Her voice is her only reply before I intrude, this room so empty and quiet.

 

“The same goes for you, too. Shush. Go see what you can find with that terminal over there.”

 

“Hmph. Fine, be that way.” She begins to strut over to the dark desk corner with the computer, and then types away furiously.

 

“And try look for the exchanger!” I add, slightly raising my voice.

 

“Saori’s kinda right though,” Butch says. “I took a little peek at ‘two’ as well. Lots of narrow spaces and h***’uva dusty place. Ripe for an ambush, maybe. But this place seems dead.”

 

“Well, good.” I assure him. “You’re going to help me look for and carry this thing.”

 

He briefly coughs. “Wha? Dude, why is it always me?”

 

My eyes widen. “Because you’re exactly that: a dude.”

 

“Alright,” Butch moans. “I-“

 

“…got it!” I look to find Saori’s warm face, illuminated by the lime light of the terminal. “Second floor and first hall, but six doors down. It’s under ‘Purification Experiments’.”

 

“Okay, understood. Come on Butch, before things get too-”

 

I turn to see Butch running up the circular stairs, shotgun in hand. “Two-one-six, two-one-six, two-one-six…”

 

We’ll be out of here before dark at this rate. In slight glee, I say, “All righty. I have to go, but you girls need to hold tight. Take care of Lyn. And Dogmeat.”

 

Dogmeat is upright and as solid as a rock, a statue next to Lyn. Saori starts walking back to the benches. “Okay, but if you guys get in trouble, give us a holler. Yell or scream or something.”

 

“Heh. I will.”

 

I smile in the strangely happy atmosphere we had established. Maybe perhaps because that’s the kind of thing we want to believe in, or want the whole world to be like. I am about to ascend the stairs, but my expression vanishes; I stop altogether to notice Saya wrapped up by the illuminated wall, sniper resting at an incline and arms around her withdrawn legs. I come back to approach her.

 

She turns her head upward, emerald eyes glimmering with purity, but my reply is not immediate. Kneeling down, I give her visual contact, putting both my hands over her brow, long, course and black hair running through my fingertips, threading until her temples. A living wineglass. I place my forehead against her own, grasping her wrists, my eyes downward and closed in prayer.

 

“Be brave for all of us, okay?”

 

http://www.fallout3nexus.com/imageshare/images/2144141-1290968272.png

 

 

FORWARD ----->

Edited December 6, 2010 by AliasTheory

[Aenya]

Interesting chapter. Awaiting for morehttp://www.thenexusforums.com/public/style_emoticons/dark/wink.gif

[BlueDanube]

did i just heard someone calling my BD name o_O LoL,okay Mr i demand for the next chapter spoiler now ! or i'll infect this page too :O

 

lovely chapter btw,i really enjoying reading it.

[Keanumoreira]

I wouldn't say it was a short chapter. It was fairly moderate.

[Spaceritual]

the telepathic touch was interesting unless I am reading too much into that moment...and the storyline is nudging along nicely...the pacing seems to me to be about right as my concentration didn't lapse while reading :)