Gaming: when is it too much and/or an addiction/obsession?

[SpellAndShield]

I suppose this is in part a personal story and one which is intended to be educational as well, though I’ve come to no firm conclusion as to what the best solution for me or anyone else in my situation might be.

 

I suppose if the term existed (and please allow me to coin a neologism here) I might be called a sporadic gaming addict. I use the word sporadic because there are not many games which really captivate me and most I do not bother playing at all. However, there are a few rare gems that draw me in as few things in this world do for myriad reasons; the story, the action, combat, cinematics, rpg elements or any combination of those things. To name a few BG2, DA+, ME(2), Elder Scrolls, etc. When I enjoy a game, it becomes an obsession for me and the world around me is quickly forgotten and I do mean the world; I forget to eat, work and worldly obligations lose their gravity, my friends disappear and most recently and perhaps most unfortunately I nearly lost my relationship (in part) due to this sporadic obsession though to be sure it is more complicated than just that.

 

My entire life I have fought against chronic depression of varying intensity but it is always there like a pall of darkness and in recent years and as I get older and older and as my life (seemingly) becomes bleaker and bleaker I have lost the ability the to enjoy many things. I suppose it has much to do with the depression that has sculpted me and accompanies everywhere as if it were a third appendage. Yet, when I find a game, the most recent ones were DAO and ME2, I delve into that world and depression, reality and all else is forgotten. It can be very intense and so can the consequences; when I was doing my first Masters I nearly did not complete my dissertation in time as a result of obsessive gaming and/or procrastination. I would not go to social events and gatherings because that would cut into my game time, would not eat, would not go to the gym and just would generally ignore the world at large. I would play 18 hours a day at times. Of course, the caveat here is that I do not ALWAYS do this; that sort of behaviour is conditional and the condition is that it is a game I adore or truly want to play. For example I played around with WOW for a few hours and found nothing to my liking and so I never played it again. Most recently I nearly lost my girlfriend (though I do not wish to attribute that near-loss solely to obsessional game play; long distance relationship, my general lethargy and depression, etc.) and the only way I was able to save it was to spontaneously fly out to Berlin this weekend (spending lots of money in the process that I don’t really have) and buy a huge bouquet of roses and explain myself and it seems she is willing to give us/me a second chance which good; I do not plan to blow it BUT I do not wish to cut corners here and the fact is she has no interest in PC games and I have promised her that I will never play again as long as she is around (meaning only when she is not in my presence) but I have already pre-ordered DA2 and I have never looked forward to a game as much as this one and thus the conundrum is:

 

How can one (not necessarily I) enjoy and be passionate about gaming without it becomes compulsive and obsessional and ultimately destructive to work and human relationships? When is it too much? When is the boundary between healthy fun and destructive addition crossed? I am not sure what I should do as I do not wish to entirely give up gaming but also wish to learn to balance these things. March 11th is coming, an inexorable force, an onslaught...a day of reckoning I suppose.

 

I hope this can open up a helpful and constructive debate on gaming, what it means to us and when it is too much. Thank you for reading.

[Lisnpuppy]

I don't think it would hurt to look this over. I believe you have taken an important first step. I worked for years in an alcohol and drug treatment center and video game addiction is really no different than other addictions.

 

http://www.video-game-addiction.org/signs-you-need-help.html

 

Start there and let me know if you ever would like to talk. :)

[SpellAndShield]

I don't think it would hurt to look this over. I believe you have taken an important first step. I worked for years in an alcohol and drug treatment center and video game addiction is really no different than other addictions.

 

http://www.video-game-addiction.org/signs-you-need-help.html

 

Start there and let me know if you ever would like to talk. :)

 

So I shouldn't play games at all? The question remains, how much is too much?

[Aurielius]

Having read through you post and the quandary that you feel that you are in, I think that you must ask yourself which is more important in the long run to you, gaming or interpersonal relationships. If the latter is your answer then the only recourse is to explore with you girlfriend what the both of you can do outside the house, get away from your PC while you are spending time with her. If it is case of shared living then you might want to consider specific time frames that you may play while she is occupied doing things that she prefers. with the cut off being when she walks through the front door irrespective of how close you are to gaming success. However if this is something akin to a compulsion then I agree with Lisnpuppy that you might want to think of this in terms of addiction and look into professional help. As entertaining as gaming is, and I do love it too, it is a poor substitute for real life. Best of luck.

[Lisnpuppy]

I don't think that is a question that can be easily answered here. You want a simple, easy answer and I am not going to give it to you. Also that answer will be different for different people. Its called hitting your "bottom."

 

Obviously your gaming addiction is causing some major issues in your life. You need to talk to someone with knowledge of addiction and resolve your other underlying issue of depression...which is part of why you play. All addiction is someone trying to use an outside thing to escape from depression, pain, anxiety..etc.

 

My advice...and I am not a doctor or therapist...is for you to go find a counselor or therapist to talk to about your gaming and depression. There are many free or sliding-scaled programs available if money is an issue.

 

Will you have to completely give up gaming..I don't know. But your life is being adversely effected by gaming and more so, your depression. You have taken a brave first step...now go get the help you need to get your life on track.

[ub3rman123]

I get pretty easily addicted to video games. I recall the first time I played Oblivion I spent so long playing it the first weekend that I began thinking 'quicksave' to myself. But I don't think gaming becomes a problem until you start losing things because of it. You have to know how to set priorities. Going and microwaving some pizza will take 5 minutes tops, where otherwise what would that be if you'd spent that time playing your game? Finding another soul stone and 3 more goblins?

 

You just have to recognize the fact that you're not enjoying the game, you're just stuck to it because you don't know what else to do.

[brokenergy]

Just moderate your freetime, have support around you and never play beyond 3-2 hours. That's how I deal with gaming.

[WrathOfDeadguy]

I gave up games entirely for most of last summer... I learned a few things:

 

- First, that the longer I went without playing games the easier it was not to think about them.

 

- Second, that the games themselves were not as addictive as the escape from reality they provided.

 

- Third, that reality was still really bloody depressing and getting more so every day.

 

- Fourth, that playing games was not having a physiological effect on me, which is more than could be said of some *other* forms of escapism.

 

- Fifth, that while yes, I was addicted, but it was not affecting my ability to function- and was in fact helping me cope with daily life.

 

Knowing all that, when I started getting the constant temptation to do self-destructive things like drinking heavily, smoking, or worse, I started playing games again. Quite frankly, it was a better choice than most of the alternatives.

 

When is gaming a problem? When it interferes with your ability to function. If your grades are suffering or if you're missing work, then it's a problem. If you're neglecting your friends, family, or health, then it's a problem. For me, at least in the past year, it's been a vital coping mechanism... and one of the only social connections I currently have to most of my friends, who live hundreds of miles away. Without that outlet, I can't imagine what I'd have done to myself by now.

 

My advice is, set aside a period of time during which you will not play any games at all. From my experience, it was much easier to also swear off internet forums because they tickle the same part of the brain. If you can, also ditch the TV. If you successfully complete that 'clean' period, double it. Don't lock up your games, don't have anyone hang onto them for you, just... don't play them. If you cannot hold yourself to not playing for, say, a week or two, then you definitely have a problem and that's when you should get yourself some outside help.

 

Psychological addictions are nothing to sneeze at. If reality is depressing enough, the lure of escapism can be more powerful than any chemical dependence. There is also the problem of recursive depression- that is, if you fail to resolve your problem on the first attempt to do so, the very fact that you failed may drive you deeper into your dependence. Alternatively, knowledge of the chemical processes that cause a psychological dependence can weaken feelings of responsibility and leave you with the belief that there isn't anything you can do about it. Self-doubt is the single greatest perpetuating factor when it comes to addictions. In order to break the cycle, you have to believe you can do so.

[SpellAndShield]

I gave up games entirely for most of last summer... I learned a few things:

 

- First, that the longer I went without playing games the easier it was not to think about them.

 

- Second, that the games themselves were not as addictive as the escape from reality they provided.

 

- Third, that reality was still really bloody depressing and getting more so every day.

 

- Fourth, that playing games was not having a physiological effect on me, which is more than could be said of some *other* forms of escapism.

 

- Fifth, that while yes, I was addicted, but it was not affecting my ability to function- and was in fact helping me cope with daily life.

 

Knowing all that, when I started getting the constant temptation to do self-destructive things like drinking heavily, smoking, or worse, I started playing games again. Quite frankly, it was a better choice than most of the alternatives.

 

When is gaming a problem? When it interferes with your ability to function. If your grades are suffering or if you're missing work, then it's a problem. If you're neglecting your friends, family, or health, then it's a problem. For me, at least in the past year, it's been a vital coping mechanism... and one of the only social connections I currently have to most of my friends, who live hundreds of miles away. Without that outlet, I can't imagine what I'd have done to myself by now.

 

My advice is, set aside a period of time during which you will not play any games at all. From my experience, it was much easier to also swear off internet forums because they tickle the same part of the brain. If you can, also ditch the TV. If you successfully complete that 'clean' period, double it. Don't lock up your games, don't have anyone hang onto them for you, just... don't play them. If you cannot hold yourself to not playing for, say, a week or two, then you definitely have a problem and that's when you should get yourself some outside help.

 

Psychological addictions are nothing to sneeze at. If reality is depressing enough, the lure of escapism can be more powerful than any chemical dependence. There is also the problem of recursive depression- that is, if you fail to resolve your problem on the first attempt to do so, the very fact that you failed may drive you deeper into your dependence. Alternatively, knowledge of the chemical processes that cause a psychological dependence can weaken feelings of responsibility and leave you with the belief that there isn't anything you can do about it. Self-doubt is the single greatest perpetuating factor when it comes to addictions. In order to break the cycle, you have to believe you can do so.

 

I agree with you mate. As long as I can prevent it interfering from important real stuff, it should be ok.