Feeling ridiculously depressed right now.

[Halororor]

I'm just really depressed because of what's become of my life. I know I ****ed up, big time. It's my own fault I got kicked out of university. I just really can't handle this feeling of helplessness. I'm really scared Unisa (The South African government run university) won't accept me due to my transcript from Stellenbosch University and I can't stand the work I'm doing at college. I've gone from doing Politics, French, History, English studies amongst others, to doing computer literacy. Today we did how to navigate the task bar and desktop. It's not that I want to be covered in work, I just want to be challenged. It feels as if I'm stuck in a rut and I wasted my talents. I used to be one of the top students at school, I was supposed to walk into University and gain incredible marks, I was supposed to become something. Instead, I slacked off and partied until I got kicked out of stellenbosch and am now learning how to change desktop backgrounds and create folders.

 

To top that off, this past weekend, I just realized that despite how much I hurt them, my parents still love me and just how much faith and love it required from their side to decide to give me, a typical varsity dropout, another chance. Instead of making me feel better, this only made it hurt so much more to know how much it must've hurt and disappointed them. My brother can't go study, he's got serious epilepsy that prevents him from doing it, so I'm the only one who can go study and might manage to make something of my life. There was such high hopes in my entire family. The first one in the family to manage to go to University, and all I did was just **** it right up. I can live with the rejection I got for this happening, it's the hurt I've caused I can't live with. It's really making me incredibly depressed, and it's made worse when I walk to college each day and see the university students, then think, that should've been me.

 

So, sorry for getting all emotional and stuff in what probably isn't the right forum for it. I just needed to get it off my chest. If anybody wants to write me a reply stating what a ****-up I am, or post me a funny pic or something, feel free. Funny pics would be preferred, though.

[SpellAndShield]

I'm just really depressed because of what's become of my life. I know I ****ed up, big time. It's my own fault I got kicked out of university. I just really can't handle this feeling of helplessness. I'm really scared Unisa (The South African government run university) won't accept me due to my transcript from Stellenbosch University and I can't stand the work I'm doing at college. I've gone from doing Politics, French, History, English studies amongst others, to doing computer literacy. Today we did how to navigate the task bar and desktop. It's not that I want to be covered in work, I just want to be challenged. It feels as if I'm stuck in a rut and I wasted my talents. I used to be one of the top students at school, I was supposed to walk into University and gain incredible marks, I was supposed to become something. Instead, I slacked off and partied until I got kicked out of stellenbosch and am now learning how to change desktop backgrounds and create folders.

 

To top that off, this past weekend, I just realized that despite how much I hurt them, my parents still love me and just how much faith and love it required from their side to decide to give me, a typical varsity dropout, another chance. Instead of making me feel better, this only made it hurt so much more to know how much it must've hurt and disappointed them. My brother can't go study, he's got serious epilepsy that prevents him from doing it, so I'm the only one who can go study and might manage to make something of my life. There was such high hopes in my entire family. The first one in the family to manage to go to University, and all I did was just **** it right up. I can live with the rejection I got for this happening, it's the hurt I've caused I can't live with. It's really making me incredibly depressed, and it's made worse when I walk to college each day and see the university students, then think, that should've been me.

 

So, sorry for getting all emotional and stuff in what probably isn't the right forum for it. I just needed to get it off my chest. If anybody wants to write me a reply stating what a ****-up I am, or post me a funny pic or something, feel free. Funny pics would be preferred, though.

 

How old are you? If you are under 25 then you are ok and shouldn't feel depressed. :thumbsup:

[Keanumoreira]

I think what Star is trying to say is that maybe you should try and look at what you have first, and then, improve on the things you don't. It sounds like to me that you still have your whole life played out before you, and that there is always room to improve. If you want to become something, then you should make up for the time you've lost and tried again, learning from the mistakes you made the consequences that will follow should the temptation return.

[HellsMaster]

I feel the same, i am highly depressed with college.

 

Keep the spirit up.

[SpellAndShield]

I think what Star is trying to say is that maybe you should try and look at what you have first, and then, improve on the things you don't. It sounds like to me that you still have your whole life played out before you, and that there is always room to improve. If you want to become something, then you should make up for the time you've lost and tried again, learning from the mistakes you made the consequences that will follow should the temptation return.

 

Youth is the most important thing anyone can have. I hope you cherish yours and I hope the OP realises as long as he is still young, much is still possible.

[AllanOcelot]

In this thread;

we all feel sorry for ourself and our mistakes....

 

Or, we realise we are actually alive, grow a pair, and face the world with a smile.

Everyone has things they hate in life - not everyone is as lucky as yourself, they dont get to decide what mistakes to make.

 

Jesus, you go to university and slack off - big deal, some people dont even get to go to college and study at all because the goverment cut off a special needs fund for a fellow family member causing them to move out of their family home at 16. We dont complain. We dont cry. We deal with it.

[satanslilhelper]

I did much the same thing, first family member to go to uni, partied way too much, didn't do as well as expected. Suddenly realised that I was wasting the opportunities afforded me. So, I went back and did it again. And do you know what? I'm glad! If I hadn't done it that way, I would be a different person to the one I am now. This experience will shape you, and you'll be better for it in the long run. You have a greater appreciation of your family (as well as some blinding memories!) and hopefully you'll get a chance to make good. It takes an extremely hard heart to refuse someone a second chance if they can show they've learnt from previous mistakes. Use the time you have now to reflect and plan. But don't plan too much or too rigidly, life has a habit of throwing plans off track. All you can do is learn from your experiences. Which, if you ask me, is a form of education in itself.

[Halororor]

Almost forgot I made this thread, and I've just got an update on it.

 

I managed to not only get back into university, but I did so with flying colors. :D

 

I studied at both a college and university last year. Did a IT professional course spanning A+, N+ and Server management as well as a few other modules at the college, and then on top of that studied the first year of a BA degree at a correspondence university (meaning you don't run classes, you do everything over the internet). I graduated college with 96% for my course, and finished my university year with a 85% average between all my modules. Lowest mark for a module was 73% and the highest was 96%.

 

I'm really proud of myself. I screwed up really badly in 2010, but I surprised myself in 2011. It was a lot of hard work, and I had very little time to maintain a social life, but it was more than worth it. It's awesome being back at my university, and I love running class for once, knowing what I had to go through to get back in.

 

When the guy doing the reapplications for failed students saw my marks he told me that there's no doubt I'm back in university and the only thing I should still wait on is the official word from the higher-ups.

 

It sucked being a drop-out and having everyone in the family and my friends know it, but I think it actually did me good to drop out and be forced to go through all that to get back in. It gave me much needed perspective on my life and where I'm taking it.

[Keanumoreira]

Almost forgot I made this thread, and I've just got an update on it.

 

I managed to not only get back into university, but I did so with flying colors. :D

 

I studied at both a college and university last year. Did a IT professional course spanning A+, N+ and Server management as well as a few other modules at the college, and then on top of that studied the first year of a BA degree at a correspondence university (meaning you don't run classes, you do everything over the internet). I graduated college with 96% for my course, and finished my university year with a 85% average between all my modules. Lowest mark for a module was 73% and the highest was 96%.

 

I'm really proud of myself. I screwed up really badly in 2010, but I surprised myself in 2011. It was a lot of hard work, and I had very little time to maintain a social life, but it was more than worth it. It's awesome being back at my university, and I love running class for once, knowing what I had to go through to get back in.

 

When the guy doing the reapplications for failed students saw my marks he told me that there's no doubt I'm back in university and the only thing I should still wait on is the official word from the higher-ups.

 

It sucked being a drop-out and having everyone in the family and my friends know it, but I think it actually did me good to drop out and be forced to go through all that to get back in. It gave me much needed perspective on my life and where I'm taking it.

 

 

See? There you go. You presented yourself with the realization that "okay, I screwed up. But if I try again, I can make something out of that", and you did. Congratulations on graduation, and here's to hoping that you put that degree to good use. I'm still a junior in high school, so I've got a long way to go before I graduate from college myself. Now get out of here, make something out of yourself, and make your family proud. Not to say that they already aren't. :thumbsup:

Edited March 22, 2012 by Keanumoreira

[Dazaster]

Glad to see things are better. But take steps to avoid further depression. Remember you're only twenty years old. Still fifty five years till you retire, lol. I messed about in school and didn't even get to uni, at least you got to have that experience. You should move. Cape Town, with all it's beauty and splendor is notoriously depressing. Especially with winter coming. All that rain. Drink some Delheim wine. Also some mampoer. Chased with witblitz. You'll feel better soon. It could be a lot worse. You could be middle-aged, bald and fat, living in dreary England. Like me. So say voetsak to that depression and grab hold of your life with both hands. Totsiens meneer. Edited March 22, 2012 by Dazaster