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The Snow Arena


Dark0ne

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Armiena's forces regroup at Alpha Centauri, and proceed to build a permanent base on the planet's surface. Meanwhile, Armiena watches events on Mars through a spy's optical recorder.

"So they finally gave up on their foolish experiment with that false god..." Armiena decides to send envoys to Mars, to propose an alliance against Peregrine, when he returns. She orders her communications officer to send envoys to Pack Rat.

 

Armiena turns to watch construction proceed on her new base.

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ohGr turns around and says to the communications officer

so umm....now what

 

she replies

well, we havent done anything, and no one has tried to take over our planet so we might as well build up on defenses

 

ohGr says

our planet?

 

she replies

did you listen to a single word i just said

 

ohGr replies

why do you think i was put in charge

 

she replies

because your wife slept with the former captain of this planet on a ship

 

ohGr replies

you mean ship on a planet

 

she replies

forget i said that, now, what about those defences

 

ohGr replies

ahh yes, since our base looks too much like the spaceballs ship, i need a bigger helmet, and a black uniform with a nice cape and plated armor

 

she replies

and the base?

 

ohGr replies

get the engineers in quarantine to add a few more layers of snow, you know, that stuff as strong as titanium, and get those computer geeks to put a forcefeild up, then order the arms officer to construct some more advanced weapons, and bombs, you know....so we can throw them at people

 

she replies

you mean launch them at people

 

ohGr replies

just because your my daughter doesnt mean you can correct me

 

she replies

im your brothers wife, not your daughter, you idiot

 

ohGr looks around and sees a coffee machine, he runs to it, and starts drinking fresh coffee and begins to eat some donuts.

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Mojlnir, with his pants on his head, yells in triumph as he loses to Shin for 42nd time at skeeball. Yelling a drunken challenge to the party, Mojlnir stumbles to the bar and orders a shot of sno-whiskey for himself and Shin.

 

"Ther ya goo Shinny, sorr 'bout the beatin yoo at the gam-ah. Maybe we can play som foosball?"

 

"Dude, you lost, remmy?" says Shin, the whiskey burning his throat "Why are your pants on your head?"

 

"S'not MY pants" slurs Mojlnir "I may or may not have stolen 'em from a Malchik clone, but wher in the heck ar myy 'antz?"

 

Mojlnir lets out a rather large and self-satisfying belch and slowly slides off the stool onto the floor, where he becomes involved in a conversation with two peanuts that landed there earlier in the evening.

 

Shin, shaking his head, wanders off to find a more interesting and less annoying person to talk to. Or perhaps he looking for cereal?

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Malchik needs no excuse to get loaded! Stopping his pointless and back-wrenching dance he zooms into visit Ancalagon. (He wears a disguise that fools everyone, including himself, into believing that he is dead.)

 

"Hi Shin. Hows it hanging?"

 

On the floor he notices Mojlnir conversing with two tiny creatures that he cannot at first make out but seem to go by the names of Charlie Brown and Lucy.

 

Ancalagon is not immediately visible but there is plenty of - erm - there is planty of the 'on the rocks' bit. Where's the...

 

Malchik sees a bowl full of colourless liquid. It reminds him of his scrying glass of Galadriel mark two (second hand) but maybe this is not water. Certainly there is a faint steam arising from it.

 

Oh well, who cares. He dips a beaker into it and then knocks it back in one.

 

Uh? Er???? ????????

 

To be continued.

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ohGr says

have i ever told you about the necrowizard?

 

The communications officer replys

the necrowizard?

 

ohGr replies

yeah, hes this cool black and white stick figure with a nice big hat with a inverted cross on it, which is why hes the necrowizard!

 

she replies

does he do anything

 

ohGr replies

of course he does anything, hes a necrowizard, hence his name, he can revive people, and....kill stuff

 

she replies

is he real or is he one of those make believe characters like this sonic the hedgehog you speak of

 

ohGr replies

oh he is, in fact, hes right here!!!

 

a happy looking grim necrowizard with a black robe and big wizards hat walks into the room, he holds a staff glowing of grimness

 

Necrowizard says

hello ohGr, hello woman...uh ohGr...wheres my mask

 

ohGr replies

its right over there, while your walking there can you sit over there and operate the munitions for me, it would really help

 

the necrowizard gets a grim and evil smile upon his face as he sees his mask, then he sits down, and stares out at the battlefield as his staff of grimness begins to glow...then it stops.

 

ohGr replies

so officer, any updates on those plans we had earlier today

 

the communications officer replies

yes, armor plating is 60% complete, weapons and bombs are complete and the forcefield is almost up, its a few hours off, so i reckon we should wait till the forcefields are done, then randomly attack, since no one had made an attempt...and since we havent done much.

 

ohGr replies

good, because i wanna go talk to the Necrowizard about this cool idea he had for a plasma rifle that shoots out burning snow

 

the officer rolls her eyes at the idea, but it turns out the prototype is already done thanks to the necrowizards grim and evil frostbitten summoning skills.

 

The Necrowizard says

oi, watch this one

 

the rifle makes all these noises, and fires a white beam at the test dummy made out of the strongest metal in the world..but we forgot the name, the dummy was disintergrated.

 

ohGr says

allright, we'll make more of them, deploy some troops to start a base, and start to pretend its command and conquer, the original and run around with mammoth tanks and commandos and...

 

the communications officer interrupts

i liked that game...uhh, anyway, we should get to work, sitting here and talking wont get us anywhere

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On Alpha Centauri, Armiena decides to check on her abandoned space station, and the repairs on Peregrine's fleet. Much to her surprise, she sees that there isn't even a trace of a fleet, let alone any battle damage.

Ive gotta get my head checked Armiena thinks.

 

She turns her attention to her fledging empire on Alpha Centauri, where her labs are now experimenting on time travel.

 

Armiena has new plans..... if Peregrine, a barbaric bird, can become a god, why can't a woman.....?

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ohGr turns to the Necrowizard

just...one thing, how did you get here

 

The necrowizard replies

im a wizard, i can be whereever i want, watch me teleport near that do not press button

 

the necrowizard suddenly appears near the self destruct button, and "accidentally" knocks the button

 

ohGr then says

uh officer...lets...evacuate the entire ship and um, get some guards to shoot that imposter

 

the officer replys

will do she aims at the imposter and shoots it dead, then it turns into dust ok, ill tell everyone on the speaker; attention, get the f*ck out now or everyone dies

 

in a matter of minutes, everyone is out of the ship, and continues in the base, which looks exactly like a NOD base from command and conquer (original) even with the fences and walls and obleisks.

ohGr looks at the ship as it blows up and says

ahhh crap!, i forgot the coffee machine!

 

a soldier runs up to ohGr and says

Sir, we managed to finish off the base in time, and forcefield is up, we also set up the defenses in time, Sir

 

ohGr replies

good work soldier, report to your post, everyones getting double rations today, of donuts!

 

a big grin comes onto the soldiers face, he runs off, and when he walks in the tent, everyone is shouting and celebrating over donuts and coffee

 

the officer says

follow me into the advanced communications center

 

ohGr replies

why advanced?

 

she replies

we have 2, one for normal readings, and this one for our satellites

 

they both walk into the building and sit at a big room, with soldiers at the doors, and a new coffee machine

 

ohGr says

oh my god, a new coffee machine!!

 

ohGr runs to the coffee machine and gets a cup filled with warm coffee

 

ohGr says

and where are my quarters?

 

the officer points over at the Construction Yard, only the top ranking lieutenets live in there, and as usual, the Commanding Officer, has the largest room

 

a commando walks into the room

 

he says

C.O. ohGr, i am your personal guard, i will protect you, not when your going at it or having a dump, or anything that may sound stupid talking about

 

ohGr replies

ahh good, but, you can just loosen up, just because the drill seargent is a pregnant-dog doesnt mean i am

 

the commando replies

oh, thanks, ooo coffee

 

ohGr turns around to look at the gates, the obleisk of light towers begin to make a strange pitched noise, as if they were charging up, then they go back to normal, as the gates open, and some tanks drive in, they park near the War Factory, and obviously, they dont know how to parrallel park.

 

ohGr says

officer, any update on the weapon upgrades?

 

the officer replies

no, we had to start again

 

ohGr replies

good, i cant be stuffed getting off my comfortable chair

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