At what time does parental discipline become abusive and who should ma

[HeyYou]

@kvnchrist: Here is my favorite example of what you can do with actual statistics without lying at all.

http://sites.google....dta---the-essay

 

Whenever anyone says that their statistics 'prove' something beyond any shadow of a doubt, I think of this. :thumbsup:

Obviously we need to launch a War on Tomatoes :whistling:

 

We did, and they got creamed. Where do you think Catsup came from?

 

More on topic...... Physical punishment, in my view, is sometimes THE BEST way to get a childs attention, and let them know that whatever behavior that prompted the action isn't a good idea. You try explaining to your two year old that flushing kitty down the toilet is a bad idea....... Now, take the same two-year old, and give him a swat on the rear for doing so. Which action do you think is more likely to obtain the desired result? (not flushing kitty......)

Edited August 29, 2011 by HeyYou

[kvnchrist]

I would like to ask you guys how would you handle the situation, if you were the parent in this video

 

Child slaps his mother

[HeyYou]

I would like to ask you guys how would you handle the situation, if you were the parent in this video

 

Child slaps his mother

 

I would be really tempted to deck the little peckerwood..... Of course, that WOULD be viewed as 'abuse' by the various powers that be. That kid is out of control. He needs a wakeup call.

[BlackBaron2]

Kids don't learn to be like that without getting a bad example in the first place--a parent who uses cursing, name-calling, screaming and hitting is going to have a kid who at the very least thinks that's OK.

[Deleted472477User]

My partner lives in New Zealand (long story; didn't read version is sometimes love doesn't care what's convenient) and in response to a terrible problem with child abuse, the government there outlawed all physical discipline. You can go to jail there for spanking. She has said--and I saw while I was there--that bratty children have run rampant there. I'm no expert, so all I can conclude is it is one of two things: physical discipline is needed sometimes to make a point, and/or without being able to spank, and it was all parents knew to do, the children now get no discipline at all. Of course the people who were horrid enough to inflict genuine abuse still do it, and it's even worse now. Edited August 29, 2011 by nyxalinth

[HeyYou]

My partner lives in New Zealand (long story; didn't read version is sometimes love doesn't care what's convenient) and in response to a terrible problem with child abuse, the government there outlawed all physical discipline. You can go to jail there for spanking. She has said--and I saw while I was there--that bratty children have run rampant there. I'm no expert, so all I can conclude is it is one of two things: physical discipline is needed sometimes to make a point, and/or without being able to spank, and it was all parents knew to do, the children now get no discipline at all. Of course the people who were horrid enough to inflict genuine abuse still do it, and it's even worse now.

 

Yeah, ya see pretty much the same thing here as well. Kids know their parents really can't do squat to them. Especially out in public. A fair number of them have no concept of 'long-term consequences'.. (i.e. grounding, depriving them of some toy/activity, etc.) They don't view those things as punishment for something they have done, they view it as their parents being mean. (for lack of a better word that I can actually use on the forums here. :D) End result? Kids running rampant, and society trying to pass it off as ADD/ADHD, and giving the kids drugs. (granted, some of them actually DO suffer from those. Not as many as are on prescription drugs for it though...)

[greywaste]

I would like to ask you guys how would you handle the situation, if you were the parent in this video

 

Child slaps his mother

 

I would be really tempted to deck the little peckerwood..... Of course, that WOULD be viewed as 'abuse' by the various powers that be. That kid is out of control. He needs a wakeup call.

That's because he feels he's stronger and more powerful than she is. I'm with you on this one anyway. I've watched my Sister try and raise her little boy without any kind of physical discipline as a last resort through his first seven years and he was a terror :yucky: He use to hit my sister and our cat whenever he didn't get his wayIt took my Dad stepping in and giving him a little kick up the backside with a loud "See how you like it??" before he stopped hitting our cat. Of course he then tried to run over to my Sister who (relieved frankly) gave him another telling off about how that was going to happen if he was mean to animals. He never did it again and is a very nice young lad now.

 

There's a clear line between child abuse and an occasional smack on the thigh.

[grannywils]

Ok, I have lots and lots of opinions on this subject but will attempt to keep it somewhat brief (I hope). I apologize upfront if I run on too long. Feel free to stop reading if I do.....

 

First of all, the child in that video did not wake up that morning and become that little demon. He learned that behavior from somewhere. It should definitely not be condoned, but in order to unlearn it he and his parents will need a lot of work, in my opinion. To answer the question, if my child slapped me in the face, my child would be standing up to eat for some time to come....

 

I did spank my son (who is now 44 years old, btw), but I did not make a habit of it. He was taught right from wrong both verbally and by observing the behaviour of his parents. When he misbehaved (which he did often, by the way. He was a pretty normal boy), I told him what he was doing that was wrong, why it was wrong and that he needed to stop doing it. I did not debate this with him. I was the mother, not the therapist or the pal or the friend. "THE PARENTAL FIGURE".

 

He had things taken away from him as punishment. Nowadays, Dr. Phil refers to this as a child's "currency". It is a good term. You discover your child's currency, and you use it. If (s)he refuses to behave (s)he loses whatever matters most for an agreed period of time. But you must be prepared to follow through. No wavering. No child (or grandchild) of mine throws a temper tantrum in a store more than one time and gets away with it. I don't care how long we have been there or how much shopping is already in the cart. We are leaving it there, marching out to the car, and departing for home, where there will be either a spanking or whatever the punishment arrangement is. No wavering. The child is not in charge. The child needs boundries. The government is not going to set them. The parent needs to set them.

 

Spanking is not abuse. Beating up a child is abuse. Hurting a child and taking out your own personal frustrations on a person smaller than yourself is abuse. A reasonably sane, adult person with an IQ above that of an idiot, knows the difference. You do not beat up your children. You love them and nurture them and teach them right from wrong. Sometimes that includes reasonable discipline. It never, ever includes hurting them in any serious way.

 

I guess I am done for now.

 

 

[Aurielius]

@Grannywills

Thank god for some old school common sense, parenting is not being your child's buddy, it is socializing them for the real world where there are consequences for every action. I always like your posts but especially when I am in full accord with them.

[marharth]

Ok, I have lots and lots of opinions on this subject but will attempt to keep it somewhat brief (I hope). I apologize upfront if I run on too long. Feel free to stop reading if I do.....

 

First of all, the child in that video did not wake up that morning and become that little demon. He learned that behavior from somewhere. It should definitely not be condoned, but in order to unlearn it he and his parents will need a lot of work, in my opinion. To answer the question, if my child slapped me in the face, my child would be standing up to eat for some time to come....

 

I did spank my son (who is now 44 years old, btw), but I did not make a habit of it. He was taught right from wrong both verbally and by observing the behaviour of his parents. When he misbehaved (which he did often, by the way. He was a pretty normal boy), I told him what he was doing that was wrong, why it was wrong and that he needed to stop doing it. I did not debate this with him. I was the mother, not the therapist or the pal or the friend. "THE PARENTAL FIGURE".

 

He had things taken away from him as punishment. Nowadays, Dr. Phil refers to this as a child's "currency". It is a good term. You discover your child's currency, and you use it. If (s)he refuses to behave (s)he loses whatever matters most for an agreed period of time. But you must be prepared to follow through. No wavering. No child (or grandchild) of mine throws a temper tantrum in a store more than one time and gets away with it. I don't care how long we have been there or how much shopping is already in the cart. We are leaving it there, marching out to the car, and departing for home, where there will be either a spanking or whatever the punishment arrangement is. No wavering. The child is not in charge. The child needs boundries. The government is not going to set them. The parent needs to set them.

 

Spanking is not abuse. Beating up a child is abuse. Hurting a child and taking out your own personal frustrations on a person smaller than yourself is abuse. A reasonably sane, adult person with an IQ above that of an idiot, knows the difference. You do not beat up your children. You love them and nurture them and teach them right from wrong. Sometimes that includes reasonable discipline. It never, ever includes hurting them in any serious way.

 

I guess I am done for now.

This mostly. I wouldn't use Dr. Phil as a example for anything, but I pretty much agree with most of what you wrote.

 

Also, I fully support a war on tomatoes.