At what time does parental discipline become abusive and who should ma

[HeyYou]

Hhhmmm.... Kudos still don't seem to want to work..... Sorry Granny.

 

In any event, SPOT ON! The first officer wholeheartedly concurs. (can you name where I got that quote? :D)

[grannywils]

Thanks Marharth. Well, I did not really intend to use Dr. Phil as an example. It just happened to be a Dr. Phil video clip so I continued with his philosophy. But in actual fact I was using the "currency" discipline with my son long before I ever heard of Dr. Phil or knew what to call it. I just did not use that particular phraseology during my child rearing years.

 

And thank you Aurielius and HeyYou for your supportive responses as well. Both of your opinions matter a lot to me. And this particular subject is near and dear to my heart, so I am happy to hear that you are in accord as well.

[arcane20]

If you're going to cause any sort of suffering on your child then you should have taken more consideration before messing around with living organisms and bringing a child into the world. There are other more effective, more humane methods for dealing with problems*. Recently a 7 year old girl was beaten to death for mispronouncing a word(1). I feel the very notion of 'disciplining' children is sadistic, unethical and cruel. Any parent who assaults their child should have their children taken away as they're clearly incompetent of raising a child and should be put on trial for assault. The very same as you would if you hit an adult. As for your comment on your "right" to discipline a child what about the rights of the child? Rights only go so far. When has anyone EVER had the right to cause suffering on another living organism? There's no justification for it. Furthermore show me 1 peer reviewed study that shows that disciplining a child causes any benefits to the psychology of the child. It is just wrong and you have to have some serious justification to hit a child. :armscrossed:

 

edit: sources

*this is subject to change for the crime that the child is being diciplined for.

(1) http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-6009742-504083.html

(1)http://www.truecrimereport.com/2010/02/kevin_and_elizabeth_schatz_rel.php

Edited September 1, 2011 by arcane20

[HeyYou]

If you're going to cause any sort of suffering on your child then you should have taken more consideration before messing around with living organisms and bringing a child into the world. There are other more effective, more humane methods for dealing with problems*. Recently a 7 year old girl was beaten to death for mispronouncing a word(1). I feel the very notion of 'disciplining' children is sadistic, unethical and cruel. Any parent who assaults their child should have their children taken away as they're clearly incompetent of raising a child and should be put on trial for assault. The very same as you would if you hit an adult. As for your comment on your "right" to discipline a child what about the rights of the child? Rights only go so far. When has anyone EVER had the right to cause suffering on another living organism? There's no justification for it. Furthermore show me 1 peer reviewed study that shows that disciplining a child causes any benefits to the psychology of the child. It is just wrong and you have to have some serious justification to hit a child. :armscrossed:

 

edit: sources

*this is subject to change for the crime that the child is being diciplined for.

(1) http://www.cbsnews.c...742-504083.html

(1)http://www.truecrime..._schatz_rel.php

 

You don't have any kids, do you?

[greywaste]

If you're going to cause any sort of suffering on your child then you should have taken more consideration before messing around with living organisms and bringing a child into the world. There are other more effective, more humane methods for dealing with problems*. Recently a 7 year old girl was beaten to death for mispronouncing a word(1). I feel the very notion of 'disciplining' children is sadistic, unethical and cruel. Any parent who assaults their child should have their children taken away as they're clearly incompetent of raising a child and should be put on trial for assault. The very same as you would if you hit an adult. As for your comment on your "right" to discipline a child what about the rights of the child? Rights only go so far. When has anyone EVER had the right to cause suffering on another living organism? There's no justification for it. Furthermore show me 1 peer reviewed study that shows that disciplining a child causes any benefits to the psychology of the child. It is just wrong and you have to have some serious justification to hit a child. :armscrossed:

 

edit: sources

*this is subject to change for the crime that the child is being diciplined for.

(1) http://www.cbsnews.c...742-504083.html

(1)http://www.truecrime..._schatz_rel.php

 

You don't have any kids, do you?

 

I was about to say that :tongue:

 

@Arcane What you are talking about is brutal assault and murder not physical discipline

[Lisnpuppy]

I am gonna second what Granny said so well. I was spanked as a child...I was not beaten and it was a rare enough thing it got my attention. In fact one of the most memorable is once my Mother gave me the choice of spanking or coming inside the rest of the evening (and it was one of those beautiful, long and lazy days of summer.) After watching all the neighborhood kids outside waving at me for about an hour...I asked my Mother if I got a "whuppin' " if I would be able to go play outside. Trying to hide a grin she said yes...I came over and bent over her knees "assuming the position."

 

Well she gave me one...and despite her humor it was a good one. After which I went out the door, sobbing, lower lip trembling and rubbing my butt.

 

That being said I also spanked my own perhaps a hand full of times. Until a certain age I do not think you can reason logically with a child. They do not understand...they just can't. So I have no issue with the occasional spanking. Also...and I was spanked...I don't think violence is the answer to everything...I never got in any physical altercations in school and am not typically a violent person. Though I am sure this issue plays a part in that...I don't think its that simple. I also listened to metal music and I have yet to sprout horns.

 

Whatever form of punishment you use as a parent...you have to be consistent...and you have to always follow through. I think that is how kids get out of control. The parents do not make them take responsibility for their actions and do not punish them, giving these children the idea that there are no repercussions for their actions.

 

Now my daughter is too old to spank...and honestly at her age (almost 14) its time that I begin trusting what I taught her and slowly giving her more freedom AND responsibilities. I am...as I have told her...slowly giving her enough rope to swing on and have a good time....or enough rope to hang herself. Her choice.

[greywaste]

 

Whatever form of punishment you use as a parent...you have to be consistent...and you have to always follow through. I think that is how kids get out of control. The parents do not make them take responsibility for their actions and do not punish them, giving these children the idea that there are no repercussions for their actions.

 

yeah, this is key in my opinion, it needs to be made very clear to them why they got that smack and that they were warned it was coming and that it's never used simply because their child bothered them when they were in a bad mood.

 

If I pushed my mum as far as she could go, she'd aim a smack at my thigh, I was pretty nimble though so I'd just dodge her (poor mum) :biggrin: But then one time when she'd just had enough she kept her hand ready for that thigh slap and then called my for my Dad :ohmy: so, while waiting for him to answer and seeing me gulp I can almost see her thinking "you going to try and dodge this one?" :biggrin: I didn't :tongue:

 

Think I got about 10 smacks on the leg total while I was growing up and I'll say I deserved every single one of them, because I can remember each occasion pretty clearly, and that I was deliberately ignoring the chance I was being given along with the respect, good manners and reasonable telling-off beforehand.

[MF0TY]

I think parental discipline is abusive when you're physically harming them in a way that would leave bruises broken bones open sores ect... No beating them to a pulp no burning them when chemicals or sick crap like that. That aside I am 17 so I am not sure how valid my opinions are but I think paddling a child is a great way of teaching them right from wrong, it didn't permanently scar me, it didn't make me mentally ill, it's kept me from burning myself on the stove or walking out into traffic many many times. :P Children are somewhat ignorant of the danger that surrounds them if they succumb to physical pain due to their actions and correlate wrong doing with physical pain it will teach them not to do possibly dangerous things.

 

I don't think my parents paddling me made me into some psychotic violence mongering jack@#% I do believe violence in the right answer to certain situations but that is from judgement of what has saved countless lives in such wars as world war II when there was NO other option than violence to solve that problem it is because of countries opposing hitler we have the freedoms to do certain things we can and live the lives we do but this isn't a debate about whether violence is right or wrong it's about the physiological impact on children and at what point punishing a child becomes immoral or illegal. Thats my two cents on the subject and if I ever have kids I'll punish them like they punished me and teach them to stand up for themselves and how to fight unlike my parents taught me, I feel it is a far more important issue to teach your kids to stand up for the weak and themselves than to worry about paddling making them cry.

[myrmaad]

I actually only had corporal punishment once during my entire childhood. Ironically I didn't even do the thing I was punished for, but that's another story.

 

I'm a farm girl and parents are very gentle with kids and animals. My father has a very soft voice and presides over a large family. Once when my nephew was about 5, he threw a rock toward a car, during one of our family picnics. My brother in law picked him up and spanked him. It was a rare occasion when my father raised his voice, and let me tell you, you could have heard a pin drop, and my brother in law was deeply shamed.

 

My sister's divorced from him now, but my brother in law continues his strong friendship with my dad. It wasn't meant to embarrass him. We just don't believe in violence. We believe in "hands to yourself", and it's good enough for all of us.

 

Alright I'll tell the other story.

 

I had a friend over and she was a devious little creature. Earlier in the day while we playing pirates she showed me a terrible bruise she had on her temple. Later we got into a fight, and she ran and told my mom I had hit her in the temple with a rock - LIE! And so I got the belt. It was just once though, and the injustice of it stung deeper then the pain of that belt.

 

Grannywils pretty much stole my thunder. That kid's problems started long before he was a guest on Dr. Phil's show.

[kibblesticks]

In my personal opinion, physically assaulting a child is a sign of weakness. It shows you are out of control of the situation. I'm not going to preach about how easy it is to keep calm when dealing with your own kids because I've never had my own children, but that's what I think every time I see a parent slap their kid at the supermarket, the adult is almost always flustered and all over the place.

 

Though I've never had kids, I know a lot of parents. I see the people who slap their kids regularly and notice that most of the time these people lack in self-confidence and their own capabilities as a parent. I was smacked once or twice as a child (literally no more than twice in my entire childhood) and both these times it was my dad who smacked me. The incidents were both fairly close time-wise and at the time my dad had just been made redundant and my mum was pregnant with my sister and I was only four so it was obviously a stressful time.

 

I have NEVER been hit since then and my sister has never been hit by my parents in her entire life. I'd like to think that we're both great people. I'm a bit of an anti-social geek whereas she has a million friends but we're both fairly clear on our own morals and we both agree that we'd never hurt a child unless it was a life or death situation, and certainly not as a method of disipline. Like I say, we were never hit and we're fine.

 

Hitting children seems wrong to me because it's so primitive. I'd much rather teach my child that they will have privileges revoked if they don't do as they're told. I find that most kids will listen if you tell them calmly and firmly what it is you are displeased with (even if they don't get the "logic" they get the tone of voice). Is spanking setting a good example? If your child grows up and gets a job in the local store, will they be whipped if they turn up to work late? No, they'll get a talking to and have their privileges (pay) revoked. I'm sure that some of you will point out the fact I've never had to raise kids and I'd say no I haven't, but my parents have and they did it without resorting to violence.