Hieronymus Lex's First Day on the Job

[SoulofChrysamere]

A quick short story I penned out of boredom over the past few days. Enjoy!

 

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Cold morning raindrops pelted Lex’s watchman uniform as he jauntily patrolled the Market District’s broken, mossy streets. His head was on a constant swivel, always scanning for any kind of suspicious person. This was easier said than done, however, since the crummy weather had forced most of the City’s residents to don what protective fabrics they possessed and hunch over in a shady manner. Still, it was the new recruit’s very first day on the job and he wanted to make a marvelous first impression…first impression while on duty, anyway.

 

 

Indeed, the young man had left quite an initial impression at his swearing in. He had repeated Phillida’s articulation of the Imperial Oath in a very loud, boisterous tone and he had greatly exaggerated the proper etiquette toward his new colleagues. These, coupled with his rank-and-file military march all the while, could very well have given the impression that the affair was a cheap, satirical sideshow. Some of the senior members even had to consciously try to keep themselves from bursting out laughing.

 

 

Lex trumped along the walk directly outside the upper right building, half-accosting every scurrying life he saw. He paid no mind to the first couple of signs. Feed Bag…Warehouse… He paused at the third one, though. “Jensine’s Good as New Merchandise” it read. Lex’s heart instantly went aflutter as his view drifted to the door. He had always had a crush on Jensine…a very big one.

 

 

Lex desperately wanted to pop in and reveal his new status to Jensine, but he also wanted to catch at least one criminal on his inaugural patrol. He wrestled between his two loves for a moment, but eventually caved in to the former and entered the shop.

 

 

The same familiar scenery greeted his eyes as he came through the door. Animal heads and tapestries adorned the walls while dressers and tables lined them from the floor. The counter was gilded with all manners of wares as it always was. Whether it be a pot or a knife, a helmet or a necklace, a spell book or a belt, one was bound to spot his quarry somewhere in Jensine’s shop.

 

 

“Hello, Jensine!” Lex shouted.

 

 

A startled Jensine jumped up from rummaging through a crate behind the bar. As she regained her balance, a sashaying Lex strolled up to the countertop and leaned upon it.

 

 

“Oh, hello, sir. How are you?” Jensine asked as she fixed her hair.

 

 

“Dandy! And how might you be this fine day?” Lex bellowed.

 

 

“I’m okay, I guess. Just sorting out the stuff in this box here.” She replied, still not recognizing who the watchman was.

 

 

By this time, Lex had tired of waiting for her to recognize him and removed his helmet.

 

 

“Oh, Lex!” Jensine yelled. “You’re a watchman, now?”

 

 

“That I am, my darling! Just popping in to see my favorite shopkeeper!” He said.

 

 

“I’ll bet. I should have known it was you from your grand entrance.” She teased as she returned to the crate.

 

 

“Yes, you certainly should have!” Lex agreed.

 

 

They then fell silent for a bit and the new ensign began to drum is fingers on the desk. He absentmindedly perused the wares in the shop for a couple of minutes, but then he suddenly remembered that he was on duty. Darn my inattentiveness! I need to get out of here and back to the streets…

 

 

“Well, Jensine, I wish I could stay and chat, but there’s evil afoot out there and it’s my duty to catch those criminals!” came his raucous farewell as he wheeled around and exited the shop. Jensine returned his goodbye as the door closed behind him.

 

 

Outside, Lex resumed his route through the markets. The rest of the morning passed by without incidence despite the watchman’s best efforts. He averaged about four threatened shakedowns every thirty minutes for the last couple hours before noon, and he even nearly hauled one unfortunate soul in for questioning at the very mention of the word “theft”. Following each spectacle, Lex could see and sometimes hear his fellow watchmen laughing at him. He simply scowled at the ridicule. These guys don’t take their jobs nearly seriously enough. All these brigands and troublemakers running amok in the city and they hardly even bat an eyelash! These thoughts, along with numerous others, danced in his head as he transitioned from the Market District to the neighboring Elven Gardens District at noon.

 

 

The beginning of the second half of his beat was relatively identical to the first. He glowered menacingly at nearly every non-guard he came across and passed out more reminders to the populace to be on its best behavior. The hours ticked by, and it seemed that the only thing that was going to hit the City as night fell was more frigid rainfall. Lex’s breath even took on visible, misty form as Frost Fall’s nocturnal powers once again began to build.

 

 

As dusk waned, however, something finally broke the day’s humdrum. As Lex passed by the door to Luther Broad’s Boarding House, he heard a feminine scream come from inside the building. A second later, a Khajiiti man burst out and took off in the direction opposite Lex.

 

 

Seeing his chance to get a first-day catch, Lex immediately bolted after the fleeing cat.

 

 

“Stop, thief!” He yelled as he trailed the cutpurse.

 

 

The Legion training classes had whipped Lex into shape quite handily, but one can only move so quickly while dressed in Imperial steel. Slowly but surely, the Khajiit pulled away from him as they both wove through the crowds back toward the Market District gate. Other watchmen had heard Lex’s shout and attempted to cut the Khajiit off, but his feline speed and dexterity enabled him to simply leap over them. Before long, the pursuit had taken on the appearance of a high-speed parade with a furry guttersnipe at the lead and an entourage of City guards following close behind.

 

 

Lex was still running hard at the head of the pack and, although unable to overcome the Khajiit’s pace, was doing a fine job of matching it with the help of his adrenaline. Still, it appeared as if he and his comrades would tire out before they caught the stealer and there would be another “one that got away” heading into the books. But then, the guards got a break. The Khajiit stumbled over a bowl someone had dropped and slowed down for a few seconds. Recognizing the opportunity, Lex shifted into overdrive and pulled ahead of the other pursuers.

 

 

By the time the cat was back up to full speed, Lex had nearly wholly closed the gap behind him. Lex made a lunge for his quarry’s flailing tail, and barely caught the tip of it. He jerked his catch backward and firmly latched onto his shoulder with his other hand. A loud, meow-ish groan and flop on the ground later, the new inductee found himself lying on top of a wheezing suthay-raht.

 

 

“Caught you, criminal scum!” Lex boomed as he fastened the irons around the wriggling Khajiit’s wrists.

 

 

After securing the braces, Lex stood and yanked his new prisoner off of his belly. He and another watchman satisfyingly hauled the rowdy blackguard to the jail.

 

 

The trio made quite an entrance into the prison building. In one last vain attempt to escape his captors, the Khajiit bucked and lunged violently to the left and right, toppling a pair of tall vases and shattering them upon the floor. A few punches and kicks to his backside soothed his animation, though.

 

 

By this time, the younger of the two jailors had rounded the desk and approached the arrivals. “A feisty one, isn’t he?” He quipped.

 

 

“Yes, sir! Lookin’ ta toss ‘im in a cell.” Lex replied.

 

 

“Well, let’s pat him down first.” Said the elder jailor.

 

 

The four officers gave the thief a thorough frisking, but they could not locate anything other than the pilfered purse that the arresters had already confiscated. One of the jailors stowed the purse in the evidence chest while the other helped incarcerate the Khajiit.

 

 

Lex hurled the Khajiit into a cell a ways back down the hall and triumphantly slammed the gate shut. “Ho ho, caught one on my very first day!” He gloated as he swaggered out of the cell block.

 

 

The other two guards simply shook their heads. “Nothin’ like a first-day catch to turn a greenhorn into a snob.” The jailor said.

 

“Don’t I know it.” The patrolman agreed.

 

 

With that, the duo returned to their respective jobs, leaving the detainee sitting in one of the cell’s back corners in a ball.

 

 

After they had gone back down the hallway, however, the Khajiit stood up. About ten seconds later, he regurgitated a small, single-toothed bar. After wiping it off, he then reached around to his back and tore off a patch of it. He slowly, but completely removed all of the fur stuck to it, revealing its plain, grayish color. He then stretched it out into the shape of a head-covering with eyeholes and a nosehole. He grinned as he slid it on.

 

 

“Heh heh heh…now it gets interesting.” He said to himself as he inserted the pick into the cell door’s lock.

Edited November 28, 2012 by SoulofChrysamere

[AurianaValoria1]

This is very well-written, Chrys! An excellent story and a thoroughly entertaining read. :)

[SoulofChrysamere]

Thanks, Auriana. I had gotten the idea from fanfiction.net where someone posted a story which is Hieronymus Lex's personal diary/journal. I decided I'd pen my own Lex story...and voila, my depiction of Lex's very first day as a City watchman was born.

[Maharg67]

Very good. Enjoyed it muchly. Could this be the infamous master of the Thieves Guild? :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

Honourary kudos since I have already given you kudos.

Edited January 14, 2012 by Maharg67

[Lutine]

Brilliant. I love it.

You've written a great, amusing story.

I can easily see Lex acting like this in his younger years. xD

[SoulofChrysamere]

Thanks, Maharg and Lutine. I tried my best to portray how Lex would be as a newbie City watchman.

[tokyobiohazard]

I liked the humor in this one :3 Great, as always!