gamenode Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 As the title suggests I'd like to see "modern marriage" brought to Skyrim in the form of a mod. Since Bethesda has given us the option of marriage I think it should come with some realism so we can truly immerse ourselves. Modern Marriage Mod (MMM) would enhance marriage in Skyrim by bringing to the player character all the benefits and joys of real life marriage in the Western World. Key features include: 1. You will need to own at least one house, one horse, and have 100k gold as well as an Amulet of Mara and a Perfect Diamond Ring to get married--you lose the ring just for asking and she may say no or back out later (15% chance). If you are female marrying a male you will only need an Amulet of Mara. 2. On the day of your marriage 50k gold (or 10% of your total wealth whichever is more) will be deducted from your treasury to pay for the wedding, dress, and other incidentals. This cost is eliminated if you marry a male and are female. 3. Every week you will need to make at least 10,000 gold from your exploits and half of this weekly income will be deducted and given to your spouse to cover her expenses since you are the breadwinner. This cost will be eliminated if you marry a male. 4.1. If your spouse is male he will have to have a job as well as cook and clean and accompany you on your adventures to carry anything heavy.4.2. If your spouse is female she will be required to do nothing for you that she does not choose to do. She may or may not clean, work, cook, or treat you with respect and kindness. If you are attacked she may or may not assist you. 5. There is a small chance that when you come home from adventuring your wife will be angry and attack you with unarmed combat. No bounty will be given to her for assaulting you. However, should you defend yourself even with a calm spell a bounty of 100 gold will be issued in the Hold you currently live in. If you do defend yourself and your wife dies or is killed by your hand for any other reason a bounty will be issued in every hold and you will only have the option of going to jail or dieing. 6. The chance of your wife attacking you increases if you fail to bring in 10,000 gold each week. 7. If your wife does attack you those attacks will continue unless you bring your wife gifts every day and or make even more money to give her. 8. If you are unable to prevent your wife from attacking you she may escalate with weapons and may even attack you in your sleep. There is a 1% chance, per attack, that your wife will later castrate you in your sleep. No bounty will be issued and you will not die. You will be laughed at wherever you go. (male nude mod is required for full immersion). 9. It is possible, but rare, that your wife may simply kill you in your sleep at which point the game will end because you never wake up. As always, no bounty will be issued against your wife for any assault against you. 10. At the discretion of your wife, children will begin to appear. They will be disrespectful and demanding especially the daughters. Your net payout to your wife will increase by 20% for the first child and 10% after that for a total of 70% income loss per week for the first child and 80% or higher after that (a maximum of 95% income loss will be instituted to allow you to buy things so you can keep working). 11. If your wife attacks you it is possible you will get a bounty even if you do nothing but walk away. You wife will simply go to the guards and claim you hit her. 12. There is a 50% chance that at some point while playing Skyrim your wife will divorce you even if there was never an argument. At this point you will lose half of all gold you have in your possession. Half of all items in all chests, dressers, boxes, drawers, etc. will disappear. You will lose your house and your horse. If you own more than one house you will be allowed to keep the house which is worth the least. There will also be a 100,000 gold fee for lawyers that will come out of your half. 13. Further, your weekly child costs will be doubled for each child up to 60% and if you owned homes in Markarth, Windhelm, or Whiterun you will be required to continue to pay your wife 5,000 gold a week or half of what you make (whichever is more) in alimony until you die or your wife remarries (she won't remarry but instead will just live with a guy who raises your kids). 14. The divorce will take 6 months (game time) during which time you will be required to make all previous payments as well as paying the 100,000 gold for the lawyers. In some cases divorces will take longer or be more costly (dice roll on this one) and your lawyer costs may be significantly higher. The richer you are the more likely you will have to pay more. 15. After the divorce there is a chance that if you interact with your children your ex-wife may call the town guards and arrest you because she claimed you were abusive. 16. There is about a 10% chance that you will be prohibited from ever seeing your kids again if there was any domestic violence in your marriage or if your wife just doesn't like you. Trying to visit or interact with your kids will result in a bounty. After this if you get within 500 feet of the kids or your ex a bounty will be issued (even if you can't see them). 17. If you fail to make enough money to cover child support and alimony you will get a bounty in the Hold your ex-wife currently resides. The bounty will be equal to the amount owed plus 20% extra paid to the Jarl (for bookkeeping). You will have only the option to pay or go to jail. If you are behind in your payments the guards stop you the Jarl reserves the right to seize your horse and possessions to sell (at a discounted rate) to pay your alimony and child support. No leniency will be given if you are now unable to work because you lost your armor, weapons, and armor. Note: If your spouse is male the chance of him ever striking you will be half that if she was female (real life) and usually only occurs once no matter what you do. You will be allowed to defend yourself without a bounty if you are female. If your male spouse attacks you more than once you will be allowed to kill him and only receive a 50 gold bounty. Killing a male spouse who strikes you automatically makes you a thane in the town you live in. (use of a frenzy spell on your husband does not disqualify you from any later rewards). If he does strike you he will be arrested by the guards. If he resists he may be killed and you will own all property and assets. Should your character be female you may strike your husband anytime you please. An option that works similar to the vampire feed option will be available should you wish to chop off his penis at night. If you do this a small bounty will be issued against you. However, he will not die and when he walks around town people will cheer you and laugh at him. If you are not already a Thane the Jarls of every hold will send you a messenger and invite you to their palace to discuss your deeds and make you a Thane. You will be made famous throughout the land and people will give you gifts and praise for what you have done. I think that about covers it. Now if you don't think anyone will download this mod then let me just remind you that millions of men in the Western World agree this in real life every day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bamfigms Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 So, I think you went about as overboard as anyone can, and I can't believe I read most of that wall of text. Though I can't honestly say that it didn't make me laugh a bit. That being said. you have issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bpestilence Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 You have serious abandonment issues. See a counselor immediately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thompsonar Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 I just.... can't even begin to... what? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuramin Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 (edited) I was going to skip the giant wall of text but then I saw people saying you have issues so... *Reading* :armscrossed: :facepalm: You have issues, bro... Don't ever change though. Edited February 9, 2012 by Kuramin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stabbykitteh Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Uh... yeah.... interesting take on (not so) modern marriage.Women get shafted in marriage/divorce too, indeed we do. :wallbash: If it's a joke I'm a doof but yikes... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guern Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 You have issues, bro... Don't ever change though. :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linsolv Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 This is... REALLY sexist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ita Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 I'll hazard a guess; you just got divorced IRL? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aegrus Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 This is hilarious! If you were serious, it's sexist. But I think this is clever satire, so well done! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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