The Steps of A Broken Heart

[Brittn]

Yeah no story here I sowy. But, it has come to my attention that we should keep of 'stuff' in order and so that we dont lose our art and just to keep things tidy. SO, this is where I ll be keeping alllll my work. So I'll go ahead and put all my work up now while I have the time and energy ^^.

 

 

The Same:

 

I have his laugh and my jokes are his. I have his eyes and smile.

You say Im just like him in every way.

You say Im rebellious like him and that my soul is un-tamable.

When you tell me you have no joy.

You look like you could cry.

 

So why do you tell me.

After all you no longer love him.

If I am him, then you don’t love me.

But I guess your right I am like him.

After all I cant keep you with me.

I cant get your affection anymore.

 

Your eyes judge me now every time you look at me.

You say that I do every thing wrong and that I will never get anything right.

You say Im screwed up because of him.

 

But I don’t even know him.

You took me from him, because you thought it was best.

I was alone for years of my life.

 

You wonder why I cant bond with you.

Because you were never there.

You never held my hand to cross the road.

You never told me about love and life.

Hell I know nothing about you but you gave life to me.

How is this that I live with a stranger that Im supposed to love.

 

Do you even remember our song.

No why would you, after all you don’t even know my first word.

You cant remember anything about my early years.

It was “My Girl”. I bet its not anymore.

 

For Im too much like him….and you hate him.

I guess that’s why you don’t care anymore.

 

There is a new one here with another man who you wont leave and he wont leave you.

I cant help but feel left out. After all I have no blood in them, and you already don’t want me anymore.

Is it really wrong for me to want to be her.

To want to feel that love that I was deprived of.

To know the warm embrace of a mother’s arms and the proud smile of a father.

 

Yes this man is my new father, but he doesn’t look at me the same.

After all I have none of his blood.

His family doesn’t want me anymore now that she is here.

 

And I don’t have any physical true friends.

So is it so wrong to feel this way.

To feel alone in a world with billions of people, is that wrong.

In your eyes this is all wrong, for everything I do is wrong.

 

All I can say to her is that I lover her and that I wish her the best, and that I promise I will be the sister I never had.

And that if you ever leave her like you did me, then Im there for her, and that she is not alone.

I don’t hate her, I envy her for she will have everything I could have ever dreamt of.

 

 

 

 

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Strong:

 

In all of our lives we will go through hardships. We will cry so we can laugh. We will fight for our right to live.We will dance the night away and lover our lovers for the rest of our days. We do sail the great sea of unknown and are tossed around and beaten and broken.We sometimes make it out, and other times we don't. I can tell you for sure, I have been in the unknown and back, this is my story.

 

It was any other day for me at school. My little sister had just turned 3 the day before and I had a joy unlike any other. My parents tried for many years to have children. Something to share their new married joy. I apparently wasn't enough joy for my dear mother and step father. SO in trying they had many a children, all of whom died within months of conception. So after a while they stopped telling people, stopped telling me, so when the break came it wouldn't be as hard. So when this little light came into all of our darkness we all did our best to shield it from the winds of life.I had waited 13 long lonely years to have a sibling, I had always wanted an older sibling though someone I could look up to, as my mother never seemed to be around. But little did I know, on this day she was on the verge of being taken away from me forever.

 

Upon getting home, the fear of the unknown was tossed in my face. It was a fear that brought me to my knees in shock and in borderline tears. It was a pain of knowing that the one thing that mattered most to me was scared and alone somewhere in the sky, on her way to try for a chance to live. It was this realization that my sister had a brain tumor and no one knew if she would live or die.

 

The few days that I was with her, she would be screaming and crying. She would see a nurse come in cry her little eyes out, begging someone to make the nurse stop, because she knew what the nurse was there for. I would look to my parents to find some kind of comfort, just to hear one of them say that she would be OK, but no. That comfort was reserved for them, so that they could lean on each other in their time of need. Still, instead of comfort or just anything, but I saw the fear and stress on my family’s face, I felt the unknown hanging in the air suffocating us and driving us mad.

 

But it was here that I learned something that I will hold in my heart and that I will cherish forever. It was when I watched my sister finally fall asleep and listened to her heart on a monitor. It was when I watched my parents sleep on the floor tossing and turning trying to fight off the fears of night. It was when I saw the moon light dance along the ocean waves that it all hit me. A long ago saying that I was told came drifting into my mind as I was just about to fall into a deep slumber, “You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.” And it was in that chair that I knew I had to be strong for my sister, family, and most of all for myself.

 

 

 

 

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It was love.

 

 

In all honesty, you saved me.

You woke me from a long slumber, that I thought I would surly die in.

You opened my eyes to the precious moments life could bring.

You let me feel something I never thought I would feel.

 

LOVE

 

You have no idea what you have done, and may never know.

You will never know the joy it was to hear that you were alive and well.

You will never know how my heart was overwhelmed when I heard your heart for the first time.

You will never know how I melted when I held you in my arms.

 

LOVE

 

Your body was so small and your eyes so big.

OH! your eyes! Such a beauty.

To see them looking back at me, so wide and in wonder.

It felt as if I knew what you you were thinking, when you put your tiny, frail finger to my face and smiled.

 

LOVE

 

It was love I felt those days...and its love I still feel today.

My little sister, how much I love you.

And how I wish you could know.

 

 

 

 

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I Wont?

 

You say I wont.

You say that I am scared,

of what they will say,

of what they will think.

You say my heart is racing,

you say my heart is jumping,

you say my stomach is turning,

that the butterflies are swarming.

 

You say that I am scared?

Do my blue eyes betray me?

Do my cheeks burn red,

like that fire that is raging inside me?

Do you hear my heart pounding,

like the roaring of waterfalls?

 

I crack a joke and show a smile.

Trying to hide whats really going on inside.

Trying to hold back the tears that want to pour,

from all of my inner war.

 

But you look on.

You look inside.

Your green eyes laugh at me,

mock me.

You can see that I am losing the war.

You can see the pain inside.

You know that right now all I want to do is hide,

maybe even die.

 

Fear turns into rage.

Into anger that I would show any weakness.

Weakness to you,of all people.

The lioness inside has awoken,

growling and daring you to keep looking.

 

My skin prickles from the new heat of my blood boiling,

racing in my body.

My small smile, turned into a twisted grin.

My eyes look back, eyebrows arched,

laughing back at you.

 

I wont back down.

I have a strength that you don't know,

the kind that I don't show.

The kind that I forget I have.

But I am a rebel child.

I am that shooting star in the sky.

The one that shine the brightest when its needed most.

I am the cloud in the day.

The kind that is taken for granted,

yet is always there.

 

I stare hard at you.

My blue eyes piercing into your green ones.

I say no...

I am not scared of them.

I am scared of what I tell myself I can't,

and somehow turns into I wont.

 

 

 

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Insane

 

 

“Insane” we call him,

laughing and joking at him.

He runs, every where.

Where to?

Know one really knows.

He just comes and goes.

 

Hes different.

Yes, mentally, but also there is something else.

Hes has a kind of glow,

but he doesn’t see it.

He just runs with his head held low.

 

Hes afraid,

but yet also brave.

Its hard to explain,

but somehow, just looking you could know.

You could see, see his glow.

 

We try so hard to send his mind on idle chases.

But we are the joke to him.

He laughs inside that you can see in his eyes,

but you would never know by his words.

He knows what we, and the would thinks,

but he knows what we don’t.

 

He drowns us out,

scribbling in a little black book.

There is a silent urge,

just to take on quick peek.

Just to take one silent look.

To satisfy this new hunger.

 

Its a small book that he writes in.

No lager than my hand.

There is an old book smell,

like when you walk into a library.

Its pages are old and worn out,

yellow and some even torn out.

Big scribbled words clung to its pages...all unheard.

 

Laughed at and pointed at as I read,

I got into the “insane” kids head.

Troubled he is and insane his words,

but hes still a kid full of hurt.

He writes of death and life,

pain, love, and hate.

To these things we could all relate.

 

His words are obscure clothed in shadows

mysteries unknown; hard to follow.

Truths written in code

all of them unknown.

Their hard to show,

but somehow I know know his glow.

 

Though he is insane,

I know his pain.

I have some of his pain.

We all would know it,

if we would just stop and take a look.

Just one peek into his book.

Into his world.

 

Still, most will laugh.

Most will point and call out.

In this world we run.

Where to?

Know one really knows.

We just come and go.

Am I “insane”?

Are we “Insane”?

 

 

 

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What Is It?

 

 

Do you know what it feels like;

 

to stay up all night.

 

Waiting for something to happen.

 

Waiting for you to call;

 

just to hear you say its not real.

 

Just to hear you say I love you

 

and that there is nothing to fear.

 

Just to feel your arms one more night.

 

 

 

Do you know what that feels like?

 

Do you know this feeling?

 

The wanting the pain to go away,

 

the hurt to leave.

 

The wanting the tears to stop,

 

and to let the smile glow.

 

 

 

Do you know what it feels like to hear the house creak and moan.

 

To hear the trees beat upon the window and the wind blow.

 

To hear the thunder roll and the rain pitter-patter.

 

To see the shadows dance on the walls and see lighting glow.

 

 

 

Do you know what it feels like to curl in a ball and want to disappear?

 

To reach out and find no comfort near, but only a fear.

 

Do you know what it feels like to be heart broken?

 

 

 

Did you ever love me at all?

 

What is it that you wanted?

 

What was it that you needed?

 

What is she that I am not?

 

 

 

Why, why, why?

 

Do you know these words?

 

Do you have them in your mind too,or was I nothing to you?

 

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WHO I am....

 

 

Its the hills laden with snow in winter of North Carolina.

 

Its the fireflies in June on a hot Oklahoma Summer night.

 

Its the party at night on every Louisiana street.

 

Its the ocean waters kissing my toes on a Georgia beach.

 

 

 

They are the places the grew me.

 

They are the places that hold my history.

 

They are the places that I cherish.

 

They are the places that I call home.

 

 

 

When I think about my childhood, I think of many things.

 

I think of the pain and sorrow.

 

I think of how I was forced to be an adult too soon.

 

 

 

But, I some how always over look what went on around me,

 

and not really see how lucky I am

 

to have been where I have been.

 

 

 

These places are filled with good and bad memories.

 

These places hold the truth to who I am.

 

These places are what made me and what break me.

 

 

 

It is but my final years here, that I have truly understood who I am...and why I am.

 

And to these places and to those people, I thank for what they have done, continue do, and will always do; Make me stronger and proud of WHO I am.

 

 

 

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I remember

 

I remember my past.

 

It haunts my every thought.

 

It grips my heart with its cold sickly fingers.

 

Its smile is evil....sinister.

 

Its eyes are hollow and dark,

 

it has no soul.

 

 

 

I look to my future.

 

It welcomes my every stumbling step.

 

It holds me in its warm embrace.

 

Its smile is a mystery....unknown.

 

Its eyes are filled with pride and love,

 

its the hope of a better life.

 

 

 

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I Hate

 

 

I hate the fact that we were so close.

 

I hate the fact that we laughed all the time.

 

I hate the fact that we told each other everything.

 

I hate the fact that we were like sisters.

 

 

 

I hate that I cant get your laugh out of my head.

 

I hate that you were a big part of me.

 

I hate that I told you everything.

 

I hate that I trusted you.

 

 

 

I still wonder why we gave everything only to find that in the end, we're left with nothing but this hate.

Edited April 23, 2012 by Brittn

[Maharg67]

Amazing! I am very impressed with all of the work you put into one post. I will read it more than once to give it the kind of attention it deserves. Please keep writing. :thumbsup: