Nintii's short stories and poetry *ahem*

[Nintii]

Ok, so I've had this little number for well over three months now and it definitely needs some polishing but I reckon it's good to go for now ...

 

I suppose that I'll work on it both now and a bit later on ...

 

Updated: 30th April 2012

 

Interview with the Princess of the Alien Garage.

 

Background ... The Hutts of the Star Wars universe are from a planet called Nal Hutta where they wheel and deal, smuggle and do crime etc.,... well anyway one of them has a little sideline skin magazine going where they have their three page fold out of some alien beauty queen and the obligatory "intelligent" questions and indepth articles that prove that they're no ordinary purveyors of alien porn but have an intellectual side as well ... does this ring any bells lol. ?

 

Well anyhow, one of the bigger "TV Networks" based on the Galactic capital of Coruscant picked up on this little gem that "TV studios" normally slot in somewhere for a bit of a laugh or as they say, "on a lighter note".

 

Three ... two ... one ... go ...

 

The camera zooms in on a spinning holo image of Coruscant and a big triple one rises from behind it in a brilliant light - in the background an angelic sounding choir begins it's rising lalalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa - the triple ones now join the spinning globe in it's rotation ... distant trumpets begin to sound - the angels grow louder - big boom boom boom boom boom, drums roll and - ta daaaaaaa Coruscant bursts into a billion shards of light ... the camera dives into the light and emerges from it's top center ... the shards of light fly out in all directions and light up the systems as they go ... the angels reach a climactic crashing cresendo along with the cymbals ... dun dun dun dun, the cymbals clash again and now the growing "triple one's" cast their shadow across the galaxy.

 

This is channellllllll One One One coming to you live from our studios here on Coruscant Capitallllll of all the known Galaxyyyyyyy ... Ladies and Gentlemen, and all and any species from across the known worlds ... I greet you and bid you welcome ... the trumpets sound again .....

 

Let me introduce to you the very same team that blew the lid on the galactic wide Assocaustic Dextasnotic food poison scandal and the The Perlemian Trade Route Toll conspiracy ... the one and only team to ever interview the entire Galactic Senate ... our A Team ... Ambinta and Serindaaaaaaaa ... thunderous applause errupts in the live studio and the band strikes up bouncy, cheerful, feel good little tune ...

 

The camera turns and zooms across the massive audience and settles on two people sitting in oversized Correlian hover chairs ...

Hi folks, my name is Ambinta Slash

And I'm Berinda Silh Adur

 

A ... And like Johnson X23 said, we are your wonderful hosts coming to you live from what is a truly lovely evening here on Coruscant.

B ... Yes it is Ambinta, and we sure have all the latest and greatest news, reviews, gossip, political and corporate scandals and

shenanigans.

A ...Yes indeed, tonight we will delve into the mysterious world of the Excarganian pod extractors and discover how they manage to live so

long.

B ... And we will blow the lid right off of the false lies and conspiracy theories surrounding the Sith ...

A ... Can't wait for that one Berrinda ... you did that one with Prof. Zika Toga from the Alumintas Grand School of Learning ?

B ... Yes, and it was just so amazing to uncover the real truth about the Sith ... they were just a small group of freedom fighters nothing

more, all those stories about all the violence was only made up by one controversial Jedi Knight who was on drugs at the time and

you know how these things go, while he was tripping the light fantastic on Nexustratum Candygolia or Purple Druididium Mushrooms

as they are commonly known, his mind went wacky and out came all of these fantastic stories, which unfortunately have persisted

to this day.

A ... Wow, Berrinda, no I really mean that, just wow, that story sure sounds hot, can't wait for it ... but I wonder what the Jedi Council

will say to that ?

B ... Well we did try to contact them but they refused to comment, but you know how it goes ... accuse someone of something and the

guilty normal clam up.

A ... Sure do, damn Right-wingers.

 

A ... Hahaha but we're being rude now so without further ado,

Hello, hello, hello out there all you space cadets this is Galaxy channel One One One, and we’re coming to you live from studio Alpha

119 here on Coruscant ... the capital of all the known galaxy.

And I Ambinta Slash, together with my lovely co-host Berrinda Sllh Adur ... who this very afternoon found out that she's going to be a

mommy hahahaha ...

 

*Berrinda waves and smiles giggling ... crowd screams and cheers wildy calling her name, Berrinda, Berrinda, Berrinda*

 

A ... Hahaha settle down folks, settle down, don't want to wake up the little fellow now do we ?

 

*crowd bursts into laughter*

 

A ... as I was saying together we are going to touch you with the latest no matter where you live, because we here at Channel One, One,

One go to where no one from any studio has ever gone before, we travel as far south as the Red Nebula beyond the outer rim

and all the way across the cores to Belkadin just past wild space wayyyyy up north.

And tonight this is my lovely co-host Berinda Slih Adur and together we’re going to titillate and delight you ... but before we do a quick

word from our sponsors ...

 

 

The holo screen goes dim and three, two, one the sound shield comes up and blocks off the audience from the presenters and cameramen.

 

*WTF, who was the idiot who wrote a double introduction" ? yelled Ambinta into his microphone.

"i-i-I don't know", said Quaram from Sound in his ear, "I really don't, no, um wait it was the new guy".

"Well kick his butt", yelled Ambinta into his mic, "he's an idiot, doesn't he know who's watching us out there ... this is my fifth last show before I go over to XL Kronador and now I'm made to look like an idiot ... this, gentlemen" he said and paused for effect " is not on and no one is going steal my ticket out of here".

 

"Whoa, calm down, Ambinta no one knows that you sometimes help with the scripts".

"Well I told them I sometimes do, and now they are going to think that I'm the idiot who wrote this ... fire the jerk who did this or else I walk and do it right now ... hey up there do ya hear me ... fire him right now, and oh yeah, and who's the numbskull that put white towels in my change room, I said silver, silver you idiots, are you color blind ?

Is it any wonder I'm leaving you".

 

"Yeah yeah we hear you, he's as good as gone so just take it easy and relax ok" ?

"Don't tell me to relax Quram just don't tell me to relax ... and fix the damn towels".

 

Damn I can't wait to see the little snot nose go thought Berrinda, finally, I get be anchor.

 

Ok everyone settle down here, we're on in 15 people said the director, 15.

 

 

The Studios jingle played and the sound shield dropped

 

A ... Right folks let’s jump right into it ... our first story tonight is a bit of a laugh ... we sent out our intrepid creww to the backwater world of

Varl right inside of Hutt Space.

yup, you heard right, right into Hutt space itself ... *pause* ... and this is what they came back with ... enjoy", he said and winked.

 

The camera took a long spanning zoom of a dry and dusty landscape and finally settled on a filthy dilapadated little settlement ...

"What brings us out to this forsaken waste you might ask yourself", said an extraordinarily handsome looking man in a white one-piece Arkanian suit.

"Well let me tell you, it's the bi-monthly issue of the "Princess and the Alien Garage" beauty contest and the winner ladies and gentlemen is from this planet, as a matter of fact she's from this very same settlement and her name is Grimelda Dim.

 

And she's agreed o do a live interview with us and so let's give it up for Grimelda Dim ... the camera zoomed out revealing a large crowd of cheering miners and a ginormous

woman who more than likely clocked the scales at 350 kg (771 pounds), who sat on a large steel chair dressed in what must have been bed sheets and a flower garland on her head.

 

"Well" said the interviewer, "my name is Rothas Tilkem and this", he pointed to the huge woman, "is Grimelda Dim".

 

R ... So Miss Dim how does it feel to be known as the “Princess of the Alien garage" for the month of what isn it here ?

 

Someone from the crowd hollered, "It's the fifth month of Whoflung".

 

R ..... How does it feel Miss Dim, are you excited and did you expect this win and what about the fact that you were the only contestant ?

GD .. Huh, well I don't know about all that stuff mister, uh whatever you says your name is, all I knows is that I'm the Princess.

R ..... Hmmm, what I've found out is that you’re the only woman in over 500 000 square miles around here.

GD .. Well that's a lie cos my grammy lives here too.

R ..... Uh, Miss Dim, what is that on your forehead, that uh big knob.

GD ..Thats my love bump.

R ..... I see, doesn’t it get in the way ?

GD .. No, I just push hard against it like this ...... see and it pops out on the back of my head like that.

 

Rothas suddenly smiled real big fighting hard to not to laugh.

 

R ..... Have you ever pushed it only halfway and had half sticking out the front and half at the back ?

GD .. Sometimes.

 

Hehehaahahahahahahooohoohooooh ... from the camera/holoman.

 

R ..... I see .... hehehehe, *he cleared his throat*, uh Miss Dim, do you have any hobbies ?

GD .. Yes I look after kitti slugs.

R ..... Kitti slugs ?

GD .. Yup ... last winter i found about 17 of them all cryin and sad faced just waitin to die, their mommee died and they were all alone.

R ..... And you rescued them I suppose ?

GD .. Yeah, I tried crawlin into their den, but I got stuck for two days until daddy and his crew pulled me out with a winch but I saved

em all, I every last one of them and took them home, poor little critters * she sniffed*.

 

Grimelda's dad suddenly hollered out, "And she let em sleep in her bed too", said daddy.

 

R ..... Really ?

Dad .Oh yeah mighty fine girl with a really big heart, big, big heart I tell ya.

GD .. Yes and they were all cryin for milk and so I gave them *she started loosening the knot on her "dress" th.......

R ..... Yooookay did not need to know that ... uh lets not go there ... be back in a few seconds, a uh, quick word from our sponsors.

 

Rothas just shook his head, "Damn can't wait to get out of here, Ambinta owed him big time.

R ..... ok guys we're on in twenty ...

 

As the camera came back to life Grimelda was talking to her daddy, "... 19 and it rhymes with beauty queen hahahaha daddy see it rhymed".

Dad . Oh pretty Grimelda I think I needs to take you away from this place and this big time planet slicker.

GD .. But why daddy why ?

Dad , Well cos the longer you're with him the more clevera you get and we need ya, ya the only female in all the here side of the planet.

 

The camera\holoman looked at Rothas and shook his head.

 

R ..... Well Miss Dim, do you have any kids ?

GD .. Yes but not as many as the kitti slugs though.

R ..... So how many do you have ?

GD .. About two dozen.

R ..... You have two dozen kids ? he asked incredulously.

GD .. Uh huh ... and it's on account of the last one's daddy that I got me this here love bump, cos he was a Kreishan who never got fixed.

R ..... But two dozen are more than the 17 kitti slugs so how do you figure that ?

GD .. Daddy he's makin my head hurt with all the thinkin.

Dad . You stop that there nonsense ... makin her think to hard, ye hear me.

R ..... Sure Mr Dim, no problemo.

Dad . Huh ?

 

The camera\holoman snickered.

 

GD .. Are you laffin at me huh, you big deal planet slikers just coming tearing through our beautiful planet thinking you so good but you cant have me no sir, uh uh not me, I’m not cheap.

Some of ya tried buyin my favors for 2 Republican credits but oh no, not anymore I don't take anything less than 3 seeing that I'm the princess now.

 

Just then grizzled old dad runs onto the stage hollering ... "No one can have my Grimelda, she’s mine yah hear" ?

 

Crowd ... Yeah leave our Grimelda alone ya can't have her you slickers.

 

R ..... Aren't Republican credits worthless out here ? ... he asked the camera/holoman ... who nodded.

R ..... Anyhow, Calm down folks, calm down, we won't steal your Grimelda, ok ?

Dad . Sure ?

R ..... As sure as the bump on her head ... now Miss Dim, let’s talk about the competition, there were none.

GD .. Yes there was one and I was made princess.

R ..... Yes, but there was no other competition.

Dad . Yes, there was one and she won it it you dumb ass.

 

The crowed roared with laughter ... Dem slickers they mumbled and drew imaginary circles next to their temples ... crazy bunch.

 

R ..... Yes I know that there was only one competition but I'm asking about the other contestants, there were none.

GD .. There was me ...

R ..... I mean contestant ... there was only one contestant.

GD .. Well theres my grandma.

R ..... Your grandma ... anyone else, any other women ?

GD .. No just me and my grandma, but she couldn't make it on account of her leg bein missing.

 

"Dang" thought daddy, "I sure hope they don't start talkin or askin questions about the missing leg"

 

Dad . Yeah well grandma couldn't make it is all, move along now.

 

R ..... So Miss Dim what was the prize for "winning", what gifts or awards did you receive from uh Goolagata the Hutt ?

GD .. Well, I was given 100 Republican credits and a ride on his bargy thing ship and they took my pictures ... wanna see my

centrifugal ?

R ..... Centrifugal ? oh wait you must mean centerfold ?

GD .. Tha's what I said, ... *the holopalm sprang to life and there she was all one million fat rolls*

R ..... Whoa ...

GD .. But you can't have me, she smiled I'm exclusivity.

R ..... You mean exclusive ?

Dad . That's right, she's exclusiviliously uh dang whatever ours, for the planet I mean.

 

The crowd errupted and hollered ... Yeah, she's ours.

 

R ..... Oh shishkebab, we have got to get of here, he whispered to the crew.

R .... Uh Miss Dim, so how many copies of "Princess of the Alien Garage" were sold ?

GD .. Well all 500 of them and more copies were goin to the Core worlds to special shops and other places.

R .... Have you received any job offers ?

GD .. Well Mr Goolagata promised me that I could come and work on his Saki pig farm if I want, but daddy says only for a month *she

sighed* it's hard work bein a beauty queen you know.

R ..... I'm sure Miss Dim, well that's all for now and congratulations.

GD .. Bye bye

Dad . And don't come back ok ?

 

The holo image changes back to the studio ... Ambinta is going through all the holo images of all the rich and famous that he’s interviewed over the years.

 

Ah *he acted in surprise*, and so you're back well over to our sponsor once again.

Edited April 30, 2012 by Nintii

[Maharg67]

This is another fine work you have produced, Nintii! :thumbsup:

[Nintii]

Thanks so much ... I spent some time editting it yesterday, it looks so much better ... it's "different" in the sense of "where on earth did that come from", but in that

regard it's *ahem* unique dare I say.

[Maharg67]

Waiting for more of your wondrous writings, Nintii! :thumbsup:

[Nintii]

I found this gem of a song a while back ... the lyrics kind of make me think of the Druids Garden ... a twist of psychadelia in your early morning health

shake ... a touch of revelatory mint in your roast, a sprig of existential translucency ... it's called ... White Rabbit ... and it was sung by Grace Slick and Jefferson Airplane ...

Hmmm I was born in the wrong age.

 

This song kind of sums up Druidfs Garden for me.

 

White Rabbit ......

 

One pill makes you larger And one pill makes you small

And the ones that mother gives you

Don't do anything at all

Go ask Alice, when she's ten feet tall

 

 

And if you go chasing rabbits

And you know you're going to fall

Tell 'em a hookah smoking caterpillar

Has given you the call

To call Alice, when she was just small

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WANNqr-vcx0

 

 

When the men on the chessboard get up

And tell you where to go

And you've just had some kind of mushroom

And your mind is moving low

Go ask Alice, I think she'll know

 

 

When logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead

And the white knight is talking backwards

And the red queen's off with her head

Remember what the dormouse said

Feed your head, feed your head

 

Btw, I've left half the lyrics abpve the clip and the other half below ... just in case you feel like singing and watching the song.

 

All Rights to this song belong to the relevant music company ... tried to Google it but the results just led me to the song again and again ... frustrating.

Edited August 4, 2012 by Nintii

[Maharg67]

Google seems to be getting more frustrating as a search engine.

 

Loved the song though it is not one I remember hearing as a child back in the 1960s. I was a teen in the 1970s but still can not remember the song, though the band was familiar to me. Most likely I heard the song over the radio when it came out.

 

Nice choice and since I love the Alice In Wonderland story it is extra special.

 

Thanks for posting it!

[Nintii]

PART TWO ..................... THE TRANSFORMATION OF THE PRINCESS OF THE ALIEN GARAGE.

 

Grimelda had just finished her fourteen hour shift on Goolagata the Hutt's Saki Pig farm ... it was now close to 6:30 PM.

 

Dang I'm more tireder than a Geonosian bum fly ... an all em men's people are waitin fer me ... hmmmm .... she giggled it was so splendiforous

to be wanted, but then being the only female on this side of the planet had always made her "popular".

Grimelda waddled over to the waiting barge to be transported to her home planet a mere stones throw from Nal Hutta, Goolagata's home world.

 

The captain of the barge was a real scary looking fellow from the crab world which Grimelda just could not pronounce no matter how hard she

tried ... I uh gonna just call you Captain Crab if ya don mind, cos I caint make them squishy mouth sounds, she once rattled off to him.

Today, she wasnt sure if was smiling or ready to bite her so she just nodded vigorously to the sounds he made when he saw her and rushed on board.

 

The interplanetary barge hurtled across the small stretch of space seperating her home planet from the one she worked on.

Grimelda just flopped down onto her bed made out of a huge mountain of sponge they had thrown together for her in one of the cargo holds empty rooms.

She was tired with a capital "T".

 

BOOOOOOOM BOOM BOOM BOOOOOOOOM, came the heavy sound of plasma canons as they ripped into the barge instantly tearing holes right

through the thick plating and turning the metal white hot.

Despite her huge mass, Grimelda was thrown across the room like a bug on a bullet ... Yeeeeeeaaaaaarrrhhhh she screamed as she bounced off

the far wall and hit the floor only to hurtle upward and smack into the ceiling and then did a couple of smaller bounces and then rolled into the huge

steel door of her quarters.

 

She was mad, hopping mad, no it was more of a frothing at the mouth kind of crazy ... she rolled the lock back and stepped out into the passageway

just in time to see the pirates come crashing into the docking port which was visible through the huge glass wall that seperated the cargo hold from the

docking bay.

Just then the barge's crew burst through the blast doors and began firing at the invaders, Grimelda hit the deck as laser and plasma fire filled the air like

a million little lightning flashes.

 

She crawled over to one of the crew that had fallen and grabbed his rifle and began firing back at the advancing pirates, she hit a few of them and they

went down screaming.

The crew whooped in excitement as the ugly woman mowed down the enemy, she seemed to have some kind of invisible shielding around her

gigantic body as she ran forward screaming at the top her lungs and blasting away as she went.

The crew got right up behind her using her width to protect them ... or so they hoped, from enemy fire.

 

Come and get it yer yellow bellied sons o' bitches ... she yelled as she advanced blasting away furiously ... all the while the crew behind her lobbed

grenades at the pirates and their vessels scoring major hits until they turned and ran back to their remaining ships and hurtled back out into space.

Just when everyone thought it was safe a pirate who had hidden herself jumped from behind a stack of crates and drained the last remaining energy

from her her rifle into Grimelda's body.

Grimelda seemed to fall in slow motion as the hot lightning tore through her, burning huge pineapple size holes into her stomach and chest.

She felt a numbness begin to creep over her, the pain that streakled through her torso was more than she could stand and she felt herself slowly losing

conciousness.

A crew member brought the butt of his gun down on the pirates head and she hit the ground like a sack of potatoes.

 

Get her in the the medical bay now ... shouted the protocol droid as the Captain gave him order.

As quickly as they could, they loaded Grimelda's huge fat and bloodied body onto a hover cart and rushed her into the medical bay.

She wont make it Captain ... the chief medical droid said matter of factly ... she is going to die in exactly five minutes and twenty one seconds.

She must live, she must live ... the Captain barked ... she saved my crew and my ship, there must be a way.

Her present body is beyond repair my Captain, she would need another one, that is the minimum requirement for her to continue existing as a functioning

biological entity ... said the Medical droid.

 

Another body, hmmm ..... thought the Captain.

 

Three hours later found the medical droid reading a report to the Captain ... And Captain, she has never been involved in any procreating activities, never

had any organ damaged except for the few replacements which are tenfold stronger than her original organs, truly, she is a perfect specimen of life and health.

Excellent, just excellent ... said the Captain smiling.

Ah it looks like our patient is waking up ... said the Captain.

Wh-whe-where am I ... mumbled Grimelda as she tried to sit up.

Not too quickly, take it easy ... said the medic.

Wha-what has happened to me, where is my ba-ba-body ?

Your old body had to be disposed of Mz Grimelda Dim ... said the medic ... it was too broken to survive so the Captain decided to have me transplant your

brain into a new body, a body that worked.

 

A new body, what new body ? ... she stammered as she rolled away the sheets looking at her lithe athletic new form.

Why the body of your killer the pirate ... he replied ... it's a terrific body, it's virtually brand new, never been used much except to eat and drink and the usual

bodily functions though it has never been used for procreating activities which I feel is a tremendous bonus.

Never been used much ... she said, slowly and quietly and then she began to fall back and was out cold.

Doctor what is happening ? ... asked the Captain anxiously ... is she dying ?

No no Captain, it's just a bit too much for her, by tomorrow she should be fine.

 

Three days had gone by and the Captain had the crew turn the ship and head for Tattooine where he hoped to find parts and repair his ship.

It was now a week that had gone by and Grimelda had had a lot of time to think, something she had not really done at all in her entire life.

The medical droid had done more than merely transplant her brain into this new body but it had also worked on enhancing her brain far beyond it's old

capacity.

Grimelda was to all intents and purposes a now very intelligent person or rather she had the ability for tremendous intelligence, far beyond many

of her fellow human species.

She had locked herself in her quarters and had been ravenously devouring as much information from the ship's databanks as she could.

Now as she stood looking at her new self in the mirror a new reality and lease of life began flooding her heart and mind.

She was never going back to that putrid pit of a backwater town ever again, she almost wretched with disgust as she recalled her former life ...

there was going to be a lot of getting even with the people who used her.

She had a new reality ... Grimelda Dim was dead ... Gisele ... was going to be her new name.

She was smoking hot, intelligent and the universe was her oyster ... I think I'll go and find that hot reporter who came to my world ... yes definitely,

she giggled softly to herself ...

 

The intercom sounded in her room and the protocol droid's face appeared on the holo desk ... Mz Grimelda luncheon is served in five minutes ... it

said in an even tone.

Call me Gisele from now on ... Gisele Newborn.

 

........................................................................................................................................................................................

 

Please excuse any errors, I typed this story out as it came to me while online so any editing will have to wait, cheers, hope you like it.

Edited November 1, 2012 by Nintii

[mythicdawnmaster]

Ohh a Star Wars tale! Delightful! :biggrin:

 

I enjoyed it, and Gisele is a name i favour :happy: