The end of my existence

[AVDutch]

So yeah, this is a short story I wrote a while ago. I really like it for several reasons, but feel free to read it and make up your own mind!

I hope you enjoy!

 

 

 

The End of my Existence

 

“When you read this, I will no longer exist. My existence and all her traces will be erased. My only crime: to live, to feel, to exist! That is my felony, that is the reason I will perish.

 

But death, I do not want death, I want life. And this, this is the only way I can continue to exist. This clean, white paper, this sterile pen, designed to be absolutely without emotion. My life, my memories, my thoughts, everything that is a remembrance to my existence will continue to live on. And it will be read. It will be remembered, and perhaps, in many many years to come, whether that’s 20 or 20.000, my expedition, and perhaps I, will be remembered as the survivors!

 

My story starts before the third fire. That merciless fire that destroyed everything. It took a hold of my world and left her, destroyed and broken, without a future. Our planet was finally rid of us.

 

We were the only survivors. We were the new colonists, those that left. Our intention was not to be the future, but to give our race another chance, to colonise and discover. We were the Columbus of our day, and we are the last of our kind.

 

Our tight group, in it 14 men and just as many women, all with a good past, all with a good future, and none older than 20. It is cruel that fate has made us so unfortunate.

 

Our ship cannot continue forever. The Santa Maria has to stop. It is after all a long time to be underway, 9 years. Just 5 light-years have we put between us and our world, but already we have to rest, to stop, to regain our strength.

 

We cannot do that, and only one alternative remains. Cryo-Stasis. We are currently 34 strong after several successful relationships on board, but this is something that we have considered, and there is room for 50 people on this ship.

 

But it is time, I have to go. If I die this paper will be my memory. It will be my life. And you, extraterrestrial, or maybe my friend, wife or son, will decipher it, will read it, will understand it… and will think of me.

 

Farewell”

 

….

 

 

 

“Today… I woke up!

A surprise? Definitely, But if it is a good one remains to be seen. Anyway, I have decided to begin a journal, starting with my goodbye letter, in case someone ever finds this.

 

There is a reason that I have been awoken by the ships computer. And that reason is simple. 20 years have passed by since I went to sleep. And they are all dead. Everyone except Denise is dead. We are the only two still alive. The last hope. I have mourned for them, my son, my wife, and everyone else. What was it difficult for me, but it had to be done. I am not sure what I did, but it is over now. The sounds, the lights, the have gone out. Nothing but simple stripes remained. But we are alone, Denise and I.

 

Denise helped me through it. She told me what to do, what to push, and now we are alone, Denise and I. Although I have begun to doubt this fact. Sometimes I am convinced the shadows live. They always move, everything moves, except Denise. She never moves, she only talks to me, plays with me, helps me, cooks for me, even steers the ship for me.

 

But still, I am afraid of her. She has power over me. She guards over me, but she can also do with me whatever she wants. She is nowhere, she does not exist. And she will live forever.

 

After 20 years this ship has not gotten any better, and neither have I. What did I do just one week ago? My memory is not really good anymore, but Denise told me to do it. Was it good? She said they were unnecessary, that they were consuming our supplies, that we would go faster. According to Denise we are almost there. Where is there I wonder.

 

My thoughts, they are unorganized. It is confusing… but it is as clear as an eye. What is space pretty. What is she beautiful. But I cannot be awake long. Denise estimates that it will take another 40 years, but she has discovered a habitable planet.

 

I didn’t know our scanners were this powerful, but Denise says they are. And I trust her unconditionally, Denise. Who can I trust if not her? The idea is absurd, but I am not alone. I know it. They are here.

I will be going back into Cryo-Stasis, and I will only wake myself in 40 years. Until then I end my journal, the journal of the last man alive. But I am afraid, I am afraid it will never be read. But I do not doubt. With the help of Denise we will get there. I trust her! I love her so much!

 

But she says I have to go.

 

Farewell”

 

…

 

 

 

“I’m still alive! And as long as I’m alive our race still exists! As long as I can trust Denise we are not lost. According to my wife we are almost at a habitable planet.

 

Although our wedding can barely be called legal it is enough for us! It is for me anyway, but I have not seen my beautiful wife in a long time. After one long kiss, she vanished, she is gone. She talks to me. She is still here.

 

I have taken out of cryo-stasis and buried all my fellow travellers. I wonder what happened to them, but then again, I wonder so much. I miss her a lot, my wife, but the shadows, the are finally silent. Where there first was movement there is not stillness. I don’t have to look over my shoulder now. I love her! I want her back!

I used the opportunity to look through the library of the ship. Many good words I have found. But words begin to fail me. Does my venture signify nothing? Am I an idiot for pressing on.

 

But I hope we are there soon, wherever that may be! I do so hope the planet is like my old one. I do so miss my home.

 

I hope we will still be alive when we arrive. This ship, it can create a new world, it doesn’t need people to do that, but I want to live. Although I am old, I want to breath. I want my wife. I want her back.

 

Unfortunately, everyone makes mistakes, and no one is here to intervene. But I hope so hope she will continue to exist. All her knowledge, all her literature, all her culture will become part of a new civilization.

 

According to Denise our goal is close. But in the logs I found a planet destroyed by battle. I do not know who did it, but this is not a warship. We don’t have weapons. I hope that no matter who did it, they are no longer here.

 

I am almost 85 years old. And I will not be alive much longer. But I want to see my wife one last time. I don’t understand, where has she gone to? I can’t find her.

 

I found an old picture a time ago. It was nice to see a familiar face. But everything turns to dust, and will not linger for much longer. This is the last part of my Journal. We are there, and I will have to put the ship down. I will not survive the landing, but my people will! I don’t want to die! Denise wants me to live! I love her! But I most go to prepare the landing. My life is about to end, and we will be given a second chance.

 

For the last time,

 

Farewell”

 

On board the massive flagship “Santa Maria II” admiral Borbandi closed the manuscript and looked out of his window to the stars. “It is time” he said to himself, and left for the bridge.

Edited November 8, 2012 by AVDutch

[Keanumoreira]

Fascinating. Is there more to this story? :)

[AVDutch]

Fascinating. Is there more to this story? :)

 

There actually is an entire universe to it, as well as a larger story concerning grand admiral Borbandi, but it's not entirely finished yet.

Also it's not quite as refined as I would like yet. I will edit and post the first part of it tomorrow.

Edited October 21, 2012 by AVDutch

[Maharg67]

Very good! Look forward to more from you, AVDutch! :thumbsup:

Kudos!

Edited October 31, 2012 by Maharg67

[AVDutch]

Sorry it took so long to post something new guys. I kinda threw out everything I had, including some portions of the back story, and here is chapter 1 of the new stuff.

 

It was dark, and there were only a few personnel on duty as admiral Borbandi entered the bridge through the elevator doors situated at the very rear of the somewhat triangular superstructure. Immediately, one of the eager young officers on duty snapped to attention and announced: ‘Admiral on the bridge!’

Without much fuss admiral Borbandi instructed the men to be as they were, and calmly walked up to the captain.

‘When do you expect to arrive?’ He asked of the relatively young Captain that stood before him, in his calm collected manner. Weary of the long weeks of travel that lay behind him, as well as the many long nights planning their mission, Captain Carter responded: ‘we should be there within the hour sir.’

‘Very good’ was the immediate response, ‘insure that we enter orbit at full alert, after all, we wouldn’t want any surprises.’ Admiral Borbandi’s tone was tense, and Captain Carter knew why. To him, the immaculately kept white uniform and focused, intense stare could not hide the turmoil going on in the man that stood before him. After all, so much rested upon the successful completion of their mission. Not only would the life of the man that Admiral Borbandi regarded as his surrogate son depend on it, but if they were forced to carry out their mission through military means, instead of diplomacy, they might well escalate the cold war that had been holding the settled systems in its icy grip for the past century into a full-scale war. A war that could very well push humanity over the edge to oblivion.

As he turned to his screen, and proceeded to the final checks of the vessel before entering orbit, Carter remarked, ‘Looks like we have a welcoming committee, there are at least half a dozen warships in high orbit, waiting to intercept us on our approach’

‘Not to worry, I would have expected nothing less from them than a show of force, especially with such important negotiations coming up. Look, captain, they are taking up an escort position around the Santa Maria’ said captain Borbandi, as the flotilla of Novan warships moved into position around the Santa Maria.

‘I understand sir, but what if the Novans decide to open fire on us? There is very little we could do to defend ourselves without revealing that we have caught up with them in the arms-race, and I really think it is a very bad idea to fire our EMP-burst’ fussed Carter, as he observed the Novan warships moving into a tighter formation.

‘It is a risk we have to take’ was the response by Borbandi, as he saw the remote colony of Arad loom up ahead. As they entered orbit a young lieutenant announced ‘we are being hailed!’ and the face of General Christopher Farid appeared on the view-screen.

‘A very good evening to you, admiral’ he said, after which he turned to captain Carter and in a much more brusque manner instructed: ‘You will enter geo-synchronous orbit above the great mountain range near the equator, and remain in that position until instructed otherwise, or we will take you out.’

After a quick nod from the admiral, Carter issued the instructions to the crew on the bridge, and returned his attention to the view-screen as Borbandi said ‘We will be expecting your shuttle in bay one general. Please only send one ship, I can guarantee your safety aboard the Santa Maria.’

‘Even so’, Carter responded ‘I will not enter a Senes vessel without a squad of my men.’

‘You will bring 4 of your men, and no more. I will not allow a significant Senes military force on my vessel!’ was the immediate response by Borbandi, as he met the cold gaze of Farid. ‘Very well, I will bring 4 men’ was the response at last, after several seconds of silence. As the view-screen went blank, Borbandi met Carters’ gaze.

‘I do not know how wise it was letting him bring his men aboard this ship’ Carter said, to which Borbandi replied ‘It could have been no other way. He would have refused to come and these negotiations would have been over before they began.’

‘Even so, but I guarantee you he will try something while aboard’ Carter said. This however, had already occurred to Borbandi.

For the past week during their journey, the Santa Maria’s crew had been busy fortifying the ship, enhancing its internal security features. There had been two separate crews working in tandem, one enhancing the already existing security systems, while the other came up with new ways of keeping the ship under Senes control.

Among other things they had installed checkpoints every 10 meters or so, and if someone not injected with a tracer specifically designed for the job passed a checkpoint, the computer would immediately receive a report. Furthermore they had installed automated turrets at important locations, that would open fire on anyone not injected with the tracer. Security detail was also doubled, and all the crew was instructed to carry their side-arm while in orbit of Arad.

As the airlock door slid open with a quiet hiss, admiral Borbandi glanced at the squad of his men standing by his side, ready to receive the Novan delegation with violence, should that become necessary. However, this proved not the case, as General Farid and his aide entered the vessel, escorted by the four soldiers they had brought with them. Without a word, Farid took Borbandi’s extended hand, and followed him to the conference room. As Farid and his aide stepped in, Borbandi motioned to the Senes and Novan soldiers that they were to remain outside, and stepped into the room with Carter.

Scarcely had they set down at opposite ends of the table, when Farid spoke up: ‘We know what you want, but it will cost you.’

‘This is a negotiation after all’ Borbandi said, taking the hint that they were to come straight to business, ‘I am sure we can work something out.’

‘Yes, I do hope so as well’ Farid said with nothing short of a leer. ‘Here is our proposition: we give you your commander back, and in return for Maximillian Peck we get the Santa Maria.’