Am I too manly?

[mrsathletic]

I'm +30 years old but I look like mid 20's. I almost never read women's magazines, I don't watch girlish TV soaps and I don't care for a lot of make up. Instead, I love playing Skyrim, Fallout New Vegas and other RPGs. I have no boobs, I don't look particularily good (face) although I have a nice slim body. I always wear pants and almost never skirts. I like being among men and I hate being amongst women. My best friends are guys. Now don't get me wrong. I love being a woman but I am not very female. I have a BF but I don't think he really loves me. He never tells me that I look good or something like that. He works a lot and lives 90 km away from me. He likes playing games as well but more something like Battlefield and Doom. I wish he would give me the feeling to feel more like a lady. Edited December 12, 2012 by mrsathletic

[Quetzlsacatanango]

You say you don't look good and you say you don't try to look good, then you complain that your SO doesn't say you look good. This unexpected why? Anyone can be attractive when they have the confidence to believe they are.

Women's mags and lack of makeup are irrelevant.

You have a couple of choices:

The dude is probably not going to change. So you could stay and learn to live with it.

You could change to be more girly, you seem to infer that is something he would appreciate. Why should you do this if it's not who you are?

Move on to someone who appreciates what you have to offer.

That's about it.

[FiftyTifty]

@Topic title: No such thing as being too manly.

 

srsbsns\

Aside from the video-game-playing part, you sound just like my mother when she was in her mid thirties.

 

Judging from the games you play (Though it really matters as to HOW you play 'em. Do you get fully immersed when playing RPGs? Does your boyfriend just play those shoot-em-up games just tae waste time?), and having no other information on interests and such, I'm going to make a poorly-informed assumption and say (Well, type) that the interests between you and your partner are quite different.

 

Does your boyfriend compliment you about non-superficial aspects? Do you two integrate very well (Or at all)? Do you compliment him about his appearance?

 

If your feeling un-loved, tell your boyfriend that you want to be appreciated. If he is uncomfortable with making you feel special and/or dear to him, perhaps visiting a relationship counselor (or something along the lines of) could be of benefit.

 

Considering that he lives quite a distance away from you, there could be a communication gap. It is rather hard to compliment people without sounding completely corny by typing. Maybe get a microphone/webcam for a more 'involved' means of speaking with each other?

 

There is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite gender. We're all people, and people can be friends. Me? I'm a male. All my best friends are male. No surprise. Your a female. Your best friends are male. Again. No surprise. Vice-y-Vers-y? No surprise.

/srsbsns

 

Now, I will add that I'm only 16, so my advice about relationships is....un-informed, at best. Nevertheless, I do think there is some useful tid bits of info in what I wrote.

 

If all else fails, and you are just not getting the satisfaction you want out of your relationship...Well, there are plenty of folk out there. Go get 'em girl.

[gunslinger6792]

Are you to manly? thats pretty subjective and all depends on the person. first off I am by no means a relationship expert and I really don't know you ask something like this hear. Any way as far as your clothing attire goes without seeing you in person its hard to say what you should wear. that said everyone man or women has a body type that looks better with certain types of clothes and bad in others. Its up to you to decide but sometimes going outside ones comfort zone is good. Ask people you trust and actually have a decent taste in clothes. As far as your bf the distance problably doesn't help much so both people need to work hard at making it work. I can say from experince that if both people are not willing to work equally hard at a relationship it will fail. As far as your bf not giving you compliments it could be several things. He could just be a jerk or he may not know how to compliment you. Without knowing the guy its hard to say. Lets say though he does care about the relationship and he just doesn't know how to communicate to you with compliments. You might need to take the lead in that because he may not be great on picking up on the subtle ques you may be giving him. Lastly you gotta have confidence. So you may or may not be the most attractive person on earth you're not a teenager anymore nor a young 20 something. Looks shouldn't matter quite so much anymore. Now I don't know what country you live in so I don't know what the social norms are for that area. my adivice comes from living in north carolina in the usa but i've lived all over the states so i'd say my advice is kinda sound. If at the end of the day your bf can't or wont give you enough attention he's either a jerk or you may be asking for to much though i doubt that. as the guy above me said maybe a little counsiling would help maybe not. Either way good luck and hoped this helped.

 

 

ps i hope i didn't loose my man card typing all this lol.

[DeadMansFist849]

OP, there's no such thing. You don't have to fit stereotypes in appearance, dress or anything else for your gender to be legitimate. If you're feeling like you need more attention and your partner's ignoring you, then tell him how you feel. It's really that simple.

[Oubliette]

I'm not really sure what you're looking for OP. No one is ever too manly, or feminine, they just are who they are. If your SO isn't giving you that special feeling, talk to them about it it and see if things improve. If not you can always move on and find someone that does appreciate you the way you want to be appreciated.

[Dan3345]

You say you don't look good and you say you don't try to look good, then you complain that your SO doesn't say you look good. This unexpected why? Anyone can be attractive when they have the confidence to believe they are.

Women's mags and lack of makeup are irrelevant.

You have a couple of choices:

The dude is probably not going to change. So you could stay and learn to live with it.

You could change to be more girly, you seem to infer that is something he would appreciate. Why should you do this if it's not who you are?

Move on to someone who appreciates what you have to offer.

That's about it.

[mrsathletic]

Thank you all.

 

Actually, it's less a problem with my BF but more with myself. Problem is, it is the way like I am but it doesn't feel right. Do you know what I mean? Most women of my age are more like women should be. They do more things that women should do. I'm like a 20 year old. I don't have kids, I don't think I can have any btw. I would love to have surgery of my face, nose job, brow lift and such. To look more female. Think guys would rally around me if I would have a pretty face. It's hard for me to stay away from PC games such as Skyrim. At least I don't play MMOs which is good.

Edited December 12, 2012 by mrsathletic

[FiftyTifty]

Thank you all.

 

Actually, it's less a problem with my BF but more with myself. Problem is, it is the way like I am but it doesn't feel right. Do you know what I mean? Most women of my age are more like women should be. They do more things that women should do. I'm like a 20 year old. I don't have kids, I don't think I can have any btw. I would love to have surgery of my face, nose job, brow lift and such. To look more female. Think guys would rally around me if I would have a pretty face. It's hard for me to stay away from PC games such as Skyrim. At least I don't play MMOs which is good.

 

So what it really is, is that you just want to be admired? With that in mind, it seems that you have a rather low self esteem. Just tell your BF that you need some more lovin'. That should fix it.

 

Really, your face can't be that bad to be willing to have surgery. I mean, you certainly don't look like this (I presume):

 

http://flcenterlitarts.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/george_bush4.jpg

 

And even if you did get facial surgery, it's one of those things that will just lead you to being unsatisfied; The eye won't look right, the hair won't suit, the body doesn't match the mug, etc. And you'll have a big hole in yer pocket tae boot.

 

But yeah. It really sounds like a self esteem thing. I've got a fugly mug meself. I went under a similar spell where I wanted to just 'look better', but I got over it. The people that would flock to you because you look good are not people that you want flocking to you. They ain't friend material.

[JimboUK]

You're being yourself, that's far better than trying to be someone different just to fit in with some stereotypical image created by others.