Fallout 4 as a form of therapy

[mikeboydus]

I have been on the Nexus for over 10 years. I have been playing Fallout since roughly 2001, when I was stationed at Fort Hood living in the barracks of 3-66AR. In 2013, while deployed, I began to have severe issues with PTSD from combat experiences I had in Iraq and Afghanistan. It got to the point in 2016 where I could no longer function as a member of the military or really society in general.

 

As I became more disconnected and isolated from the world, I withdrew more and more into gaming, especially modded Bethesda games like New Vegas and Skyrim. Nexus became like a second home, a place I would check every single day to see what had been released or updated. Mods allowed me to visit and experience things that I could not really do anymore, but also give some form of purpose or accomplishment.

 

In 2017, Fallout 4 Game of the Year edition was released and I purchased it on Steam. With mods I have been able to transform it into something that really had hit spots where I could immerse myself and stay occupied in a manner that I constructively enjoyed.

 

I would use Start Me Up to begin in the Glowing Sea at the Skylane crash site, starting as member of the Enclave. Other mods like Atlas Summit Redux and Fallout Miami's Enclave Settlement Kit https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/36228 and Brandoman's Enclave National Broadcast https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/36661 helped create a setting that I could fully immerse myself in as a lone soldier, an only survivor struggling in the Glowing Sea. Other essential mods for this were Fading Signal's Campsite, Backpacks of the Commonwealth, Wasteland Wound Care, Agony, and some mods no longer available like Immersive Canteens and Better Immersive Survival, which adds old school rations that break down into components like accessory packs, crackers, meals, and deserts like MREs. It even has little packs of gum, matches, toilet paper, coffee, sugar, etc. Something about this I found really engaging, exploring the Glowing Sea, gathering supplies and eventually making it to Atlas Summit.

 

That was only the beginning though. Eventually I would make it to the Commonwealth, usually at Natick Banks. At some point, I would learn about the Minutemen from mods like Minutemen Watchtowers and Commonwealth Supply Caches, leading me to Quincy. This is a very different experience than the vanilla game. Here I would learn about Preston and the Quincy survivors first, seeing their homes, from story breadcrumbs from the survivors and the Gunners. Then tracking them to Lexington, where I would come across fallen Minutemen. By the time I arrived in Concord and rescued Preston, it gave a very different feel to the game. These people had gone through hell, there was a connection to them and sense of responsibility to help them.

 

Something about that created a gameplay loop that felt amazing. I had done a few of these, often mixing them up with other mods like Sim Settlements, Thuggyverse mods, and others to see what synergized with that loop. Then the summer of 2021 came and with it chaos. Many of the mods I depended on were now behind the walls of Discord servers. I could no longer get support like I could on Nexus. So I joined several of them.

 

Unlike Nexus, Discord is kind of like Afghanistan. Each region with its own local warlords and their own rules, who can ban people on a whim over a misunderstanding. There is no recourse for this, no way to fix it and no way to even know what happened. As of Sep 10th, I find myself now in this position, not knowing what I said or did and having lost access and support for some very major mods.

 

Fallout 4 had been getting me through recent events in Afghanistan and from the day I was in Fort Hood tasked with CQ, charge of quarters, duty that day. Where I came in from roadguard for morning PT and my roommate was watching TV and I saw one of the World Trade Centers burning, then a plane struck the second building just as we were talking. Fallout 4 has gotten me through some of the mentally and emotionally worse times in my life. A time where I have become disconnected with all of my friends and family, where the VA's solution is to just heavily medicate me. Fallout 4 helped in ways medication never will.

 

I struggle now to return to the game since yesterday. I struggle even to sleep, like my last refuge or Sanctuary from the issues I struggle with was taken away.

 

So why did I post this here? Well, Nexus is more or less central in my life. There also really isn't anywhere or anyone else to share this with. I felt keeping these thoughts bottled up, especially on this day, would do far more harm than good.

[HeyYou]

You are in good company here. :)

 

Do what you need to do to get by. That's all anyone can do.

[YouDoNotKnowMyName]

This is pretty much me (except with depression instead of PTSD).

 

 

 

... but also give some form of purpose or accomplishment.

Yes!

I could not agree more!

 

It is so hard to make a positive difference and to actually solve problems in the "real world".

 

 

 

 

I struggle now to return to the game since yesterday. I struggle even to sleep, like my last refuge or Sanctuary from the issues I struggle with was taken away.

 

Sometimes I also have that problem.

It is like all my life force and energy and motivation is just gone.

So you are not alone ...

 

 

So why did I post this here? Well, Nexus is more or less central in my life. There also really isn't anywhere or anyone else to share this with. I felt keeping these thoughts bottled up, especially on this day, would do far more harm than good.

 

Sometimes you just need to let it all out ...

[Moksha8088]

Besides therapy, the Elder Scrolls and Fallout games are a help to senior citizens who find themselves with extra time on their hands. Even if the kids don't phone or text, Inigo, Lucien, or Heather Casdin will befriend you.

 

Quest and companion mod help greatly in extending the useful life of these games.

 

Best wishes in your coping strategies.

Edited September 13, 2021 by Moksha8088

[taryl80]

Playing a new Fallout, or Skyrim feels for me always like "coming home".

 

I was never in the military, but I had also a though life and it still is in some regards. Computer games (especially Elder Scrolls and Fallouts) were always my "calm pool", were I could find peace and breath a second before I take my next step in real life.

 

I guess, because of this I have also started to mod Bethesda games, to give a bit back for all the content I have use before, but that is besides the point now.

 

You don't have access to your favorite mods anymore. That is bad I guess, but it is also a opportunity to learn more about other mods.

 

I mean, just let us be honest: Most people search their favorite mods and then stick to them. This behavior is ok, but it also prevent mod users from learning new mods to know, that are maybe even better as the mods they have played before.

 

So, my best advice for you is to search for new stuff. There are thousands of mods on the nexus and I bet you will find something new and also thank you for your service!

 

Don't know how america handles this, but in germany - my homecountry - we do imo not enough for our veterans and soldiers, aka. the people who risk their lives for us.

Edited September 15, 2021 by taryl80

[mikeboydus]

I found out those discord servers were nuked by discord. I was able to gain access to those mods again.

 

In the US, the VA tries to support us. A lot of it depends on person to person, some people at the VA genuinely care, some are just collecting a paycheck.

 

I was later stationed in Germany, first in Schweinfurt and later in Weisbaden. I don't know the differences between how the countries treat vets, but from what I can remember the German government did seem to care more about people in general than ours. Of the all the countries I visited, Germany was probably the best.

[taryl80]

I found out those discord servers were nuked by discord. I was able to gain access to those mods again.

 

In the US, the VA tries to support us. A lot of it depends on person to person, some people at the VA genuinely care, some are just collecting a paycheck.

 

I was later stationed in Germany, first in Schweinfurt and later in Weisbaden. I don't know the differences between how the countries treat vets, but from what I can remember the German government did seem to care more about people in general than ours. Of the all the countries I visited, Germany was probably the best.

 

That is surprising to hear for me. The "Bundeswehr" is often in critique for various reasons in our country. Some are reasonable, some are not, imo. At the moment a lot of vets complain about that we moved too fast out of Afghanistan and that we couldn't rescue everyone, far as I have understand it. That is of course a mistake of the politicans and not of the soldiers. Well, at least thanks to you I hear something good about the bw. That is at the moment nice to hear.

Edited September 15, 2021 by taryl80

[Davetrazf4]

This was great to read and I'm glad you shared it. So much of what you described mirrors my own experiences with fallout and modding on the nexus. If it wasn't for nexus and fallout 4 I would never have created my own mod I wouldnt be playing fallout still and I would be a much unhappier person. As much as anything i hope your post gives mod authors a reminder of how much thier work impacts real people especially the quiet ones who dont post in comments often. And I hope it makes people think about how great the nexus has been for people like me who have a lot of trouble talking even typing to others is a challenge. And thank you for your service.

[Moksha8088]

Besides therapy, the Elder Scrolls and Fallout games are a help to senior citizens who find themselves with extra time on their hands.

Fallout players might recommend to their parents that Fallout and Skyrim would make great gifts for grandpa and grandma.

[Haanjo63]

 

I found out those discord servers were nuked by discord. I was able to gain access to those mods again.

 

In the US, the VA tries to support us. A lot of it depends on person to person, some people at the VA genuinely care, some are just collecting a paycheck.

 

I was later stationed in Germany, first in Schweinfurt and later in Weisbaden. I don't know the differences between how the countries treat vets, but from what I can remember the German government did seem to care more about people in general than ours. Of the all the countries I visited, Germany was probably the best.

 

That is surprising to hear for me. The "Bundeswehr" is often in critique for various reasons in our country. Some are reasonable, some are not, imo. At the moment a lot of vets complain about that we moved too fast out of Afghanistan and that we couldn't rescue everyone, far as I have understand it. That is of course a mistake of the politicans and not of the soldiers. Well, at least thanks to you I hear something good about the bw. That is at the moment nice to hear.

 

--------------------

 

Vets will complain about one thing, and one thing only.

There needs to be a concisely defined exit strategy - and that is Mutually Inclusive on meeting the objectives of the mission that sent you there in the first place.

Without the latter - the whole reason for your existence in that region becomes forfeit - and watching a withdrawal will always show you the retaliation of the emboldened enemy who knows you are turning tail and running.

 

Only time in my lifetime I've seen it done right is Gulf War #1 under the leadership of elder Bush.

Set clearly defined objectives, that any monkey on the planet can understand.

Meet those objectives, even if it means you have to stop a little short because what you are doing looks like a turkey shoot in the eyes of those watching the media coverage.

Remove your boys, because the enemy understands the message loud and clear - as well as their neighbors.

 

Edited September 29, 2021 by Haanjo63