Zippy Zip-A-Long

[Maharg67]

Clearly you are a person of great wisdom.

 

Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day.

Give a man a fishing-pole and he will point out that he lives in the middle of a desert.

 

Givee a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day.

Give a man a fishing-pole and he will sell it so he can buy more fish.

Edited July 13, 2010 by Maharg67

[dezdimona]

Clearly you are a person of great wisdom.

 

:confused: :closedeyes: :blink: :unsure: :thanks: :biggrin: :verymad: :wallbash: :whistling:

 

Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day.

Give a man a fishing-pole and he will point out that he lives in the middle of a desert.

 

Givee a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day.

Give a man a fishing-pole and he will sell it so he can buy more fish.

give him dezi and he's happy for life! :biggrin:

[Maharg67]

Of course!

 

http://i592.photobucket.com/albums/tt9/Dragonpen61/Forum%20Additives/441px-Da_Vinci_Vitruve_Luc_Viatour-1-1.jpg

Edited August 28, 2011 by Maharg67

[species5478]

Funny Stuff!

[Maharg67]

Hopefully, more funny stuff to come.

[Maharg67]

Did you hear the one about the banana skin, the rotten apple and the mouldy old bit of cheese?

 

No, I can't tell such a trashy joke!

 

 

Did you hear the one about the exhausted elderly worker?

 

Oh give me a break: I am not going to tell such tired old joke.

 

 

 

I just had to laugh! Why? Because nobody else would!

Edited July 13, 2010 by Maharg67

[Maharg67]

THE COSMIC OPERA: CHAPTER SIX

 

The Germans were soon surrounded by Imperial Legionaries in a neatly spaced series of lightly fortified encampments. Rommel made it clear that he and his people offered no threat and he met with a local envoy party of mages, nobles, clergy, noted citizens and the Legionary commander. The meeting took place in a small village close to the sea where they specialised in cultivating truffles. The first communications were interesting.

 

A battlemage showed off some magic and astonished the Germans.

 

The Germans fired off a pistol, gave a demonstration of a two-way radio working, shone a torch in a dark hut and drove the envoys around in a Kubelwagon, a four wheel drive vehicle that was the German equal of an American jeep. It was Rommel who suggested that the Cyrodilins could learn to make gunpowder and muskets to assist them in the fight against the super-mutants. The Germans did not think the Cyrodilins would have the metalurgy to replicate German weapons or the knowledge to make bullets. They were right and wrong. The Cyrodilins could and would bring together their finest alchemists, mage-artisans and artisans to manufacture a continous but only limited stream of ammunition.

 

Rommel was missing Germany, the Motherland, but he knew in his heart he would probably never return there. Anyway strange things had been happening in Germany. There was talk of Hitler turning into an actual demonic monster and recruiting armies of Frankenstein monsters, werewolves and vampires to his cause. Back in occupied France he had at first laughed at such stories but then somebody had shown him a dead, shrivelled up vampire, a werewolf fang and a black-white movie of the monsters in action against British and Australian soldiers. The Brits and Aussies had been massacred to the man but had fought with surprising courage, killing many of those that attacked them.

 

Rommel walked slowly through the newly named German village of Little Hamburg. Around him Germans and Cyrodilins were working almost happily together. The Cyrodilins were impressed with German advanced knowledge and many skills but the Germans knew little of this world and its resources. With a threat of discipline breaking down in German military ranks, the soldiers were set to doing drills, to patrolling, to sentry work and to working as teams to assist the civilians.

 

All the German vehicles ran on diesel and it soon turned out that they could run on biofuel as produced from local sugarflower plants and other sources. In return the Cyrodilins wanted to learn much more about such a penicilin, laughing gas and other newcomer medical substances.

 

He turned when he sensed that she was there and was startled when she looked into his eyes.

 

The Eternal Champion spoke. "What version of World War Two do you come from, Field-Marshal Rommel?"

 

He shrugged. "The only version that I know of, my own. I did not even know there was more than one version. Something tells me you have been to more than one 'version'. How did my people come to be here?"

 

She was beautiful and sexy in her armour but she did not seem to be impressed by Rommel, not at all. His pride was more than a little hurt by this but then again, he was painfully aware of his ego and his other short comings.

 

She sighed. "I am not terribly certain but it is clear that some force is interfering with dimensional barriers between different realms and chaos is the result. I will only tell a few people about the brutal fashion in which the Germans attempted to conquer much of your world. The Cyrodilins are a pragmatic people, especially the Imperials, and the Cyrodilin Empire has launched its own brutal invasions in the past so they will mostly take you as you are. But they would not be at all happy to hear about the Nazi Holocaust for such as the Nazis would most likely put many of the local peoples to death. Would they tolerate orcs, pixies, gnomes, argoneons and goblins? I suggest not. They are but a few of the peoples that would suffer. As for the Followers of the Nine? Would they be treated as the Jews were?"

 

Rommel snorted. "I was part of the failed plot to kill Hitler, to stop the madness and to end the war. It was only a matter of time before the monster or his deranged cronies had me killed in some gruesome manner. My version of Germany has werewolves, frankies and vampires fighting for the Nazi cause. The D-Day Invasion took place, the Allies began to push across France and into Belgium but now they are halted by this new threat. Some say they are calling on natural magical assistance but are being forced to make compromises to do so. I was in Paris shortly before it fell to the Allies and French Resistance forces. Helping the French Resistance were some kinds of 'little people'."

 

She smiled a little. "Yes, I believe you. In some Alternates Rommel was falsely accused but you really did turn against Hitler. I am here to tell you about the threat that is the super-mutants and how you can help the Cyrodilin Empire defeat them. Magically enhanced cannon shells and bullets is the trick that some have considered but we must test the idea carefully. Now, what war-machines do you have?"

 

He laughed sourly. Then he spoke. "About fifty tanks, most being older smaller upgraded types. There are twelve Panthers and five Tigers along with a variety of tank-killers and mobile artillery. There are eight halftracks, over forty trucks of various kinds, some twenty..." Then he pulled out his pistol and aimed it at her. "We have doppelgangers in our world as well, you know, and you smell just like one of them."

 

The doppelganger shimmered strangely and went to attack him. He fired his 9mm Brownigh HP into her, the bullets killing her at once.

 

The real Eternal Champion came out into the open. She nodded and almost smiled at him. "Do you really have doppelgangers?"

 

He grinned. "Yes but I do not know how they smell. There was something not quite right about her. There is something about you that seems quite real. More real than real, somehow. You are the Eternal Champion."

 

She nodded. "We need to get your troops moved into a large abandoned fort not far from here and, with them, many of the refugees."

 

At that he shrugged. "As you will but I don't want all of my troops tied up in the one place."

 

She nodded. "Then we will make it two abandoned forts a fair distance from each other."

 

They went on talking as around them people built various structures from long-huts to a big kitchen hut and a common dining hall. A local villager rode past on a bicycle, being clearly fascinated by the experience, and then crashed into a pig stye. Overhead a small military aeroplane, German of course, flew through the sky on the look out for any super-mutants or other threats. It bore both German and Cyrodilin Imperial markings now.

 

TO BE CONTINUED

Edited July 13, 2010 by Maharg67

[Herculine]

I love classical music but rarely enjoy opera...

 

...but here I make an exception.

 

BRAVO!

[Maharg67]

Thank you yet again for your positive feedback, Herculine.

 

This is special opera; this is space time mystical magical opera.

 

:yes: :wink: :thumbsup: :bunny: :D :banana: ;D

Edited February 14, 2010 by Maharg67

[Maharg67]

THE COSMIC OPERA

CHAPTER SEVEN

 

Bad news came with the super-mutants as they charged across the broken fields and through the surrounding forests of the new battleground away from Kvatch. More super-mutants had come and their energy-weapons, lasers and blasters, now worked with magical charge-ups. Treacherous necromancers had joined their ranks and super-mutant zombies shambled along, huge and stinkingly horrible. Normal zombies and skeletons also were there, the zombies shambling, the skeletons moving quicker.

 

German soldiers laid down a murderous hammering of machinegun fire. Legionary archers shot hundreds of arrows through the air. German snipers shot down monster after monster. Newcomer battletanks roared along on their tracks, smashing through and over enemy ranks. A super-mutant behemoth pushed over a battletank and it rolled onto its top with a mighty crash. A rocket-grenade blew a big hole in that behemoth and it fell over.

 

The Eternal Champion leapt high and her magical grand-sword, two handed, sliced off a behemoth's head. The beast kept running, headless, until it fell writhing into a bit pit.

 

Magical bullets worked but were hard to make and only existed in limited numbers. Rommel raised a bolt-action rifle, worked the Mauser's bolt and fired off a flame-bullet. It hit a standard super-mutant and exploded part of him into flames. The creature roared out agony and rage, kept on charging to raise its laser-rifle. Then it died.

 

To one side of the main battle goblins and gnomes, ancient traditional enemies, fought each other. Goblins had joined the super-mutants and gnomes the Empire. They swarmed over each other, smaller but still nasty. Big hobgoblins supported the goblins as did nasty flying gremlins. Supporting the gnomes were pixies, brownies and a few other kinds of creatures.

 

The Eternal Champion shook her head in wonder at what was happening around herself. She had the bad feeling that all of this was only the start of a much bigger saga, that the strangeness and conflict had only just begun. Just what else would come through from other realms to trouble poor Tamriel and the Cyrodilin Empire? She decided it was time to call forth ancient and powerful allies to assist her and her cause.

 

Bullets zinged past her and she leapt back into battle as she charged towards two super-mutants who were closing in on a unhorsed knight. The knight was struggling to his feet in magical armour but he needed her help. Then she was driving her blade into the back of a super-mutant as it screamed out with hate and agony.

 

TO BE CONTINUED

Edited July 13, 2010 by Maharg67