Funny Replies You Make To NPCs

[BlackerrR]

Golden Saint: "Speak quickly mortal!"

Me: "CanyoutellmewhereSheogorath'spalaceisIcan'tfindit!"

 

Haha, that one realy make me laugh, haha. :laugh:

 

Kudo to you...

[Jenrai]

Lol. Just lol.

 

But you're all overlooking the greatest ever Oblivion Random NPC conversation;

 

Guard1; Did you hear about the attack on the Chapel in Anvil? All of Dibella's priests and priestesses... Murdered!

Random NPC; By the Gods!

Jenrai Venom: Can't have been very good Priests then, eh? boom boom.

 

And a couple more;

 

Guard: hah hah hah ha. That was great. How'd it go again?

Jenrai Venom: And you're the one protecting the Palace... there's really no hope.

 

Xivali: Die, Mortal!

*Xivali promptly runs into lava & frazzles himself*

Jenrai: There's not much we can really add to that, is there?

 

Fimion: Fimion hu....

*thwap*

Jenrai: We are not going through that cr*p again.

*goes back to Cyrodil. Finds sweetcake. Wonders why he went all the way back to cyrodil in the first place. Adds another 20 sweetcakes to his inventory through the mythic power known as "console manipulation"... goes back to Fimion. Hides from Fimion using chameleon. Spends next ten minutes hurling sweetcakes at Fimion using UV's throw feature*

 

Annoying Fan: I saw your match against the grey prince... blah blah bloody blah.

Jenrai: Follow your champion.

*leads him into Oblivion gate. Tells him to wait by the gate, where its 'safe' ... goes and closes gate.*

*Back in Cyrodil*

Jenrai: Can't shake the feeling I've forgotten something. Oh well. How sad. Nevermind.

 

Puny Ancus: Spare a coin, guv'nor (or words to that affect)

Jenrai: Dang. You look hungry. Stay there. *goes to vendor. Buys pumpkins. Goes back to Puny. Throws Pumpkin at Puny's head using UV's magic again.. Watches the show. (in real life genuine giddy fits of laughter)*

Lex: Stop right there criminal scum! You violated... blah blah blah

Jenrai: You're not really going to arrest me are you? For what? Assault with a deadly vegetable? Come on Lex. That has to be the funniest thing you've ever seen.

Lex: Very well. Then pay with your blood.

Jenrai: Oh joy. *throws another Pumpkin at Lex. Runs away giggling*

 

And of course, the classic... and not by any stretch of the truth a figment of my imagination;

Fisherman in Weye: You know my great enemy... the one that defeated me? A fish! Go ahead, laugh.

Jenrai: *Never one to disappoint the locals, laughs in his face*

 

Truly wicked thread. :)

 

Jenrai

[The_Vyper]

Lol. Just lol.

 

But you're all overlooking the greatest ever Oblivion Random NPC conversation;

 

Guard1; Did you hear about the attack on the Chapel in Anvil? All of Dibella's priests and priestesses... Murdered!

Random NPC; By the Gods!

Jenrai Venom: Can't have been very good Priests then, eh? boom boom.

 

 

Lol. Good one! My response to that one goes like this:

 

NPC1: "Did you hear about the attack on the Chapel in Anvil? All of Dibella's priests and priestesses have been Murdered!"

NPC2: "By the Gods!"

NPC1: "No doubt."

Me: "Wait... You think the Gods go around murdering their priests and priestesses and use blood to leave messages declaring war on themselves? You're weird."

[Armadax]

I was training destruction magic with a "3 fire dmg to self for 1 second" spell in the arcane university. Running around the room burning an npc stopped near me and said "You look like a bright one" >.<

[The_Vyper]

I was training destruction magic with a "3 fire dmg to self for 1 second" spell in the arcane university. Running around the room burning an npc stopped near me and said "You look like a bright one" >.<

Lol. The AI can be so funny sometimes. Got a few more:

 

 

Bandit: "I need to cut down on the ale. Starting to see things, I am."

Me: "I'm sneaking. You're not supposed to see me, or even start to." *puts arrow through perceptive bandit's eye*

 

Marauder: "Must have been the wind."

Me: "How did you know that I'm called 'The Wind'?" *kills well informed marauder for knowing too much*

 

Guard: "Stop! You've violated the law!"

Me: "Well, what else am I supposed to violate? You? No thanks, I'll stick to the law!" *kills guard without violating him*

 

Bandit: "Don't feel bad. No one lives forever!"

Me: "Oh yeah? Well, I'm going to live forever or die trying! So there!" *kills happily mortal bandit*

[Nyran]

Guard1: "You look sneaky..."

Me: "Yeah, of course. I mean my light enchanted ring doesn't makes it easy to spot me. And mithril is THE material for sneak-gears."

 

 

Guard1: "You are the grandchampion!"

Me: "Yeah and?"

Guard1: "Move along citizen!"

Me: O.o "You know...you just called me the 'grandchampion' and it's true. So who on earth do you mean with 'citizen'?"

Guard1: "I'll keep an eye at you!"

Me: "Yeah try that... I'm going back to the shivering isles, if you follow me there that would me you're crazy and then I would be kinda worried over tamriel's safety."

Guard1: "I'll keep an eye at you!"

Me: "You already said that before."*Turns and walks away, guard runs after him and is stopped by another guard*

Guard2: "I'll take over, take your rest."

Guard1: "Hey I'm your relief."

Guard2: "I'm tired!"

Guard1: "Hey I'm your relief."

Guard2: "Bye then!"*Runs off*

Guard1(to me again): "Move along citizen!"

Me: "Okay now you pissed me off!"*Takes out his bow and pins the guard to a wall*"That's that!"

Guard1(CORPSE!!!): "Stop you violated the law..."

Me: O.O "Are you for real?! I won't pay nor will I let myself be imprisoned!"

Guard1: "Then pay with your blood!"*drops dead again*

Me: "Kaaaay... I'll leave... I think I'm ready for the shivering isels now..."

Guard2(he stood just around a corner): "WHY... WON'T... YOU... DIE???"*hits his dead buddy*

Me: O.o "Okay now it's starting to become really crazy..."

Guard2: "Murderer!"*jumps at me and gets killed*

(well i know live a happy life at the shivering isles...)

[Deleted1662706User]

Guard: Hail, good citizen!

Me: Hail, where? *looks up*

 

NPC: By the Nine Divines, assault, assault!

Me: Nine Divines? The Prophet called them the Eight and One...

 

NPC: Have you seen the statue of the Dragon in the Imperial City? They say it's 50 metres tall!

Me: Yeah, I was there when it was created.

 

Martin: You closed the Oblivion Gate.

Me: Actually, it's still open.

 

Guard: We saw smoke, how can we help?

Me: By leaving me to save the city?

 

NPC: You shouldn't be in here.

Me: But this is MY house!

[Javalin]

Sheogorath: Ask? ASK?! I DONT ASK! I TELL! My realm. MY RULES!

Me: *Casts a spell I created called Big Bang*

 

Sheogorath: Ya really shouldn'ta done that... Enjoy the view.

Sheogorah: TA! Come visit again! Or I'll PLUCK OUT YOUR EYES! Hahahaha

Me: Oh... *Face Palm*

[GoldenDragon66]

Random Redguard male: "I like what I see"

Me( I play a female character): "Keep that up and this'll be the last thing you'll ever see, pervert!"

[Dimmu666]

Lol all comments are just hilarious. :D most of the time I ignore Npc's and their comments but when some guards says "you have my ear citizen" I reply "Your ear? What will you give me next time?" :teehee: