A story about choices people make

[LHammonds]

This story will affect different people differently. I have two children living in my house that was born into this world via a strung-out-on-drugs mother and their physical, mental and emotional issues are visibly noticeable to anyone. The boy is now 6 years old and still craps his pants just thinking about having to go visit mommy when she exercises her legal right to see them.

 

Mean people suck and this world is filled with them. I also believe that we are quite savage and self-centered as a species so we have to "learn" how to be civilized and put others before our needs. Any parent can readily understand this from raising children.

 

So, any time we can help make other people's lives better, I think we are taking a step in the right direction. This does not mean fishing for a man and always giving him food...I'm talking about taking time to spend with your fellow man. Maybe even teach him how to fish. And why not help make him feel good about himself and give him confidence where he had none before?

 

I would like to ask each of you to sincerely help somebody one time a day in such a way that it does not benefit you. It does not have to be a life-changing task, just a true act of kindness and caring for your fellow man no matter how great or small. Do this once each day. And if you can, try to do it more often. Actions speak louder than words and this kind of lesson can be indirectly taught to others by our own actions.

 

LHammonds

[eXoduis]

I am a kind person naturally, unfortunately, i experienced things i shouldn't have experienced earlier in my years, nor suffer some other experiences.

I am just a distant person... but if i see something wrong and i can do something to stop it then i will. Thats how i am

[Fifoo]

Agreed with you both LHammonds and eXoduis.

 

Just wanted to give honestly some precisions about this topic.

 

People with severe mental disabilities have a rough future ahead of them as they will likely be spending most of their time being dependent on family to keep them from harming themselves,

I don't understand the logic of "Well, he's going to have a hard life so let's not bother treating him like a normal kid, because he may get all happy and stuff and then he'll just have to deal with disappointment later."

They didn't treat him like a normal kid.

They just gave him a chance to be happy and not being rejected by the society. No more than this. They all have understood that Shay is different. But they have to accept it first and then to deal with that. And what they made here is a true gift for Shay. That's all.

 

Basically, the problem is simple : when I saw some previous posts made here, those made me believe that perhaps some people couldn't or maybe wouldn't understand the bottom of the story.

 

I'll try to explain you what I mean on this fact, please take no offense as I'll never want to blame nor pointing a finger at anybody. I'm only trying to show how it's easy to misunderstanding the story and his goal. Or perhaps that's me... But we the so called "normal people" haven't the same perceiving process than others like Shay... just because, as we are living in our saying "normal" world, Shay and others people like him have their "own" world. This story just shows us a way to help for melting those both.

 

Often times it demands a very hard work to do so, and sometimes you'll have only poor results, maybe none. But if you have the possibility and/or the ability to help and making it real : simply try to do it.

 

We don't need to have a warm feeling for understanding that.

 

And for those who are convinced that's intended to give in this particuliar situation a certain normality, you may be wrong and way aside about some reality in many instances concerning what's happening in their quoting days. We just couldn't tell about normality as it's very specific and depending on the level of situation you have to handle. Often times it demands an appropriate approach and/or specialized formation for dealing with it.

 

Sorry for being a little rude here, and accept my apologies if I have shoked some one by my terms, it wasn't intended to. So, please, take no offense, but there are only a few people having the capacity, patience, devotion or love enough for coming along with such different people and children. Of course the truth may be rude about that, and some families involved here have to deal with it. And for that, I admire them... for their courage and patience.

 

Let me conclude here by a professional view : that's why we have a code of ethics and an adapted formation in there, for helping those people, their parents and family, and trying to make it at the best we can, with true honnesty and only one watchword : to serve.

 

And we don't have to give in it more emotions as needed to. It's a lesson of life.

 

 

[edit]

Some grammar and structure corrected (trying to do so), sorry for my bad English language.

[Retribution]

Agreed with you both LHammonds and eXoduis.

 

Just wanted to give honestly some precisions about this topic.

 

People with severe mental disabilities have a rough future ahead of them as they will likely be spending most of their time being dependent on family to keep them from harming themselves,

I don't understand the logic of "Well, he's going to have a hard life so let's not bother treating him like a normal kid, because he may get all happy and stuff and then he'll just have to deal with disappointment later."

They didn't treat him like a normal kid.

This story just shows us a way to help for melting those both.

If I understand you correctly, you are saying something about people trying to lessen the difference between retarded and non-retarded people. Sorry for being blunt, but there is no way to fully connect with someone who is truly mentally retarded. I can't even connect with stupid people, much less retarded people. I probably sound heartless, but it's the truth.

[Fifoo]

It seems you have not understood me on what I wanted to say in my previous post. I'll try to be more precise then. I know my posts have to be more in-depth here but the lack of time and my poor English language haven't made that easy.

 

Sorry for that, Retribution.

 

This story just shows us a way to help for melting those both.

If I understand you correctly, you are saying something about people trying to lessen the difference between retarded and non-retarded people. Sorry for being blunt, but there is no way to fully connect with someone who is truly mentally retarded. I can't even connect with stupid people, much less retarded people. I probably sound heartless, but it's the truth.

You are certainly a kind person with good meanings and this topic is not intended to enter in a conflict between our differents point of vues nor to say whom says the truth. You have your own vision of it, it's a personal view and I respect yours, but you can't say it's "the truth" as you said. I probably may be viewed as a fussiness one, but your propos are inappropriate here. Please don't be offended by that, It's a rhetorical question.

 

We have our own vision of our own world. It depends on what level we are involved in it. Our vision of the world changes with our own experience of life and what we have to face or fight it out. You can't denie that, never. Please, keep that in mind, and don't be so one sided. It's not an accusation but a friendly piece of advice, take it as is.

 

If you have understood this topic, LHammonds only wanted to show us something special about our world and how some people have to live in it and to face it. And what kind of response could have been brought in some cases. They have to deal with that question, and this is a real world that even the most of us will never have to encounter... and I wish you'll never have to face it because some times it's a real every day's battle. What I'm saying here is not directly adressed to you as I really wish it for any one. But if you have to face it, do it the best you can, to the hilt, with all the others people offering help, unless your child (Shay is a symbol in the story) will be abandoned in the lounge.

 

(Un)Fortunately (both may be true, depending on what side people see that thing - I will personaly take the positive side, if you don't mind) some people have to defend a reason. There are few people trying to give adaptive responses at a given problem by not rejecting the illness as being a fatality - to "fully connect" as you said (your words are incongruous) and to give a real helping hand.

 

We talk about the necessity to consider those "truly mentally retarded" persons as Human beings even if they are different from us and to accommodate them in our society to the best we can. If not doing that necessary thing then we are commiting a trully genocide. And this ugly thing is inconceivable for civilized people. It's a human behaviour meaning some thing for me...

 

Now, I heartily hope that the topic will give you the keys for trying to have a better knowledge about the question. If not, it's your choice and I couldn't do more for your understanding. The ball is now in your side and it's a question of goodwill.

 

Friendly yours. :sleep:

[Netwit2008]

Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.

 

He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

 

Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!'

 

Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.

 

By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball. the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.

 

He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.

 

Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

 

All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay'

 

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third! Shay, run to third!'

 

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home!'

 

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team

 

It's a wonderful story, true or not as you say LHammonds. It DOES speak to putting self aside for a moment and doing something nice or kind, just for the pure altruistic joy of it.

 

What Vagrant says may also be true, but as the devoted aunt of one Autistic ten year old boy, I can say I see it differently. Instead of giving the kid a break that lulls him into perhaps a false sense of accomplishment, I offer the viewpoint that it does give him a new accomplishment.

 

That first sentence in red says it all- Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.

 

The experience had the potential to not only make some folks feel good, or on the flip side, remove him from the "brutal realities" of this world for a minute; but it also seemed to give him access to something he didn't even know he could do....run that far or that fast.

 

So in the grand scheme of things, will he have harder, larger, uglier obstacles to overcome? Maybe, most do. But did he gain a new skill that day that in the future may help him break a barrier and do something else he may never have ever considered within his grasp to do? Quite possibly. I've seen it happen that way with all kinds of obstacles, mental/physical disability, racial, cultural, religious, et.al. barriers.

 

In our own way we all have a tough row to hoe, but sometimes that one act of kindness, kismet, call it whatever, can open the door to new skills and learning we never thought possible. That's the beauty of the story to me.

 

As Lhammonds says, it will affect each person differently with each person viewing it from behind their own unique lens of experiences. That's a good thing too, cause we need diversity and variety, even the negative kind, or we'd never learn to appreciate those things that eventually become dear to us, as individuals. So right on Lhammonds! Right on Vagrant! But mostly, right on Shay! :smile:

[Vagrant0]

It's not that I don't understand the story, or that I don't sympathize with those who live in a similar situation, but instead that I don't think it's really helping anyone in the long run.

 

Maybe the best way to explain this is to consider a slightly different version of the story, one in which shay isn't really handicapped, but instead just has trouble with sports or socializing. If it happened in the same way as the story, one would feel bad because everyone around this person is lying to them and pretending to be friends. Sure, the kid feels good for a moment, but as soon as he realizes that everyone is going easy on him, he'll likely get upset or start shooting his mouth off. In reality, this situation wouldn't happen in relation to a normal person, this person would more often than not be told to "find a corner, die, and do the world a favor" or something similar. Even if the kids did let this person join, they would not take the chance that this "loser" would risk the game, much less come to some combined decision about going easy on them.

 

If it's a normal kid, the act is inherently malicious, if it's a disabled child, the act is 'clearly' benign. This is not to suggest that a disabled person should be treated exactly the same as the normal kid, but instead to suggest that the act was not prompted by some grand, generous act, but instead because those involved wanted to feel good about the event.

 

In highschool I was friends with a few people from the "special needs" classes, and it infuriated me to no end how these people were taunted and abused by other students under the guise of being friendly. Sociologically speaking, as long as the recipient is under the impression that the attention they are getting is good, they will continue to regard it as such, regardless of the actual intention. This is one of the reasons why people with abusive parents eventually start to seek out abusive relationships. Furthermore, look into statistics related to the whole "self-confidence" movement in schools when compared against self-efficacy. Just because someone feels good about themselves, and thinks they can do something well doesn't mean they can, and more often than not actually ends up hindering actual acquisition of skills. If this is true for some, why not others?

 

This is not to suggest that feelings of happiness and worth aren't good things, just that they are often overvalued and given without benefit. It is also not to suggest that there isn't some need to help out and encourage others. Rather that more value should be given to genuine accomplishments and less to acts which are quickly passing and empty.

 

I am also not saying that all people should be judged by the same measure, and forced to either sink or swim on their own. There are people who need genuine assistance with their lives, for whom every day is a constant struggle for not only themselves, but for those around them. However, what I am saying is that the unique circumstances that these people live with should be accepted as a matter of fact, and instead of focusing on those brief moments of happiness, effort is better spent trying to improve their entire situation. A man who is paralyzed below the waist will never be able to run, but he can use a wheelchair and still be an extremely valid part of society. A person who has a congenital eye disease may never be able to see the world, but can still read and even climb Everest if they so choose. While these are both physical impairments which have been overcome by humanity's capability to invent and adapt, it gives hope to those with mental disabilities as well. Most minor learning disabilities can be treated or worked with once they're fully understood and methods have been put in place. Some autistic children, who have trouble speaking have shown that when put in front of a computer, they can communicate with greater ability. Our ability to cater to the needs of others is dependent primarily on our understanding of their situation. For most of these disabilities, we understand very little, so right now, most methods are substandard and poorly implemented.

 

There is a lot more going on inside the minds of the disabled than what we see, the problem is that normal people are limited to how we perceive those things. Just because you don't know the language doesn't mean that there isn't something important being said. Special treatment need not be in the form of remedial education, but instead can take the form of specialized development. The problem is that we get hung up on things like "normality" and assume that it is the only possible answer to the question. Afterall, what's the better situation; feeling good because you can be included in "normal" activities, or feeling good because you have a genuine capacity at an activity to which you are better suited?

 

Maybe I don't understand very well because I'm not personally tied to anyone who lives with a disability, and have not been too exposed to those who are, and am, therefore, a myopic jagoff who has no right to say anything on the subject, I don't know. What I do know is how I would like to be treated if I were in such a situation. I wouldn't want people around me just trying to make me feel better about my situation, I would want them to cut the crap and work with me to make my situation actually better. To put it bluntly, I'd rather have someone who would change my pants and help me not crap them again rather than have someone make me feel good about just not crapping my pants at that time when we all know that I will eventually be crapping my pants again. But I digress. Point is that if I had any potential for anything, I'd like to see it put to use instead of going to waste because nobody sees it.

Edited April 21, 2010 by Vagrant0

[Netwit2008]

It's not that I don't understand the story, or that I don't sympathize with those who live in a similar situation, but instead that I don't think it's really helping anyone in the long run.

 

The help I see is by showing, even expecting someone to do something they've never done before- or just merely giving them the chance, thus they DO learn something helpful- that they can indeed do something they thought they couldn't.

 

 

I am also not saying that all people should be judged by the same measure, and forced to either sink or swim on their own. There are people who need genuine assistance with their lives, for whom every day is a constant struggle for not only themselves, but for those around them. However, what I am saying is that the unique circumstances that these people live with should be accepted as a matter of fact, and instead of focusing on those brief moments of happiness, effort is better spent trying to improve their entire situation. A man who is paralyzed below the waist will never be able to run, but he can use a wheelchair and still be an extremely valid part of society. A person who has a congenital eye disease may never be able to see the world, but can still read and even climb Everest if they so choose. While these are both physical impairments which have been overcome by humanity's capability to invent and adapt, it gives hope to those with mental disabilities as well. Most minor learning disabilities can be treated or worked with once they're fully understood and methods have been put in place. Some autistic children, who have trouble speaking have shown that when put in front of a computer, they can communicate with greater ability. Our ability to cater to the needs of others is dependent primarily on our understanding of their situation. For most of these disabilities, we understand very little, so right now, most methods are substandard and poorly implemented.

 

Amen to that brother!! Couldn't have said that any better myself.

 

There is a lot more going on inside the minds of the disabled than what we see, the problem is that normal people are limited to how we perceive those things. Just because you don't know the language doesn't mean that there isn't something important being said. Special treatment need not be in the form of remedial education, but instead can take the form of specialized development. The problem is that we get hung up on things like "normality" and assume that it is the only possible answer to the question. Afterall, what's the better situation; feeling good because you can be included in "normal" activities, or feeling good because you have a genuine capacity at an activity to which you are better suited?

 

Maybe I don't understand very well because I'm not personally tied to anyone who lives with a disability, and have not been too exposed to those who are, and am, therefore, a myopic jagoff who has no right to say anything on the subject, I don't know. What I do know is how I would like to be treated if I were in such a situation. I wouldn't want people around me just trying to make me feel better about my situation, I would want them to cut the crap and work with me to make my situation actually better. To put it bluntly, I'd rather have someone who would change my pants and help me not crap them again rather than have someone make me feel good about just not crapping my pants at that time when we all know that I will eventually be crapping my pants again. But I digress.

 

No I think these last two paragraphs show you DO understand. You are not one prone to warm fuzzies, but the more pragmatic view. There's nothing wrong with that. The story has "feel good" elements. That's probably what it was written for, that and the lesson about doing something for someone else when it doesn't benefit you in some way, like LH was saying.

 

But the reality is- what is encompassed in that sentence I highlighted in red and the subsequent paragraphs. That is one of my soapboxes and I'm not going to get on it tonight. BUT, if we could get to that point, then the single acts of altruism wouldn't even be necessary. It's called "unconditional acceptance" in some circles. Many people talk the talk, but don't know how to walk the walk on that one.

 

But I chuckle, cause you are like me when watching a movie with my Mom that just doesn't make sense, or (barring fantasy films) isn't logical behavior. I always have to point it out. She says- can't you just watch the movie and accept it at face value for the enjoyment of it? Yeah sometimes, but I overthink everything, so it's hard not to point out the reality and what I think would be a more sensible solution. :wink:

[Maharg67]

Quoted from Retribution.

If I understand you correctly, you are saying something about people trying to lessen the difference between retarded and non-retarded people. Sorry for being blunt, but there is no way to fully connect with someone who is truly mentally retarded. I can't even connect with stupid people, much less retarded people. I probably sound heartless, but it's the truth.

 

Stupidity itself is a relative, subjective judgement placed by one person upon another.

 

There is less difference than many able minded people would like to admit to.

 

The word 'retarded' is archaic, offensive and prejudiced. It has been replaced by the term 'handicapped' for good reasons.

 

Mentally handicapped people are not equal to 'very stupid people' as you seem to believe from your words.

 

You do not sound 'heartless' but I suggest you try to be more open minded.

 

It is not the 'truth' but your perception of what is the truth.

[LHammonds]

Just because someone feels good about themselves, and thinks they can do something well doesn't mean they can, and more often than not actually ends up hindering actual acquisition of skills. If this is true for some, why not others?

This seems to be a comparison of humans to machines. Which would you rather have working for you in your company? Somebody that is as skilled as they can be but unhappy in what they do or somebody happy with what they are doing but are not what you would classify as being 100% skilled in their job? (Rhetorical question)

 

This also made me think of relationships. Confidence = Sexy. I got more dates by being confident than being skilled at anything else...which reminds me of an old saying that attitude determines your altitude.

 

If enough people tell a person they are not worth anything, they tend to believe it over time regardless of it being true or not. But the same goes the other way too. In life, we can choose to trample on others' feelings, do absolutely nothing at all or lift up those around us. I think the 3rd option is best for our society so that is what I choose to do.

 

LHammonds