Relationships with non-gamers...don't work...

[Illiad86]

The thing is there are too many people out there that don't just want to be be a part of your universe, they want to be the centre of it so that everything you do revolves around them, and nothing else. People like this (in my opinion) are both a cancer to the world and a blight on society. If you are an avid gamer (you do more than just game), you should be able to continue as such, even though you are in a relationship - each one of you should be able to have a hobby. If I had a girlfriend who was big on scrapbooking, I wouldn't stop her but I wouldn't join in with her on her projects either since I think scrapbooking is stupid (but I would keep that opinion to myself - she likes it/not MY thing). Likewise, if she didn't care for games, I wouldn't try to force gaming on her if she felt that games were "childish" but if she were to get "on" me about it, I would explain that games are my "drug of choice". I would be willing to forego a game day, to sped time running around with her all day (besides, getting out of the house every now and then is a good thing for both parties). :thumbsup:

 

exactly! :thumbsup: Kudos hun :smile:

 

Even if I wasn't a gamer, I still wouldn't complain. People seem to do that way too much in relationships...find something to whine about that they don't like about their partner. You have to understand why they like it. Most people won't understand it though, they'll stick with "that's the lamest thing ever" "why do you waste your time"...maybe if they played the game or asked questions on why their partner likes to do these things, they'd know why it's fun to them. You don't have to like it, just to understand it. But it seems all these days people do with each other is create stupid pointless drama. Why complain that he plays a game? Or fishes? Or hunts? There's plenty more things in the world to get crazy about.

 

Ah...I'm just a lucky one I guess. I do other things than game...I like to crochet, sew, cook. My boyfriend actually helps me with all those :smile: He helped me guide the fabric in my sewing machine when I was first learning and he comes up with really good ideas to do things. He thought of a great idea to store all my yarn (in one of those comforter bags) :smile: You wouldn't see him in front of the machine making a potholder or crocheting something, but he will help you out if you ask. He helps with the dishes, cleaning, baking, cooking (he's such a great sous chef and mixer lol)...man, he even cuts and dyes my hair :smile: Ahh hehe...:smile: Plus, he knows how to fix things around the house :biggrin: I wake up everyday knowing I have a really great guy in my life...we'll be together for 6 years in August :smile:

[Marthos]

The thing is there are too many people out there that don't just want to be be a part of your universe, they want to be the centre of it so that everything you do revolves around them, and nothing else. People like this (in my opinion) are both a cancer to the world and a blight on society. If you are an avid gamer (you do more than just game), you should be able to continue as such, even though you are in a relationship - each one of you should be able to have a hobby. If I had a girlfriend who was big on scrapbooking, I wouldn't stop her but I wouldn't join in with her on her projects either since I think scrapbooking is stupid (but I would keep that opinion to myself - she likes it/not MY thing). Likewise, if she didn't care for games, I wouldn't try to force gaming on her if she felt that games were "childish" but if she were to get "on" me about it, I would explain that games are my "drug of choice". I would be willing to forego a game day, to sped time running around with her all day (besides, getting out of the house every now and then is a good thing for both parties). :thumbsup:

 

exactly! :thumbsup: Kudos hun :smile:

 

Even if I wasn't a gamer, I still wouldn't complain. People seem to do that way too much in relationships...find something to whine about that they don't like about their partner. You have to understand why they like it. Most people won't understand it though, they'll stick with "that's the lamest thing ever" "why do you waste your time"...maybe if they played the game or asked questions on why their partner likes to do these things, they'd know why it's fun to them. You don't have to like it, just to understand it. But it seems all these days people do with each other is create stupid pointless drama. Why complain that he plays a game? Or fishes? Or hunts? There's plenty more things in the world to get crazy about.

 

Ah...I'm just a lucky one I guess. I do other things than game...I like to crochet, sew, cook. My boyfriend actually helps me with all those :smile: He helped me guide the fabric in my sewing machine when I was first learning and he comes up with really good ideas to do things. He thought of a great idea to store all my yarn (in one of those comforter bags) :smile: You wouldn't see him in front of the machine making a potholder or crocheting something, but he will help you out if you ask. He helps with the dishes, cleaning, baking, cooking (he's such a great sous chef and mixer lol)...man, he even cuts and dyes my hair :smile: Ahh hehe...:smile: Plus, he knows how to fix things around the house :biggrin: I wake up everyday knowing I have a really great guy in my life...we'll be together for 6 years in August :smile:

 

 

Some very good points there from both of you, well said.

 

And congrats Illiad on finding someone who seems to be just the right guy for you, in this day and age it makes a pleasant change to hear someone say they're happy with their lot.

 

I thought I was settled with someone but then I was inconsiderate enough to get bowel cancer, so after a 12 year relationship she packed her bags and off she went. It was a bad time but I think I'm happier now than I ever was before, and yes, she's been back in touch now that I'm back on my feet with money in the bank and a nice car on the drive, I dont think I'm a vindictive sort of chap, but I did take great delight in politely wishing her well and walking away.

 

 

Back on topic, a mate of mine and his girlfriend seem to have the perfect set up, they both do exactly as they please, Col regularly finishes a nightshift, goes home and makes a big flask of coffee to last him a while and then he's on WOW till his next nightshift starts, dont know how he does it.

 

His girlfriends not a gamer, she's just got back from 2 weeks somewhere abroad with her mates and she's off again in a couple of months, they been together for 11 years and I've never known them to disagree on anything. They're good people too.

 

 

I dont think that both halves of a couple need to be gamers, I think they just need to understand and care about what each other wants.

[SpellAndShield]

The thing is there are too many people out there that don't just want to be be a part of your universe, they want to be the centre of it so that everything you do revolves around them, and nothing else. People like this (in my opinion) are both a cancer to the world and a blight on society. If you are an avid gamer (you do more than just game), you should be able to continue as such, even though you are in a relationship - each one of you should be able to have a hobby. If I had a girlfriend who was big on scrapbooking, I wouldn't stop her but I wouldn't join in with her on her projects either since I think scrapbooking is stupid (but I would keep that opinion to myself - she likes it/not MY thing). Likewise, if she didn't care for games, I wouldn't try to force gaming on her if she felt that games were "childish" but if she were to get "on" me about it, I would explain that games are my "drug of choice". I would be willing to forego a game day, to sped time running around with her all day (besides, getting out of the house every now and then is a good thing for both parties). :thumbsup:

 

exactly! :thumbsup: Kudos hun :smile:

 

Even if I wasn't a gamer, I still wouldn't complain. People seem to do that way too much in relationships...find something to whine about that they don't like about their partner. You have to understand why they like it. Most people won't understand it though, they'll stick with "that's the lamest thing ever" "why do you waste your time"...maybe if they played the game or asked questions on why their partner likes to do these things, they'd know why it's fun to them. You don't have to like it, just to understand it. But it seems all these days people do with each other is create stupid pointless drama. Why complain that he plays a game? Or fishes? Or hunts? There's plenty more things in the world to get crazy about.

 

Ah...I'm just a lucky one I guess. I do other things than game...I like to crochet, sew, cook. My boyfriend actually helps me with all those :smile: He helped me guide the fabric in my sewing machine when I was first learning and he comes up with really good ideas to do things. He thought of a great idea to store all my yarn (in one of those comforter bags) :smile: You wouldn't see him in front of the machine making a potholder or crocheting something, but he will help you out if you ask. He helps with the dishes, cleaning, baking, cooking (he's such a great sous chef and mixer lol)...man, he even cuts and dyes my hair :smile: Ahh hehe...:smile: Plus, he knows how to fix things around the house :biggrin: I wake up everyday knowing I have a really great guy in my life...we'll be together for 6 years in August :smile:

 

 

Some very good points there from both of you, well said.

 

And congrats Illiad on finding someone who seems to be just the right guy for you, in this day and age it makes a pleasant change to hear someone say they're happy with their lot.

 

I thought I was settled with someone but then I was inconsiderate enough to get bowel cancer, so after a 12 year relationship she packed her bags and off she went. It was a bad time but I think I'm happier now than I ever was before, and yes, she's been back in touch now that I'm back on my feet with money in the bank and a nice car on the drive, I dont think I'm a vindictive sort of chap, but I did take great delight in politely wishing her well and walking away.

 

 

Back on topic, a mate of mine and his girlfriend seem to have the perfect set up, they both do exactly as they please, Col regularly finishes a nightshift, goes home and makes a big flask of coffee to last him a while and then he's on WOW till his next nightshift starts, dont know how he does it.

 

His girlfriends not a gamer, she's just got back from 2 weeks somewhere abroad with her mates and she's off again in a couple of months, they been together for 11 years and I've never known them to disagree on anything. They're good people too.

 

 

I dont think that both halves of a couple need to be gamers, I think they just need to understand and care about what each other wants.

 

An 11 year old relationship is almost definitionally a relationship of habit and custom. I am not surprised that neither is bothered by the actions of the other. After 11 years of the same person, taking a break from that person isn't a big deal.

 

Sorry to hear about your ex; there are lots of women like this but strangely only men get the bad rap.... :whistling:

[Surenas]

,,,

An 11 year old relationship is almost definitionally a relationship of habit and custom. I am not surprised that neither is bothered by the actions of the other. After 11 years of the same person, taking a break from that person isn't a big deal.

...

 

Not per se. I know of one exclusively based upon sex - a long-term affair, collapsed and/or dried out in its 12th year. She's back to her husband and he to his wife, both to their grown-up children and both are looking back at a big hole in time now, I guess ... ^^

[TabuKuroshi]

I've been married 8 years, my wife plays no games at all. The reason I am still with her and can still play the amount I care to is the fact that when I don't play I am focused on her and not just going through the motions till I can play again. There is absolutely no reason why you can't play your games and spend the time needed with your significant other to keep a relationship going. If you can't it is because you make the game more important to you than that person...

[Burnagirl]

As TabuKuroshi says, that when he's with his partner he focuses on her exclusively, and so when he has an opportunity for gaming it's no problem at all .... good on you TabuKuroshi, I have also found this to be

the best strategy.

 

I for a start do not like clingy men who feel that they must spend every second of the day with me anyway, I like my space.

I'm fiercely independant, and in all honesty need a man for only one thing, the rest I do myself or have my staff or whoever neccessary do it for me.

However, having said that when I am involved in a relationship I PLAN and make adjustments in my life that would be fair on both my partner and myself.

 

I don't get greedy and demand my 5 - 6 hours gaming per day, which is my standard.

If I get only 1 hour today maybe I'll get 3 or more tomorrow or an entire weekend when they go hang out with their friends or go away on business or something to that effect.

If I choose to demand my 5 - 6 gaming hours a day then I shouldnt get involved it's just that simple ... but planning, as I have said makes it work.

[Surenas]

I wouldn't reduce the other sex to a single role just to please me now and then. That's in its last consequence nothing but the inversion of the beloved old role allocation of possession, now the emancipated woman in the former dominant role of the man calling for body service. "As you command!" A kinky one-night stand is actually a relationship only in the world of the day-flies, btw., nice but irrelevant here.

The first step in the right direction in the real world is the to be trained ability to see the opposite in the first place as unisex and equal to come to friendship on the horizon of conversations, i.e. not to think exclusively with the private parts. "Hello boys!" Once you have found a friend your perhaps outlandish hobbies are no problem at all, for otherwise the friend is none! If you have to face problems in a relationship these problems get manifest and finally destructive when you both do not talk about your needs and the needs of the other. And friendship dies first in the war of the roses.

[Burnagirl]

I wouldn't reduce the other sex to a single role, just to please me now and then. That's in its last consequence nothing but the inversion of the beloved old role allocation of possession, now the emancipated woman in the former dominant role of the man calling for body service. "As you command!" A kinky one-night stand is actually a relationship only in the world of the day-flies, btw., nice but irrelevant here.

The first step in the right direction in the real world is the to be trained ability to see the opposite in the first place as unisex and equal to come to friendship on the horizon of conversations, i.e. not to think exclusively with the private parts. "Hello boys!" Once you have found a friend your perhaps outlandish hobbies are no problem at all, for otherwise the friend is none! If you have to face problems in a relationship these problems get manifest and finally destructive when you both do not talk about your needs and the needs of the other. And friendship dies first in the war of the roses.

 

 

Ha, it is unfortunate that I didn't bond that statement strongly enough to the short paragraph in which it's found, because yes, it can be construed as meaning that I need someone for one thing exclusively, which is not the case.

If you pick up on my opening - where I commend TabuKuroshi for his wisdom, I'm sure that you can read more into that than "needing a guy for one thing"- it's clear that I do care for people.

However, in the context of having to hold onto someone and forsaking all else - clingy possesive people - meaning that I have to mold my life so drastically that my time or life is no longer mine, then I am clear on

one thing - I then need you for only one thing, that's if it comes down to it.

So hit the track jack .....

 

I do however agree that if you are fortunate enough to find someone with whom you can connect gaming needs and other such "outlandish hobbies" are no problem at all, or at least shouldn't be.

I do believe in that old fashioned (as some call it) thing called love -

 

And for me love is a twofold thing, on one hand love is an emotion but it also has a practical side ... and I see it this way;

 

Love is the desire to give because love desires to benefit others even at the expense of self ... (this is where you give freely and go out of your way for others because you want to and it's all of your own free will).

If this were a coin then the opposite side would be lust - not the sexual kind but the taking kind.

And it can be summed up as follows ...

Lust is the desire to get because lust desires to benefit self at the expense of others...So if you're in a relationship where instead the environment being one where you're freely giving and its one where the other person is always demanding, taking, ordering, pushing etc. then you're not being loved the other

person is simply lusting (taking) after you.

P.s this is true of all relationships whether they be they personal, family, religious, work or your government.

So, what are you doing, are you just taking and doing your own thing when and where you like, playing games or whatever for hours on end ?

Are you walking in love or lust ?

 

In the context of this topic ... I feel that the way around this 'how many hours I can game a day', is as I've said before, all a matter of planning.

Part of which involves showing love and giving attention to your partner but then also expecting them to reciprocate and do likewise and give you time and space.

[Surenas]

Um, well, I didn't ask for a self-justification... nor for a semi-philosophical discourse.

I don't belong to the theoretikoi in the field; or in other words: we're neither alone, nor unique, more likely replaceable in a relationship with defined behavior patterns that are known since long. And whatever relationship is - it is no combat sport...

 

Howbeit, thank you :)

[Burnagirl]

Um, well, I didn't ask for a self-justification... nor for a semi-philosophical discourse.

I don't belong to the theoretikoi in the field; or in other words: we're neither alone, nor unique, more likely replaceable in a relationship with defined behavior patterns that are known since long. And whatever relationship is - it is no combat sport...

 

Howbeit, thank you :)

 

No you didn't, my response was purely for my benefit, as I needed closure on a clear mistake on my part.

As for my "semi-philosophical discourse", it wasn't for you - personally, that is.

 

I must admit however that I find your words intriguing and rather intimidating I'm sure for those who refuse to think.

I do agree with your observations, but only to a certain point because life isnt a giant cookie cutter and what might be the standard or deemed the norm according to past patterns, observations and behaviors isnt neccessarily so for everyone, some

enjoy abuse, one man's meat is another man's poison, therefore, not all outcomes are the same.

Not everyone is in a relationship for the same thing, therefore, even abuse doesnt neccessarily mean the end (of feeling) or replacement.

 

People are in relationships for a vast amount of reasons, not all of them neccessarily sane.

It's just a matter of how much I want you I suppose.

 

But getting back to the topic at hand, a relationship between a gamer and non-gamer can work for a number of reasons ... I choose love (spent in quality time) and hopefully my partner (or yours), will reciprocate and reward you with

the same and give you space to do your thing.