Split Minds, Split Memories, Regretful Past - Poem

[Ranokoa]

Life is so good, too good, in fact;

My mind always bursting with thought.

So many things to think of, no way to keep them tracked;

At times my thoughts digress, mood turns to melancholy; distraught.

Death and remembrance, terror and lucid reliving;

Distress and panic take over. Regret of past wrongs haunt.

If only an apology can undo events so terrifying.

If only the person I was never was; if only those memories wouldn't taunt.

 

The person I was is not the person I am;

Please understand, my past is the past of a different man.

I am not he who committed those horrible wrongs; I am but the lamb.

Borne of tragedy, split from reality. I did not do those atrocities, who can?

The person that was died that day. All that he was stopped to exist.

I may be within his body, and memories are all too shared.

What more can I say? How could he know she would resist?

To this day it shall appall me, to this day I understand not why the other me dared.

 

I wish it were not, I wish I were not, but that is foolish to consider.

I know that it is with my hands that met her fate,

But it was not with my will, not with my control to stop her chatter.

The man I am now is calm, I could never hate.

The man I was is anything but. His presence lingers dormant.

I am the prominent, I am the master. I may be second, but I came out first.

Worry not, my love. Fear not any torment.

It will be quick, it will not hurt. I am sorry it must be, but to retain control, I must quench the original thirst.

 

Please understand, I wish it were not so.

But unfortunately the only way to keep him at bay is if you are to go.

Be well, sleep well, fight well, live long.

~Ranokoa

 

Notes: I wish I had more coffee because most words I looked for eluded me. It is unfortunate but the message intended to convey could not quite be so.

 

Should anyone not truly understand I shall explain. An inexplicably horrid act against a lunatics delusional love caused a split in the mind, alternate existence. Memories and regret lived on with the man that now was, but the thoughts of the man that used to be communicate with the new as the voices of a madman do. Wishing for redemption the new must appease the former to halt the thoughts progressing further; even split into a new and regretful man he is still insane.

 

I state this in case the poem itself was too poorly written. Stress right now is the major contributer to my inability to think clearly >_< If it was conveyed clearly I'll delete the yellow notations.

[Rheyne]

I am the prominent, I am the master. I may be second, but I came out first.

 

Love this :) I think we all, somewhere, have more than one person waiting for their time to emerge...when stress arrives it could be the coward that appears, when a loved one is hurt..the vengeful brute that lies beneath charges forth, when temptation arises, the lustful beast that takes control rises to the surface..you say it's written poorly and you aren't exactly pleased with it. I definitely think that if you decided to revisit it in the future it has immense possibilities, although I like the startled, broken nature of it now myself. Brings to mind the cracks in the brain that appear with inner anguish.

[Maharg67]

Interesting, I feel the need to read this more than once. You have courage in presenting such truth even in poetic form.

 

Graham, alias Maharg67.

[Ranokoa]

You have courage in presenting such truth even in poetic form.

 

Graham, alias Maharg67.

 

shhhhhhhh...

I have always been a poetic person, however, I have, in majority, kept the particulars to the confines of my own mind. Purpose? Insanity. In sayings, I shall render the reasons to be that of your own opinions, without unobscured clarification, for purpose of plausible antecedent precautionary checkings into my past for reference of that by the Navy, to which I expect any unctuous employee undergoing this task to take it upon themselves to be spectator of my hobbies, which can in all likelihood become a pluvial outcome to my chances for recruitment. That said, I am reticent to give them further evidence than that which exists prior on record.

 

(Then again, I am quite often an over-paranoid person stuck in melancholy.)

 

Do not get me wrong, I am not of the person described with such countenances. That which has been a blight to my psyche was much less severe, and upon further self medication of a certain herb which has wonderfully been a hindrance upon my minds ability to continue at capacity, which, in all irony, has worsened in magnitude in the coming weeks of that hobby being halted ( This I blame on the stress associated with my average day that the herb in question helped a spectacular amount to be dealt with, keeping me in calmness, rather than calamity and disarray.), these "blights" have all but been dealt with, if not helped to cope with their causes. (legalized version)

 

On the side note, certain prescription to ensure continuous migraines be manageable have apparently caused a horrendous amount of that which was suppressed by, and unimproved since stopping the usage of. that herb, to return, albeit small in comparison to normal, the little that has can be in all fairness considered quite undubiously substantial, notwithstanding current circumstances.

 

This digression has seriously given me thought to the vast amount of random annoyances that ails me. *sighs*

 

All that aside, I thank you both for your postings. They have made this day of mine, which was quite irritating mostly due to back pain that only helped further my insomnia to tire my mind, have a little bit of lift.... Which suddenly disappeared as Poker After Dark (yay) was replaced with Jay Lenno (boo), and my remote is thus far unseen. (*sarcastic* wonderful...)

 

I shall end this shorter than intended as my eyes are barely able to stay open, although irrelevant considering that does not mean I shall be able to continue to sleep, ("Continue" and "sleep" are barely fitted to remain in same sentence when in question of myself.) Hmm.. As I open them further to examine for erroneous entries I see that Mozilla, for reasons unbeknownst to me (including the word "unbeknownst), has decided to mark several correctly spelled words as incorrect. Odd. Anyways,

 

Be well, sleep well, fight well, live long.

~Ranokoa

 

PS: I am trying, for reason of original literature for Fort Death, to put in print more poetry in the future, although this is contrary to habit, it will be my honest attempt.

[species5478]

Some call insanity a form of genius.

[Maharg67]

And some call genius a form of insanity but many suggest that the two are always very close, that there lies only a thin line between them.

[Ranokoa]

A perfect reference to relate the two: Hitler.

Genius

And [censor]ing nuts.