Public Apology

[Ranokoa]

As some know, a couple nights ago, I became a huge hypocrite by allowing myself to mention, then converse about Drugs in the new Chat feature, while normally I not only try to stay within the rules, but warn others when they are starting down the path of inappropriate conversation.

 

As a matter of fact, several times before this on the same day, I had asked several people to keep their conversations clean, either due to use of: Profanity, sexual content, insults, mentioning sites that are utterly unacceptable, etc. So it is hard for me to accept that I let myself become such a hypocrite by starting a conversation that lasted a bit of time about drugs, not too long after the requests for clean conversation, and even once a bit more of a harsh tone when there was too much sexual talk and despite originally polite and friendly requests for a cease. (Which that alone was wrong of me anyways.)

 

I know this may seem like I'm trying to make light of my own faults, but understand me this, I am mentioning this so the full magnitude is understood. I am a hypocrite. I felt afterwards like a giant, (in the great and quite accurate words of Mr. Scott,) douche. I felt like, "Oh, here I am, pretending to retain the rules in all my actions and trying to help others stay in the same field before they go too far in to 'oops, sorry' their way out of it, and what do I do? Break a rule. Willingly, without thinking, and not just a small mention of but rather a conversation about it, almost directly after me having pointed out someone else breaking a much more minor rule."

 

What worsens this is beforehand I had a rather large migraine. I had a feeling that if I... medicated the migraine in a way pertaining to this apologies subject that the affects which would cause me to loosen judgment and constraints would take hold, even mentioned this in the Chat, did so, then came back and started to talk anyways rather than wait for me to sober up before returning to the Nexus. Although the subject never turned, and the use never turned, to anything considered "hard core", that is by far irrelevant as drugs are still drugs, and if they aren't prescription they aren't something to talk about in any sense, and if they are prescription they'd better be noncontroversial types of medication. (IE: Tylenol as opposed to what you get a green card for.)

 

I have no excuse, I have no reason to have talked about this, I had and have no right to say what I did, and even allow it to carry on to a conversation. Mentioning is one thing, and still bad, but I just had to worsen it. I feel like an idiot, and I know I'm not, which makes it even worse. I know and knew better, and even though in my mind at the time I wasn't thinking that I was breaking a rule while I was, I knew it was still horribly wrong.. And as the wonderful saying that I used a lot that makes me even more of a hypocrite, except that I'm not using it nor anything else as a defense so maybe not technically, (who cares?), "Ignorance does not mean innocence."

 

With this all said, I give my deepest apology for my humiliatingly hypocrisy, idiocy, disregard for what I always said I stood for, and the fact that it was my own doing that enticed conversation to lead others to make the same mistake as I. It was obvious that I had a better, more firm understanding of the rules than any one of the people in there at the time, and thank god the number was relatively low**, and that again makes it worse. It makes it worse because they may not have absolutely known better, but I did, and I started it. I allowed not only myself to tarry on the conversation, but the initiating of it caused those whom I knew had a lesser understanding of the strict yet fair rules to join in, and I knew that before, during and after. In a way, if you want to use a metaphor or analogy, I was the peer-pressure offering a rollie of wrongfulness to a person with little knowledge, warning, and advanced understanding into what I was offering. If I had done this intentionally rather than just by being a space-case about it, I would be the definition of a troll's ass, baiting others to do wrong as well.

 

**I do not mean this as though low number makes it any better, just that if there were a higher number of people then there would be more damage done, and that is worse. Even one person is enough to equally wrong, and I don't pretend it's any better because there wasn't 28 people in there.

 

So, to conclude, I thank Dark0ne for not having punished anyone for what was said, but I do deserve punishment. I humbly request that if you were to punish everyone involved, you would, or any other moderator/administrator, give all their punishments on me, and ban me from the Chat for as long as you feel it necessary, or whatever else you feel I deserve. I was wrong, I knew I had the chance of doing something wrong after dealing with a migraine, and instead of either exiting the Internet, turning off the computer, or in any other form remove the temptation that an unsober mind would take whilst I was sober, I allowed myself to be an idiot, do something idiotic, and am the cause of others joining in on my idiocy. To everyone involved, I am deeply sorry for having lead you into wrongful acts knowingly. To the administrators / moderators, I am deeply sorry for having done so and in turn be a hypocrite, and to the entirety of the Nexus, I am deeply sorry for doing that which I have warned so many before to stop while they are ahead and broke a rule myself, and not a rule that is on the lower priority list. I would have posted this sooner, but my internet is extremely sketchy right now. Since I started this letter it disconnected and reconnected more than 30 times. (I stopped counting after 30)

 

I don't ask for forgiveness or understanding, I do ask, however, that no one makes my mistake.

 

Be well, sleep well, fight well, live long.

~Ranokoa

[Eiries]

Willingly, without thinking...

 

Judging by your wallpost (which I did read,) you thoroughly understand and fully regret your actions.

 

Quote the infinite wisdom of Buddah:

 

"It is not the act that is important, it is owning your actions that shows who you are."

 

We'll see what happens, but it seems your own conscience has already done quite a job punishing you.

 

Stay safe, and best wishes in the future, ranokoa.

[Ranokoa]

I own up to my mistakes. And actually, this would be the first broken rule I have to my knowledge, but that doesn't make it any less wrong. Just the length of time I've been here and the fact I try hard to stay within the rules kills me when I just broke one.... which makes it worse because with my length of time I knew better... Ugh, I'ma digress if I keep going to the point of reposting in different words the OP >_<

 

Thank you though for your kind words.

 

Be well, sleep well, fight well, live long.

~Ranokoa

[dunmermaiden]

I've always held respect for you have read your posts from time to time here but owning up to your own mistakes just makes me respect you more.

 

The fact that you own your own mistakes as a person, thats a true measure of a man.

 

If you can see you own fault in things that life sometimes brings and not just blame the other person, that is wisdom.

[AliasTheory]

It's good to see you recognize your mistake. Not many people man-up to do what you've done here; most of the time we try to deny what we've done or blame it on someone else. You did the right thing.

 

Keep in mind you are definitely not alone. I once made a terrible mistake. I would say my situation was far worse; like you, I had the opportunity to do this, but I couldn't. I lived with regrets for a few years as a result. It is mostly gone now, but I still feel a burden of guilt to this day just thinking about it. And the worst part is that the website I did this on is now gone. I'm stuck with this pain forever. The most I could do was change my username and try to put it in the past, and learn from it.

 

If only all could admit their own failures. Some change and some don't. You have my respect.

[JimboUK]

We all make mistakes, owning up and learning from them is the trick. Just look at some of the halfwits that star on the Rules and Strikes board, instead of putting their hands up and admitting they've screwed up they become hostile and make matters even worse.

[Pushkatu]

Ranokoa I value people like you. We can't say you've done something extremly bad, it could have happen to anyone. A chat is a funny thing you know? People come up with new subjects out of nowhere and before you realise you find yourself dragged into a conversation you would normaly avoid. I've seen your posts before and seem like a nice, calculated guy, that thinks first and acts later. It's a good thing you realized that you walked on the wrong path for a few moments and later explained and excused yourself even if I know that you have no bad intentions.

 

 

 

Cheers,

Pushkatu!

[AlienSlof]

Everyone makes mistakes, but it takes guts to man-up and admit to it. Why punish you when you've punished yourself for it already. It's water under the bridge.

 

Though in penance, you can take more piccies of your baby spider! :D

[Ranokoa]

Hehe, Slof... Phone found and lost. But you know what? It's perfect lighting right now... I am so rarely awake at this hour so I never get the chance for this type of light, but because the memorial is tomorrow I had to get up and make sure the dress pants that someone threw in the dryer still fit!! THANK YOU KARMA. Oh, did I forget to top it off with the shirt as well? Ya, they were both in there.....

 

Anyways, I'll look for a camera now because nothing can be a bad shot in this light...I wish I could use my nonanalog, but then how do I get em on the net? 800$ camera with a 300 lens.... Completely nondigital. And our scanner? Useless now... I am unsure what happened over the years but bleh.

 

Thank you everyone for the kind words, even though they all sounded exactly alike. Lol. I just had to point that out. Didn't anyone else notice? Apparently there really isn't much different to say in this situation, except that I like to man diagonally, north to north-east as relative to any position I am currently in, rather than up. But I'm askewed up person. [word play :) ] No, but seriously, aside from death-influenced humor, no coffee, potentially nonfitting dress clothing... The only dress clothes I have... (Thank god the shoes don't even need washing... Or they might have been thrown in there.) I do appreciate the words.

 

Now... Can anyone appreciate an IRL program to convert a nondigital camera to digital my way?

 

<3

 

Be well, sleep well, fight well, if you wake up with fang marks on your neck, it wasn't a vampire, it was the spider...

~Ranokoa

[Ranokoa]

*sniff* where is the camera!!!!!! I WILL FIND YOU!