The Snow Arena

[Marxist ßastard]

Then a hundred-million (Snow)uber-nukes screemed out of nowhere...

The missiles are suddenly silenced. Obi-wan Kenobi feels very uneasy...

 

I am penalized 15 XP for using that joke too many times.

 

...erradicating nearly everything.

Fortunately, “nearly” is a very relative term, and thus the missiles have only succeeded in demolishing themselves -- or, more accurately, converting a very small amount of their own nuclei into smaller nuclei and high-energy neutrons, and releasing or absorbing the energy difference between the two states.

 

where did they come from, why did they come and who fired them?

'twas me, Ginji!

One of Ginji's old nemeses has tracked him down upon hearing that!

 

Ginji is now fighting: An irate 100-level physics professor.

 

ninja calls upon the U832 5N0W P0W325...

Ninja_Lord666 is now fighting: The ghost of irony.

 

...To instantly bury Ginji in a huge pile of snow the size of the earth.

Unfortunately, the mystical incantation was delivered in Lojban, and all he gets is a single water molecule roughly the size of a grain of dirt.

 

The ghost of irony uses the water molecule to make it raaaaiiinnn on Ninja_Lord666's wedding day.

 

Then, ninja began building a snow man after which he magically made it come alive and it begins hunting down, killing, and devouring anything that moves...except for ninja.

Ninja_Lord666 is penalized two turns to check up on that snowman he and a few of his colleagues constructed oh so long ago, as his verb tense indicates. Unfortunately, he finds that it has committed suicide. Directly in front of the snowman's (corpse? puddle?) he finds an antique mirror.

 

Ninja_Lord666 gains an antique mirror and a magical hat.

 

The ghost of irony offers Ninja_Lord666 a free riiiiiidddeeeeee to an abandoned house on the outskirts of a snow cossack refugee camp, but he's already there.

[ItWotBeSoonBeforeLong]

Ben calls upon the powers of the frozen basset hounds to attack ninja.

 

I also thow 1000000000 snowballs at anyone who is a spammer ;)

[Abramul]

SkoomaCat surreptitiously inserts a decimal point into ItWot's Ben's master plan.

 

He then trains a parrot to say "Hastur", and sends it to NinjaLord.

[ItWotBeSoonBeforeLong]

abramul-It is not ItWots its ben and my Hllalu Snow Guardians catch your parrot and ship it to Cyrodill to be eaten by the countess of Anvil.

[Abramul]

It appears that your Misspelled Snow Guardians accidentally nabbed a Perot. The parrot-package goes out unhindered.

[ItWotBeSoonBeforeLong]

Ill get you.... :ph34r:

[Peregrine]

For a brief moment, space outside the Retribution flared blinding white, as the wave of snow-nukes detonated. Sheets of deadly radiation washed over the ship's energy shields, creating a rather pretty fireworks show, but doing little else. Built to withstand the full force of a modern capital-world's defenses, the massive dreadnought's shields shrugged off the blow with hardly a note in the log files. But for the ship's bored captain, it was a long-awaited opportunity.

 

"There goes another one," he noted, turning to his gunnery officer. "Fire at will." The simple order was delivered with great anticipation, like a child on christmas morning. With a cold smile beginning to show on his face, he turned to watch the planet far below. The deck shifted slightly under his feet as the Retribution aligned with the target, locking in the precise coordinates. Almost there... he thought as the target indicators locked into place. You should've stayed home today...

 

Retribution fired.

 

The ship's spinal-mount railgun battery sent a salvo of heavy-water- snowballs streaking down into the planet's atmosphere at almost a full third of lightspeed. To any observer below, their final sight in the mortal world would appear as a blinding flash and the deafening hammer blow of the gods. That is, for the brief moment before the radiation burned out their eyes, and the shockwave splattered their bloody remains across the icy landscape.

 

Ginji himself fared little better. Retribution's computer analysis had aimed the railgun shots with deadly precision, directly on top of the launch point of the snow-nukes. Impact shocks shattered the ground for miles, ripping apart all trace of the missile silos. Compressed far beyond critical mass, the warheads in Ginji's remaining snow nukes began to detonate. But that was only the start of the assault... as mushroom clouds began to blossom across the landscape, the snowballs reached their own critical point. In a fraction of a second, the heat and compressive force ignited the deuterium in the ice. For those few seconds, Ginji's fortress was home to a new sun, its cleansing light wiping away the enemies of God.

 

Meanwhile in orbit, Retribution's captain nodded in approval. Ginji's missile batteries were now the center of a vast boiling ocean, quickly spreading outward as it melted away the shores. While even this hellish fury couldn't last forever against the supernatural cold, the perfect mirror-smooth circle of ice it would finally form would be a perfect reminder to future challenger's to the Hellbird's Eternal Rule. It's so elegant, he thought, how violence can produce such a work of art...

[ItWotBeSoonBeforeLong]

Ben begins to construct a base on the Canada America border....

 

I then fire a snow nuke at Peregrine.

[Peregrine]

Everywhere and nowhere, Peregrine laughed at the feeble mortal's attempt to kill him. Not surprisingly, the physical weapon did absolutely nothing to an incorporeal god. With a laugh, Peregrine shifted a bit more of his presence into the mortal realm. Should have fired at the ship, a voice whispered in Ben's mind. Wouldn't have done anything either, but at least it would've looked pretty.

 

A mental nudge sent Peregrine's pawn sliding across the Great Board. In a distant corner of the universe, Retribution fired again. And again, another heretic was consumed in his own miniature sun. And again the Almighty Lord of Everything pondered the heretic Ben's fate. Did he repent of his sins in his final moment, glimpsing the true Power and Glory of the Hellbird? Or did he depart the universe defiant to the last, sealing his fate for all eternity? Of course Peregrine, being an omnipotent being, could easily find out, but what fun are philosophical questions when you already know the answer?

[Abramul]

SkoomaCat gets a pair of ice skates and a radiation suit, and heads for the Ice Rink of the Gods.