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500 things you have learned in Oblivion


scarhunter92

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967. The Guards in Cyrodiil are sometimes prone to violent outbursts and psychotic episodes. They will cut people down mercilessly for stealing things like forks and apples. I once witnessed a guard attack another guard in Cheydinhal and I could never figure out why he did it. They also scream like madmen when trying to kill people, more like barbarians than officers of law and order.

968. Some people in Cyrodiil get confused with gender sometimes when talking about someone else, sometimes refering to a female as a 'he'.

969. All people (excluding the player) run blindly into traps, even when the place with the trap is where they reside, especially when they are trying to kill someone.

970. Mages, especially necromancers, are annoying as hell and fight like pansies. They summon stuff and then when you get too close they run away and heal.

971. Shopkeepers get very upset when you try to pick stuff up and put it back in its place in thier shop. They call the guards and then you can refer to #967.

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Some of these have probably been done:

 

972. Being the Listener of the Dark Brotherhood is the easiest job within the entire guild. And you get paid for it!

973. The King of Worms is perhaps the most fearsome necromancer in history, but he is weaker than the other necromancers and minions he commands (doubly so if you use OOO and have to fight Spectral Reavers...)

974. It's totally cool to dump every single item you own into the middle of the street.

975. Being the Archmage is apparently a hair-graying job if Traven is any indication, yet the player has literally no duties when (s)he becomes Archmage.

976. No one notices how easily the Grand Champion is beaten if you do his side quest. You literally beat him down while he cheers you on and no one bats an eye.

977. Twenty people can sound like three hundred in Cyrodiil's arena. Those must be some crazy-good sound engineers. On that note, megaphones apparently exist in Cyrodiil.

978. The Blades don't care if their members work for illegal organizations, refuse to wear actual Blades gear even at ceremonies (or appropriate clothing in general), have a criminal record larger than that of the Gray Fox himself, or decide that the best time to do some random, inane side quest is during a demonic invasion that threatens the world.

979. No one cares if you're a race they've never even heard of, or, indeed, if you're a freaking DREMORA who looks like Mehrunes Dagon incarnate and wears gear that would make the Lich King of Azeroth himself weep in envy.

980. "Daedric" gear is somehow stronger than Dremora gear despite them quite clearly being the same thing.

981. Weapons in Tamriel weigh about 8x as much as they do on Earth. This is despite the fact that gravity on Tamriel is apparently equivalent to that of Luna. (A 92 pound warhammer? WTF? That's like being required to bench press every time you take a swing!)

982. It is possible to suddenly discover that you're carrying too much and can't move if you pick a flower.

983. Tamriel follows the Law of Inversely Proportional Armor - the less you wear, the more armor rating you have!

984. Being a mage in Tamriel is quite dull, considering how few things you can actually do with magic that don't involve killing stuff and considering how much research and scientific study is required.

985. Guards and soldiers in Tamriel were apparently trained by Leeroy Jenkins.

986. It is possible for a Frost Titan to suddenly spawn inside of the Tiber Septim Hotel (not kidding about this one, I walked into the Tiber Septim Hotel, heard the battle music start up, had barely enough time to turn to my right and say "WTF" before getting punched for 2/3 of my health, and hightailed it out of there to let the guards take him on - it killed approximately half of the guards in the city and ate most of my arrows).

987. The singular version of "daedra" is "daedroth." So why doesn't the crocodile-esque Daedroth have a name?

988. One person in Cyrodiil designs everyone's clothes. No seriously, she's the owner of Divine Elegance.

989. It is possible to wear full plate armor and still run faster than a horse; it's also possible to wear full plate armor and move as if you're stuck in jello.

990. All but the player character have the knowledge to magically construct arrows and fire them infinitely.

991. Buying the smallest shack in the poorest part of the Imperial City will cost you more than the average citizen makes in a lifetime.

992. Walking diagonally is not physically possible in Cyrodiil or Morrowind during the events of the Oblivion Crisis - it will only be discovered centuries later in Skyrim, of all places.

993. Homosexuals do not exist in Tamriel (barring a certain Fighters' Guild scene and mods). Neither do courtesans or, indeed, brothels...

994. There are more fort ruins in Cyrodiil than there are guards to man them. In fact, there are fewer than 5 intact forts in the entire nation (barring Unique Landscapes).

995. Magical gear costs a fortune yet it is incredibly common. Also, people see nothing wrong with the fact that nearly all (or all, if sigil stones work the same way) magical items contain a living being's soul, trapped forever.

996. Nobody cares if you are a necromancer or a conjurer, not even if you're the Archmage of the Mages' Guild, which just got rid of a necromancer invasion. Actually, let me rephrase that - YOU got rid of a necromancer invasion. Lazy little spellflingers...

997. Everybody suddenly knows if you're the Listener of the Dark Brotherhood but nobody does anything about it (disposition drops almost universally).

998. Musicians do not exist in Cyrodiil.

999. Ayleids had a terrible sense of style - just look at their armor...

 

1000. Sheogorath is awesome.

 

Edit: Removed comment to make people move on past 1000 already.

Edited by rinoaff33
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