Ruined

[SubjectProphet]

This is basicly the start and first chapter to a book I'm writing called Ruined. It focusses off of a fantasy world filled with magic and that sort of stuff. Think of TES without any of the provinces or stuff. And then add anything I mention in the story. Boom. You've got my story.

 

Either way, it's for a school thing, and I'd love for everyone to review it. I've posted this on several forums and other websites, I just need to opinion of the almighty Nexus community. So please sit back and enjoy. :)

 

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The young knight grabbed hold of a ledge and climbed it, as the night was filled with screams and cries for battle. As he approached a cliff, he looked down, seeing the castle gates broken, and the guards inside smashed. He looked out to sea as several battleships dropped soldiers off. Ceaser was serious. He dared, and no one yeilded. No one took him seriously, and this happens.

 

Prolouge

 

Many stood proud on that honorable day, where a new King and Queen were crowned. The guards locked the gates to the city down, allowing no raid or bandit to inturrupt what was happening today. Nobles cheered and the poor lined the streets outside the path, leading to where the castle stood tall. The royal guards were armed with bolt action rifles and revolvers, with two swords and a switchblade. The King and Queen were the ones who succesfully led the final march to end the Kingdom War, where the world was at a war. It's end brought peace and happiness to the people. But peace doesn't last long.

 

Chapter 1

 

A knight walked through the great hallway in the Kingdom of Ceaser, an unoticed kingdom, but very powerful. They almost won the Kingdom War, but when the Larid Kingdom hit Ceaser hard, they won.

 

"Sir, the nobles failed as sleepers. The royal guard maintained it, and threw the knights in prison for treason. They know our plans." Ceaser looked at the massanger.

 

"It was worth the shot. Go, get some sleep and a glass of wine. You deserve it," the king said. The messanger ran off.

 

"Now it's impossible to come back. We'll be weak forever. I was hoping for somebody to eliminate that kingdom," the king angerly said.

 

"We'll have another chance soon. We just need the Larid Kingdom gone," Ceaser's gaurd captain said. Ceaser looked up in relief, and evil smirk on his face.

 

"You're right. And I know how to do this."

 

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Alexi jumped up onto a metal railing, looking over at his friend Eliot.

 

"Glad the war is over," he said.

 

"And I'm glad we get to hang at the castle," Eliot said, spinning his revolver. They both served in the war, and were well experienced at battle. The prince, the only son to the King and Queen, served with the two, and the three were close friends. The prince's name was Aventus.

 

"Aye. Ceaser didn't stand a chance from the start," Alexi laughed. He was there when Ceaser surrendered to the new King, whereas Eliot was not.

 

"Hey, here comes Shawn now. And one of his sisters," Eliot pointed to where the two royals walked toward them. Alexi hoped off the railing, the sound of his belt, lined with ammunition, clang as his feet hit the ground.

 

"Shawn! Nice to see you! How was you're first day as a royal?" Alexi asked.

 

"Boring. I'd still rather be a soldier. The memories of the war filled my head all last night, and I just kept thinking, I'd love to be back there," Shawn replied.

 

"Really?" Eliot joked.

 

"No, not really. Truth is, I love NOT being there. That war was horrible. The life in the castle suits me as a reward," Shawn said with a grin.

 

"Why is it I was the ONLY one there when the kingdom confronted Ceaser, and I got NOTHING?" Alexi sighed.

 

"Be quiet, my father will be proud to reward you," Shawn replied.

 

"Well, I'm just not here am I?" Shawn's sister asked.

 

"Oh right! You two remember Elise right? My youngest sister?" Shawn asked.

 

"Yeah, from training, but that was 3 years ago," Alexi replied.

 

"And she also had a crush on Alexi," Eliot replied.

 

"Well, at that time, I was with someone else. But since then, that's changed. But we'll go there later. Eliot and I were wondering if you wanted to come to the shooting range with us?" Alexi asked.

 

"Sure," Shawn said.

 

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And that's all I got so far, working on the second and third chapters, and maybe some more information on the history of the Kingdom. This is a fresh thing, not worked on forever.

 

But please leave some advice and reviews. Like, was it good, was it average, did it need some more detail? Like I said, this is a new thing, not much on the history of the characters o anything, I'm still working on that.

[Maharg67]

Good! Keep going! :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: