Defending a friend from a bully?

[pricelessppp]

Hypothetical should someone defend a friend from a bully bye putting his/her shelf right in front of the bully for the bully to have someone new to pick on or possibly get hit or something? Or avoid all this & be called a bulliy from your friend & his/her parents & other friends? And then be let the bully bully & ignore the bully & be called a bully beta male or hit the bully or let it eat you up in the inside & accept life because that's what strong willed people do? In a situation IDK in a situation like this? Most now-a-days bulling ends up physical.

[HadToRegister]

If you don't defend a friend, then you shouldn't consider yourself that person's friend.

[pricelessppp]

W

 

If you don't defend a friend, then you shouldn't consider yourself that person's friend.

Will I've been bullied in middle school that sorta changed my life & have mild social anxiety. And so I would be afraid to put my self in front of the bully who would just want drama & physical fights. If that happens And I'm a good friend I just don't want to be assaulted bye some scum or insulted. And you have to take that back I'm a real friend I just don't want trouble that will just open doors & more doors & can't close.

Edited October 31, 2018 by pricelessppp

[WakahisaSensei]

I was bullied myself. Initially didn't have confidence to do anything about it. One day, for entirely unrelated reasons, I signed up for martial arts. It gave me a very different way of thinking and behaving. I never once had to use it, but my lack of fear became apparent. It might be a cliche but simple confidence and a willingness to step up can sometimes be all that you need to do.

 

I might add that down the road some of those bullies actually became friends and mellowed out a bit. But the situation of my school days might (and probably would be) different from other schools. We had a common enemy, the staff. Our school held the local record for highest suicide rates due to the extreme pressure teachers and administration put on people. I watched the admin in charge of students' mental health shout a kid to tears because he failed one math quiz. Hard to blame some of the bullies who didn't have supportive families or friends to help them deal with the stress.

 

That said, if the bully was truly just a terrible person picking on a friend, I'd give them a few hospital bills. But you might have supportive staff, someone you can actually go to for help. We didn't. So it really depends on circumstances as to how you handle the situation. But always support a friend, even if it means taking a hit. Maybe sue his ass for assault or the school for negligence lol.

 

Thank God all that crap ended at the university level. Best time of my life.

Edited October 31, 2018 by WakahisaSensei

[pricelessppp]

I was bullied myself. Initially didn't have confidence to do anything about it. One day, for entirely unrelated reasons, I signed up for martial arts. It gave me a very different way of thinking and behaving. I never once had to use it, but my lack of fear became apparent. It might be a cliche but simple confidence and a willingness to step up can sometimes be all that you need to do.

 

I might add that down the road some of those bullies actually became friends and mellowed out a bit. But the situation of my school days might (and probably would be) different from other schools. We had a common enemy, the staff. Our school held the local record for highest suicide rates due to the extreme pressure teachers and administration put on people. I watched the admin in charge of students' mental health shout a kid to tears because he failed one math quiz. Hard to blame some of the bullies who didn't have supportive families or friends to help them deal with the stress.

 

That said, if the bully was truly just a terrible person picking on a friend, I'd give them a few hospital bills. But you might have supportive staff, someone you can actually go to for help. We didn't. So it really depends on circumstances as to how you handle the situation. But always support a friend, even if it means taking a hit. Maybe sue his ass for assault or the school for negligence lol.

 

Thank God all that crap ended at the university level. Best time of my life.

I simply don't wanna take a hit if I ever have to go through this. Remember all the bullies on the news? What if Taking a hit means sitting in jail & what are the concussions on this hypothetical situation but outta a work or school envirement & into the free-world?

[WakahisaSensei]

 

I was bullied myself. Initially didn't have confidence to do anything about it. One day, for entirely unrelated reasons, I signed up for martial arts. It gave me a very different way of thinking and behaving. I never once had to use it, but my lack of fear became apparent. It might be a cliche but simple confidence and a willingness to step up can sometimes be all that you need to do.

 

I might add that down the road some of those bullies actually became friends and mellowed out a bit. But the situation of my school days might (and probably would be) different from other schools. We had a common enemy, the staff. Our school held the local record for highest suicide rates due to the extreme pressure teachers and administration put on people. I watched the admin in charge of students' mental health shout a kid to tears because he failed one math quiz. Hard to blame some of the bullies who didn't have supportive families or friends to help them deal with the stress.

 

That said, if the bully was truly just a terrible person picking on a friend, I'd give them a few hospital bills. But you might have supportive staff, someone you can actually go to for help. We didn't. So it really depends on circumstances as to how you handle the situation. But always support a friend, even if it means taking a hit. Maybe sue his ass for assault or the school for negligence lol.

 

Thank God all that crap ended at the university level. Best time of my li

I simply don't wanna take a hit if I ever have to go through this. Remember all the bullies on the news? What if Taking a hit means sitting in jail & what are the concussions on this hypothetical situation but outta a work or school envirement & into the free-world?

 

Well considering the info you gave us regarding your friend, options seem limited. I don't know the full situation. But again, I never had to take or give a punch. Sometimes it's just a matter of calm confident approach. That does not necessarily have to be hostile or aggressive.

 

Also, taking a hit, (as in actually being punched is what I was trying to imply not "taking one for the team"), does not put you in jail. If anything, they the aggressor, would go to jail. There are plenty of non-violent approaches. But at a certain point you have to make a decision. You can do the right thing or the wrong thing. Indifference to the needs of others, a lack of action, can be just as bad as committing the act yourself. (In legal terms this is called being "accessory to a crime". You were aware and allowed it to happen.) Some would even say inaction is a special kind of evil. There's certainly no shortage of quotes from famous people on the topic.

 

In short, while you don't have to fight a bully, you should always do something to help a friend. If you don't want to fight, just stand in the way and take some blows. If you don't want to do that, contact someone with some authority. Maybe provide a distraction and both of you run like hell. Or perhaps some simple conversation can resolve the situation, as it often has in my experience. If this person is your friend, or even a stranger, to do nothing is wrong.

 

As for repercussions, it all depends on your approach. If this is a school age incident and you choose to fight the bully, the worst they'd probably give you is a suspension and it will not effect you later in life. Nobody cares about s#*! you did in high school. If this "bullying event" occurs after high school it's less so bullying and more so a crime. If that s#*! starts in college or real life, get authorities involved.

 

When you say "bullies on the news" if your referring to school shooters they're usually the frequent victims of bullies rather than the bullies themselves (and often with other factors mixed in. Troubled family life, etc.) Yet another reason to help someone, it may keep the victim from snapping and doing something much worse in retaliation.

 

Maybe its just my perspective and experiences, but if you can help someone you should. Ideally in a non-violent fashion, but the world isn't always kind enough to give that option. "Engage with peace, be ready for war".

[pricelessppp]

 

 

I was bullied myself. Initially didn't have confidence to do anything about it. One day, for entirely unrelated reasons, I signed up for martial arts. It gave me a very different way of thinking and behaving. I never once had to use it, but my lack of fear became apparent. It might be a cliche but simple confidence and a willingness to step up can sometimes be all that you need to do.

 

I might add that down the road some of those bullies actually became friends and mellowed out a bit. But the situation of my school days might (and probably would be) different from other schools. We had a common enemy, the staff. Our school held the local record for highest suicide rates due to the extreme pressure teachers and administration put on people. I watched the admin in charge of students' mental health shout a kid to tears because he failed one math quiz. Hard to blame some of the bullies who didn't have supportive families or friends to help them deal with the stress.

 

That said, if the bully was truly just a terrible person picking on a friend, I'd give them a few hospital bills. But you might have supportive staff, someone you can actually go to for help. We didn't. So it really depends on circumstances as to how you handle the situation. But always support a friend, even if it means taking a hit. Maybe sue his ass for assault or the school for negligence lol.

 

Thank God all that crap ended at the university level. Best time of my li

I simply don't wanna take a hit if I ever have to go through this. Remember all the bullies on the news? What if Taking a hit means sitting in jail & what are the concussions on this hypothetical situation but outta a work or school envirement & into the free-world?

 

Well considering the info you gave us regarding your friend, options seem limited. I don't know the full situation. But again, I never had to take or give a punch. Sometimes it's just a matter of calm confident approach. That does not necessarily have to be hostile or aggressive.

 

Also, taking a hit, (as in actually being punched is what I was trying to imply not "taking one for the team"), does not put you in jail. If anything, they the aggressor, would go to jail. There are plenty of non-violent approaches. But at a certain point you have to make a decision. You can do the right thing or the wrong thing. Indifference to the needs of others, a lack of action, can be just as bad as committing the act yourself. (In legal terms this is called being "accessory to a crime". You were aware and allowed it to happen.) Some would even say inaction is a special kind of evil. There's certainly no shortage of quotes from famous people on the topic.

 

In short, while you don't have to fight a bully, you should always do something to help a friend. If you don't want to fight, just stand in the way and take some blows. If you don't want to do that, contact someone with some authority. Maybe provide a distraction and both of you run like hell. Or perhaps some simple conversation can resolve the situation, as it often has in my experience. If this person is your friend, or even a stranger, to do nothing is wrong.

 

As for repercussions, it all depends on your approach. If this is a school age incident and you choose to fight the bully, the worst they'd probably give you is a suspension and it will not effect you later in life. Nobody cares about s*** you did in high school. If this "bullying event" occurs after high school it's less so bullying and more so a crime. If that s*** starts in college or real life, get authorities involved.

 

When you say "bullies on the news" if your referring to school shooters they're usually the frequent victims of bullies rather than the bullies themselves (and often with other factors mixed in. Troubled family life, etc.) Yet another reason to help someone, it may keep the victim from snapping and doing something much worse in retaliation.

 

Maybe its just my perspective and experiences, but if you can help someone you should. Ideally in a non-violent fashion, but the world isn't always kind enough to give that option. "Engage with peace, be ready for war".

 

Thing is I'd be afraid to take a punch & be assaulted. Any whom its a hope to never happen hypothetical scenario but in real life not work/school. And byc current news I mean groups of folks jumping over some guy/gal or a one on one sorta deal. Anw whom most bully's out in the real world might have a small gun or some kinda knife. And what crime would this be called in a real world setting?

[WakahisaSensei]

Having a hard time deciphering what you say to be honest. It would be easier if I knew your rough age so i can tell which concepts apply to you vs which concepts do not. If you are a child, I don't need to mention legal concepts. If you are an adult, it isn't really "bullying" anymore its kind of something else. Something that can normally be dealt with through the law. So a better example, with more clear language would help. But anyway...

 

In legal terms, at least within the United States, there is a phrase called "accessory to a crime". I imagine other countries have this concept as well but possibly under different names. The phrase is defined as someone who did not participate in the actual crime, but did nothing to stop it or helped to conceal it. For example, if someone was aware a rape was occurring but made no effort to contact authorities or stop said rape, then they are guilty by accessory. They allowed a rape to take place.

 

However, rape and school bullying are usually very different things. Rape is considered a crime obviously. Bullying is not so much considered a crime (with some exceptions).

 

However, in a moral sense the principle still stands. By taking no action to help someone who is being bullied, you are allowing someone to be bullied. If the victim is your friend, then it's even worse because its a kind of betrayal. They trust you to help them, and if you do not you have broken that trust. They may not stay your friend for much longer after that.

 

To be clear, in the sense of letting someone get bullied, it isn't a crime. It's wrong, but it isn't a crime. I merely compared the scenario to a crime to indicate a similar morality. Bullying is often forgiven by the law because children are young and society does not want to ruin a child's life for some foolish mistakes or a little bad behavior (Unless their behavior is extremely bad to the point of being criminal in its own right).

 

In the adult life, however, the stakes are raised. You are expected to know right and wrong by that point. Furthermore, adults rarely "bully". If an adult is performing harmful action, it is almost always a crime (or at the very least falls under harassment). By taking no action you may condemn said friend to serious harm. You don't know how far the person will go if you don't stop them.

 

It could be some verbal abuse, which for an adult isn't the worst thing in the world. In that case, it wouldn't be terrible if you didn't intervene. After all, if both people are adults, then the victim should be emotionally capable of handling a little unkindness. They shouldn't have to, and it would be nice to get your help, but it isn't necessary.

 

But it could also be that the victim will get their legs broken. By not intervening you become an accessory to assault and could face legal prosecution. By doing nothing you could end up in almost as much trouble as the one who actually committed the crime.

 

Again though, knowing your age would be helpful. It would allow me to cut out the information that isn't relevant to you. Bad behavior in children and bad behavior in adults are handled quite differently. Mostly because adults are expected to know better.

 

If you truly have these concerns, I highly advise you to take self-defense courses. I can even recommend specific martial arts depending on your preferences, body type, etc. Even if you never have to use it, it is good to know. It also helps build confidence, physical strength, balance, flexibility, and a very good state of mind. As I said, I have taken martial arts and never had to fight. It is a way of thinking and a way of being prepared should the worst come to pass. Because, what if it isn't a friend being bullied? What if the bully is going straight for you? What would you do then?

 

Finally, I've met very few bullies with knives or guns and fewer who would actually risk using them (as that would get even a child locked away for a long time). You'd have to live in a pretty bad school district for something like that. If you live in such a place, bullying is probably the least of your worries. I'm not saying it's impossible, but it's rare. Criminals are another story.

 

Either way, if a knife or gun comes into play, you have a lot less options on what to do. At that point you either run or you fight. Running to save your life would be forgivable. Just make sure to contact the proper authorities once you've gotten some distance.

[WakahisaSensei]

I should probably mention that I really simplified the legal concept of "accessory". As with most legal things, there is a great deal more that can be said on that which I skipped.

[pricelessppp]

I should probably mention that I really simplified the legal concept of "accessory". As with most legal things, there is a great deal more that can be said on that which I skipped.

Will I just turned 25 last month. I'd be afraid to be responsible for someone if that happens you gotta be sorta careful because the attacker if that ever happens his/her family could sue you. Also what if the attacker has or might have affiliation with gangsters or something. So what if I chose to flight for my life if he/she didn't use a gun/knife? Would that be a forgivable especially since I have disabilities & heart surgery when I was little. My area is a safe neighborhood. What about if I ever walk downtown or a beach town with that person? I usually feel comfortable in safe spots. I'm a medium body type.

Edited November 1, 2018 by pricelessppp