Mosquito jokes and stories

[Deleted54170User]

My fav is about the 3 Mosquito's from Montana. Where one of the Musquiter's got his name. M' on Tagnya

 

One day it there were two mosquitos. A young mosquito showed up. Innocent, a bit naive, and ready to start learning how to feed.

 

The two elder mosquito's decided to sharpen their syringes and teach the young bug a thing or two.

 

After telling the youngster the life and times of a mosquito and how it was a lot harder than some mosquito's thought they started to tell the youngster their history. The adventure, the fame, and the women who loved them for being hero's. They almost told the neweb their complete history. But they got hungry talking about it.

 

So, end of long story.

 

They took the young mosquito under their wings and went out into the field to seek their prey.

 

They split up and went in different directions. A little while later the two elder mosquitos returned to their base camp empty handed.

 

They grumble a bit. After awhile they realized the youngster hadn't returned. Wonder turned to worry. They thought they should kept an eye on the newb on the first hunt. They started to wonder if the young mosquito had any luck or worse.

 

They heard a noise in the grass, turned toward it to see what was coming there way.

 

Along came the newb. He was carrying a 6 foot tall 190 lb. human being.

 

The youngster looked at the two elders. The look of surprise in their eyes. Then the newb asked. Should we eat him here, or take home and save him for later.

[Oblivionaddicted]

Good one.

[Striker879]

It is not widely known that here in the wildest reaches of North America (an area also known as Canada) we have two Air Forces. There is the one that most are aware of, called oddly enough the Canadian Air Force (CAF), with bases across our country in places like Trenton, Ontario and Cold Lake, Alberta (now isn't that a name that just begs you to visit).

 

The second is also called the CAF, but for it you don't need to make much in the way of travel arrangements/preparations. Depending on where you live you can get an enhanced version experience by doing a little travel, and if you haven't experienced the "full meal deal CAF experience" I wholeheartedly encourage you to give it a go. No, all you need is a bit of shade, some nearby standing water, and a little exposed skin.

 

Yes the summer months seem to most to also be required, but my own experience is that while those months do provide the fullest enhanced experience they aren't an absolute requirement.

 

Case in point ... a number of years ago we had an unusually warm spell for a few days in February (as in between 5 and 10C, so almost spring temps to you degrees F people). Was a nice occasion to do things we normally don't get to do here in the Great White North in February. I chose to wash the Jeep. After a long afternoon of playing with the water hose and car wash bucket it was time to put the toys away and prepare for calling it a day, which meant a number of trips up and down the basement stairs from the backyard with various Jeep washing toys.

 

The afternoon's excitement had left Striker a bit dirty and a bit sweaty so a little more water play seemed to be in order so yup ... into the shower with me. Trouble was I wasn't the only one who wasn't finished playing around with water. I was joined by a single member of our "other CAF". Unfortunately for her (that CAF employs only female pilots) she didn't get to fufill her mission or RTB. I left her squished on the bathtub tiles for a while as sort of a victory insignia, not that much unlike the iron crosses or rising suns decorating a sucessful WWII fighter.

 

There are plenty of good places for the full meal deal experience ... one of my favourites has always been Fox Island Harbour. Go fishing after supper and if your trolling takes you too far from the boat to get back before dusk no worries. The CAF will airlift you back.

Edited June 16, 2020 by Striker879

[Deleted54170User]

I looked at Fox Island Harbour, Canada from high above on Google Map and noticed that if I look at it from above, starting at the East end; to about 1/3rd the distance to the West end, it looks a lot like a Mosquito's sharp syringe like tube. What a weird coincidence?!

 

Sci-Fi thought! It's a giant Mosquito depiction to show travelers, from afar, that their family still holds the CAF Mosquito base of operation there.

 

The mosquitoes proboscis isn't just a single sharp, needle like tube, but actually a set of six specialized tools. They have a wicked set of tools. (also known as Weapons!)

[Striker879]

True Paga, I never looked at Fox with eyes prefocused in a Paga way before.

 

I spent most of my time in what would be the "nether" regions of said mosquito (using your road map). You'll notice an abundance of little back bays and beaver dams at the west (business) end of the island. Those come into play after the next part.

 

That proboscis you so fondly refer to is indeed a multifunction tool (sort of the Leatherman of the mosquito world). Being female puts our CAF member's minds to a single purpose for that Leatherman though ... "refueling probe". While I'm certain that if the need arose the CAF could in fact achieve proficiency at mid air refueling the tactic I'm most familiar with is the "soft landing at the refueling station" move.

 

Were in not for that fact that they can't help humming while they work their refueling attempts would have a higher success rate. I have a variety of tactics to employ during their "acquisition of target" mission stage, most commonly the "two handed clap mosquito sandwich" while they are on final for the soft landing. If that fails (probably about a 40% success rate, so not uncommon) the CAF shift to stealth mode, which is where my Mark I standard issue eyeballs come into play. I know from long experience with their stealth game the types of places they want to bring that game to. If I don't get my sammich I get to eagle eyeing all their usual hiding spots.

 

When I finally spot them (now up to about 90% ... I am relentless if nothing else) it's a one handed game, either upfront and personal (skin to mosquito) or augmented (fly swatter, rolled up paper, whatever comes to hand). Used to be I had some absolutely awesome battery powered zappers that looked a little like a pint sized tennis racket. Sadly those were "redesigned" by the Cdn Safety Squad and rendered 75% ineffective (thanks all you people who decided the zappers made a better tool to bug your spouse or neighbor by shocking them with a little zap ... good work, well done, the world needs more people like you).

 

When I'm all closed up tight in the boat the mosquitos will sometimes be soo thick on the companionway screen that it's hard to see anything just around twilight. Even the tiniest entry gets sealed up ... rolls of masking tape are an essential piece of boat equipment. In the morning if I spot one on the inside of the screen (likely a member of that exclusive 10% club from before bedtime) the first and only job is preventing her from completing her mission at all costs (there is a very good chance she has "refueled"). If I allowed her to escape she would make a beeline for those back bays ... and her boys would hear her coming. After a "little horizontal bop" action she'd be laying her end game in the quiet spots back there, looking to escalate the war.

 

Sorry ... was that a bit too much detail. Kinda' easy to see I'm in "The Mosquito Zone" (and so far I haven't even been bitten once ... just wait until that happens, then you'll see!!).

[Deleted54170User]

I read it all the way through right up to the last line. That's a story! :cool: With Life! :dance: Adventure and the hero Stryker879 battling the CAF MFF.

[Striker879]

LOL ... sad to say I've know my place in the Universe for quite some time.

 

I am an Insect Eradication Unit. I have been programmed to exclude beneficial species with six legs (e.g. damsel and dragon flies), eight get you a Get Out of Jail Free card, redeemable any time you find yourself faced with one of those "phobes" types and I'm in the neighborhood.

 

Know this ... if you are on my list I am a Terminator, and like Arnnie I will never stop. I'll be back!!

[Deleted54170User]

There is always the one exception to the rules.

 

And Arnie couldn't agree more! Watch your six!

 

 

[Oblivionaddicted]

The mosquitos are pain in the arse but fortunately they aren't particularly numerosu where I live.

 

 

"It's always when you see a mosquito land on your balls that you realize the most violence can't fix all the problems".

 

Chinese proverb ^_^