Malchik

No! It came charging along behind. "That'll be seventeen shillings and sixpence ha'penny. Children half price." The introverted monster shrieked. Then splatt!!!!! Mervyn landed on it splitting it in two. He had been sent out to recover the portaloo and just chanced to land here head first. But a sudden burst of music by Paul Dukas gave them an ominous warning. Where there had been one mop carrying broomstick - er sorry, sorry - one gahsig, now there were two! The socks....

Suddenly the infinitely improbable happens; the sleekest, most advanced, coolest spaceship in the galaxy appears. It is none other than the Feet of Clay with 7 headed Hickseed Babelfish at the controls with Morris Cowley and Zillion in tow. The reconsituted robot GoodE(R2D)2shoes, generally known as Mervyn, complaining that he had chillblains on the corns on his bunions. And this was very odd you see because he hadn't any feet! They swept by accidentally sucking the innocent haggis into their lowest portaloo.* "Oh s**t!" These immortal words passed through it's mind as it..... (*Portaloo - a portable lavatory designed for those who are always on the go!)

I have lists of ALL weapons in the game (not mods there are too many) but I'm not sure people would be interested. But you have a PC Silveru, why not add Eltonbrand via the console?

For those indefatigable item collectors who do not want to miss anything here is what I believe to be the only single complete list of unique weapons for MW and expansions. (I used to use it when I played regularly.) Some could be argued over; are the iron darts of judgement not in game really unique and if they are included why not the throwing knives of sureflight? I excluded the latter because they are not enchanted. I have similar lists of non-enchanted, and enchanted weapons that are not unique. Standard abbreviations are used MT = Morag Tong etc. To keep the list as compact as possible I have a very abbreviated status key. The explanation is below. If anyone needs a further explanation PM me. I have similar lists for unique armour, clothing and jewellery. If you are interested ask. There may be the odd error, please PM me if you find any. I cannot seem to get a good layout when I post but the rows are comma delineated enabling tabulation in other formats if downloaded. I hope it helps. Status Key NIG - Not (necessarily) in game NPC - On a (usually) non-violent NPC Okay - Can be picked up Reward - Only available if doing relevant quests Reward/o - Can be collected separately from quest USED - Is used to complete a quest All such items can be collected separately from the quest Most can be re-collected from the NPC USED/n - If used vanishes from the game ITEM, LOCATION, STATUS Airan-Ahhe's spirit spear, Misc Quest (Kurapli), Reward Anaren's devil tanto, Thieves Guild Quest Ald Ruhn Mages Guild, USED/n Ancestral wisdom staff, Temple Quest, Reward Ancient Nordic Pick Axe, EEC Quest, Reward Ancient silver dagger, In IBAR DAD, Okay Ane Teria's mace, Main Quest, Reward Anora's club, NIG, NIG A rusty dagger, Misc. Daedric Quest Alas Tomb, Used/n Auriel's bow, Telvanni Q. Ghostgate, NPC Azura's star, NIG, NIG Banhammer, On ARLOWE's corpse near Tel Aruhn, Okay Barenziah's Dagger, On Barenziah, NPC Bipolar Blade, Misc. Tribunal Quest, Reward Black Hand's dagger, Morag Tong Quest, Reward Blessed spear, Tribunal Main Quest, Reward Bloodskal, In Blodskaal Barrow, Okay Boethiah's walking stick, Random very rare, NIG Bonebiter bow of Sul Senipal, Main Quest Urshilaku Burial Caverns, Reward Bow of shadows, VENIM Anc. Tomb, Okay Bthuangth's harvester, Smith's house AR, Okay Carnius's Steel long bow, EEC Carnius Quest, Reward Carved Ebony Dart (5), Trib Main Quest , Reward Chrysamere, IL Quest. Abanabi, USED Clanbringer, BM Misc. Quest, Reward Cleaver of St Felms, Temple Q Tureynulal, USED Cloudcleaver, Misc. Quest (Hlormar), NPC Clutterbane, Lord Cluttermonkey, NIG Conoon Chodala's axe, Main Quest , Reward Crosier of St Llothis, Temple Q Dagoth Ur, USED Cursed Ebony Broadsword, Ald Sotha Ruin, Okay Cursed Fiend Spear, Shashpilamat Ruin, Okay Cursed Glass Dagger, Ramimilk Ruin, Okay Daedric crescent, In TEL FYR, Okay Daedric Wakizashi Hlaalu, Hlaalu Q Prelude, Reward/o Dagger of Judgement, ANDRANO Anc Tomb, Okay Dart of judgement (daedric), Thieves Guild Quest Llethri Manor Ald Ruhn, USED/n Dart of judgement (iron), NIG, NIG Droth Dagger, Misc Tribunal Quest, USED Ebony Arrow of Slaying (5), Behind Thirsk Hall, Okay Ebony Spear, Redoran Quest (AV), Reward Elberoth's Sabre, EEC Quest, Reward Elenande's War Axe, Misc Tribunal Quest, USED Eltonbrand, Misc Vampiric Quest, Reward Enamor, Thieves Guild Quest, USED Erud-dan's spear, Main Quest , Reward Fang of Haynekhtamet, In MAMAEA, Okay Felen's ebony staff, Thieves Q T Branora, USED/n Flawed dwemer jinksword, Misc Vampiric Quest, Reward Fork of horripilation, Misc Daedric Quest Big Head's Shack, USED/n Frostgore, S. Mortraag Glacier, Okay Fury, In KOGORHUN, Okay Goldbrand, Misc Daedric Quest, Reward/USED/n Gravedigger, TILENIUS DELITIAN, NPC Greed, In TELVANNI VAULT, Okay Haakon's Lucky Break, Beneath Lake Fjalding,Okay Heartfang, Tharsten Heart-Fang, Reward Hellfire staff, MT Mavon Drenim, NPC Herder's crook, NIG, NIG Hopesfire, Tribunal Main Quest, Reward/o Illkurok, Nchurdamz Ruin, Okay Iron chargen dagger, Found on arrival, Okay Iron 'telasero' dagger, In Telasero door, Okay Iryon Dagger, Geon Auline's House, NPC Karpal's friend, TELVANNI VAULT, Okay Keening, Main Quest Odrosal, Okay King's Oath, Tribunal Main Quest, Reward Light of day, Aundae Vamp Quest, Reward Lugrub's axe, IL Quest Gnisis Mine, USED Mace of Aevar Stone-Singer, BM Main Quest, Reward Mace of Molag Bal, Misc Daedric Quest, Reward Mace of Slurring, Misc Tribunal Quest, Reward Magebane, Urshilaku Burial, Okay Mark's Mace of Pooftah Love, Does not exist, ???? Maryon's staff, TELVANNI VAULT, Okay Mehrune's dagger (ebony ss), NIG, NIG Mehrune's razor, Misc Daedric Quest, Reward Mephala's teacher, Random very rare, NIG Nordic axe of paralysis, Gualterius Spurius, Reward Nordic Hunter Battleaxe, Gualterius Spurius, Reward Nordic silver longsword (tracker),???? Odd Dwemer Weapon, Trib Main Q (Karrod), Reward Othril Dagger, Geon Auline's House, NPC Poisoned arrow, EEC Carnius Quest, USED/n Poisongrip Arrow, Misc Tribunal Quest, Reward Racerbeak, Main Quest Ranabi, NPC Rammekald, Sigvatr the Strong, NPC Rathalas Dagger, Geon Auline's House, NPC Redas war axe, HRQuest Redas Tomb,USED Riekling Arrow, BM Main Quest, Reward Riekling Minion Lance, NIG, NIG Saint's black sword, IL Quest Minedhel, NPC Scourge, In TEL FYR, Okay Seasplitter , HIMMELHOST Barrow, Okay Severed Nord Leg, BM Misc Quest, Reward Severia's Imperial Short sword, BM Misc Quest, Reward Shadowsting, Behind Thirsk Hall, Okay Shimsil, Temple Quest Mawia, NPC Silver arrow (Thirsk 0-9), BM Misc Quest, Okay Silver Spear (Uvenim), Tribunal Misc Quest, USED Silver staff of dawn, Telvanni Quest, USED Skullcrusher, IC Quest Anudnabia, Reward/o Socean's Sword, Tribunal Misc Quest, USED Solvistapp, Ingmar, NPC Soul drinker, Mages Guild Quest, Reward Spear of Bitter Mercy, Misc Daedric Quest, Reward Spear of the Hunter, BM Main Quest (Guile), Reward Spear of the Snow Prince, BM Misc Jolgeirr Bw, Okay Spirit-eater, NIG, NIG Staff of Carnal Channelin, In SKYGGE Cave, Okay Staff of Hasedoki, Gimothran Anc Tomb, Okay Staff of Llevule, NIG, NIG Staff of Magnus, MG Quest Assu, Reward/o Staff of the forefathers, Random very rare, NIG Stalhrim Longsword of Flame, BM Main Quest, Reward Stendarr's hammer, Museum of Artifacts, Okay Stormfang, BM Misc Q Ulfgar, NPC Stormforge, MT Brinolsu LLarys, NPC Stormkiss, In Tukushapal, Okay Suldreni's Mace, Tribunal Misc Quest, USED Sunder, Main Quest, Vemynal, Okay Sunder (False_Sunder), NIG, NIG Sunder (Sunder_Fake), NIG, NIG Sword of Agustas, Misc Q Arenim Tomb, Okay Sword of White Woe, Balmora/Suran Guard towers, Okay Symmachus' dagger, Tribunal Main Quest, Reward Temreki, MT Larrius Varro, NPC Trebonius' staff, MG Quest Trebonius, NPC Trueflame, Tribunal Main Quest, Reward Umbra, Misc Quest UMBRA, NPC Veloth's judgement, Temple Quest, Reward Volendrug, On DIVAYTH FYR, NPC Wind of Ahaz, Main Quest , NPC War axe of Airan Ammu, Main Quest , NPC Widowmaker, Misc Quest (BOTRIR), USED Wings of Queen of Bats, NIG, NIG Wolfender Silver Dagger, In FRYKTE cave, Okay Wolfgiver Silver Dagger, On Altar of Thrond, Okay

OOC> You can post too you know! "Oh I do like to be beside the seaside," singing lustily enough to shatter everything made of glass within shattering range. The socks fled to escape the falling rain of glass. Besides there were few socks on Discworld to help them. They took the highroad and the low road but the shoes were in Scotland before them armed with claymores and Bogardes. They had been shooting the wild bagpipes, a kind of banshee that had annoyed then by wailing and keening, and were roasting the innards of these haggies. If the socks could creep up unawares...

Okay two more reviews. Please anyone who has played quest mods not listed in the first post you are welcome to contibute. If you disagree with any of the comments I'm happy to add contrasting views but PM me so I can put them in the right place. The Amulet of Scrye By wandering into a strange tomb just east of Suran you will eventually obtain an artifact that will let you speak with the dead. They have work for you. I enjoyed this. It worked (and several of the mods I have tried lately haven't) and it is different in that the people you need to speak to are normally invisible. There are even invisible ghostly NPCs that are there for local colour only if you use the amulet! Once you have found the second tomb there are four tests before you are accepted (one requires you to have a reasonable reputation level). Then there are IIRC five quests. Each quest has more than one part to it. There are no uber items nor are the foes you face too difficult. You can cope with this at a fairly low level. There are no new land masses and the tombs etc. are in places that are unlikely to conflict with other mods. (Always remembering there are so many of these it isn't impossible that a conflict will occur.) A bit of fun - play it! Annastia v.3.1 This is a compilation of three mods on the island of Annastia, making a satisfying group. The modder is said to be working on a fourth part. I will take each part in turn as they are not interconnected. There are three settlements Fang, Silverton and Port Blacksand and a monastery complex, imperial fort and dungeon complex to the south of Silverton. Transport from Morrowind is from Vivec to Fang. The read me is helpful and in a couple of cases necessary. Deathtrap Dungeon A dungeon crawl that is not simply a case of killing multiple foes. Save often and look at everything. You will almost certainly die at least once and probably more than once. You need to use your brain but not to the point of being overtired by it. Should be okay at level 15. It starts in Vivec dock or in the Foreign Quarter plaza. There is no conflict with the island that does not even appear on the map and may therefore be deemed to be in a different 'dimension'. There could be conflict with any mod that expands Vivec dock. A Tomb is south of the town but does not appear to be attached to any quest. It holds a few interesting artifacts. City of Thieves A good contrast - it is a city with many quests. The main quest is quite short and starts in Silverton. Silverton has only half a dozen houses but is close to a large ancestral tomb (miscellaneous quest given by the guy in the imperial shrine) and a barrow (frozen tomb) that appears not to be part of a quest. It contains little. From Silverton you are sent to Port Blacksand a biggish town with several miscellaneous quests and two 'factions'. The Brigands faction works best if you follow the broad in-game hints about changing sides. The bailiff quests are not particularly interesting in themselves but in most cases lead on to others that are. I had one problem where an NPC (Nigedo) was missing a dialogue topic (Tacticus). In the CS I discovered that there were two different Nigedos. By using the placeat command to get the other one everything finished as it should. Others may not have the problem but if you do, there's the solution. Warlock of Firetop Mountain If you walk towards the Imperial Legion Fort something rather alarming happens to you and you will need to get help from the nearby monastery. Ultimately this will take you into the Warlock's dungeon. Similar comments apply here as to the Deathtrap dungeon mod. Save often and search very carefully (do not miss ANYTHING). While it has a different look and feel to Deathtrap it is not so different in style. You might want to do another mod or two between them. The readme mentions other mods the author used. He says that they are not needed but I had several error messages about missing textures. The game was perfectly playable with some walls and staircases appearing 'white' untextured. I have emailed the modder to see if the textures were accidentaly omitted from the mod when he put it together. Anyhow as long as you say 'yes' to each message it will not cause any real aggro. Overall I found the whole thing very entertaining. You can even get to kill children if you are a heartless b'stard! (They are downsized adults so don't really look like childen!)

There are several mods to do with werewolves that let you play as one from the start. I don't play as a werewolf myself so I have never investigated them but it might be worthwhile checking the bigger mod forums to see if there is one that can do what you want. You can give yourself the disease even after you have been cured but I assume that wouldn't give you the flexibility you are looking for. player->addspell "werewolf blood"

If you play the main quest you get Hircine's ring. This enables you to become a werewolf when you choose. You can add it via the console player->additem "bm_ring_hircine"

"Ron ron ron, dah do ron ron" The idea was a good one. But where was foul old ron, ron, ron? As the man with the duck on his head did not know, they asked the one with the seagull (Cliff). "Oh great seagull headed one, where is ron, ron, ron?" The seagull did as all seagulls do. Cliff replied...

However Britney was using one of her halberds as a cheer leader to raise morale of the US contingent. "Now we are here the socks are bound to win. Never lost a war - us!" They don't much like the look of the dwarfs. "Hey youse not Moixist Brothers. Us don't loike Moixist Brothers!" This sock was from the wrong side of the racks in Chicago. The forum socks on the other hand...

Britney! Britney Halberds! But suddenly there was an influx of new socks. First there was a group from the US. Red Socks from Boston, Blue Socks from Minneapolis and a group of White Socks arguing over whether they were from Boston or Chicago. Next came a contingent of long lost forum socks - one had made a peregrination all the way from North Carolina. One had clearly belonged to Dark0ne because it had dark 'sockiopathic' tendencies. As to the one from Sockihall street.... OOC> Missing any socks Theta? One had switched owners in Sussex UK. There was a Sockdologer from North London and a sockialite from the west of England who wanted all to love him for who he was. And still more arrived, including...

Orlando bloomed under this lavish praise and pulled himself up to his full height. (He was too drunk to actually stand up). "Friends, Romans, Countrysocks, send me your beers!" An expansive welcoming gesture nearly tips him up again but he hangs on to a pillar of society. "Go west, young sock!" He then launches into an Elvish rendition of 'Wooden Leg' obviously aimed at Giblet. The wool socks are offended by the line 'treat me fine, treat me good' and start squabbling with the silk stockings. One intrepid band of socks determines to follow the advice of Orlando and head into the Western Dungeon where they find...

Legless the Elf burped loudly and said: "We cannot have two leglesses - esses - esses." From his elven bag he pulls out the staff of "Grand Alf the Slightly-Off-White-I-told-you-not-to-wash-it-with-colours" and magics Giblet a new pair of legs. Unfortunately in his less than coherent state the spell is not quite right. Giblet gets the legs of Concert Grand Piano. Fortunately the Viggorous 'Slider' son of Morten, aka Anacorn, aka Elvis (come on, weren't you expecting the return of the King?) knows exactly what has to be done. "You must go to my beloved lady Owen." (Well, even elves get confused.) "She knows exactly what to do if you get wood!" And so he waves his hand over Giblet who is suddenly....

A group of fighters appeared. The one at the front was hardly able to stand. He was dressed entirely in green and had long pointy ears. "I am mershan - hic - nary for hire. My name is Orlando - hic - Dandelion. I' ve fought in the Carib - hic - bean and..." At this point the legless elf falls arse over tip and is discovered not to be wearing any socks. One of his companions...

May global warming not leave you skating over thin ice. Bon voyage

...a state of shock as the Mall-Chick metamorphosed into a sockophagous washing machine all set to draw Soggie down the bowels of sock hell. Until, fortunately for Soggie, someone turned her off. Meanwhile the socks were getting the measure of the brassiere. "Aha", said one, "we don't need semtex when we have Playtex." He was then fired at great speed into...

"Gleep, gungle, hoop". The Mall Chick, unable to speak Sockish picks Soggie up and hangs him over the shoe counter where he might come in useful as a cosh. In the meantime she sings* "Give me the gift of a grip-top sock, A clip drape shipshape tip top sock. Not your spinslick slapstick slipshod stock, But a plastic, elastic grip-top sock. None of your fantastic slack swap slop From a slap dash flash cash haberdash shop. Not a knick knack knitlock knockneed knickerbocker sock With a mock-shot blob-mottled trick-ticker top clock. Not a supersheet seersucker ruck sack sock, Not a spot-speckled frog-freckled cheap sheik's sock Off a hodge-podge moss-blotched scotch-botched block. Nothing slipshod drip drop flip flop or glip glop Tip me to a tip top grip top sock." Exhausted she closes the shop in the mall and goes home leaving Soggie hanging around. Soggie decides... *(Not original but a vocal warm up for actors.)

"What cup size are they?" But gabbe-master has chosen wisely. The aggregate filled Soggie fits the bra comfortably. By carefully anchoring the clip Soggie is able to stretch the bra back a long way. Other socks hold him. When they let go is is fired with great speed towards the shoes. Sadly he overshoots and lands instead....

I have never been tempted to join a multi-player game. I have friends who swear by them and others to cry "unclean, unclean" so I think they appeal to a certain type of player and I don't fit that type. If Bethesda decided to issue a game in such a format I see no reason why it should be any worse than others of the genre. And it could as easily be an Elder Scrolls game as any other. The idea of being able to play as a small group of adventurers together, where the number activated would depend on how many players were available (say to a max of 6) would appeal to me more. Quite often there are friends who want to try out the game on my PC and all I can do is watch and occasionally kibitz. To be able to set up a joint game on a LAN would be more fun for both.

decided to seek support from the Girdles and Brassieres Buyers Emporium whose master, generally abbreviated to gabbe_master, appeared to be on their side. Little known to the socks, the gabbe_master knew all about the conflict. Although the shoes' spin-doctors trod very heavily on any wagging tongues, there were always the tale tellers. These sneakers had broken the news to many, afraid that the annihilation of socks might lead to direct contact beteen shoes and feet. The master told the socks...

was surprised to find himself written out of the script completely. Boggie on the other hand was getting the sock army to toe the line. He had their favourite band 'The Pop Socks' play 'I've got you over my skin' to keep the mood sweet. He had to separate the short socks from the long socks because of their inferiority problem. (See Psychological disorders 105.3 The Small Sock Syndrome). To do this he used the criminal Dark Sockerhood Tong, many of whom had had long stretches inside. "We must annihilate the shoes," he exhorted. It was at this moment that...

The sudden appearance of Soggie's lord and master the Dark(sockeater)0ne frightens all the socks into sudden quietness. But Soggie is too nuclear to care. "Sock it to him!" he yells, leaping several feet to get to the tormentor. "Sock him to death!" Stocking up on some excellent aggregate, he becomes the 'fearsome sock of total annihilation'. Unfortunately the extra weight....

Lord Hlaalu, I DO know the US (I have stayed in every state once and all but Alaska at least twice). Many Americans suffer from an inferiority complex towards Europe. Is it a hangover from colonial days? They react to gentle satire, which in the original article was making fun of the Brits as much as the Americans, by thinking it is some kind of insult instead of laughing. The complex manifests itself in such comments as Europeans, especially the Brits, thinking and sounding superior or the suggestion that we dream of the heady days of Empire etc. Another sympton is the constant need to make statements, ostensibly to the outside world, but actually for morale, that America is the greatest etc. Now if your reply attempted to satirise the stereotyped (albeit inaccurate) views of the Brits we would certain laugh at it. We don't have a problem with laughing at ourselves. But you seem to believe what you say, which is a little worrying. BTW I'm playing Oscar in Lillian Hellmann's play Little Foxes in April for which we have a voice coach to teach us a 1900 central Mississippi accent, which is different if we are playing 'gentry', 'nouveau riche' and 'commoner' characters and whether the actor is black or white. We may not get it right but we certainly do know what it should sound like. You also refer to a British accent when there are many, many regional accents. Learn more of us before you accuse us of knowing nothing of you!

They tried to persuade the holey sock to join them as she must surely know most about soles. She complained the hole 'soles' thing sounded fishy but she was sure there was a sock sole in Dover. It smelt of a particular fabric conditioner making it the sole sole that was both a Dover sole and a lemon sole. But she added that it was not really the thyme or the plaice for a discussion on soles and 'eels. The shoes were already out of their trees! (Parr for the course.) The outlook was bleak, with scarcely a ray of hope. Until Soggie remembered the tuner and....

PC Bobby Socks quickly presses a new clear button and wipes himself out of the thread. He returns moments later as a new Bee, which really gives him a buzz! The device explodes with no effect on the bee. I suppose you could say it 'bombed'. One sock however wanted....