Well I Need Advice...

[Chaosmaker]

Well I think this is a path that many guy's my age go through :D (BTW I'm 16). And thats teenage girls. Just when you think you have them figured out they literally slap you in the face(no offense Theta and other girls on this forum). Well anyway theres a girl :blush: ... and yes I like her :blush: ... And the thing is I'm not to sucessful in the Boyfriend Girlfriend Department of life(as some of you might have guessed :P ) And well anyway I was wondering if anybody had any advice... PLEASE!!!!

[Peregrine]

Just use the best pickup line ever, 16 year old girls love it. "You, me, bed, now." Then drag her off to bed. I hear 16 year old girls also love ropes and stuff in the bedroom, so you should use lots of those. Don't worry if she resists, it's all part of the act.

 

 

But seriously, how is anyone supposed to give you useful advice if you don't give any details?

[Dark0ne]

Go watch Episode 2 (?) of Pure Pwnage to learn how l337 geeks get laid. According to PP "Would you like to see my micro" works a charm as a line ... not.

[loveme4whoiam]

I'm with Peregrine, all girls like the ropes 'n' chains approach :P

 

Slightly more seriously, I may have something that you might find helpful. I was in a similar situation as you are (by the sounds of it :wacko: ) and I'd gotten tired of it, so, naturally (being a geek) I turned to the Net. Not, before you say it, for pronage to slake my lusts, but rather for any kind of article that might help me out.

 

The dude I found is called David D'Angelo, he's done two (I think) books, a fantastic 12-hour seminar video and loads of other stuff which is supposed to help out guys like us (although frankly, it's aimed for people who've been ladyless for quite some time). Let me tell you, it does. Before you slate me for listening to a "lifestyle guru" *spits on the floor in disgust, then grabs a mop quickly before Dark0ne notices*, this guy actually appears to know his stuff, and more importantly knows where we are coming from. He's certainly not much to look at but the stuff he promotes works like a stone-clad charm.

 

I'll stop hero-worshipping for a while, although if a guy can teach someone like me how to get a girl's phone number and email in three minutes flat he should be hailed as a deity of some kind. His website is http://www.doubleyourdating.com/google/, and his book's called "Double Your Dating" (haven't read it yet myself, I've just seen the seminar and been subscribed to the newsletter for a while). Don't worry about the "Free Instant Access" thing on the website, that just signs you up to the newsletter, nothing more. I think every single male on here should at least get the newsletter, and the girls should read it so we know if he's right :ph34r:

 

Hope this helps dude - of course, you may not be needing this and your problem is completed different, but since you didn't tell us its pretty hard to help. You want any more advice (not to blow my own horn here, but I know enough about relationships that its possible I could write my own book, I was just never good at starting them;D) PM me.

 

*Waits for the inevitable flood of "LMFAO! You were so **** with women you had to read a book to find out how to get one, hahaha...*

[UberBender]

One word. Fleshlight.

[Marxist ßastard]

Whoa, now. Slow down.

 

It isn't even the Winter solistice -- she's probably been anestrus now for a dozen or so weeks in response to the shortened days. She'll be much more receptive during estrus. Now, since you're in such a hurry, there is a way to fool her biological clock into thinking she's in season: put her into an artificially lighted and heated room, and feed her plentifully. Most times, she'll be convinced that it's spring due to the illusion of longer days and fertile land, but sometimes she just won't catch. However, there are so many advantages that it's always worth a shot, so start trying this around mid-February.

 

As always, during this time you must tease her -- preferably every day, but at least three times a week -- and look for external signs of estrus, among them increased urination. Double-check with rectal palpation, but this should be considered as only a secondary method in face of observing her behavior.

 

Take her to stud only when you're sure she's fertile; otherwise, it'll only cost you money.

[Malchik]

Perhaps you should ask advice from the female members of the forum.

 

However here is a simple basic checklist for computer geeks before approaching girls.

 

1. When I got up this morning did I remember to get dressed? Fully dressed? Really? (Double check to see you did not put your underpants over your trousers.)

 

2. Did I remember to take off my pyjamas, nightie, leather fetish gear (or whatever you wear in bed if anything)?

 

3. Have the clothes I put on seen the washing machine recently? (If they are walking around by themselves before you put them on it is a hint that they may not have done.)

 

4. Have I been in a washing machine recently(or bath or shower or bathing ghat as appropriate*)?

 

* If you do not understand these words, consult any analyst willing to get near you, before speaking to a girl.

 

5. Did I remember to use toothbrush, soap and razor on my face? Was this for the correct purpose?**

 

** A subjective comment of course but try to check what others consider the correct purpose before being too confident here.

 

6. Has my hair had the benefit of shampoo/brush/comb? (If you do not know these terms see advice under 4 above.)

 

I may have omitted something but if answers to the above are affirmative you may move on to the next section of the questionnaire

 

7. When I look into the mirror do I see a. my face b. vast amounts of facial hair that gives me the appearance of a lycanthrope c. zits d. little bits of cotton wool drying the cuts from my attempts to shave with a blunt razor while still hung over?

 

If the answer is anything but a. consult your analyst.

 

BTW if you do not see anything at all do not be immediately alarmed there are many simple explanations as to why that might be - you may have forgotten what a mirror is, left the light off or forgotten to put your contact lenses in/spectacles on. Establish this BEFORE you start screaming that the devil has stolen your reflection. Excitable behaviour of this nature is not pleasing to members of the opposite sex.

 

8. When you can see your face and you know that from answers above it is looking its best do you:-

 

a. Scream

b. Faint

c. Groan

d. Cry

e. Kiss the mirror

f. Grunt and move on

 

If the answer is anything but f you should not at this point approach girls but seek help from Malchik's guaranteed 99% score rate potion factory. Sent $200 for your 3 litre can (postage and packing extra).

 

BTW if the answer is e not even I can help you. You might as well resign yourself to celibacy at once.

[Gabbemaster]

Gifts is the key. Give her stuff and she gives you stuff :rolleyes:

[r_Strela]

Don't try to impress her. Just be yourself (But not too much yourself - don't fart)

[Chaosmaker]

Well if you need details shes 16 years old about 5 feet 9 inches (have idea what that hight is in metric so don't ask). Blue eyes, black hair and a bit of a Tom-Boy, but she's nice. :blush: