Finding love

[kvnchrist]

What's more important Finding someone to give you their love or finding someone who will accept your love?

[Tidus44]

Love is a false emotion - in my mind it is nonexistent.

 

People have been programmed by cultural invention to think they are "in love" when they are simply responding to what movies, television, popular songs, novels, magazines and others have trained them to believe. Sadly, too many are in love with being in love.

 

Humans are emotional animals who experience a flood of dopamine, noradrenaline, serotonin, oxytocin or cortisol depending on the situation and we feel sensations, including the feeling we associate with love.

We tend to move through life reacting to situations based on feelings stimulated by these chemicals. If one were to resist the emotional reactions that these chemicals produce and work to think rationally and make decisions based in logical thought, not only would one be happier, they would realize love is a false emotion that causes no end of grief, suffering and harm.

 

If one wants to be happy and enjoy the company of others, look to building a relationship rather than reliance on the emotional falsity of "love".

[Lisnpuppy]

I am not quite as cynical as Tidus. However that being said I think 1) you must have a good, honest and healthy relationship with yourself before you can have one with someone else. This is far more difficult than people think. 2) I also try to teach my children, especially my daughter to be independent and able to take care of themselves with stability so that if they do happen to end up in an unhappy relationship they don't feel stuck there.

 

I also am not someone who thinks that love will "conquer all" in a relationship. I think that some relationships can get along very well without the state of being "in love" but they do not get along without honestly, respect and a willingness to put your immediate needs aside at times to address someone or something else.

 

So when I look for something and think about "love" that is what I think of love. Not passionate. first-stage love but that feeling you have that you will respect that person and put aside needs to work toward something bigger. When the whole is bigger than the sum of its parts. I want someone that will be honest about their needs and wants and will communicate this without the little guessing games some find so appealing. And to them I will give them same. With it comes affection and attraction perhaps. I could in the end perhaps live without some of these things but not the trust, respect and honesty. I want to love and be loved, but my definition of it isn't always the same as others. I will not pick that feeling over these other things of which I spoke. In that only fools rush in.

[sunshinenbrick]

From my experience I would say love is not a simple thing... although I suppose it can be depending how much you are willing/able to give up other things in life.

 

I am unsure where the notion of love being an always pleasant, painless, easy or even entirely desirable emotion/experience to have, came from. Tidus makes a good point in the portrayal of love in the media, films, TV etc.. and this quite heavily resides on consumer market. Same with every other 'sacred' part of our existence - there'll always be someone out there willing to stick it on the back of cereal box given half the chance (likelihood is they have similar opinions on love to begin with so what goes around...)

 

However cynical I may be myself, I do (have to) believe love exists, as essentially it is the human condition - attributing any part of that experience to the word, if you so wish. What is love for one person may not be the same for another and it has become increasingly obvious to me over the years that 'love' can be as vicious and tyrannical as it can be comforting and peaceful.

 

Going back to the media, there is equally a great deal of art based on the more negative and/or duplicity of love. Perhaps arguably the better and more meaningful songs, books and poems tackle with these sometimes soul wrenching contradictions. Art can be defined as simply as any form of human expression, and from architecture to civil engineering we reflect our culture and views of the world (our ideas of love) into the things we create, consciously or unconsciously.

 

But then as with most things, discussing something depends a good deal on how one personally affiliates with the language and semantics of the world which they construct around them (welcome to our modern geopolitical mess...). I suppose the most objective expression of love is our experience of death and how we go about confronting/accepting this inevitable final frontier.

[AJunkMailBin]

I think I love my family, but what is Love? There have been times when:

 

I have been lonely without someone's mere presence

I have been grateful for someone's actions or mere presence
I have been calmed by someone's actions or mere presence
I have been dependant on someone's actions

I have been protected by someone's actions

I have wanted to protect someone

I have been aroused by someone
I have been infatuated with someone
I have wanted to be desired by someone

 

In each case: Did I love them? Do I need them to 'accept' my love? Did I want them to love me? Do I need to 'accept' their love?

 

Love is a term people use to describe an enormous variety of different feelings and relationships.

Edited January 8, 2016 by AJunkMailBin

[Moksha8088]

What's more important Finding someone to give you their love or finding someone who will accept your love?

Great question. Of course, we want to be loved so that is the most important, but if we want to make it a continual occurrence we need to also give love back.

[HeyYou]

Actually, it's a hell of a lot easier simply NOT dealing with it at all.... But, does tend to be lonely that way......

[WursWaldo]

What's more important Finding someone to give you their love or finding someone who will accept your love?

Both are important. Finding 'the one' to fill both roles is the stuff long term relationships and (gasp) marriages are made of. My wife and I have an alliance based on love, but we like and trust one another. Seeing how society is today I think we were lucky to find one another. How did we meet? She was one of my father's dry cleaning customers and he arranged that I would be there the day she picked up her laundry. :laugh:

[HeyYou]

 

What's more important Finding someone to give you their love or finding someone who will accept your love?

Both are important. Finding 'the one' to fill both roles is the stuff long term relationships and (gasp) marriages are made of. My wife and I have an alliance based on love, but we like and trust one another. Seeing how society is today I think we were lucky to find one another. How did we meet? She was one of my father's dry cleaning customers and he arranged that I would be there the day she picked up her laundry. :laugh:

 

I hope you have thanked your father profusely for that. :)

[dpgillam]

What's more important Finding someone to give you their love or finding someone who will accept your love?

As long as its either/or

its not love.

 

The best relationships start as friendships.