Jokes

[poopgoblin]

This is kind of funny.

Are you kidding? That was quite boring.

Funny because the guy screwed up so badly and ended up shotting himself in the foot.

[hoots7]

Good ones rob_b, they progressively got better.

[Peregrine]

This is kind of funny.

 

Grow up. Real injuries are not funny. Someone actually got badly hurt there.

[Malchik]

Not so long ago before he became Pope, our current Pontiff used to drive on a regular basis. He liked driving and was an excellent driver. When he became Pope they gave him a driver and diy was out of the question.

 

Last year the Pope went to South America. The night before he was due to go to the airport he told his staff that he wanted to avoid the paparazzi and would get up at 3 am to be able to get to his private jet without being seen.

 

3 am and his luggage is loaded and the Pope and his driver are ready. The Pope does not however get in the car.

 

"Gvido," he says. (That's Guido of course but he has a German accent). "It is 3am and no one is around. I will drive to the airport!"

 

Of course his driver tries to stop him but the Pope is his employer and pulls rank. He tells Guido to sit low in the back so the Pope can pretend he is alone in the car as he used to be.

 

Guido is terrified of what might happen but he has little choice in the matter. Surprisingly, as the Pope pulls out into the near empty streets of Rome, Guido realises that he can drive well. It is fine until they reach the autostrada to Fiumicino airport. Now the Pope, being German, is used to autobahns where there are no speed limits. Varooooommm!!!!

 

And of course, as chance would have it, he streaks past a bored traffic cop.

 

The cop races up on his super-charged cycle and pulls the car over. He gets off the bike, swaggers up to the driver, looks twice, goes back to the cycle and gets on his radio to HQ demanding to speak to the chief of police. He won't take 'no' for an answer.

 

The chief, like all respectable senior Italian policemen, is of course in bed with his mistress and resents being disturbed.

 

The cop explains he has pulled over a car for doing 180 kph in a 130 kph zone.

 

"So, why bother me? Book him!"

 

The cop demurs, "He's pretty big."

 

"Even better. Book him!"

 

"I mean, really very big!"

 

The chief is getting angry. "What, you have the mayor in there?"

 

"Bigger than the mayor!"

 

"Not the President?"

 

"Bigger than the President!"

 

"Don't tell me it's the US President!"

 

"Bigger than the US president!"

 

The Chief is bemused. "Who the devil is bigger than the US President?"

 

For a moment the cop hesitates, then blurts out. "Actually, I think it's God!"

 

"What! How can you possibly imagine it's God in that car?"

 

"Well.... He's using the Pope as his chauffeur!"

[poopgoblin]

This is kind of funny.

Grow up. Real injuries are not funny. Someone actually got badly hurt there.

Actually, considering how negligent he was, he deserved what he got. His foot easily could've been a kid's head.

[hoots7]

That was great Malchik!

 

I also see Peregrine has kept his slip on...... Freudian slip that is.

[Switch]

Only on these forums could people manage to turn a thread about jokes into a flamefest. Sheesh! Gone through and removed all record of the offending material.

 

Peregrine... I don't have any reasoning left for you. Stop flaming/trolling or I'll recommend another ban to Dark0ne. :rolleyes:

 

rob_b, don't be a hothead. I've edited out the flaming in your post. ;)

[Peregrine]

Only on these forums could people manage to turn a thread about jokes into a flamefest. Sheesh! Gone through and removed all record of the offending material.

 

Peregrine... I don't have any reasoning left for you. Stop flaming/trolling or I'll recommend another ban to Dark0ne. :rolleyes:

 

rob_b, don't be a hothead. I've edited out the flaming in your post. ;)

 

 

 

That's not flaming. Note the title of the thread: JOKES. I think it should be obvious that I wasn't serious about that. It's not my fault if the guy can't appreciate a little humor at his expense. I mean, really, he posts a rule about "no dirty jokes"... violating that in an offensive way was mandatory.

 

 

And notice that I didn't go whining to the moderators when hoots7 and rob_b posted their counter-attacks. Unlike some people (such as yourself), I don't break down and cry at the first sign of an offensive word.

[hoots7]

Here's an old joke adapted to TES:

This Dunmer walks into Olav's Tap & Tack in Bruma and orders a sujamma. Surprised, Olav looks around and says, "You ain't from around here. Where you from, boy?"

The guy says, "I'm from Morrowind."

The Nord bartender asks, "What do you do there in Morrowind?"

The Dunmer responds, "I'm a taxidermist."

Olav asks, "A taxidermist... what the hell is a taxidermist?"

The guy says, "I mount dead animals."

 

The bartender smiles and shouts to the whole place, "It's OK boys, he's one of us!"

I'll give a 2 (extra point)

So don't tell me the name of the bar was "The Blue Nec" right? lol

[cyronarxes]

This is real funny and yes, it is clean :happy: .