Marcus Wolfe Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 What? Did he just convert a bunch of Chuck Norris Jokes...into non-Chuck Norris jokes? You will pay dearly for this, mortal..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nosisab Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 Modern times The Indian chieftain approaches the Shaman and asks how will be the winter "this winter will be severe" replies the Shaman, get the braves gathering firewood. Next day, as the approaching season doesn't shows promising such cold and doubting the long lost ability from his ancestors, the Shaman calls the meteorologic service and asks for the prevision: "this will be a tough winter" they answers. Assured he asks the chieftain to call an extraordinary meeting with the people and says: "I sense this winter will be rough, get the children help at collecting smaller pieces of firewood" Fearing he got a bit enthusiastic in his shaman prowess he calls the meteorologic service again and ask if the winter will be indeed this hard and is answered: "yes, this will be a very hard and cruel winter" So he asks for another meeting and get the whole tribe collecting firewood. But as the weather doesn't seems to promise all that hardness the tribe folk begins to muter veiled complaints he can overhear here and there. So, concerned, he calls the MS again and asks if the winter will be really that cold and as they answer "yes, that will be one the worse winters in decades" he asks: How do you know this? "Well, replies the man at the meteorologic service: "we never saw the Indians so hard at collecting firewood..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MalachiDelacot Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 My turn to nauseate with my character's favourite joke (she doesn't like Nords): Two Nords walked into the Imperial Palace.You would have thought at least one of them would have seen it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blacksnake89 Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 What? Did he just convert a bunch of Chuck Norris Jokes...into non-Chuck Norris jokes? You will pay dearly for this, mortal.....Actually I just copy/pasted directly from a site.OMG Nosi no you didn't. I'm native american and I find that to be HIGHLY offensive. Actually no I don't I find it to be really funny :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcus Wolfe Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 Chuck Norris never sleeps....he waits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hoots7 Posted July 22, 2008 Author Share Posted July 22, 2008 My turn to nauseate with my character's favourite joke (she doesn't like Nords): Two Nords walked into the Imperial Palace.You would have thought at least one of them would have seen it.I give it a 2 and you get extra credit for it being Oblivion related so your total score is a 3. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcus Wolfe Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Co-pilot: Sir, if we loose an engine, how far will the other one take us? Pilot: All the way to the crash site, which is where we'll be going anyway if we loose that engine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hoots7 Posted December 13, 2008 Author Share Posted December 13, 2008 Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Texan? Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an thug with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Colt model 1911 .45 ACP and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN: Democrat's Answer : Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!Does the man look poor or oppressed?Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?Could we run away?What does my wife think?What about the kids?Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?What does the law say about this situation?Does the Colt have an appropriate safety built into it?Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?Should I call 9-1-1?Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, pay off everyone’s defaulted mortgage, nationalize all town businesses, and empower the people to make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few a days and try to come to a consensus. Republican's Answer: BANG! Texan's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click...(sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click... Daughter: “Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?” Son: “Can I shoot the next one?” Wife: “You ain't taking that to the taxidermist!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XanAlderon Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 A VERY QUICK WIT: An obese man is on a train when a woman tells him "sir, if that stomach was on a woman she'd be pregnant"to this the man replies "I think you'll find it has and she is" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wasder Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 This not so much a joke as excellent wit from one of the greatest men in history:Lady Astor: If I was your wife I would put poison in your coffee.Winston Churchill: If I were your husband I would drink it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.