The Snow Arena

[freddycashmercury]

Which happened to be Freddy. Who, having watched every episode of "Monty Python's Flying Circus", knew that this lumberjack was wearing a bra. He crept behind Marcus and pulled back the strap of the surprisingly lacy brassiere, right up until Marcus noticed and began to turn. Freddy let fly the strap, and it hit Marcus so hard he went tumbling down a nearby hill.

[damstachizz]

can i throw a snow ball at ninja?

 

...or should i build a massive snow fort first?

[Chesto]

...5, counted the Old One using the Shaman counting system.

 

'Longhaired, muscle bound, elasticated bra wearing, psychodellic lumberjacket clad Canadian, Ey!?' ( using the Shaman pronounciation system) ... the Old One paused to catch his breath, and ratchetted his perpetual tremblings ( he is an Old One, after all ) down 3 notches.

 

'Ahhh', he concluded. And proceeded to conjure a blizzard of maple leaves. No Canadian can resist the lure of maple leaves. Then he conjured another blizzard. This time of misspelled words. And sent them whirling into the Arena far below him. With this, he knew that he had entranced not only the wolfish Canuck, but the Ninja, also.

 

Finally, the Old One hurled down 4 Portable Holes, DDD gauge, which lurked malignly beneath the heap of maple leaves and misspelled words that settled gently onto them.

 

Then, as he again began to shake with mirth at the recollection of Freddy's master stroke, and wondered if he would ever get his mukluks unstuck from the ice below, he shook his head , sadly, as he wondered if damstachizz would ever learn that ' he who hesitates, is lost'.

[Marcus Wolfe]

The confused Canuck looked around him, and then silently began to wonder why he was wearing a bra.

 

Ok....last night he was at a party....drank some beers.......got with that hot chick in the closet......

 

THAT'S where he got the bra.

 

Discarding the lacey lingerie, the mighty Canadian jumped back up onto his feet and ran at damstachizz, bringing down the titanium alloy hatchet on his fragile skull.

 

(Would it be a bad pun to say he had a splitting headache after this?)

 

Then he kicked freddy in the gut, hurling him across the Rocky Mountain range.

 

"Wow, those steroids must really be working" he said to himself. Then, seeing a pile of pile of leaves, he said "Hey, a pile of leaves." But upon closer inspection, there were also many mispelled words: mispelt, jaa, whoresraddish, undrwhere, and countless others. Sensing this was some sort of trap, he put away his hatchet and picked up a random leaf blower he found. He used the leaf blower and discovered that they were concealing......4 Portable Holes, DDD gauge!

 

Not knowing what would happen if he fell in one, Marcus threw away his leaf blower and pulled out his giant chainsaw. How big was his chainsaw? It was about this big. He then cut down a huge tree, and it again into 4 equal sized cabers and caber tossed them.(he was a Canadian of Scottish descent after all)

 

Running back several meters, he smiled, seeing he had gotten a perfect 12:00 on each of them. The cabers landed directly in the 4 Portable Holes, DDD gauge, rendering them useless!

[Chesto]

'Ahhh...' thought the Old One, as he sat with his feet , muklukless, dangling over the edge of the moon. It was one of THOSE moons.

 

'Ahhh... I have misjudged this esoterically garbed Canuck'. Could he , wondered the Old One, be the New Canadian Super Hero, for whom he had been waiting since the crash and burn of Louis Riel? The Old One uttered a small curse : ' hang nail ' .

 

Poor damstachizz... but he DID hesitate.

 

And uttered another small curse - ' split ends '- as he regretted not forseeing that freddy would be going west. The Old One had a distant relative on the coast and he could have sent his regards, had he known. Just have to use the boring old Shaman telegraph... but the cost! Never should have done that deal with The Grasping Bell.

 

Screwing up his Shaman Far Sight, the Old One caught a flash of some new aspects of the Super Canuck's eccentric clothing. He wondered how The Canuck kept those pleats so sharp on that skirt he was wearing. And he fervently hoped that that was a sporran and that The Canuck wasn't just happy to see somebody.

 

The Old One tried to make out which tartan it was that The Canuck was wearing and that he had painted on his cabers. And his tiny wizened body shook with more incontinent mirth as he began to plan his next stroke... beginning with The Exploding Bag Pipe! Just the one obscene pipe....

[Marcus Wolfe]

The mighty Canuck, relieved that he had disabled whatever trap the old man had set up for him, happily swung his chainsaw over his shoulder and looked around, deciding what he should do next.

 

Attack Ninja?

 

No, he was far too devious.

 

The old man?

 

No, not even Marcus could jump to the moon.

 

Jojo?

 

Yes, he was busy planning against ninja and would not see him coming.....

 

But first things first: He had to set up his own fort.

[Lord Slyther]

Slyther enters the arena by his Longsword of Judgment to clean up everything left out on the battlefield. His target is the empty ice fortress. He open fires at it, and the fortress of doom is destroyed. Then he lands on the ground, checks the ruins of the fortress and looks for the enemy behind the lines, but he sees that he completely demolished Ninja. Then he found himself in face-to-face with the Old One. Cthulhu himself. The battle was on....

 

Cthulhu's presence darkened the sky, and was saved for one last surprise. The sky went dark, and shadow ninjas appeared from nowhere, and the shadow ninjas began fighting everyone. Slyther managed to kill most of the shadow ninjas, but he focused his eyes on Cthulhu. Slyther transformed into Ultimate Slyther, and the two gods were the same size in circumference...

 

Cthulhu was invlunderable for a short time, as Slyther slashed him over and over and said "Why won't you ****ing die?!", fighting fast, aggressive, and violently, swinging and slashing the Black Aeons sword only pushing Cthulhu back, but no damage. "The doomsday is coming. I'll eat all your souls!" the Old One said.......

[Chesto]

The Old One - THIS Old One - shook his head, trying to get Lord Slyther's racket out of his super-sensitive ears.

Then, he decided to explore this two dimensional satelite which, seemingly, had become his new abode for the forseeable future. Surely there was a spare pair of mukluks somewhere around here. Or trousers.

 

The Old One allowed himself a moment of envy as he thought of the lady's stockings which, surely, The SuperCanuck had about his person. Nice warm tights!

 

This battle will be won on strategy alone, the Old One decided. The Old One liked that. Strategy was quiet.

 

... or underpants.

[Lord Slyther]

"I need to think......" Slyther said, trying to get his patience. When the moment seemed right, he said to himself. "You're not me. You don't control me. I control you." he said to his mind, as if he thought of a smart stragedy to end the evil Cthulhu once and for all.

 

Then the moment seemed right, the God brothers and sisters once again stood next to Slyther. Ra and Obelisk were the two closest Gods beside Slyther and are supporting him in this hour of doom. "Your friends are close, but your enemy is closer...." Ra said to Slyther. "The only way to get smarter is fighting a smarter opponent..." Slyther replied. Then the rest of the specialized half-dragon Gods and siren Goddesses stood out of the battlefield, encouraging Slyther and his 2 brothers for victory. Slyther smiled as his plan came out accordingly.

 

Slyther decided to distract the satellites as they were firing ion cannons at him. But suddenly, Ra came behind one satellite and cast sun beam at the satellite, then the satellite was destroyed, falling to Earth. Then Obelisk used the power of a thousand ice against the other, and then the other was dragged by Slyther's psonic pull to Earth, crash landing frozen. Then Cthulhu and Slyther were once again fighting.

 

"This,,,, is just,,,,, unacceptable! Unpredictable! How can you be that powerful, holy one?!" the Old One began to grow impatient as Slyther was winning the fight step by step. "Because it's inevitable. I hold the power of a thousand Gods in my veins! I cannot bleed, I cannot be destroyed! I, AM, SLYTHER SNIPERDRAGON!!! The King of Gods!!" Slyther said smiling knowing that Cthulhu is getting weaker. Then Cthulhu angerly and swiftly used his legendary ninja moves, but Slyther was also moving at fast pace. They were fighting for a long time, ninja attack by ninja attack. Then suddenly, Slyther noticed he had Cthulhu's katana for a long time, and used it against him. Then Cthulhu felt his first pain. "What are you doing?!?" Cthulhu gasped in surprise. Slyther swinged another slash at Cthulhu. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?" he yelled in fear, but still fighting. Slyther surprisingly slashed Cthulhu's back from behind. "FOOL!!" Cthulhu began to break down. Slyther throwed the katana at Cthulhu as if it wasa boomerang, then started swinging back to Slyther, and he firmly grabbed on to the handle. "STOP!!!!" Cthulhu shouted in terror. "Seems you got a weakness. That proves you're only a mere God." Slyther said smiling, and laughing. "THAT'S IT!!! I HAVE ENOUGH OF YOU TRYING TO DESTROY NINJA_LORD666, AND ALL THE OTHER NINJAS!!! I'M TIRED OF YOU DESTROYING THE SPHERE OF AWESOMENESS!!!! I AM CTHULHU!!! I CAN'T DIE!!!" Cthulhu began to berserk. Then Slyther and Cthulhu dived through and crashed each other, causing an explosion at the ruins of the ice fortress....

 

Then everyone in the whole snow arena came by and looked at the big gap in the ground. They couldn't see Cthulhu or Slyther anywhere. But then, they noticed a huge piece of ice pushed up, and they noticed Slyther climbing up. Cthulhu was destroyed. "Alright. That's enough fighting for me, for now. Let's go home, my brothers and sisters." He said, leaving for his realm and after they were gone, the fight began once again in the snow arena!!

[Marcus Wolfe]

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Marcus shouted into the night, mourning the loss of his good friend Ninja.

 

Ninja may not have been the most polite person on the forums. Indeed, he had made fun of Marcus many times, especially when he was still a n00b. But, he had only done so when Marcus had argued about things he had no or relatively little knowledge about. And did he not deserve to be corrected in these situations?

 

Ninja, although a bit rude at times, was one of the people that made the forums a very interesting place to be. This was in part due to his intelligence and knowledge of a variety of subjects.

 

Same thing could be said about Peregrine.

 

Although he had liked Ninja more than Peregrine, he also missed the old hell bird. When the forum switched servers, Marcus had been unable to follow, and missed out on 7 months or so of events. He did not know what Peregrine did (or more specifically, what was the last thing he did) to get himself kicked off, but he could not help but wonder.

 

Peregrine….Ninja…..who would be next?

 

Not Vagrant. He was very helpful, informative, and polite.

 

Terminator? Where would the site be without its beloved fishysticks?

 

Chesto? Had he gone too far in his sanity clause?

 

Perhaps it would be himself, for Marcus could be rude at times.

 

The Canuck shook his head, and sat down on a tree stump, unable to focus on building his snow fort. He sat there, and thought for a while.

 

Was it not the words of Lord Slyther that pushed Ninja over the edge?

 

At this thought, Marcus picked up a wad of snow and molded it into a snowball.

 

Yes, yes it was…..and he was the one to be mad at. Surely, ultimate vengeance-kicking him off the forum-was not an option, nor was flaming/spamming/trolling, as those actions would only result in Marcus being kicked off. But…in this snow arena….he could wage a whole war against Slyther with no chance of being kicked off!

 

Marcus threw the snowball with all his might in the direction of Slyther and waited to hear a ‘thwack’, indicating a direct hit. A ‘thwack’ he did not hear, however. It sounded much more like a ‘thunk’. Marcus was not sure what that sound meant, but as he climbed into his Bombardier and drove off, he knew one thing: Until his mournful rage wore off, he would fight Slyther…..then he would worry about the old man.